Aya helped Youji close in silence. All the blonde's attempts at conversation were weak and betrayed the nervousness in his jade eyes. His silence made the older man even more nervous, but he didn't really care. His thoughts were on their…date. He wondered what Youji had planned and if it was going to end the same way their outing the previous night had. He hoped it wouldn't. Not defending himself for someone else's honor was not an experience he wanted to repeat. All he wanted was a nice, semi quiet environment where they could actually relax a little. He looked up from sweeping to see Youji watching him, but something was different. There was no lust in the older man's green eyes, just a gentle warmth. It made the swordsman uneasy. He wondered what the other man was thinking, but said nothing and went back to the task at hand. If he dwelled on it too much he would just stress himself out and he liked this look better than the dark lust he usually saw there. It was comforting in a way, different, but he could already feel his body relaxing. Normally he couldn't relax around Youji for fear of being caught off guard again. He listened to Youji lock everything up as he finished sweeping, then they left the shop together. Youji turned off the lights then smiled brilliantly down at him. "Ready for tonight?"

"I need to change." Aya replied.

"So do I." The older man laughed. "Oh, and don't worry about eating. There's a restaurant I want to take you to, my treat." Aya nodded then headed up to his room. Dinner, huh? That might be nice. It would be quiet and hopefully he'd be able to sit with his back to the wall; he could let himself relax then. Maybe he and Youji could have a real conversation for once. One that didn't involve Youji making suggestive comments and flirting outrageously. He rifled through the few clothes he owned and decided that one of these days he was going to have to give in and go shopping. Most of the stuff he owned was too big, or just not going out material. He laughed at that. Clothes had never been something he'd worried about before and it was weird that he felt like he wanted to look his best for Youji. Maybe the blonde was growing on him.

Youji paced back and forth as he waited for Aya. He was so nervous that his hands were shaking and he prayed that he didn't start to sweat. The green silk shirt he wore did not mix well with sweat. He had paired the long sleeved, button up shirt with a pair of dark jeans that clung to his hips but were loose in the leg. He left the shirt untucked to give the outfit a more casual feel and wore the same shoes as the night before. When Aya finally came down Youji couldn't breath. The swordsman had looked amazing the night before, but, and this could be his heart talking, tonight his beauty rivaled that of the Gods. He wore tight black jeans and thick soled boots. His shirt was also black and clung tightly to his thin torso. It had a low scooped collar and an almost corset like tie up the front, Youji could see his skin peeking through the ties. Over the shirt he had on a black leather jacket and as he adjusted it his shirt lifted to give Youji a brief glimpse of his perfect abs. The blonde swallowed hard. "You look great." He said roughly. A slight curve of the lips was the only response he got and he wanted desperately to kiss them, but he resisted. As they walked out to the car he couldn't stop looking at Aya and it almost cost him falling on his face. Aya's hand caught him by the chest and pushed him upright. He gazed into the younger man's eyes wanting to kiss him again, their faces were so close, but he just pushed the thought away and laughed nervously. "That's twice you've saved me today."

"If you watched your feet instead of me, I wouldn't have to." There was a smile in Aya's eyes, though it wasn't on his lips. It was the most beautiful thing Youji had ever seen in his life. Aya's hand slipped from his chest drawing him back to reality.

"So you noticed." He rubbed the back of his head in embarrassment, but Aya only shrugged and got into the car. Youji took a deep breath then climbed into the driver's seat and started the car. Hopefully he wouldn't screw up too badly tonight.

Aya relaxed once he was seated with his back to the wall. He had a good view of the entire restaurant, which seemed to be one that served upscale French cuisine. The menu was all in a foreign language but had an extensive wine section, which made him assume French. They were famous for their taste in fine wine. He frowned at the menu before setting it down and informing Youji that it was illegible. The blonde laughed making his green eyes dance. Aya didn't know why he noticed, but he didn't care either. He liked Youji's eyes when he laughed like that. "I can translate it for you." Youji moved to the seat next to him and began to read the menu off in Japanese. Aya felt his heartbeat quicken with the close proximity. He was awash with the blonde's scent; the shampoo and soap he'd used in his shower and the soft scent of his cologne. He tried to focus on what the older man was saying, but couldn't.

"Just order something for me." He said finally. Youji laughed again and Aya didn't dare look into his eyes. "I've never had any of it so I wouldn't even know where to start."

"Alright." Youji folded the menus and handed them to the waiter then, in flawless French, told the man his order. Aya tried not to stare at him. He had tried to learn French once and had given up. Sure it wasn't as hard as English, but he had to know that for his job. He didn't need to know French. When Youji moved back to the seat across from him it was both a relief and a disappointment. He kept both emotions from his face as Youji leaned back with a smile and told him why he'd learned French. Aya was surprised to learn that the blonde's mother was French and his father Japanese. Both language skills were flawless and not a lot of people would be able to achieve something like that. Aya was an exception as well, he spoke Russian, German, English and Chinese all fluently, as well as Japanese. Aya listened quietly as Youji moved from the subject of languages to family. Both Youji's parents were dead in a car crash and he'd never had any siblings. Aya waited for the blonde to ask about his family, but he never did. The swordsman let out the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding as Youji moved on to talking about the schools he'd gone to. When their meal came he quieted then started up again as they ate. Aya was surprised to find the food delicious and shook his head when Youji asked if he wanted to know what it was.

"The French eat weird things." He said softly. "As long as it tastes good, I don't want to know what's in it." Youji laughed. When the food was gone on both plates the waiter came back. As he cleared the dishes from the table Youji ordered dessert.

"I've been talking the entire time." Youji said suddenly. "Its your turn now." Aya snorted, taking a sip of his wine.

"The past is the past." He set the glass down. "I prefer not to dwell on it." Youji sighed.

"I kind of figured as much. How about telling me your favorite color."

"White."

"Really?" Youji sat back in surprise. "I had you pegged as a black or red kind of guy. Bet you can't guess what mine is."

"Green." The surprise turned to shock.

"How-"

"You wear a lot of green." Aya shrugged. "Its also the color of your car."

"So you notice what I wear huh?" The blonde grinned. Aya gave him a flat look. Youji laughed. "Alright, alright, I'll stop." He sighed. "What kind of music do you like?"

"Piano."

"Classical?"

"No, just the piano." Aya swirled the wine in his glass before taking a sip.

"Do you play?"

"Not anymore." Aya replied.

"Why not?"

"I don't have a piano." Youji slapped his forehead with his palm.

"God I'm an idiot." He covered his face and groaned. Aya watched him, amused by the conversation but not letting on. Youji regained his composure. "Let me guess the kind of movies you like." He stroked his chin eyeing his dinner companion carefully. "Not comedy…I don't see you as a romance kind of guy." Aya kept his face neutral. He hated movies and television, but he going to let Youji play his little game. "I'm stuck between horror and action, or maybe…mysteries!" He exclaimed suddenly. "You're a crime drama fanatic aren't you?" Aya shook his head. "No? Damn." Youji frowned then leaned forward, peering into Aya's face. The redhead fought the urge to giggle and set his glass down, holding Youji's gaze. "You are so hard to read." Youji pursed his lips and narrowed his eyes. "You do like comedies don't you?" Aya only blinked in response. They sat like that for a few more minutes then Youji sighed and sat back in his chair. "I give up, what's your favorite."

"I don't have one." Aya replied. "I prefer reading over films and television."

"Of course you do." Youji growled wrinkling his nose. "I hate reading."

"I know."

"Oh do you now?" The older man raised an eyebrow. "What else do you know about me?" Aya sighed.

"Your favorite music is that awful noise they play in nightclubs, your favorite type of movies are romance, you can't appreciate the fine art that is the written word, you suffer from insomnia when you don't drink, you have a hard time keeping your eyes and hands to yourself, and…you're a Pisces." He added and looked up to meet Youji's flabbergasted gaze.

"How the hell can you know all that?" The older man asked in an awestruck voice. Aya shrugged, draining the rest of his wine glass.

"You're easy to read."

"So if I was a book, I'd be one of those I-Can-Read pieces of-"

"Don't sell yourself short, Kudou." Aya frowned. "You're more like a-" He paused. "-mystery novel, where the storyline can be predictable, but there's always a twist that no one sees coming." Youji smiled softly.

"And you?"

"One of Shakespeare's tragedies." Aya laughed harshly staring into his empty wine glass.

"What do you mean?" Youji's brow furrowed.

"Guys like me don't get a happy ending." Aya replied quietly. "We die horrible deaths alone and terrified because we know we're going to hell and there's nothing we can do to-" He jerked in surprise as Youji grabbed his hand.

"Stop." He looked up to see Youji glaring at him. The waiter came with dessert before Youji could say anything else. Aya watched the man refill his glass then leave. Youji took it before Aya could take a drink and called the waiter back over. He said something in rapid fire French, the waiter bowed and disappeared. He came back a few moments later, put there desserts in special containers, then bowed and walked away after handing Youji the bill. The older man didn't even look at it, he just grabbed the desserts then Aya's arm and led him to the front where he paid for the meal. Aya didn't argue or pull his arm away as they walked back to the car. He almost laughed. He'd opened up to Youji a little and it was obvious by the way he was driving that he was having a hard time handling it. Aya let the silence hang until Youji stopped suddenly. They were nowhere near home. They were at a park. Aya recognized it as the one he'd run to the night he'd arrived at the Koneko. He turned to Youji to ask what was going on, but the blonde just got out of the car without saying a word. Aya frowned down at his hands then was startled by his door opening and Youji hauling him out bodily. He wasn't sure what the hell was going on until they stopped moving. Youji's arms were around him and the older man's face was buried in his shoulder. It took Aya a moment to realize that the blonde was crying.

"Youji?" He reached up and gently took hold of the back of the taller man's head. Youji just held him tighter. Aya put his other arm around the silently sobbing man's waist and led him over to a bench where he gently disentangled himself from Youji and forced the blonde to sit down next to him. He grabbed Youji's chin and forced the older man to look at him. He looked into the tear filled jade eyes, trying to figure out just what the hell was going through the man's head.

"I won't let you die alone." Aya let go of Youji in surprise as he finally spoke.

"What?" He stood slowly. "I don't-" He gasped as Youji grabbed his hand and pulled him into a kiss. Aya flicked his wrist to bring out his knife, but it fell from his numb fingers. Slowly he reached up to curl his fingers in Youji's hair then straddled his lap on the bench, deepening the kiss. Youji's arms went around his waist and pulled him up farther as the blonde opened hi mouth to Aya's. The swordsman tightened his grip on Youji's hair and delved his tongue deep into the older man's mouth. Youji moaned into him, gripping his jacket. Aya pulled away after a moment. "I could have killed you, you know." He said quietly. Youji glanced down to see the knife laying on the bench next to his thigh. His eyes widened as they met Aya's. "I still could."

"I wouldn't care." Youji whispered. "I don't care what you do to me." Aya snorted sitting back and letting go of Youji's hair. "Its true…I love you." Aya forced himself to look Youji in the eyes. The dark jade orbs held only truth, but Aya didn't know if he could believe the older man's words.

"Don't lie to me." He rasped shaking his head.

"I'm not lying Aya." Youji took the younger man's face in his hands.

"No." Aya pushed away from him and fell to the ground staring at it wide eyes. It wasn't possible. No one could love a monster like him. There was so much blood on his hands, shit he was practically bathed in it. He felt Youji's hands on his shoulders. "You can't." Aya cried, scooting away from him.

"Aya."

"You can't love me." Aya wrapped his arms around his knees as Youji kneeled in front of him. "You don't know what I've done…who I am."

"I don't care." Youji shook his head. "I love the man I see, the one I've gotten to know."

"You don't know jack." Aya spat angrily.

"So tell me." Youji grabbed him by the shoulders. "Talk to me Aya. What did you do that is so horrible that I can't love you?" Aya shook his head and refusing to answer. Youji shook him. "Give me a reason."

"I don't deserve to be loved!" Aya shouted at him, pushing him away. "Not by you or anyone else." Youji stared at him in shock.

"Don't deserve…" Green eyes blinked then the blonde shook his head. "Aya, I want you to listen to me very carefully." Aya looked away but Youji grabbed his chin and forced him to face forward. "The past is the past. You can't change what you've done or what's been done to you, but that doesn't mean you don't deserve to be loved." Aya shook his head free.

"You don't understand. If you knew what I'd done-"

"So tell me!" Youji threw his hands up in exasperation. "Did you kill someone? Big deal, so have I." Aya aimed his fist at Youji, but the blonde caught him by the wrist then pinned him to the ground, straddling his waist. Aya glared up at him, but the older man stayed his course.

"Get off."

"Not until you talk to me." Youji replied. Aya couldn't believe this was happening. Here he was trying to keep Youji at arms length so the man wouldn't get himself killed by association and he was to stupid to understand.

"Everyone I've ever loved is dead because of me." Aya struggled to free his wrists. "I'm a fucking curse, Kudou, and the only reason any of you are still alive is because I haven't let you get close enough to be infected by it." Youji gripped his wrists tighter.

"So I can't love you because you think I'll die if I do?"

"I don't think, Kudou, I know." Aya growled. "Either I'll end up killing you or someone else will. Its happened every other time, why should fate be kind now?"

"You don't even want to give me a chance?"

"It doesn't matter what I want." Aya glared up at the older man, but the fight was all but gone in him.

"Yes it does." Youji's brow furrowed. "It's your life. Take what you want for it." Aya turned his face away, letting hi body go limp. "What do you want?" Youji asked quietly. There were a lot of things Aya wanted, but none of them were possible. After a few minutes of struggling with what to say Youji spoke again. "If what you want is too hard then what do you not want?"

"I don't want to be alone." Aya whispered. "But I don't want anyone else to die because they-" He was cut off by Youji's lips on his. His eyes opened wide and he tried to struggle free again. Youji pulled away.

"I won't let you be alone anymore." He murmured. "I don't believe in curses, so you can stow away that crap."

"You don't get it, do you?" Aya snapped. "I-"

"No, Aya." Youji shook his head. "I understand perfectly." He let go of one of Aya's wrists to gently caress his crimson hair. "You don't want to get close to anyone because you're afraid of getting hurt again." Aya turned his face away. Youji leaned in and brushed gentle kiss against his neck. "What you don't understand is that by closing yourself off from everyone you're slowly killing yourself." He took the younger man's chin in his hand. "You're killing your heart, Aya, and without that…you wouldn't be human." Aya felt a tear leak out of the corner of his eye as he looked up at the blonde and shook his head.

"I'm not human Youji." His voice cracked. "I'm a monster. A merciless, cold hearted, evil monster."

"No you aren't." Youji smiled sadly sitting up and pulling Aya into a gentle embrace. "You may be cold sometimes, but you're trying as hard as you can to protect yourself from all the pain. You aren't evil. If you were you wouldn't be pushing me away, trying to protect me from your so called curse. If you were evil, you'd have killed me already." Youji stroked his hair. "I know you aren't evil, and you aren't a monster."

"How do you know?" Aya looked up at him. "You don't, because you didn't see what I did to Shido." The swordsman put his hands on Youji's shoulders and pushed him to the ground, straddling his waist. "I cut him open, here." He ran his hand across Youji's lower stomach. "All hi guts came pouring out and when he tried to hold them in I cut off his hand, then I hacked him up into little pieces and you know what?" Tears were pouring down his cheeks, but he didn't care. "I enjoyed every second of it, and if he were to come back to life I'd do it again."

"Aya-"

"Do you get it now?"

"Aya!" Youji grabbed his arms. "That man raped and almost beat you to death. He deserved everything he got and more."

"That-"

"Can you honestly tell me that's how you planned to kill him, or did it happen in the heat of the moment when you were terrified and in pain?" Aya blinked down at him.

"Does that matter?"

"Of course it does." Youji pulled Aya down so that his head was against the older man's chest. "If you had tied him down and cut him up into pieces after torturing him then maybe you could call yourself a monster." He kissed the top of Aya's head. "Its what's in your heart that counts."

"I don't have one." Youji snorted.

"Bull." He laughed. "If you don't have a heart then I'm not a horny bastard." Aya choked on a laugh and sat up coughing. Youji grinned up at him. "You ok?" Aya looked down at him, desperately wanting to believe what he was saying, but unable to.

"Youji, even if I did let you love me, I couldn't love you back."

"I'm not asking you to." Youji caressed his cheek. "And I'm going to love you no matter what you say, no matter what you've done, because that's what love is."

"How do you know you love me? How do you know its not just you wanting to fuck me?" The older man flinched then looked up at him seriously.

"I've felt love before." He said quietly. "A long time ago I was in love with a woman who died trying to save my life. I remember what I felt back then. I feel it now." He smiled. "Only on a much larger scale. Like a forest fire to a candle flame. I can't stop thinking about you…dreaming about you. When you're in the room I can't look at anything else. I'm hypnotized by every move and gesture you make. I-" Aya covered the blonde's mouth with his. Youji gasped in surprise, his hands going to Aya's thighs. The swordsman slid his tongue through the older man's lips clutching at his shirt. He knew he was crying, but he didn't care. For the first time in years he felt as though he were on fire. Wherever he was touching Youji; wherever the blonde was touching him. Youji moaned beneath him and attempted to pull away, but Aya grabbed him by the hair and held his head in place, delving his tongue deeper into the older man's mouth. He felt Youji's body arch and something hard slide against the seat of his jeans as the taller man gripped his thighs and moved beneath him. Aya pinned Youji's hips with his own and sat up. "Aya!" Youji gasped, arching up into him as Aya sat against his groin. "God." Youji squeezed his eyes shut. Aya could feel the muscles beneath him twitching as Youji tried not to thrust against him.

"Is this love?" Aya asked, moving his hips.

"No!" Youji gasped, throwing his head back. The swordsman could feel the older man's cock pressing into him even with both his and Youji's jeans in the way. It felt weird and good all at the same time. "Aya, stop…gnh." He arched again as Aya sat back even harder. Suddenly the blonde grabbed him and rolled on top gasping for air. Aya could still feel him between his legs, but Youji was keeping his distance, his entire body shaking. This was a test and a cruel one, but Aya needed to know if he could trust Youji not to lose his self control. "Aya, I-"

"What's wrong Youji?" The swordsman asked, slipping his arms around the taller man's neck and kissing him slowly. Youji moaned leaning down into him. Aya felt their groins press together and pulled out of the kiss with a gasp and a shudder as images of Shido bounced through his head.

"That's what's wrong Aya." Youji said softly. "You don't want this. You're not ready and I don't want to hurt you." Aya turned his face away. "Besides, this isn't love." The older man sighed. "Lust maybe, because God knows I want this, but not love."

"What's the difference?" Aya scoffed. Youji grabbed is chin again.

"There's a big difference between lust and love, Aya." He snapped. Aya ground his teeth, glaring up at him. "Love isn't all about sexual desires like lust. Love means I actually feel something for you in a place other than my dick. I don't know what's happened to you that you've forgotten what love is, but my heart breaks for you because love happens to be one of the greatest feelings in the world."

"Yeah up until you lose it all." Aya shouted shoving Youji away and struggling to his feet. "How would you feel if I died right now?" He grabbed for his knife, but was tackled to the ground before he could get to it. Youji slapped him across the face.

"If you died I would be in an incredible amount of pain, but you know what? It would be worth it." Aya just stared up at him, a hand going to his stinging cheek. "It is better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all." Youji whispered. "I don't know who said it but they're right. You miss out on so much in life if you go around afraid of being hurt." He pulled Aya to his chest and held him tight. "I love you." Aya stiffened. "Nothing you say will change that fact." He tipped Aya's chin up and kissed him gently. The swordsman melted into him, all the fight leaving his body. Part of him knew Youji was right. It was a part of him that he thought had died with his family, but he could feel it there inside him, just beyond his reach. If he closed his eyes he could see himself as a teen, grinning and waving; happy to see him. Aya put his arms around Youji and kissed him for real; not because he wanted to get a reaction or test him, but just because he wanted to. He laid back on the ground, pulling Youji down with him. Youji broke from the kiss and gazed down at him, his jade eyes full of love and warmth.

"I don't know if I can love you." Aya whispered. "But I can try."