Chapter 13

Sirius Black was sitting on the window seat of his room, writing in his journal and looking out at the gloomy grey sky.

It seemed to reflect his own mood perfectly. He couldn't get Lily… or what she had said to him… out of his head.

His door opened and Bella breezed in, wearing a short, sexy black dress. Usually he would have given it an appreciative leer but today her barely noticed.

"Oh. You journal. Could you be more queer?" she said mockingly, looking around his room. "Could you be more desperate to read it?" he shot back.

An amused smirk flickered over her face as she wandered around his room, picking things up and looking at them.

"Do you have to touch?" he snapped at her. She looked surprised. "What's gotten into you?" she asked, taking a good look at his expression.

He looked away. "Nothing" he muttered, looking out the window again. He eyes went from his journal to the picture of Lily that had slid down to lie on the floor. "She's really getting under your skin isn't she?" she said in a quiet, rather hollow voice. "If you have to know yes. She drives me crazy with her goody-two-shoes crap but I still can't stop thinking about her…" he said mournfully.

He missed the startled expression on Bella's face. She looked like she'd been slapped.

"So that's why you're losing our bet?" she said scornfully. "I'm not losing it!" he snapped at her. "It's just taking longer than I thought" he said irritably.

She grinned wickedly and walked over. She sat down on his lap and slid her arms around his neck. "I'm going to really enjoy riding my new bike" she purred. "As I told you before… the only you're going to be riding is me" he said confidently.

He pushed her off his lap, grinning at her peeved expression.

"Now if you'll excuse me cuz… I have a bet to win" he said smugly. Her dark eyes glittered dangerously as they followed him out the door.

…

It was the hour before midnight, and Lily Evans was lying awake.

There was a soft but firm knock on the door. She slid out of bed and opened it.

She looked rather startled… like a doe in the headlights… to see Sirius standing there.

"Sirius…" she whispered. 'I just came to tell you I'm leaving" he said in a flat voice. "What?" she said in almost a gasp. She hated the thought of him leaving. More than she'd care to admit.

"Being near you… is just too painful" he said in a brittle voice. "Where are you going to go?" she asked softly. "Not sure. My Uncle Alphard's place I think" he said hollowly.

He turned to go. "Pad… Siri… wait!" she said pleadingly. He looked at her with a resigned sad look. "Please… don't go" she whispered.

"I have to" he said softly. "You've made your choice and I… I can no longer pretend I'm not in love with you" he finished. She looked like she was fighting back tears.

"Please. Tell me you don't love me. End my torment. And you never have to see me again" he said beseechingly, eyes on hers.

For a moment they just looked at each other… watching the emotions flickering over each other's face.

Lily looked away. "I can't" she said so softly he almost couldn't hear it.

He walked over to her and tilted her face to look up at him. Her beautiful green eyes were wet with tears.

She didn't resist as he leaned in and pressed his lips to hers… kissing her softly… gently. Her arms slid around his neck and his slid around her waist as he pulled her closer.

And she was kissing him back… her soft lips caressing his… her sweet, floral scent all around him… the warmth of her body seeping through the thin green silk of her nightgown…

She broke the kiss and took his hand. Then she was pulling him into the room and shutting the door behind them.

Heat flooded through him as she kissed him again… harder, deeper, her hands deftly unbuttoning his shirt and sliding it off his shoulders. Her slender body pressed against his and his hands wound themselves in her long coppery hair.

Her hands were on his belt, undoing it. She went to slide the straps of her nightgown down her shoulders.

Suddenly all he could think about was that this was wrong. Really wrong. This wasn't just some girl. This was Lily. Jame's Lily. And he couldn't… just couldn't do this to her.

Confusion flickered over her face as he backed away, his face suddenly serious.

"I can't" he whispered. The bewildered, hurt look on her face tugged at his heart. "I'm sorry" he said hoarsely.

He cursed himself for a fool as he left the room, not daring to meet her beautiful, sad green eyes.