Hello! Alright, so this isn't my best chapter ever, but whatever…there's insanity and that's all that matters…
Reader's Response:
Kyae Sohma: o.0…that is a scary thought…a really really really scary thought. (shivers) I should do that one chapter…it'd be so funny…
Queen of Monkey Magic: nice new word; and thanks. Glad you liked them! nn (that's the best smiley face I can come up with 'cause the normal one, ffnet just takes it out when I post it…)
Caspercat22: Kouji and Tasuki are AMAZING! They're so great together and it's really funny!
Notquiteagoddess: Why thank you. (takes a bow) Yeah, I guess I could post it under M, but then I'd have to come up with a summary for the story and I really hate doing that, especially since there's a limit to how many words I can have until ffnet cuts the rest out…(pouts) that's a good word too. Despite the coolness of fighting with a fan, I'd only choose it if it was like Tasuki's and spewed out fire. If not, then I'd stick with a bladed weapon. LOL; alright; his name is now Keith.
ENJOY! (Oh, yes, there's an inside joke in here somewhere and I've put a little 1 next to it and it will be explained like an endnote of sorts at the bottom of the page)
Haku sighed as he sat outside, perched in one of the trees near the bandit base, glad to finally get away from the chaos that was banditism. He noticed that the skies were clear and seemed to be a perfect summer day, with the green grass shining with dew, the sun shining brightly through the trees, making the leaves seem to almost glow green, the birds chirping brightly –
Haku paused...birds…
Almost, as if thinking of it had caused it to happen, there was suddenly three shouts of, "DAMN YOU FUCKING BIRDS!" and, "SHUT THE HELL UP WITH YOU AND YOUR GODDAMN 'SINGING'! SOME PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO SLEEP HERE! "
Last but not least, "SOMEONE RID THE WORLD OF THOSE STUPID EVER-HAPPY FUCKING PESTS!"
The shouts coming from the base woke up all the bandits that were still asleep and managed to carry over to the forest where Haku was and the noise startled every living critter there was, and managed to get a few birds very insulted. They flew away, squawking indignantly.
Haku sighed, his perfect day disrupted by three of his bandits, who were making him seriously consider an early retirement. He made his way back to the bandit base, eager to get to the confines of his own room and hopefully avoid three bird-hating – not to mention definitely not morning people – bandits. Alas, luck was against him especially today for the three of them were grumbling as they spread fear and trepidation on those who came upon them.
Genrou growled, using explicit swear words to describe exactly how he hated birds and he so very wanted to go and kill every one of them right now…if not for the fact that they could fly, and he could not. Genrou had learnt the hard way when he was six that he could not fly; jumping off from a tree and flapping his arms, his mother had screamed and from her mouth came so many of the words that Genrou used when he was angry. There was no question where Genrou picked it up from.
Yui walked behind the three teenagers, grumbling about her disturbed sleep and how'd she'd like to get hold of one of their necks and strangle them later on. Of course, Yui was not a morning person either and the three of them were quite sure she did not mean it…but there was of course, that undeniable 'I think' lurking in the back of their minds.
Despite Haku and Yui, however, the other bandits were quite amused by this behaviour, especially Kouji, who sometimes made it his daily mission to get up before the three and listen for the profanity that was sure to spew from the mouths of the three bandits.
Honestly, Kouji thought, They should have been bandits from the moment they were able to walk. Suddenly, he had to smirk as he got an image of Seiriko and Kristen, both as toddling children, swiping some unsuspecting family friend's wallet as they cooed at the children. He did not need to imagine it for Genrou, for he knew for a fact – as he was there when it happened – that Genrou, even at the age of two and a half was very capable of stealing necklaces of pearls and – sometimes – diamonds off of visiting aunts. His first word, even, had been 'shiny', or so Genrou's mother told them every time Kouji and Genrou went back home for a visit.
"What did nature ever do to you?" Haku grumbled as he walked in.
"We have nothing against nature" Kristen interjected.
"It's not shiny" Genrou added.
"But it does have its good qualities" Seiriko finished. This was a habit of theirs, along with Kouji. All four of them had secured such a tight friendship full of chaos and mischief over the two months that they had been at the base that for some odd reason, a seemingly telepathic connection had formed between them. Yui had an inkling it was because Genrou was actually Tasuki (judging from stories from Miaka, although she had not told the two girls yet; for some odd reason, whenever she tried to, she found herself unable to speak, which brought upon her grumpy mood) and Kouji perhaps played some role in all this, if he was reborn again, which generally did not happen to normal people.
"Look at what comes out of nature"
"Weapons…or at least stuff to make weapons"
"Diamonds"
"Fire"
"Genrou trying to fly" Kouji finished with a dreamy expression on his face as he struggled not to laugh at the same time.
"Hey, shut up!" Genrou hit Kouji across the head, "How many embarrassing stories do you have to keep telling them?"
"A lot…hundreds, actually, with all that you did when we were kids"
"I have embarrassing stories of you too!" Genrou retorted.
"Not as many; if I remember right, you were always the one that did stupid things…I mean, who in their right mind actually tells your insane sister that she's hopeless while's she's holding a huge log in one hand and an axe in the other!"
"Well, like you said, she's insane"
Kristen muttered to Seiriko, "We've gotta meet this sister"
Seiriko nodded in agreement, "I bet she knows even more embarrassing stories than Kouji"
"It's times like this that I'm glad we're not in our own world"
"No embarrassing stories"
"Like that time you had that bottle of Mello Yello…"
"Shut up"
"Or that time you had those cookies I made"
"Shaddup"
"Ooh…AND All those times you had slushies n the movie theatre"
"And don't forget the flaming baby"1 Seiriko suddenly pointed out, giving up on ever getting her friend to let the subject of embarrassing things to drop.
"How can I forget?" Kristen asked dryly.
"I dunno…if I knock you unconscious?" Seiriko suggested innocently, but as everyone in the bandit base learnt the hard way, no matter what innocent face either girl put on, they were never innocent of any crime that had recently been committed. The chances were that they were both one way or another behind what had happened. The bandits had learnt long ago never to criticize them ever again. They were still traumatized from the first incident.
Kristen eyed Seiriko suspiciously, backing away, "This is why people no longer trust you"
"I don't see why not" Seiriko shrugged, "It's just a hypothetical situation"
"Most of those turn out to be true"
"Coincidence"
"No it's not!"
"Yes it is!"
"No, it's not!"
"Okay, okay, SHUT UP!" Haku roared, his face contorted into a frustrated and angry expression. However, Haku should have known that not everyone would fall silent at this. For example, Genrou and Kouji, who like Kristen, had been listing embarrassing things the other had ever done. It was a long list…especially when one was talking about Genrou.
"I am seriously considering an early retirement" Haku muttered to Yui.
"Lucky you" Yui retorted, "I'm stuck with these two for a long time"
"I'm sorry" Haku said morosely.
"Well, I've only had to put up with them for two or so months; how long have you had Kouji and Genrou?" Yui questioned.
"Four years" Haku said, choking back a sob. Yui patted him comfortingly on the back, while hoping to all that was holy and good that she did not have to put up with this insanity for four years also.
Eventually, Haku gathered up enough courage to walk over to where the insanity asylum were and hit them all over the head, demanding their attention.
Grumbling, they shut up and looked up at Haku with an expression that clearly said 'well? Get on with it!'. Haku glared at them and to everyone's relief, told the four that they were outside on duty to 'banditize' anybody that might pass by.
" – and no taking the shiny stuff for yourself, Genrou!" Haku called threateningly, "Or I'll enlist your mother as a bandit!"
Genrou, who was quite fearful of his mother…and all females in his family, actually, quivered in fear and nodded numbly.
It was decided long into the afternoon that should anyone pass by, Kristen and Seiriko were to be the ones to induce insanity that day, while Kouji and Genrou stole as much stuff as they can because for one, Genrou was incredibly fast and could do it quicker than the girls, and two, Kouji knew what threats to use to keep Genrou from taking all the shiny stuff.
And so it was that the merchant Wei of the town of Xaiou passed by when the girls were getting decidedly bored and were itching to spread their insane ways onto someone else. Wei whistled a tune to himself, assuming that nobody was around to hear him except maybe the birds. Strange… he thought, Where are the birds today?
He was so entrapped in the mystery of the missing birds that he failed to realize –
"HELLO!" Seiriko popped up in front of the man, who let out a shout of surprise. She grinned widely at him, putting on her 'innocent' face.
"…h-hello" he stuttered.
"Whatcha doing here?"
"…travelling"
"Really? Where? Can I come? I promise I won't cause too much trouble; ooh; you have a lot of shiny stuff!" her eyes had widened to the size of saucers.
" I – "
"I have a friend that likes shiny things" Seiriko said, opening her mouth again to continue the onslaught of words.
" I don't care about your friend!" Wei shouted suddenly, irritated at the girl and her ability to talk faster than he could follow, "I don't care if you like shiny things! Get out of my sight! I'm in a hurry"
Seiriko's eyes frosted over as she turned her gaze back onto Wei. He suddenly felt like he should be running far, far away, possibly to the very end of the world. Seiriko advanced, red eyes promising so much pain and death that Wei was frozen to the spot. Then, after a few moments, they were only a few centimetres apart when Seiriko suddenly…
"Boo" she hissed and poked Wei in the forehead with her ever-so-sharp fingernails, sending Wei flailing as he fell on his behind. The last he saw of her was seeing the black haired girl running off, laughing insanely into the forest.
When he got up, he saw that someone else had joined him. This time, it was a girl with red hair and ice blue eyes, "Hello!" she called out.
"Hello" he said irritably.
"Can you help me with something?"
"…sure…?"
"Good. I'm doing a job for a very important man; and I'm supposed to track down this girl. Black hair, red eyes, supposed to be completely insane; have you seen her around anywhere, perhaps?"
"Yes!"
"Really?"
"Yes!"
"Really?"
"Yes!"
"Really?"
"Yes! Why are you trying to find her anyways?"
"Oh…well, that's a secret" Kristen smirked.
"Hey, I saw her! I have the right to know!"
Kristen pretended to think it over, counting to fifteen, when she saw that the man's curiosity had increased tremendously, "Well…alright…apparently, she goes around murdering merchants" Kristen said in a serious tone of voice, "She doesn't need a weapon though. Her fingernails have some kind of deadly poison traced into them and…one touch and you have only a few days to live – if you're lucky"
The merchant looked scared now; he was even trembling. Kristen sniffed the air and scooted away from the man instantly. Gross.
"…a-are you sure?" he asked.
"Dead sure" Kristen nodded, "Oh well. At least she never touched you, sir; well, gotta be off!" she ran off, meeting back with her fellow bandits and partners-in-crime.
"You got everything?" she asked Kouji.
"Everything. I even made sure Genrou didn't take anything for himself"
"Keep an eye on Seiriko too" Kristen advised.
"You ruin all my chances at achieving shininess!" Seiriko pouted.
1. Alright, I said I'd explain it. No, in case some people are wondering, we didn't really set a baby on fire nor have we ever seen a baby on fire. We were just too hyper and laughing too hard in Anthro (Anthropology, Sociology and Psychology) class and we misheard something the teacher said, and we ended up hearing 'daily income of flaming babies' or something like that and Kristen and I thought it was really funny and well, she drew it. That's that….I still think it's funny…