Previously…

I pulled myself to my feet, ignoring the stinging pain in my wrist, and looked back with wide eyes. I instantly wished I hadn't. Edward had dived into the passenger seat of his Volvo to avoid being caught between the two vehicles, but the van had gone into the side of the car at such a high speed that the Volvo had been pushed up against a tree and almost completely crushed.

I heard myself scream his name but I wasn't conscious of doing it. I ran over to the other side and tried desperately to pull the door open but it was stuck, as was the door behind it.

As I hauled at the wreckage, the numbness slowly faded away and realisation set in as sobs shook my body and Edward's name fell repetitively from my lips. I suddenly felt very sick, but I didn't let it stop me. I grabbed a tree branch from the ground and smashed the window, climbing inside and ignoring the way the broken glass cut at me.

"Edward," I rasped over and over, crawling to his body and shaking it. Tears streamed down my face as I tried to wake him. With shaking hands, I reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone, calling 911.

I have no idea how I managed to splutter what had happened and where we were, but I did. Then, I sat with Edward, the rusty smell of blood turning my stomach even more so as I held his wrist in my hand, my sanity hanging solely on the slow, weak pulse that ran through his veins.

****

I'm a satellite heart

Lost in the dark

I'm spun out so far

You stop, I'll start

But I'll be true to you

-Satellite Heart, Anya Marina (A/N: and some impossible trivia for you here- on which soundtrack do we heard that song? What do you mean you all know the answer?!)

Foundation of Memories

Chapter 5- Explosion of Emotion

Bella POV

The brakes in the van had failed; the driver had tried to swerve but the van had skidded across the asphalt road and swerving had only made it worse. Thanks to his airbag, the driver of the van had only suffered three broken fingers and a large bump to the head.

But Edward hadn't had an airbag to catch him.

He had sustained extensive head injuries and internal bleeding, leaving him in a coma.

All because he had put himself in my place. He had sacrificed himself to save me. It was all my fault.

The past three days had been the worst of my life and they seemed to go on and on and on. I gripped Edward's hand tightly as the beeping of his life-support machine filled the room. I couldn't cry anymore. I hadn't been able to cry since I had first heard the word 'comatose'. The thought that I could lose my very best friend – and the love of my life – was too much to bear. Especially when I had only just found out how he had really felt.

"Bella," a soft voice said, making me jump. "Sorry," she said when she saw me start.

I didn't lift my eyes from Edward's face. "What?" My voice sounded lifeless even to me.

"Maybe you should go home for twenty minutes? Have a shower and something to eat?" Esme suggested coming to my side and laying a motherly hand on my shoulder. "You've barely moved in three days."

"I'm not leaving," I said stubbornly. "Ever."

Esme sighed and sat down next to me; this was hard on her too. "Bella, I know this must be hard for you, but you can't stop living because of this. It's not what he'd want."

I finally looked at her, my sight blurry. "Don't say that!" I said, louder and harsher than I had intended to. "Why does everyone keep talking about him like he's dead?! He'll be fine!" I insisted.

"I know." Esme nodded, but she didn't sound certain of anything. "And you think he wants to wake up to hear that you've been starving yourself?"

I turned back to Edward, watching his chest rise and fall slowly. It hurt to think that it wasn't Edward taking his own breaths; that a machine had to do it for him. "But anything could happen while I'm gone," I whispered.

Esme sighed slightly and looked at her unconscious son before saying, "I just came to tell you that I'm getting something to eat from the cafeteria."

I nodded, not responding even though I knew very well the question behind her comment.

She asked me it all the same. "Did you want anything?"

"I'm not hungry," I replied robotically; and it was true. Nothing appealed to me anymore. Food, drink, sleep… even ice-skating. I hadn't been to the rink since Sunday morning, missing the four sessions Jake and I had stuffed into the last three days. I hadn't been to school either. Charlie had tried to get me to carry on with everything as usual, on Monday evening when I had missed one day of school, but I threw such a fit that he didn't say anything about it again.

I didn't really blame him, if I was honest. They just didn't understand. I hadn't said anything about Edward and I's new relationship status to anyone; it hurt too much.

It took me a long moment to realise that Esme had left the room and the door was slowly shutting behind her. Then I heard his voice.

"How's she doing?" my dad asked in a voice just above a whisper. So it was him that made Esme ask all of that!

I heard Esme sigh and shift her weight. "Not too grea…" The door shut completely then, cutting her off. I pushed my chair backwards, not releasing Edward's hand from the death grip I had it in, and used my free hand to pry the door ajar.

"…she's really not coping, Charlie," Esme was saying. "I… I just don't understand it. They're best friends but… I can see in her eyes that it's affecting her a lot more than it's affecting me and…" I heard her sob quietly. "My little boy…" she whispered, her tone laced with pain.

"It's okay," Charlie comforted gruffly; he had never been good with emotions. I could almost see him hesitating outside, wondering whether to hug Esme or not.

I heard Esme suck in a breath. "This morning… the doctors… they said that… that we should start to expect the worse." Her voice shook with emotion. "They've done tests on his mind and if he comes round at all it's likely that he'll have brain damage. His supervisor said that his head injuries were so bad that… it would be kinder to him to just turn off the life-support."

"No," I whispered, looking back at Edward's lifeless face. I felt tears sting at my eyes but they wouldn't fall however much I willed them to.

Esme took a deep breath outside. "Carlisle and I refused to do it yet. But… what if we have to Charlie? I don't see how Bella can handle that. She's falling apart. Alice is devastated – hell, we all are – but Bella has this… look… in her eyes. It's like… it's like her life is tied to his. If he doesn't make it…" She stopped, letting the sentence hang in the air. A second later, she was sobbing quietly again. "It's just not fair."

"I know," Dad muttered, and a chair outside squeaked as he sat in it. "Edward's a strong boy, Esme."

She sniffed. "His head was crushed," she whispered.

I pushed the door shut then, not wanting to hear anymore. I slid my chair back closer to Edward's side. Suddenly, though, just holding his hand wasn't enough. I bent my face to his and pressed my lips to the soft curve of his mouth. His skin was as soft as before, but the spark wasn't there. The little sparkle of excitement that only seemed to exist when Edward was awake.

I glanced at the window in the door and then gently slid on to Edward's bed, fitting my body into his side while carefully avoiding the wires and tubes that were keeping him alive. I would probably be told off for this, but I didn't care.

I hugged myself to my best friend's side, tracing the planes of his face with my eyes. "You're the strongest person I know," I whispered, hoping he could hear me. "Please pull through for me." Then I lay my head against his chest, and listened to his heart beat strongly against his chest. I inhaled his gorgeous, unique scent and shut my eyes, letting the rhythm of his heartbeat lull me to sleep.

***

When I woke up, twilight was just setting in. I blinked and let my eyes adjust to the light overhead and then started slightly when I realised that I wasn't alone. I shifted guiltily under the scrutinising eyes of Dr Cullen, but didn't move from where I lay next to Edward.

He smiled lightly at me. "Nice of you to finally join us, Bella."

"Finally?" I asked, my voice deep and gravelly from sleep.

He chuckled softly, but it didn't reach his eyes. "You've been out for a solid twenty-six hours."

I glanced at the clock and quickly realised that it was visiting time. "Where are Esme and Alice?"

"They've gone down the road to get some food. They'll be back in a minute."

I looked back at Edward. "Has anything happened?"

Carlisle shook his head sadly. "Nothing. He's just the same as ever." He was dressed in his doctors' scrubs and I figured that he was on his break; the hospital wouldn't let Dr Cullen handle this case because of his personal involvement with Edward.

I sat up and bit down hard on my lip. "What's going to happen?"

He sat down beside me on the bed, his eyes running up and down his son's body. "I don't know, Bella. I just don't know."

We sat in silence for a long moment, and then Carlisle slid off of the bed and headed for the door. "I better get back to work. I'll see you later, Bella."

I nodded and looked back down at Edward. But then, the moment the door shut behind Carlisle, Edward's machine started to beep faster. I glanced up at the screen and then leapt off the bed and ran to the door. I pulled it open. "Carlisle!" I called after his retreating back.

He turned back round and looked at me.

"Come quick!" I shouted before darting back to Edward's side. I grabbed his hand, not knowing what the hell was happening.

Carlisle came back in just in time to see Edward's eyelids flicker… and then open. I stared incredulously as he blinked slowly, his gaze fixed on his father. Then… "Dad?" he croaked. "What… what happened? Where am I?"

"Edward," I breathed his name, my knees weak with relief. He was okay. He was going to be okay.

Edward's gorgeous green eyes flickered to my face, their beautiful depths cautious. Then the skin between his eyebrows furrowed slightly and he looked down at his hand entwined in mine. I squeezed his hand in assurance, but to my intense surprise he carefully pulled his hand free from my grasp. "Um…" he said. "Who are you?"

I snorted and rolled my eyes. "Yeah, if you think I'm gonna fall for that one again, you've got another thing coming."

Edward looked at his father, his brow furrowed even deeper. "What's going on? Who is she?!"

And then it sunk in. He wasn't playing around. I stared at him in shock, only catching a few words of Carlisle's brief explanation, which were 'car accident', 'brake failure' and 'coma'. Once Edward had been told, his eyes wandered back to me.

I felt tears well up in my eyes. "Edward?" I whispered, wanting him to take me in my arms and tell me he was joking more than I had ever wanted anything in my life. "Please…"

"Who are you?" he asked again, more quietly this time.

"Bella," I choked out. "Bella, Edward, I… I'm your best friend."

He absorbed that for a moment, staring at my face, and then he shook his head slowly. "I've never seen you before in my life," he concluded with an absolute certainty that broke my heart.

My head was spinning and I abruptly felt very sick as a lump formed in my throat. How could he have forgotten me? What about our forever?

Just then the door opened and Alice and Esme came in, wafting a light scent of takeaway food over us. They both froze for a split-second when they saw Edward, and then it went mad. Alice ran to his side and hugged him madly as Esme burst into happy tears and hugged her husband. I felt like I was watching the scene fold out through a window as Edward greeted them all by name, the crooked smile back on his face and the furrow in his brow completely gone.

I turned quickly for the door and ran out of the room and along the corridor, desperately trying to drag in sharp, shaky breaths as tears trickled down my cheeks. Why had he forgotten me yet he could remember everyone else? The pain was a crushing agony, pressing down on me like a weight as I flopped on to the cold, hard floor, next to a wall. I curled my knees up to my chest and sobbed uncontrollably, as the realisation slowly sunk in that I had lost my best friend.

After what felt like hours but can only have been a few minutes, I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"Bella?" Carlisle asked softly.

I didn't look up, too far gone in my crying fit that was slowly becoming a panic attack.

"Bella, take deep breaths through your nose," he ordered.

I tried as best as I could to comply, but it didn't really work.

Carlisle sat beside me on the floor, rubbing soothing circles on my back like my Mum had done when I had had nightmares when I was little. Edward's parents had kind of become my second parents since we were so close… but not anymore.

"I'm sorry," he murmured, and I realised that he didn't know what else he could say.

I took a few deep breaths before talking. "Why… why can't he remember me?"

Carlisle pursed his lips. "I can't say for sure – the other doctors are examining him now – but I would guess… that Edward has a form of acute retrograde amnesia."

I tried to wipe my eyes, but that didn't stem the flow of tears. "What's acute retrograde amnesia?" I asked in a small voice.

"It's a form of amnesia caused by serious head trauma and it causes the sufferer to forget certain aspects of his or her life, but not all of them. Acute retrograde amnesia is when they forget very specific things; these things are usually related to the accident or whatever caused the amnesia." Carlisle sighed. "It's probable that Edward's mind has pushed away all memories that would force him to remember the accident; it's occasionally the mind's initial reaction to shock. And… since you were present when Edward was involved in the accident… it would appear that his mind has blocked all memories of you to save himself from re-living the trauma." He looked down at me and his eyes were deeply sympathetic.

"Amnesia goes, right?" I said, feeling a little more assured.

But Carlisle paused before answering, and that threw the small amount of assurance right out of the window. "Sometimes," he replied. "Usually, yes, sufferers recover parts of their memories- and sometimes they regain full access to their memories. But it's often severely traumatic and…" He hesitated and then said, "Bella, you have to understand that it can take years. Decades, even. It may not even happen."

I broke down into a fresh flood of tears. "You mean… he won't remember anything? Anything we've done ever?"

He pursed his lips and hugged me to his side. "I'm so sorry."

"I never wanted to go back to the car," I whimpered. "I told him we should have stayed there. I told him the rain didn't matter."

Carlisle recognised my tone. "Don't you dare take this upon yourself, Bella. It wasn't your fault. It was an accident."

"But I could have stopped it!" My voice was louder and angrier than I meant for it to be. I looked down at my hands. "I could have stopped it," I repeated in a whisper. My mind assaulted me with memories from the night of the accident: Edward telling me that he loved me, Edward kissing me, Edward giving me his heart… How could the best night of my life have turned into the worst?

"I'll take you home," Carlisle told me quietly.

"I don't want to go," I refused, but there was no authority in my voice.

Carlisle sighed, and stood up. For a moment, I thought he was going to let me sit here and wallow, but then he bent down and lifted me carefully into his arms like I was a baby. "Come on."

I didn't fight with him; I didn't have the energy. Instead, I just went limp in his arms and cried into his shoulder as he carried me to his black Mercedes and we left Edward far behind.

***

I gave up on attempting to sleep at six thirty the next morning, sliding out of bed and going downstairs and into the kitchen. I pulled the ingredients for a fried breakfast out of the fridge and cupboards before getting on and making a fry-up for Charlie before he had to head to work.

"What's this, Bells?" he asked when he came into the kitchen, dressed in his uniform. His voice was cautious, scared that I'd suddenly have an emotional breakdown, and I could tell that he was going to tread on eggshells around me for the foreseeable future; I didn't know whether to be relieved or annoyed. Carlisle had told him what had happened when he had dropped me home the night before; I had been listening from my place on the comfy couch in the living room.

"Breakfast," I replied as though it should be obvious.

"Oh." Charlie sat down at the table and cleared his throat awkwardly. "Did you… sleep okay?"

"Yep," I lied.

He nodded, though I knew that he saw through my lie. I had never been great at lying. But that was okay before; Edward had always covered for me… I pushed that thought out of my head as there was a pang in my chest.

I flipped the egg onto the almost-full plate sunny-side-up and then took it to the table, sliding it in front of my father.

"Mmm, smells good Bell," he complimented appreciatively.

I mumbled a vague agreement and took my own smaller portion to my seat across the table from him. We ate in silence for a long time, neither of us wanting to bring up the reason behind the unusual silence.

"Are you going to school today?" Charlie asked eventually.

I nodded warily.

Charlie swallowed before saying, "You can… have today off if you want to. I mean… it's only Friday and you've missed the rest of the week already and…" He sighed. "I understand if you don't want to."

"No, I do," I muttered. It was the truth as well. School would be a much better distraction than being at home. I took my empty plate to the sink and added, "I'm going straight to the rink after school." I needed to work on the triple salchow I was having trouble with in Jake and I's routine- the competition was coming up fast. It was in less than two weeks now.

"Okay," Charlie said slowly. He was still waiting for the explosion of emotion.

Then again, so was I.

***

School was awful. Without Edward in every lesson with me, I had no one to sit with in lessons all day. Alice wasn't in school either – she was with Edward – so there was no one to sit with at lunch either. On top of that, gossip had been circulating all week so people were giving me sideways glances in the corridor and whispering behind my back.

I didn't know what the rumours were; neither did I want to know. But that didn't stop my mind running over all of the possibilities as I drove home that afternoon.

Maybe they thought that I was the one to hurt Edward; I had been the reason for his accident.

Maybe they thought that Edward had died.

Maybe they thought that he had brain damage.

Maybe they knew that Edward had forgotten all about me.

By the time I drew up outside the house, I was almost hyperventilating. I got out of my truck and crossed the lawn toward the door, heading straight to my bedroom to grab my skate bag. As I picked it up off of the floor, I saw the top Jacob had given me for Valentines Day hanging over the back of my swivel chair. I wandered over and picked it up in my hands, running my fingers over the soft material.

I smiled slightly and then pulled the top I was wearing over my head and slipped the skate top on instead; it fitted perfectly. I glanced in the mirror and a glint of silver at my neck sent a shiver of sadness down my spine. I fingered the necklace Edward had given me, looking wistfully at it in the mirror.

Suddenly, I got the feeling I was being watched. I snapped out of my trance and looked over at the window, through to the next door veranda. I started when I saw someone stood there; Edward. I felt a smile light my face until he looked away, embarrassed to be caught watching me. I was about to wave. But then I remembered.

I went over to the little door that led out to my own veranda and unlocked it, pushing the door open and stepping out. "Um… Edward?" I asked shyly.

He looked up at me. "Yeah?" he said slowly.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah," he said again. He pointed to his door. "I'm gonna… go now."

I nodded, but he was already gone. I bit on my lip to stop myself from crying, and then turned and headed into my own room, berating myself for going out there in the first place.

I grabbed my skate bag off of my bed and decided to push Edward out of my mind for now. Skating would be my priority at the moment.

~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~

Aww I'm sorry :( Well it had to happen guys- you knew that.

Just so you know, acute retrograde amnesia exists and I did a little research but I mostly got my details from a book I read- so they might not be exactly right. I'm fairly sure that they're pretty accurate though :)

And guys! Are you proud of me for updating so soon? I know I sure am lol ;)

Thanks for all of your lovely reviews last chapter :D I'm glad that a lot of you liked Roger the worm. And I'm so glad that you liked the accident (as much as you could…). Little secret: initially, Edward was going to fall out of a tree thanks to a wayward game of truth or dare- I have it written and everything. But then it just seemed awful and melodramatic so I changed it to a car accident instead :)

Hopefully you liked the chapter even though it was a little depressing and angsty :) This story isn't going to be like that if you're suddenly worried about that. In a few chapters' time they'll start the re-building of their relationship etc and there will be very little angst ;) But if you want angst, then there's always my other story Victim of a Teenage Nobody- that's 17 chapters of love-sick angst :L (hint, hint? Haha XD)

Please let me know your thoughts? Did you cry, laugh, throw your computer in annoyance??? Tell me all about it… unless you did throw your computer and then you might want to go and tell an anger-management specialist instead ;)

Thank you all =D

Steph