IDChapter12

After the fleet had arrived, and they'd been debriefed, and the fleet had left, and Arianna was tucked in, Jon and Rose sat down in the galley for some tea and a talk.

"Rose," Jon began, "I believe I owe you an apology."

"What on Earth for?" she asked.

Jon took a deep breath. "I think I finally figured out why you don't remember anything from the first time you were the Bad Wolf."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. The reason you don't remember anything is not, as I had originally thought, because you were drunk with a power you could not handle. I thought originally that you acted recklessly. I now know that I was wrong about that. You were not in control at all. You had very little to do with anything. In retrospect, it was extremely silly of me to ever think that you did. How was a simple Earth girl going to control the Time Vortex? What was I thinking?" He shook his head. "I didn't blame you, who wouldn't get a bit carried away with such power? But I was so wrong, you didn't get carried away, you were abducted. World of difference there."

She held his gaze steadily. "So what you're saying is, Doctor, that I was - am - possessed." Why was Rose calling him Doctor instead of Jon? No matter, but...

"Pretty much, yeah. You see, when you said 'How can I let go of this?' I thought it was you saying 'How can I let go of this power?', when in fact it was Bad Wolf saying 'How can I let go of this feeling?' Which was, the feeling of Life, of living, and breathing, and and loving and hating, and yes, even dying. I was so wrong, and now I'm not entirely sure whether Bad Wolf was a blessing or a curse for you."

They were both silent for a few minutes, absorbing this thought.

"So, I guess the question is Doctor, what, if anything, should we do about it?"

He looked into her eyes, those wonderful warm brown eyes, and didn't know what to say. We'll have to write this moment down somewhere, he thought. I truly don't have a clue.

"I don't feel any malice from the Bad Wolf, in fact I feel safe - protected." Rose said thoughtfully. "In fact, I get the feeling that the Bad Wolf loves you as much as I do."

"She did call me 'her' Doctor. Which, naturally, I attributed to you. Now I wonder," Jon took a deep breath, "... I wonder if we should find some way to remove it from you totally."

Rose closed her eyes and tried to clear her mind and touch the power inside of her. She got a feeling of reassurance, but was it coming from Bad Wolf or her own desires? She shook her head. "I don't think I'm in any danger at all." She looked at Jon and saw the concern etched into his features. "Why are you worried now? We've known I had some kind of connection to Bad Wolf for a long time now. What has changed?"

"Well, you have, for a start. Not that, up until today, I didn't love the way you've been maturing and growing in wisdom. But today you had your hand around Janice Finch's neck and were about to kill her before I intervened. The sheer power you were displaying and what you were doing with it is what worries me."

"But she died anyway."

"Yes, but she died as a result of her own greed when the ship exploded. That's a bit different from dying directly by your hand."

"I see." Rose mulled this over. Then she looked into his eyes and challenged him, "You've killed many times. You killed those Krillitanes when you hooked the oil into the sprinkler system. You knew they'd explode when they came in contact with it. Not to mention how many times you've killed the Daleks, and..." here she hesitated, reluctant to go there, but then decided she might as well say it, "... your own people. Don't you think you're being just a bit hypocritical?"

"Yes. I am," he conceded, "because I love you, and I want to spare you the anguish of someday looking back upon your life and seeing so much death."

At this admission her eyes filled with tears and Rose rushed around the table to hold him. "I'm sorry, I was cruel." She sobbed as she hugged him.

"No, you weren't being cruel, you were being honest, and trying to understand me. Never stop being honest with me, Rose Tyler. It's one of the things I love best about you." He stood up and pulled her into his arms and kissed her.

"Now," he said, "I've gotten that off my chest, what's worrying you?"

"What makes you think I'm worried?" she asked, frowning.

"Well, for one thing you're calling me Doctor now. For another, you've got that adorable little crease right here," as he kissed her between her eyebrows.

"Well, you are now, aren't you? You're really not Jon anymore. Jon was warm, you're cool. Jon was half human, you're Gallifreyan now, right? I love you both, " here her breath caught, and she paused to collect herself.

"But you love Jon more?" he asked.

"Not more - just a little differently." She sniffed. "Ever since you opened the fob watch you've been becoming more and more your old self, and I miss Jon's craziness, is all. I miss the Donna in him." She closed her eyes, burying her face in his chest, and held him tightly.

He gently took her chin in his hands and, lifting her face, said, "Look at me."

She opened her eyes, letting the tears spill out, and he gently brushed them away with his thumbs. Then he looked into her eyes. "I'm still here," he smiled. "I promised you I'd always be here, and I am. I'll try to be a little more crazy and a little less serious, then. Right?" As he said this, he ran his finger up her back in the way that was sure to arouse her and she arched her back and laughed delightedly in spite of her tears.

"Yeah, right." She flung her arms around him and kissed him passionately, and he scooped her up in his arms and headed for the bunks.

Afterwards, as she slept in his arms, he thought about the other question he had for her, and how she'd react. He'd see how she felt about about everything after she'd slept. Hopefully she wouldn't misconstrue his idea as a sign of him not being happy with her.