Ch. 9 Act 1, Part 2
[Scene opens. Claudius sitting on throne in ballroom, alone. There's a knocking offstage.]
C: Come in.
R&G: You called us, your Highness?
C: Ah, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern. I'm glad you've come.
R&G: What is it?
C: You two are old friends of Hamlet's, correct?
R: Known him for years. Why?
C: And he trusts you, correct?
G: We've established that we're friends. Where are you going with this?
C: Could you show me your loyalty? You are loyal to the royal family, are you not?
R&G: Of course.
C: I want you to spy on my nephew.
R&G: What for?
C: I am worried about him. He has been acting oddly of late. I want to know what is making him behave so strangely. And if you can not let him know, that would be best.
R&G: Wouldn't spying be wrong?
C: You'll be well-compensated for it.
R&G: [no hesitation] We're in.
C: Good. Send in the next person, would you?
R&G: Yes, your Majesty. [Leaves]
[Polonius walks in, bows]
P: You sent for me, your Majesty?
C: [Gets up from throne, puts an arm around P's shoulder] Ah, Polonius, my friend. I have a favor to ask of you.
P: Name it, my lord.
C: You have noticed the behavior of my nephew, have you not?
P: Yes, but I put an end to it.
C: Excellent, excellent… [Pause, stops, thinks] Wait…an end to what, exactly?
P: Him and my daughter. They're through.
C: Oh. Well. That's…nice, I suppose. But I was referring to his behavior concerning his father's death.
P: Oh. That. Well, I'm not surprised he's still upset. They were awfully close.
C: Yes. [Scowls in silence for a moment, then continues] I have my suspicions that Hamlet suspects me of somehow bringing on his father's premature death.
P: [Shocked] Surely not?
C: [Look of a saint] I'm afraid so. If you could keep an eye on him, I would most appreciate it. And keep it from Hamlet, and your daughter. She might be a liability if she does love him, as you say.
P: It won't be a problem. As I said, I told her to never see him again.
C: We'll see how that works out. I thank you for your loyalty. You may go.
P: My lord. [bows, leaves]
C: Well, that at least is taken care of for the moment. [leans back, deep sigh] It's good ta be da King.
[scene ends]
xoxox
[scene opens with Hamlet, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern in ballroom]
Ha: So how have you two been.
R&G: Pretty good. You?
Ha: I've been better.
R: We understand.
G: Can't have been easy with your dad gone.
Ha: No. So why were you with that traveling troupe? I thought you guys were in Paris.
R&G: We were.
Ha: So why…?
R: We ran into the Player and his gang while flipping coins and idling about.*
G: And they were on their way here, so we figured…
Ha: I see. What was that? [points to pillar]
R&G: What was what?
Ha: I thought I saw someone a second ago, but they just vanished.
R&G: [Exchange significant looks] We didn't see no one.
Ha: I didn't imagine it.
R&G: [More significant looks]
R: You want to go play chess or something?
G: Get out of the castle for the day.
Ha: [still looking oddly at pillar] Sure. [They leave]
[Polonius pops out from behind the pillar]
P: That was close.
[Scene ends]
xoxox
[Scene opens: Faceless appears with a sign that reads 'Two days later', then leaves. Ros, Guil, Claudius and Polonius in throne room.]
R: We're sure of it. Hamlet's off his rocker.
C: And what exactly makes you say that?
G: Small things really. Seeing things that aren't there. Checking round corners with mirrors. Muttering about ghosts and revenge. It's all pretty weird.
R: We think he needs to get out for some R&R.
G: Or he needs to get laid.
P: [puffs up indignantly] Keep Hamlet away from my daughter!
R&G: We weren't talking about Ophelia, pervert rabbit.
P: What is that supposed to mean? Is my daughter not good enough? Hmm, is that what you're trying to say?
R: Hardly.
G: We'll be glad to get her off your hands.
P: You two—!
C: Gentlemen, that's enough. [Three stop quarreling] Rosencrantz, Guildenstern, thank you for your efforts. You may go. [R&G leave. C turns on P, not looking pleased] Now, what did I say about staying out of sight?
P: Your nephew's sharper than I thought.
C: [sighs, keeps thoughts to himself] Try a little harder not to be seen, okay?
P: Yes, my lord. I'll do my best.
C: Yes, I know, that's what worries me. You may go.
P: [slightly hurt and confused, but leaves anyway]
C: [Rubs temple] I'm surrounded by imbeciles. [Leaves throne room]
[From stage left steps out Hamlet; he's been eavesdropping the whole time]
Ha: Just as I figured. Can't trust anyone anymore.
[Scene closes]
xoxox
[Scene opens, another Faceless walks up, with a sign: 'Two More Days Later'. Claudius and Polonius, throne room]
P: Your Majesty, this is getting serious. I have been keeping a close eye on Hamlet; his actions are stranger still. He walks around, muttering to himself, going out of the castle and talking to apothecary dealers, inquiring on any poison sales they made recently, and to gravediggers. Talking about old jesters named Yoric. It's been very strange. I think his delusion that you killed the last king has led too far.
C: [Looking very troubled] I agree. This is troubling indeed. I had predicted this. Call in Rosencrantz and Guildenstern; I think I have a way to handle the situation.
[Scene ends]
xoxox
[Scene opens to what looks like a shipyard; Hamlet, Ros and Guil stand in heavy coats, with luggage beside them]
R: I think this little trip to England will be good for all of us. What do you think, Guil?
G: I agree. A bit of fresh air, get out of the castle and the cold for a bit—Hamlet?
Ha: Hmm. Perhaps you're right.
R: I'm going to check that everything's ready.
G: I'll come with you.
[They leave, leaving Hamlet alone, frowning]
Ha: If my uncle thinks this little trip is going to rid of his problem, he's greatly mistaken. I bet that envelope that Ros is clutching so dearly is an order for execution once we reach England's shore. That's right—[looks out to crowd]—this is all just another way to get rid of me. We'll land in port and get detained by soldiers, I'll probably be taken away to the Tower of London and then executed under some trounced-up excuse. Then Claudius will have nothing to worry about, now that the true heir to the throne is gone. But no worries—I have a plan as well. [Holds up an envelope for the entire crowd to see.]
[Ros and Guil return]
R: Ready to go, Hamlet? The ship's all loaded up, according to the captain. You ready?
Ha: As ready as I'll ever be.
[All bend to pick up luggage; envelope falls out of Ros' coat. Hamlet quickly scoops it, switches it with the letter he held out earlier.]
Ha: Rosencrantz, you dropped this.
G: Oh, thank god you grabbed that, Hamlet! The king entrusted that to us. I wonder what it's for.
Ha: [Innocently] Perhaps a trading agreement of something with the English crown?
R: Perhaps. Thanks. [Take envelope from Hamlet, tucks into jacket front. Ros and Guil go ahead and walk off stage; Hamlet stays behind a moment. He looks at crowd pointedly before ripping the envelope to shreds and scattering the bits on the floor.]
Ha: [grinning] Yes, if dear Uncle Claudius thinks this is over, he's dead wrong. [Walks offstage]
[Scene ends]
xoxox
[Scene opens up to a bedroom. Gertrude is sitting on the bed, brushing her hair. There's a knock offstage.]
G: Enter.
[Polonius enters.]
P: Your Majesty, may I come in?
G: You may. What is it?
P: The king asked me to come check in on you, to see how you were.
G: How sweet of him. I'm doing fine. How are you, Polonius? You seem awfully busy of late.
P: I am busy with my duties from the crown.
G: Then you will be busy until the end.
P: Have you spoken to Prince Hamlet of late?
G: No, he seems distracted most of the time. I am very worried. Why—?
[Sudden knocks on the door, very urgent.]
G: Polonius, hide yourself a moment.
[Polonius hides behind a curtain, but the audience can still see him.]
G: Enter.
[Hamlet comes in. Gertrude looks startled.]
G: Hamlet! What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be on a ship to England? Claudius told me—
Ha: I don't give a damn what my dear uncle told you.
G: Don't talk about my husband that way!
Ha: What about your last husband, Mother? Do you remember him?
G: Why are you talking to me like this? Your father's death was very hard on me.
Ha: [sneering] Oh, clearly. Must have been so hard to switch from black mourning to white celebration in only a day.
G: Why are you being so cruel? Why aren't you on your way to England? What about your friends Rosencrantz and Guildenstern?
Ha: Oh, they're still on their way to England. It will be their last trip.
G: [looks alarmed] Hamlet, what have you done?
Ha: Only what your dear husband would have had done to me.
G: What is that supposed to mean?
[Behind the curtain, Polonius appears to step closer, like he's listening more intently.]
Ha: Claudius sent to me to England to be killed there.
G: What? How can you say that—?
Ha: Listen to me quickly, because I don't know how much time I have. Claudius killed Father to get the throne.
G: [Pure shock] What? How could that be, Claudius loved your father—
Ha: He was jealous of Father. He had him murdered and gained his throne, kingdom and wife for himself. And he just tried to send me to my death. What further proof do you need?
[We see Polonius creep closer, knocking something. G and Ha freeze.]
Ha: What was that?
G: I…I…
Ha: [pulls out a knife] He's here now, isn't he? That murderous uncle!
G: No! Hamlet, stop, put that away!
Ha: [points to the curtain, to where Polonius stands] There? He's hiding there? [rushes to curtain and stabs through with the knife; Polonius cries out and falls through to the room, dead]
[Gertrude screams, Hamlet goes pale with shock]
G: What have you done! [screams and runs off stage]
Ha: [small voice, shock] What have I done?
[Scene ends]
The curtain closed; the first act was concluded.
*This is a reference to Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead, a theater-of-the-absurd period production (try 1940s-50s American theatre). It focuses on some of the minor characters of Hamlet, namely Ros and Guil, and is pretty funny (look up on YouTube, I'm sure there's a clip or two). This play opens up with Ros and Guil flipping a coin and betting on the result, of which one of them loses every round.
Not what you expected from the ending, yes? But it's a serious play and requires serious plot stuff. From here the plot will deviate some, as it already has. I've kept the main points, anyhow, and that's what important. Sorry for making you wait so long, but the story is finished (Finally!) and I will spread out updates for a few days to finalize edits and stuff.