He slammed the door shut behind him, leaning against it in relief. He let the blocks in his mind fall at once, allowing himself to finally think freely. Here inside Madeleine's crepuscular contortion, no mindcasters could hear his thoughts—to Melissa, it would be as if his familiar taste had suddenly disappeared.
Too many thoughts screamed for his attention for him to count. He'd loved Melissa before she left, and it had broken him for her to leave. Then she'd stopped calling, and he couldn't call her, seeing as she always called from random pay phones.
Two years had gone by. They'd grown up, maybe only a little, but immensely to the mind of a teenager. They were now both legal adults, free from the Bixby curfew and from the control of their parents. Rex would be attending Oklahoma State the next year, on a history scholarship and student loans. Melissa was going nowhere.
Was their relationship just a silly high school thing? Would Melissa leave again, or even stay, when he left for college? Was it worth it to even find out?
Was she completely over him? Did she have any feelings for him whatsoever?
And did his worrying over the subject show that he did still want her, or did his uncertainty prove that he didn't?
Rex groaned and trudged over to Madeleine's couch, collapsing with his head in his hands.
His anger and confusion suddenly and unexpectedly transformed into something he couldn't control. His hands sharpened into claws and gripped his dark hair, ripping it out of his head.
Rex told himself to breathe and simply ride the attack through. He found there was no use fighting it—without the help of a mindcaster, these things only got stronger and more persistent when fought.
It seized his body, muscles clenching and unclenching, as if it wanted to be a snake, slithering its way along without legs. In reality, Rex probably looked nothing like a snake, more of a writhing drug addict going through withdrawal. A cross between a voluntary human whimper and an angry growl escaped his clenched teeth.
Images crossed his mind; of the hunt, of feeding, and as time went on, of attack. His human side reacted with disgust, and then victory, but his currently dominant darkling side reacted with hunger, and then fear.
And then he felt it leave him, carried away down his body, ending with a final curl of his toes.
He shuddered, trying to take a deep breath. Looking at his shaking hands, he saw several strands of dark hair entwined between his fingers. His scalp ached.
"Crap," he muttered, dusting the hair off of his hands. Madeleine's floor was already dirty enough, he thought, it wouldn't make much of a difference.
He leaned back into the couch, closing his eyes and trying to relax his alert muscles. In truth, Madeleine could feed herself now. Unlike Rex, she'd healed with time. He'd only used taking care of her as an excuse to think freely inside her house.
Rex was struck with an idea, but felt uncomfortable doing it. Even though he was inside the crepuscular contortion, years of having his mind watched still plagued him. But he forced himself to relax, ignoring his worries.
Rex imagined himself holding Melissa in his arms, a comforting, long lasting hug. He tried to remember the feel of her, how much he'd have to lean down to reach her, the angle in which he'd tilt his head in order to touch the bare skin of her neck.
His heart was pounding from the innocent fantasy. He sat up strait, putting his head back in his hands, unsure.
The idea was so appealing. He realized that was all he wanted to do at the moment. But did he want to be with her? What would come with this? Did she want it, too?
It'd been so long. The same statement he'd been telling himself all day repeated itself in his mind. It'd been too long.
"Trouble in couplesville?"
Jonathan Martinez stood at the entrance to the kitchen, holding a bruised apple. His tone was sarcastic, as it used to be when speaking to Rex, but it held none of the underlying carefree happiness it once had. His eyes were empty, and his face was angry. He too had aged two years, but he hadn't aged well.
Rex's voice was quiet. Rex and Melissa had never acknowledged their relationship verbally to anyone when they were together. But with the look on Jonathan's face, Rex suddenly wasn't embarrassed.
"I guess so."
He took another bite. "One month has gone by for Jessica," he said. And, referring to Melissa, "At least you have her."