From Me, with love: Really, myself? You couldn't keep the zombies out of one story! Sometimes I am impossible, but hopefully this will have 3.14% more Deidara! This chapter marks the start of ridiculousness, just to warn ya and apparently ridiculousness is a real word…Thanks to Sant04 (but you already know you're awesome), Happyfish (author fav too, kickass), Weird Kunoichi (love the name and thanks for the author alert you will only be mildly disappointed) and Deidara The Artist (lawl, you just made the list, lucky you). Boring stuff over, story time!
Deidara and Tobi stared into the blackness that was the room they were in. Deidara turned around to try and open the door but found it was sealed tight. Nothing a little C2 can't slove, Deidara thought, unziping his fanny pack.
"In order to pass," an extremely high pitched, but male voice bellowed. "You must tell me what starts with the letter D."
"Deidara-sempai," Tobi squealed.
"I'm going to hold up cards, just wait."
"I can't see anything," Deidara yelled.
"Do you accept?"
"Yes! Don't worry Deidara-sempai, Tobi is good at this, the tv says so," Tobi stated, giving Deidara a reassuring pat on the back. Tobi quickly removed it before Deidara could personally blow it off.
"Excellent," The voice called. In front of the Akatsuki pair a match was struck and a decrypted old man in a scarlet robe stood before them. He lowered the flame unto a candle and lit the room up in a dull light. He pulled out three index cards from his sleeve. "Desert." He revealed the flashcard to show a desert. "Scorpion." He lifted another card to show the red insect. "Or tree." He revealed the last card to be a very beautiful sakura tree.
"Mhmm," Tobi thought out loud. "I'm not allowed to have dessert, too much sugar. Trees go ka-boom by Deidara-sempai so they become art. I know art starts with an A. So it is the scary scorpion." Deidara smacked himself hard, hoping the resulting blow might pass on some intelligence. He peered behind his hand to see Tobi standing strongly, like he just figured out inter-dimensional time travel.
"Are you sure," the pubescent-voiced man asked.
"Of course!"
"You may pass." He blew out the candle and a door to the duo's right opened up. Deidara was extremely confused but passed through anyways. Tobi put the recently purchased items under his arms and ran forward into the well lit room. In fact, it was so bright Deidara needed to shield his eyes from the blinding white light.
"Turn down the lights, un," he complained loudly.
"Riddle me this," a female voice giggled. "What has a mouth but can't chew."
"What," Deidara asked.
"You are no match against Sempai! He's the master in all things mouth related," Tobi encouraged.
"Time's up," the girl laughed. "The answer is a river. How many letters are in the English alphabet?"
"Twenty-six," Deidara smirked.
"Eight," Tobi yelled.
"Time's up," the girly voice laughed. "The answer is eight, a-l-p-h-a-b-e and t!"
Deidara tried to open his eyes to see who was asking these insane questions but was drowned out by the shining light. He hissed silently and shielded his visible eye again, relying on his scope. Stupid move Deidara, stupid move. Let's just say that using a magnifying device in a room with blinding light wasn't the smartest of all ideas. Consequently, Deidara clutched his burning eye in pain.
"Final question. If a chicken says 'all chickens are liars' is it telling the truth?"
"No," Deidara stated through gritted teeth. "A liar doesn't tell only lies, un." Deidara stood with a bit more confidence, amazed at his own answer.
"Silly sempai, chickens don't talk," Tobi said.
"Whoever heard of a talking chicken," the child laughed. "Go ahead, the answer to the next man's question is money!" Footsteps echoed through the room as she ran away. The lights went down a bit and another door opened.
"This is the most complex exiting system ever, un," Deidara grunted, still holding a burning eye. He went into the next room to see a burly man sitting behind a desk, newspaper in hand.
"Do you have an appointment," he asked, not looking up from the paper.
"Money," Deidara said, clearly out smarting this one's riddle.
"What are you talking about," he asked, looking at the two. "Oh, yeah. My test -erm-, whoopee you passed, I guess." He swirled his finger unenthusiastically in the air. Tobi clapped and tried to high-five Deidara, who tried so hard to ignore him. "Walk-ins then. Take a seat, the boss will see you shortly." The man went back to his paper and as far as he was concerned, that was the end of the two Akatsuki.
Unlucky for him, Deidara wanted some answers. "What is going on? Why do we have to wait? We have a very important S-class mission to finish and we will get it completed, un!"
"Just sit down, he'll be with you short- I mean soon. Very soon, and not related to the measurement of height from the ground," the man with the newspaper suddenly became very nervous looking. Deidara sighed and decided to join Tobi at whatever he was doing to keep himself entertained.
"What are you doing, un," Deidara asked Tobi who was sitting on the ground, back facing Deidara.
"Nothing," Tobi panted, getting up lighting fast and hiding his arms behind his back.
"Show me what is behind your back."
"Nothing is behind my back," Tobi reassured. To prove this he held up his right hand then quickly hid it again. Soon, his left hand came up. "See?"
Deidara, somehow having a hard time not believe Tobi rose an eyebrow. Unfortunately for him, it was the left eye. So in the combination of the eyebrow raising his eye opened and somehow the scope turned on, sending intensified death rays into his burning eye. Deidara slightly winced at the intense pain, but still kept his cool. Or at least tried.
"O-h really…un," Deidara asked.
"Ya really!"
"Give me a double high five then." Tobi's eye hole shone brightly as his birthday wish was finally coming true. A double high five, Tobi thought. From Sempai? I am so lucky! Oh, something shiny, no! Focus Tobi! Double high fiving Deidara-sempai is on the line!
"Of course!" Tobi brought both his hands high in the air and readied himself to give Deidara an epic high five. He dropped what he was holding and it fell with a loud clank on the ground.
"Damnit Tobi," Deidara yelled. "Leader said he wanted those in mint condition!" Tobi quickly picked up the two toys that fell from his hands while repeating 'I'm sorry' and 'don't blow me up'.
"He's ready," the man behind the counter stated. The two looked up at him, almost forgetting his existence. "Just go into the elevator, it will take you to the boss." Deidara gave him a skeptical look but the man behind the counter returned his attention to the paper.
"See ya inside," Tobi called, running inside the elevator. Deidara rolled his eyes, but followed Tobi in. "This is so exciting." Tobi was bouncing happily in the elevator Deidara put a hand on him to try to settle him down. The doors shut on the room they were in and cheesy elevator music started to play as it descent.
"What did he mean by boss," Deidara asked. "Why are we meeting a boss to leave a store? And why did Kakuzu just walk out the front door? Very suspicious, un."
"Maybe we won a prize! Like being the billionth customers! I hope we get toy ponies! Do you think we are getting ponies?"
"We aren't getting ponies. Besides I can make better toys than anyone, un."
"Yeah, but your toys aren't fun." Deidara bopped Tobi on the head, who rubbed it in pain.
"Why do I even bother wasting my artistic talents on someone like you, un?" The elevator screeched to a halt and the two doors slid open. "You probably caused some trouble in the store and the security boss wants to talk to you. Follow my lead and I won't need to waste any clay." Tobi saluted Deidara and followed him into the room. There were rows of books that lined the wooden wall so it looked more like a library than a security office. Two huge men were standing next to a desk which had a leather chair facing the wall slowly rocking back and forth behind it.
"Congratulations. You two solved the riddle in the paper and the other riddles throughout the maze. You are now official members of the strongest mafia in the thunder country," the man in the chair stated, not turning around.
"Yay," Tobi cheered, blissfully unaware of anything he said.
"Mafia," Deidara asked.
Another author's note? Hellz yeah! Any guesses on the mob boss, I left some hints in the story. I think it is pretty easy. Okay one more hint, it's not Ton-Ton, I know, I totally just made you reread this because that is what everyone was thinking. Sorry, jeesh.