I've always been a coward.
If I wasn't a coward, maybe I wouldn't be here.
Here in Afghanistan.
Bleeding out.
If I wasn't a coward.
I could've faced my problems.
I could have faced my fears.
But I am a coward.
So here I am.
Dying.
But I'm numb.
Always numb.
Never feeling.
Never crying.
Never pain.
I'm even a coward at war.
Running away from my men.
Running away from my attackers.
Only to get attacked.
Only to get destroyed.
In a way, Life has attacked me.
Life has destroyed me.
I'm a shell of a man.
I'm bleeding out.
So I guess I really will be a shell of a man.
I've lost so much.
But I've never really gained anything.
I've lost everything.
I also lost myself.
I lost the thought of being a father.
How could you?
How could you do that to me?
Quinn?
How could you do that to her?
How could you do that to Rachel?
How could you just tear her down?
You destroyed her.
I lost something else that day too.
Rachel.
I'm sorry that I was awful to you.
I'm sorry I built you up, only to bring you down.
I'm sorry I brought you down more than once.
I'm sorry I brought you down so far, you couldn't get back up.
Why did you let me do that to you?
Why did you let me destroy you?
Why did you let everyone else destroy you?
Why did you feel the need to drive off the side of the road?
You were already destroyed emotionally.
Why destroy yourself physically.
Did you cry in heaven, when I didn't come to your funeral?
But I couldn't.
I couldn't be there for you.
I never could.
I applied for the army, the day I found out.
I couldn't handle it.
I couldn't handle that I lost you.
Mom, I'm sorry you're going to have to go through the heartache.
Going through the heartache of losing your whole family.
But, mom, you don't understand.
I lost my whole world.
The world is a cruel place.
I laugh at the fact it took me this long to figure it out.
They shot me so many times.
I'm sure my organs are falling out.
I guess the fact I'm an organ donor doesn't mean anything now.
I always tried to give.
To my mom.
To Rachel.
To Glee Club.
To the world.
I guess I just forgot to give to myself.
I'm not going to stay mad at you Puck.
I'm not going to stay mad at you, for the next few seconds I'm alive.
Even though Jesse broke Rachel's heart.
I'm glad he was there.
I'm glad he was there to pick up the piecesI broke.
I guess that's the way the world works.
We brake.
We drink the fatal drop.
Then cry until we bleed.
Then fall apart in parts.
Just like I did.
Because I lost you Rachel.
Because I lost my world.