AN: Now, there are a FEW things that I want to address in this little wrap-up.

Lets start with some Q&A's

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storyunfolding wrote: Does Bella have a split personality we don't know about. I have suspected for sometime that she may be the bad guy... am I even close or is it someone we don't know?

My answer would be, no, Bella does not hav a split personality, but her mind is altered by outward influences. She is not always making the most rational, logical and sensible choices. She's not the bad guy ie the one writing the letters. Interesting theory though...

TD69 wrote: Huh…I wonder what Renee is really up to?

Now that's a good question! Lets recap, what did we learn in the previous chapter? Renee is keeping tabs on her daughter, and is on first name basis with Bella's psychiatrist. Renee would like to see Bella doped up on drugs so that she will be more manageable and 'easier to handle'. Renee does not like Bella's choice of profession.

Why? What are her motives? Renee has some not so charming personality traits. She used to be a rather laid back parent, more of a friend than a mother. Somewhere along the line her perspective shifted, though, mostly because of Phil and his political career. Public appearance suddenly became extremely important, hence her control issues.

Spain and Costa Brava was great! I stayed in a small hotel in Tossa de mar an hour and a half outside Barcelona. It was my second visit in the area. I love Barcelona! I got a well neeeded break. I can't believe I voluntarily stayed offline for four days. That has not happened in years...

Thank you for all the reads so far, keep the reviews coming!

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Chapter 17 – #117– Bathroom confessions

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#117

I might not kill you but I'll hurt you till your dead inside.

Note #117 wasn't a note, it was a CD-ROM disc with digital photos, hundreds of them. All showing the same thing; Edward interacting with his baby nephew Elliot.

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"Edward? I know you're in there. Open the door!" Bella said, knocking on the bathroom door for the third time. "Let me in. I want to help you."

"I don't need any help," came his grumpy reply.

"Let's talk then. Please?"" Bella begged. "I'll bring you painkillers and ice if you let me in."

A few minutes of silence passed. Bella was just about to give up when she finally heard the lock click. Reaching for the door handle, she opened the door slowly and walked in. Edward was sitting on the floor with his back against the bathtub. He was holding a giant icepack pressed against his chest and his body language spoke of frustration and pain. His eyes were red and puffy and his hair was even more of a wreck than it usually was.

Bella shut the door and locked it behind her.

"I'm locking the door and turning on the water so that nobody will overhear our conversation. Is that okay?" she asked.

He nodded and cleared his throat. "Where are those painkillers you promised?"

"I lied, I don't have any. Sorry…but I know something that is better than painkillers."

"Better than painkillers? Yeah right….," he grumbled, sounding dubious.

"I'll give you one of my famous back rubs. You'll like it, trust me," Bella said and urged him to move away from the bathtub so that she could slide in behind him and take a seat on the edge of the tub.

She put her hands on his shoulders. He jumped at her touch.

"Relax, I'll be careful. I'll stay clear of your bandages and concentrate on your shoulders, okay?," she reassured him as she slowly began rub the tired muscles on the back of his neck.

Edwards response was not exactly enthusiastic but his tense body language spoke volumes to Bella. She could tell by his posture and the tightness of his shoulders that something was really bothering him.

"Edward, why don't you tell me what's wrong?"" she asked as her hands worked their soothing magic.

"Same thing as before. I'm overanalyzing and it's giving me a headache," he admitted with a sigh. "I'm worried… I'm worried about my safety, about my family's safety, about my sanity…. I hate this, I hate having to rely on someone else for protection. I hate having to protect myself against someone who obviously have no idea who I really am. I hate feeling this vulnerable."

"I hate to sound like a quote-grubbing cliche, but you have so many people that care about you and that's where you'll get your strength to get through this. "

"If this is your idea of a pep talk, it's not working too well."

"It's true, though. I wish I had family as devoted as yours. They know what you're going through and they'll be there for you every step of the way. You'll get trough this, you'll see. In the meanwhile, lean your head back and I'll take care of that headache for you."

Without waiting for a response she buried her fingers in his bronze colored curls and began rubbing his scalp in slow gentle circles.

His hair smelled delicious, like coconuts and vanilla, the soft warmth radiating from him, reminding Bella just how long it had been since she had touched anyone, or wanted to be touched in return. It wasn't like that, though. Physical touch was considered appropriate in certain situations. She was being professional, following the rules and getting the job done. At least that's what she told herself as her hands moved from his forehead to the nape of his neck and the back again.

After a while his eyes closed and his lips parted.

"Oh my Lord", he moaned. "You weren't kidding. You're really good at this… "

"I know… And this is just your head and shoulders. Remove your shirt and I show you just how good of a masseuse I really am."

The moment the words left her mouth she knew it had been the wrong thing to say. She could feel his whole body tensing up again.

"My shirt? I don't think so," Edward answered sharply, moving away from her touch.

"What's wrong?" she asked, sliding to the floor beside him.

"My chest… It looks terrible, all red and blotchy. I don't want you to see it. I don't want anyone to see it. It's embarrassing."

"Embarrassing?"

"I have blisters the size of fried eggs on my chest and it's all my own doing. Injured by stupidity, how sexy is that?"

"Aww, give yourself a break. We all mess up at one point or another," Bella said, tugging the hem of her sweatpants down a couple of centimeters to reveal a tiny line of scar tissue stretching across her stomach. "I got this one when I was fresh out of police academy. I tried to arrest a violent pot head but forgot to handcuff him properly. Big mistake…"

"Is that… err…. is that a gun shot wound?" Edward asked, his green eyes huge and curious.

"No, the bastard stabbed me with a coat-hanger ."

"Ouch!"

"Now, this on the other hand…this is a gun shot wound," she admitted, pulling the collar of her shirt over to show another scar on her right shoulder. "I was the first one to arrive at the scene of a gas station robbery slash hostage situation."

"But that's different. You risk your life to save strangers and you have the scars to prove it. That's honorable. "

"It's not that simple. If I get hurt it means I wasn't doing my job the best possible way I can. It means I wasn't watching my back good enough. It means I'm a failure," she answered, getting up and moving across the small bathroom.

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but you're obviously still alive and most of your cases turn out just fine. That doesn't sound like failures to me," Edward pointed out, rising to his feet.

"You're right but gunshot wounds don't exactly look good in my resume," she answered with a solemn voice. "Oh, and don't worry, I never make the same mistake twice."

"I know you're doing the best you can. I appreciate your help. I know it may not always sound that way but it's the truth," Edward said coming up behind her.

When Bella turned around he was taking his shirt off.

"If the offer still stands, I think I could use a full-on-backrub."

His words drew her attention from his bandaged chest to his eyes and she was thankful for the dimly lit room as she blushed. Get a grip woman, she scolded herself silently. The man was injured and all she could think of was how manly he looked with his broad shoulders and slim waist.

"Of course it still stands…. I wouldn't… I can't… I mean, you've got to be leaning forward over a stack of towels or something for me to do this," she managed to stutter with a nervous laugh as she motioned for him to make him self comfortable on the floor.

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Bella pushed her thumbs against his higher back muscles experimentally. When he didn't protest, she began kneading more vigorously at the knots of stress she had found in the area just beneath his shoulders.

"Can I ask you a question," Edward inquired as he carefully shifted more weight forward in an attempt to find a more comforting position.

"Fire away."

"Columbia…, " he gritted out between clenched teeth as he readjusted his position again.

"That's not a question, that's a country in northwestern South America."

"It's also an Ivy league school. You didn't let me finish…. What I wanted to ask was if your father's illness was the reason you turned down Columbia?"

There was no verbal response to his question but Bella chose that precise moment to hit a particularly sensitive spot in between his shoulder blades, making him flinch in pain.

"Ouch, that freaking hurt," he yelped, his voice low and strained. "No need to get violent. I'm only asking because I know you had a scholarship everything."

"You thought Jacob was the reason I stayed behind, didn't you?"

"The thought-ugh-did-ugh-crossmymind." His words came out in staccato bursts as he braced himself against the fingers pressing into the small of his back.

"You were wrong, you know. You had no reason to be jealous of Jake. I told you that repeatedly but you but you wouldn't listen to me."

"I'm listening now."

She didn't say anything for a long while, but he could tell, by the way her hands slowed, that she was contemplating her options.

When she finally spoke, her voice was uncharacteristically hesitant. "At first, it was little things that he either forgot or misplaced. I didn't think much of it at the time. I had never really lived with him before so it was a new experience all together… "

"You're talking about your dad, right?" Edward guessed, keeping his tone reassuringly calm despite sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach.

"He was absent-minded, but I thought it was more busy-minded, you know. I thought it was work related or stress related, him being the chief of police and all… "

"Your dad always did take his job pretty darn seriously." Edward recalled with a wince. He had certainly had his fair share of run-ins with chief Swan throughout the years.

"I kept finding strange things in strange places; a pack of tobacco in the bathroom, a pair of socks in the dish washer, a milk cartoon behind the living room sofa. He kept forgetting things like where he kept beloved fishing pole, where he put his keys or left his reading glasses. There was this one time he forgot he had taken the police cruiser to the tire shop after work to get a flat fixed. When it wasn't in its usual spot outside our house the following morning he thought for sure it had been stolen. He got so worked up he was almost hyperventilating. I was afraid he was gonna have a stroke. "

"He got riled up rather easily though, didn't he? Or was that just around me?… I always did suspect he knew I had my mind set on doing all sorts of unholy things to his daughter."

She actually cracked a small smile at that, shaking her head. "You never did rate very high with Charlie to begin with and putting a move on his only daughter sure didn't help your case any... He actually still remembers pulling his gun on you. He still mentions it at times, usually cursing out the bane of your existence."

Edward snorted out a bit of a laugh. "It was quite memorable, wasn't it? He didn't even give me enough time to pull my pants up before he hauled me out of the car and put me in handcuffs."

"Yeah, well that night was the first time he mistook me for Renee. I knew there was a problem, I mean a REAL problem, when he started calling me by my mothers name."

"Bella… that's.. that's…" Edward moved to sit up, wanting to see her face when he spoke to her. Bella, of course, wouldn't have that. "No." Quietly, with that one word, she pressed his head back down into his makeshift pillow. "Don't speak. Let me get this out. I've actually never spoken to anyone about this before."

Edward nodded quietly and Bella draw a shaky breath before she continued.

"Not only did he call me by my mothers name, but he told me that he had had it with my flirting and my antics and that if he was ever put in that position again he'd pull the trigger. Then he broke down and cried and pleaded with me.. or, well with Renee…. not to leave him."

A curse word escaped harshly from Edwards lips. And then another. He couldn't help himself. This was some messed up shit.

As if she had read her thoughts, Bella hurried on. "It was just a brief thing, a momentary lapse of reality… The next morning he acted like it never happened, the breaking down part, I mean, not the catching us in the act part. Charlie was livid about that particular detail for weeks."

She paused and let out a shaky laugh before she continued.

"He took away my phone and my car keys, he even went as far as to locking me up inside my bedroom at nighttime. I was just glad he was back to his normal self again; calling me by my name and treating me like you normally treat a disobeying teenager…" she trailed off, seemingly lost in thought.

Ever so slowly, Edward made an attempt to flex his back and turn himself sideways. He felt that he needed to see her, needed to see the look on her face, if this conversation was going to continue.

Bella of course took notice this sudden attempt to get up, but read it inaccurately. "Oh my God, Edward! I'm sorry. Your chest! It must be hurting like hell. I shouldn't have pushed you down like that. I totally forgot about it. I'm sorry. You should sit up. Let me help you sit up."

"Don't you dare apologize to me, Bella." Rolling over Edward scooted himself to sit with his back against the tub. "If anyone should be apologizing it should be me. Christ, I had no idea what you had to go through because of me and my lack of self-restraint…"

"Yes, because I was such an unwilling participant," she snorted in a sarcastic manner. "Not everything revolves around you, Edward. I take full responsibility for my actions. I made a mess and my father had every reason to be disappointed in me."

"Disappointed, yes, but locking someone up like that is just plain wrong."

"Charlie only did what he thought was best for me," Bella protested with indignation evident in her voice. "Once he calmed down he realized he was being unreasonable and he never really mea-"

"Fine, your dad is a saint. I'm sorry for even suggesting he did anything wrong," Edward cut in with a frustrated sigh, running his hand through his hair. "Bella, it's been, what, eight years? Maybe we should let the past stay in the past?"

"You're the one that brought it up," she protested. "You're the one that wanted to know what happened to my father. I thought we could talk about this like two adults but apparently I was wrong. Turns out you are just as difficult now as you were then. This conversation is over as far as I'm concerned."

Bella scrambled to get to her feet, using the bathtub for leverage. In her haste to leave she miscalculated the distance to the door and accidentally ended up banging her elbow against the porcelain edge of the sink.

She only lost her focus for a split second, but that was enough time for Edward to get a hold of her arm. His grip was too firm and her balance to fragile. She landed with unladylike grace in his lap and before she could do anything about it, he had her trapped with an arm locked around her waist.

"You really shouldn't have done that!" she glared at him.

"Really? What are you going to do about it?"

"Oh, I don't know, " she said, pretending to give the matter deep thought. "I might have to hurt you," she added and pointedly put a hand on his heavily bandaged chest giving it a very gentle, but firm squeeze.

Edward let out something between a bark and a yelp. "Hey now, that was a cheap shot!" he hissed as he fought to regain his composure.

"I'm sorry, did that hurt? Perhaps you should let me go now before I add more injury to the assault."

"You are many things but you're not cruel, I'll take my chances," he grumbled, taking a firmer hold on her waist "Look, I'm sorry for what I said. I did not mean to be insensitive about your father and I do appreciate finally getting some insight to what happened that summer, honestly I do."

As he spoke he brought a hand up to push a stray piece of black hair out of her face. "I just don't know what do with this new piece of information."

She flinched away from his hand, but Edward persisted until his warm fingers brushed against her smooth cheeks. "I cant rewrite history, it's much too late for that now."

"Much too late," Bella agreed in a breathless voice, fighting the shudder creeping over her frame from the light innocent touch. "We should leave it in the past."

"So, what do we do about the present?" he asked turning his head so that he was practically whispering in her ear.

"Easy there Romeo," Bella shook her head, ignoring the goosebumps rising on her skin. "We've been over this before. We keep our cool and stick to the game plan, that's what we do. We have a stalker to catch."

This time when he tried to stop her from breaking out of his grip she didn't hesitate to jab two fingers into the pressure points of his neck. The response was immediate and quite comical. His eyes went wide, almost bulging out of their sockets and then his entire body froze in a momentary sensory paralysis.

Knowing the effect would only last a moment or two, Bella used the short respite to get to her feet.

"Don't say I didn't warn you," she muttered under her breath and then fled the bathroom before her conscience could catch up with her.