You Know You're In Band If.../A Survival Guide to Marching Band

Competitions are scheduled dates for band couples. Benefits are chaperones who don't care about PDA that much.

You survive on Subway and Chic-fil A during marching season.

You hate the sudden horn lift, but that's when you get to pwn.

You try not to laugh at rehersal when the quads add "SUCK IT!" and the visual at the end of their one measure of fame.

Never ask the band to sing their parts. It will hurt your ears.

We were in band for a reason. We cannot sing to save our lives.

You never liked the shows that involved tubas wearing a beret instead of a "naked" head. (aka no shakos)

You have a ninja escape in your band room's roof.

Your band army is never complete without assassins, ninjas, and the guard.

You sing on the band bus "99 Bottles of Monster on the Wall", rather than the one about beer or coke.

You've seen the videos on Youtube where there is a big trombone or flute pileup from a trip and cringe.

You know that when the directors make the triangle sign, it either means balance, in musical terms, or horn angle.

You play MarioKart to pass the time on bus trips.

Don't laugh if the directors' drop their drill sheets up on the levi-lift; just try to catch the fallen sheets while marching.

You love TURF!!!!!! It's heaven compared to a regular field's hell.

You swear the tubas are trying to rape each other when they give their "tuba hugs".

You play/watch the game of who can say "Happy-Unbirthday!" first. (This is usually won by the trumpets. But then again, it's trumpets vs. flutes only in my marching band.)

You cried when you didn't make it to State by 4/10ths of a point.

You cry at least once every marching season.

You have a secret handshake within your section, and no other section can quite copy it.

You notice that when there are storm clouds during summer band camp, they just seem to skirt around your high school.

You've seen someone do a trombome suicide. The question is, do they pwn or fail?

Your two favorite words to say to someone who tripped is "Epic Fail!"

You have at least one rental instrument in your band that puts a curse of falling on a freshman. (Sadly, the tenor senior had it his freshman year, and so did I. We both fell at least twice very hard.)

You have the ability to trip over a flat surface, but are able to battle it out when you're on a shitty football field.

Either the mellophones or the saxophones have the most perverted minds ever in marching band terms.

The annoncers always mess up names. They've said some inappropriate-sounding names from the actual pronounciation.

NEVER call your directors' Mom/Dad. Bad ending for you.

You've heard the rumor that if the assistant director is mad at you, he wont't kill you...he'll eat you.

Anyone will ask for duct tape rather than a band mom to fix their denim jeans in marching band.

You LOVE Swedish Fish!!!!!!

(If you don't know what Swedish Fish is, you are a deprived person!)

We aren't afraid to sing in band class our melody. We're terrified if we have to do it anywhere else.

Before and after school, 90% of the band kids will be in the band hallway.

You hate the marching band shoes because they're ugly fashion-wise.

You love your marching band shoes because they are surprisingly comfy on the field.

Tuning is vital. You get so many jokes out of that time though. ("Pull it out! Push it in harder!" TWSS jokes galore!)

You hate it when the upperclassmen saxophones tell you it's a "no neck-strap" block, rehersal, day, or all of the above.

You hate it that the ones who used to be your best band friend's in middle school have become someone you don't even know.

They say the answer to the question of the universe is 42, but in tuning, what about 40? (442 and 440.)

You never practice during July camp because you're doing 40 hours a week for band.

You hate all the fundraisers you have to do, but you like the formal they put on (another fundraiser; end of year) and the car wash at the beginning of band camp.

You have to know how to translate "weed" (reed) talk to all of your percussion friends.

You laugh at the brass's 1 and 3 joke. (They pretty much flip a judge off with an alternate fingering.)

If you're a freshman band marcher and you have innocent mind, you don't fall into the gutter of pervertedness; we push you into the gutter.

Your other teachers think the tuner's annoying clicks of time are someone's cellphone going off.

There really is no marching dress code during the summer, as long as it covers around shoulders to 3" below butt.

Wear sunscreen or you're going to die during July camp!

No one cares if we do well at the parent preview night; they'll love you anyway whether you squeak or not.

In marching band, there is no French horn or mellophone puberty.

You know that your breathing, arm, and leg muscles are stronger after marching band is over. Then you get fat after winter!!!

You just learned that the marching band breathing excercies are equal to doing aerobics for 30 minutes.

You tell your left from your right by which foot you step off from set.