Can't Do it huh? Watch me. –

Chapter 3

"Three"

"Nine"

"No… she's a seven."

"You're wrong, she's a five."

The guys and I were sitting at the tables near the pool. We were ranking the girls who passed by on a scale of 1-10. Participation, on my part, was weak. I was too busy drinking my slushy.

I haven't told the guys yet about what happened in the apartment. Waiting for the right time got me thirsty.

"Hey uh, Carlos. I thought you didn't feel so good. You're chugging that thing down like crazy." James was talking to me, but he was staring at the girls.

I guess this was the right time.

I ignored James and finished the rest of my drink before talking to them. "What does it mean when someone dubs you as their inspiration?" I asked.

James, Logan, and Kendall disconnected their attention from the girls and turned towards me.

Logan was the one to speak first, "Well, it means they're into you and you're what drives them to be successful."

Then Kendall, "Or, they want be just like you."

Then James, "They love your face, hair, and everything else about you." He took out a mirror and started fixing his hair and smiling at himself.

They all looked at each other, then at me. All three of them opened their mouths to ask me the same question, "Who said you were their inspiration?"

"Star," I waited for whatever they were gonna yell at me, but when I looked, they all looked like they were trying to hold in their laughter. I slouched and gave them a pout face while I crossed my arms, "come on guys, I'm serious!"

"Wait a minute, is that the only reason why she was looking for you?" Logan asked.

"Not really, she kind of brought some fruits to go and check up on me, apparently when you guys told her I wasn't in the mood, she probably thought I was super sick or something."

"Do you guys think she has a thing for Carlos? Wow, she'll be your first real girlfriend, nice!" James reached over and gave me a high five.

Kendall jumped in the conversation and acted like the leader type he was. "Okay guys, we need to think about reality first. Gustavo doesn't want us involved with her. Carlos, its fine you're her inspiration and all, but you gotta shoot her down if she tries to go somewhere in the relationship."

Logan nodded, and then sighed. "He's right, if we all don't lose our jobs, the other option would be that Gustavo replaces you."

"Yeah, this wouldn't be Big Time Rush anymore!" James was in on it too, when just a second ago, he was congratulating me.

"But that's mean. I like her and I don't want to lie to her." Frustrated, I leaned forward and put my head in my hands.

"Sorry Carlos. It's just not worth it. Think about the band, I know it's hard but you gotta think smarter." Think smarter, was he serious?

"Maybe you're just thinking about yourself!" I snapped at him. He was really ticking me off.

Kendall stood up and asked what I was talking about. His pale hands were clenched into fists. If he wanted a fight I'd give it to him. The other two were just watching to see what would happen next. They weren't sure what to do yet, but both of them had their hands on their arm rests, ready to get up. I stood up and walked over to where Kendall was. Even though he was taller, I stepped close enough to show him that I wasn't afraid to fight.

"I'm tired of everything thinking that I can't think for myself. You probably just don't want to leave Jo behind. You're the selfish one."

"You know that's not true. I'm just looking out for the band. There's other girls Carlos, what about the Jennifers?"

I didn't tell him to fuck off and that I didn't need his stupid advice in my personal life. Already heated up, I stepped forward and shoved him. Kendall and I both tried to go for punches but James and Logan were already up and holding us back.

I freed myself from Logan's grasp and pointed at Kendall. "Screw you!" I yelled at him.

"Carlos, come on! You can't do this!" Kendall also freed himself from James, but we didn't attempt another punch at each other.

I gave him a stern look and said nothing more. I turned around and started walking back towards the apartment, glancing over at James and Logan, I saw that they were speechless.

I lay in bed tossing and turning that night. I asked myself it was really worth it. That fight with Kendall was pretty much my fault. But then again, it wasn't fair for them and Gustavo to try and make me lie to Star. I stared at the ceiling, unable to sleep. All three guys were snoring, so the apartment wasn't super quiet.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I'm not going to give her up, go ahead and fire me, Gustavo. I'm not going to lie to her, go ahead and replace me. I'm not going to shoot her down, go ahead and hate me, Kendall. I'm going to tell her how I feel – once she gets over Dak.