A/n So, here's the second one. I am SO sorry if it took me this long. Classes had already started and College is, well…you know, just being College . Anyways, thank you guys for reading and for dropping by. I hope you like this one . I should probably mention this – English is not my native language so sorry for all the grammatical errors.
Disclaimer: Nope, not mine. I could only wish.
Chapter 1 Wishes and Loyalty
This can't be happening again.
Hallway. White closed door. Deafening silence shattered only by echoing footsteps.
No, no. Please. I…I can't!
Fear lurking through the shadows. Pain, of knowing what could possibly be behind that door.
No. NOOOOOO!
Jane's POV
"Ooookay, there! Now, Teresa, if you would just open your eyes and see your beautiful room, then everything will be perfect."
He looked around the room which he painstakingly prepared and decorated for this special day.
Lisbon's birthday.
Three days ago, he ordered 5 dozen Sunflowers and had them delivered here today. He placed a bloom on every nooks and crannies of the room and he scattered petals on the floor. It's not really a wise decision and the head nurse might get angry with him later but he doesn't care; besides his charming grin could take care of the ruffled feathers. Different colored balloons are floating in the ceiling but he tied all the green ones in the corner table. He made sure that they are of the same hue as her eyes.
Her eyes.
Whenever a new case arrives, they would burn with passion and enthusiasm. In the mornings, they would light up whenever he handover her 1st cup of coffee. He would look at them, as they widen in surprise as she discovers his little gifts – whether they be as little as an origami or as grand as a pony. He would stare in pleasure whenever her eyes smile at him. Even when she's angry for all the troubles he made, they still sparkle like sun rays.
He could just lose himself into those eyes.
Yes, her beautiful expressive green eyes are the reason why he said she's translucent. They are just dead giveaways.
The same green eyes that would probably be glaring at him for the mess he has done in her room, had they not been hidden beneath closed eyelids.
He sighed when his gaze fell on her sleeping form. They had already removed the gauzes covering her stomach wound and head injury. A tinge of rose has graced her pale smooth skin, making her look more alive, masking the fact that she had barely survived and that she even needed life support for the first month. Her hair had grown a little and her bangs are partly covering her left side. When she wakes up, she would probably want to cut it short, but he prefers this.
She looked so peaceful, contrary to the anxiety eating within him.
"If you wake up now, everything will really be perfect and, you will even be here in time to open your gifts." He said, without a smile.
He let his thumb caress her right hand lying limp beside her, while his left hand stroked her curls that formed a halo around her beautiful face.
She looked like she came straight out of a bedtime story book and the nurses even refer to her as Sleeping Beauty and him as Prince Charming. But unlike fairytales, his kisses don't wake-up the princess. As far as he is concerned, his kiss was actually the one that placed Lisbon in this state.
3 months ago
It was a moment of weakness, a sudden surge.
The moon is on its fullest glory and California is getting ready to sleep, except him, Lisbon and a bastard. CBI is already deserted for it is close to midnight but both of them are working overtime or rather – she was working overtime and him, thinking overtime. Red John made an appearance again, taking another female victim but this time, the case hit home and shattered it.
A week ago, they received a call and they made a mad dash to the scene after Hightower informed them of the existence of a bloody smile plastered on the room of the latest victim. When they arrived on the scene, he quickly jumped out of the car, eager to start again their game of cat and mouse, after all, Red John had been silent for a year and it made him nervous. He ran upstairs with Cho and Rigsby hot on his heels while Lisbon and Van Pelt are smoothing everything with the PD head.
The white door at the end of the hallway held a letter addressed to him. Déjà vu. When they opened the door, his heart stopped and he froze. It took Rigsby all his effort to stop the bile rising in his throat and Cho, the ever stoic Cho, gagged when he saw Red John's latest escapade. When Van Pelt came up and saw the crime scene, she immediately ran out of the house. Knowing that soon Lisbon would be there, the three of them silently jumped into action.
All of them blocked the door when Lisbon demanded entrance.
As much as they resisted, you can't really contain Lisbon, much less argue with her to not take this case. Even though Rigsby and Cho are much taller than her, it was easy for her to tackle them and move them out of her way. When she came face to face with him, all he could do was look at her with pleading eyes. She responded with confusion written all over her face. He controlled his urge to drag her out of there, out of California and out of Red John's grasp. His mind reverted back to the letter.
Dear Mr. Jane,
We've been through this before and you already know what waits behind this door. It had been 10 years and I thought I might give you a little gift to commemorate the day your life spiraled out of your control. I know you're already trying to rebuild your life and it's becoming easier everyday, considering the help you've been getting. You might want to treasure that little help, we don't want you're nightmare to happen again, right?
You don't have to be a psychic to know what or who I am referring to.
Red John
The moment she moved past him he knew, he has to find Red John immediately, not next year, not on the next case, but now. Besides, it's not everyday that you find a body, brutally murdered with a slit throat, and looked like the woman you love. Same hair, same eyes, heck! even the same familiar smell of Cinnamon. She was positioned at the exact way he found his wife and daughter a decade ago. For a moment he was transported in another time and he was close to believing that his recent nightmares involving Lisbon has really come true.
Red John really wanted him to suffer.
She handled it well, too well actually. He expected her to cry or to run as far away as possible but as soon as she recovered from the initial shock of finding her life threatened by a psychopath, she started barking orders to all of them, taking this like any other case they had. Through out the whole week, her face betrayed no emotion and no matter what he say or do, she remained a statue; unreachable and untouchable.
His usual antics didn't work and he couldn't break into her walls – they became steel the moment she stepped out of the crime scene. Usually in Red John cases, he would be the aloof one - always thinking how he would catch the bastard and how he would kill him and she will always be the enthusiastic one – always running leads and evidences even though they lead to dead ends and at the same time keeping him at bay by making sure he doesn't do anything stupid and constantly reminding him that he is not alone and that he doesn't have to do things the bloody way.
But now, they changed places.
She'll stay up very late at night pawing through papers, looking for something, anything that could help them. Sometimes they even have to drag her out of her office and force her to go home. Even Hightower is concerned for her lead agent, going as far as to try to pull her out of the case (which he and the whole team highly agreed to!) but the moment Lisbon learned about it, she all but stormed at her boss' office, and fearlessly initiated a scream match which ultimately (and surprisingly) ended with Hightower conceding and allowing her to go on, with the conditions that she be guarded all the time and that she has to report each and every thing they find about Red John to her early every morning.
With these conditions, the team decided to make things easier for Lisbon. Knowing that she would be very aggravated if strangers with the body built of bouncers follow her all through out, they willingly took the role of being her bodyguards. Every morning he would be her ride to CBI. He knows she's really distraught because now she doesn't even complain about him driving for her. Once they are at the safety of the building, they made sure she wouldn't be alone – Cho will always stay at the bullpen with her, Van Pelt accompanies her at the Ladies room and Rigsby always follows her when she goes to the pantry and out for lunch (a perfect job for him) while he is the all-rounder.
He decided to leave his couch in favor for her office couch and whenever they have to go out of the fields, he would always accompany her – whether it be interviewing people with possible connection to Red John or following up leads and evidences. When night approaches and they successfully gauged her out of the office, he would again be her ride and (much to her chagrin) be her cook for dinner.
As much as he would want to stay and keep a hawk's eye at her, he would force himself to leave, knowing that she would want privacy even just for a few hours. Even if she doesn't voice it out, he knows she's irritated with their situation right now – constantly being asked if she's alright, always in the center of attention, forever guarded and never alone.
After dinner (and many failed attempts of cheering her up) he would leave and would climb on to the black SUV parked in front of her house with Cho (who insisted on being in stakeout everyday no matter how long this would take) and either Rigsby or Van Pelt (whoever's turn it is). This had become their routine and he was very thankful for the loyalty that the team is showing because despite being worn out and beaten, they still continue to for her.
Despite the physical exhaustion and misleading ways, Cho, Rigsby and Van Pelt, all of them had fire in their eyes, the same fire that would burn in him whenever he gets so close in finding Red John. They had drowned themselves in the case like never before. But, he knew, that at the end of the day, it will always be him, Red John and (now, whether he like it or not), Lisbon.
And now, it's his time to roll the ball.
As the other's busied themselves, looking at papers, evidences, statements and clues, he spent his free time looking at the pictures of past crime scenes. Red John has varied his techniques and ways of killing but that hateful smile remained. No matter how bloody or gruesome the pictures are, at the back of his head, the smile would always float. At first he tried to ignore it but the gnawing feeling just won't go away.
One night, as he was staring at the bloody smile plastered in his walls, it hit him.
The smile is the answer.
The answer that is now in his hands.
Now, he could finish it. Ten years of pain and guilt and all he has to do is go out of the office, find the murderer and kill him.
As easy as that
…
…
…
Damn.
Trust Lisbon to complicate things.
Where did this sudden urge to tell her his plans came from? Is it from the fear of knowing that he may never make it out alive? No, he already accepted that as the price he has to pay. Is it from the pain of knowing that he may never see her again? Probably, but that is infinitely better than loosing her in the same way that he lost his family. Or is it from the guilt of knowing that by doing this, he will betray her and lose the trust that he worked so hard to gain. Yes, it definitely is the reason. Lisbon's trust is like gold. It's rare and hard to find, but it's worth all the trouble.
But now, he just is going to throw it away.
He was so immersed in his thoughts that he almost missed Lisbon as she made her way to the kitchenette. She was being extra stubborn today that is why despite all the coaxing and pulling, there they are, still in CBI. He knew that she would want to stay up late tonight so he made a great show of sending the other three home, but he is also positively sure that the black Volvo "inconspicuously" parked on the other side of the street, contains Cho and Rigsby.
As he stood up, he had already reached a decision. If this is really the end, then he would want to make it worthwhile. He followed her to the kitchenette.
"HEY LISBON! LET'S PLAY A GAME" He shouted as he entered the room. She was in the process of making her fifth coffee for the day but she came into a halt, when she dropped her spoon in surprise.
"DAMN! Jane, can't you keep it down!" she whipped around and glared at him and momentarily forgot her purpose as she followed the moves of her still-pain-in-the-ass consultant.
He flashed his usual grin.
"Well, I could but I don't want to. Seeing that you want to stay awake – " He pointed to the coffee mug in her hand. " – I decided to help you, hence the yell." He finished his sentence as he stood in front of her and leaned into the center table.
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath as she tried to take control of her nerves. Sometimes, the man could just be so, so… INSUFFEREABLE. When she opened her eyes, he was still wearing that stupid grin. She sighed as she turned away from him and to the coffee maker.
"You know Jane, there is a reason why coffee was invented and marketed." She let out a hiss as she poured coffee in her mug. It would be for her best if she would be able to get out of this room fast. When she turned around, she was surprised to find Jane inches away from her. He was looking at her with so much intensity that she felt her knees weaken.
"Hey, you can't go yet! I said let's play a game." He said. A grin broke in his face.
"Only you Jane" she shook her head. "Only you would propose to play a game out of nowhere! No, I don't want to." She said as she stepped out of his way and towards the door. She was surprised when his hands flew to her wrist and stopped her.
"But I want to play a game." He said to her with all the seriousness in the world. Sensing that there is something else, something deeper in this demand, she decided to give in.
"Fine, just make it fast ok! AND, no mind tricks whatsoever, ok!" she said.
"Ok! Let's start! It's just five questions so it's going to be easy." He rubbed his palms in anticipation. She rolled her eyes.
"What's Green, jumps and something you kept?" His Cheshire grin grew as realization dawned on her.
"I don't know" She lied. Badly. He watched with amusement as her grip tightened around the poor coffee mug.
"Oh, come on Lisbon, you know what I mean. You don't want to take the risk of me finding it on your drawer so you decided to take it home with you. AND, I would bet a hundred dollars that it's placed somewhere that you could always see but also a little secluded so as to avoid the prying eyes of your guests. My bet, it's in your bedside table" He said.
A blush crept on her cheeks and for a moment his smile faltered. He remembered the first time he saw that blush and how he thought that she was so cute. He tried to remained focus when he realized that this maybe the last time he saw her blush.
"No, Jane, I still don't know" She insisted.
He chuckled at her predictability. " Fine, if you don't want to admit it then we'll just have to move on." He waited for her and took her silence as a go signal.
"What's red, juicy and your favorite?" He looked as her with anticipation.
"That's simple, its strawberries." She said with a twinkle in her eyes. He knows that those red fruits would never fail to put a sparkle in her eyes. He wanted to believe that if worst comes to worst, those strawberries would help her get through but he knows that it takes more than a mere fruit to heal a broken heart.
"Your good Lisbon. As to be expected." He said teasingly.
"Because your questions are easy Jane. What's the point of this game anyway?" She asked, clearly confused about the significance of the questions.
"Patience Lisbon, patience." He raised his palms to demonstrate his point.
"Now, what's red, tall, stoic and annoying but you certainly trusts." He asked.
"The team, yes, it's the team. You really have a way of conveying things don't you? Annoying, huh, perfect description Jane. But yes, you're right; I do trust all of you. "She smiled and looked straight at his eyes. Damn. He just wants to melt on spot. Lisbon has the most breathtaking smile and it doesn't help his case that soon he might be the one to break it.
"Ok, next, what's blue, certainly handsome but something you don't trust" He inquired.
The ringing of her laughter resounded in the whole room and in his heart.
"You know Jane, I think the answer you want to get from me is your Citroen DS but I want to say that my answer is you." She said, still laughing.
He smiled as he thought how rare he heard her laughter. She should laugh more often and he cursed himself for not making it his mission to make her laugh everyday. As her laughter dug deep into his heart, it also recovered forgotten wounds. His emptiness, his loneliness – when he met the team and Lisbon, he forgot how to be alone, but now, it was like reliving the times when all he have was memories of his family. It's breaking to know that when he's behind bars or (worse) when he's six feet under ground, this moment will remain just a memory. Well, if it's any consolation, at least this memory is just between the two of them.
"Jane, you're spacing out. Well, I guess you're done so I'm going." She was already half-way out of the door when she turned around.
"Hey, Jane, humor me, but I thought you said five questions?" She asked, knowing that she's digging her own grave but also equally curious to know what is the last question.
He stood up and walked to her, until they're bodies are almost touching. Her eyes widened and she stiffened with discomfort. He knew that out of habit, she wouldn't back down from any challenge even if it made her heart race a thousand miles – how he knew, well he's feeling the same thing.
"Ah, the last question." Nervousness is starting to creep into him as he stared at her green eyes. This last question will end all the others that have been hanging around the two of them ever since they met. He internally laughed at the irony of his situation, for the question could make him, but her answer could break him.
"Well, Jane, I don't have all the time in the world for your silly game so ask." She said impatiently. Huh, he would certainly miss her minx attitude. Instead of replying, he placed his left hand on her cheeks and lovingly caressed it. As he was relishing on the softness of her skin, he encircled his right arm in her waist and pulled her closer. She was clearly shocked at his boldness.
"Jane what are yo-" He did not let her finish, as he captured her lips.
This is his question.
Her lips are the answer.
They are soft and sweet but he could also taste bitterness. He welcomed this all-too-familiar taste for it reminded him of just how human he is and that there are a lot of things that are beyond his control. The death of his family was one and so was the pain waiting for the two of them.
Pain of separation
Pain for what could have been
Pain for what they could never have
Later as he was driving towards his final destination, all he could think of was that moment and how sweet and bitter her lips were.
A/n. Yeah, it's pretty long. Reviews please. Should I continue or not?
Oh, yeah, according to the internet, Sunflowers mean Wishes and Loyalty.