A/N: Thank you to Elicia1 for pointing out my tenses issue, this chapter has been fixed.

Chapter 2: Penance

Flickering red and gold, an errant leaf drifts by from the draw of the autumn wind. Clark Kent watched as it floated to the ground. He was standing upon the crest of a knoll that he always considered one of his private spots. A touch of a smile caressed the corners of his mouth as he thought of that first moment here with Lois. Life was still shifting around him, like a never ending jigsaw puzzle and that no matter what pieces he placed where … he always seemed a step behind. His eyes narrowed as he gazed over the world as he once knew it, inhaling the familiar earthy clean scent of the change of seasons. Idyllic and logical, his future pretty much laid out. Shaking his head he even remembered Lois so easily telling him about the life she expected him to have so casually just a couple of years earlier…. It seemed like a lifetime now, a hard earned span already marking him and his soul.

He felt older, aged by life, his experiences, and especially his choices. His life as he once knew it was over; Clark had no doubts about that. Right now he was fulfilling his penance that began years ago for allowing out the criminals marooned in the Phantom Zone. Even if it should cost him his life, he would never be even. Taking a deep breath, his eyes closing as he wondered how many had died because of his need to save his own life. Each phantom criminal had been harder than the last, but now his path was as clear as the choice he made. He would see it through, though he wondered if his atonement would take the balance of his life.

"Life is rarely straightforward and easy, Kal-El." The deep resonant and familiar tone caused Clark to turn around staring into the red glowing eyes. The tall figure stood there, his presence mysterious and oddly welcome.

"Clark…. Call me Clark." His tone was matter of fact, his jaw set into a serious line.

"But Kal-El is your name." The Martian Manhunter cocked his head to the side slightly.

"Kal-El is my birth name, from a world I don't remember…. Clark Kent is who I am, the son of Jonathan and Martha Kent." His voice was sure and steady as the alien nodded.

"Your abilities define who you are." The Martian Manhunter tugged on the front of his trench coat as he stepped closer with a retort.

"No, my choices define who I am, my abilities help shape the choices I make, but they don't control them." Clark shook his head, missing the slight affirming nod of the Martian Manhunter.

"There is another who has surfaced." The alien with glowing red eyes spoke softly. Clark nodded. "It will be even harder…. More challenging."

Clark kept his face averted from the Martian Manhunter and took a steadying breath. In his mind he could only try to guess how bad it would be.

The eyes bore into Clark for a moment as the dark alien spoke. "It will be worse."

A moment later, Clark's gaze followed the Martian Manhunter as he quietly leapt away.

Clark turned and started to walk down the hill, which was sporadically painted with the yellow hues of fall's last grasp. He paused, glancing back at the rise of the knoll where he had sat with Lois not that long ago … Days really. His hand reached up but stopped midair to his lips. The taste of her lips and of her skin, the heat of her passion, the smell of her intoxicating scent, and the look in her eyes burning for him, reflecting the hunger he felt for her. Remembering her kiss, his eyes closed. He could see her there before him while under passion's influence, promising him all if he would give her the same promise. He shook his head, for a while it seemed the only way Lois would see him romantically would be due to drugs, alcohol, or insanity. Clark chuckled. Too bad, he mused, that he could not say the same, though insecurity about his secrets pressed about him as if he walked the shadows. Yet even that had changed due to his choices and hers.

Leaning against a fence rail in the reddish and orange flames churning throughout the gray and white sea of clouds while almost seeming to burn away the azure blue of the sky, Clark looked down and then reached for a small, smooth oblong rock. His thumb caressed the smooth surface as he thought of her … Lois Lane. Her dark hair and darker eyes glittering promises that are only enhanced by the sensuality of her mouth and those lips. He mused that she was not as annoying, or if she was it did not seem to bother him as much as when he first met her – well, not really at all. His arm casually swung low as he released the rock smoothly, within a second a railing in the distance exploded as splinters of wood fractured away. Clark's head dropped low, chagrined.

Raising his head and bathed in the glow of the setting sun, Clark leapt over the fence and walked back towards the farm in the distance. He shook his head as his thoughts turned back to Lois. She knew him so well, yet not all. Still she knew him better than anyone else. However, he knew that eventually her investigative instinct would uncover him. He wondered about her reaction, but he quickly shook off that line of thought. It was dangerous. Yet a part of him yearned to find the one who would love him for him. For now he was working towards atonement, then…. That stuck in his mind as he wondered how long this self-imposed penance would take. His eyes closed in resignation as he knew the true answer. He would fight evil as long as he had life, yet would that choice keep him from having a life?

The darkness of his 'Blur' outfit held the reserve he felt as he worked from the shadows: the black trench coat, t-shirt, and jeans with his family's symbol on his chest in white. The ends of that trench coat were pulled, tugged by the breeze as he looked down onto a star field of lights. The city lay below him, glistening lights punching through the darkness, stretching out in a seemingly endless sea. Turning his head, he scanned for any sound of distress or violence emanating from the world below. He had tried to live apart from her, of every person he turned his back on, she was the one he couldn't.

A familiar rhythm found his ears and Clark again turned his head searching for her – Lois Lane stood in the distance her arm raised as her hand shaded her eyes. The dark luxurious hair gently being pulled at by a gentle breeze and Clark wished it was him running his finger through her silken strands. His eyes narrowed as he walked back to her, his life before him, yet a portion of his life still hidden from her but for how long. She deserved to know.

-TBC-