A/N: I must be setting a record for myself getting chapters out, I'm really not used to being this speedy. Thank you to my lovely Mariel -she really is more amazing than anyone knows.

This probably counts more as an M rating than the usual T. If you want drama, today we have drama! And a pertinent place to put the quote from where the story title was taken.

Chapter Five

"We always long for the forbidden things, and desire what is denied us."

François Rabelais (c.1494-1553)

Xx-

The phone call after 9pm from Samantha was strange, but not odd enough to raise Jack's suspicions.

She told him that she was at the same hotel that they'd recently visited as part of an unsolved case.

Jack checked his watch. "I'll be there in half an hour."

"Good. Room 708."

He realized that it wasn't anywhere near the room that had been involved last time. "Is it a new lead?"

"I'll tell you when you get here," was all she said before hanging up.

Shrugging it off, Jack went to find his car keys and a jacket, curious what it could be about. Remembering Samantha had run point in that particular case, he wasn't fazed that she had been contacted about it and not him. Checking his cell phone on his way out, he noted once more there had been no calls, texts or voice messages from Jessie that particular day, and he wondered what she was up to. They'd gone out for dinner the previous night and she'd dropped her off at her place afterwards, but that had been it.

So much for her promise that her free time was his. It certainly hadn't worked out that way. A week after their New Jersey trip and it was the same old story... her mom and her work. He knew, however, that she would turn up eventually.

She always did.

Xx—

Samantha greeted him at the hotel room door, trying to look calm and collected; what she felt inside was another matter. She'd thought up this reckless plan after seeing Jack and Jessie in his office. It was a definite gamble, and frankly not a wise one, as the odds - in the shape of Jessica Prince - were stacked against her.

But sometimes, you just have to go for it -no matter how crazy your idea was.

At least she'd get some answers.

"Hey, what's up?" Jack asked, going past her, his eyes already scanning the dim room.

Samantha closed the door and followed him. "Well, you know how it is…"

"No," he said standing by the foot of the huge bed in the elegant room, still looking around, his hands in his pockets, "I don't." His eyes alighted on what he knew to be a blue backpack of hers in the corner; next to it was a table with an open bottle of wine and a half full glass by it. Another empty glass was next to it.

Samantha had obviously been sitting there in the chair, waiting and drinking.

Surely not…

He turned to her, a look of dismay forming on his face. "You haven't…"

Samantha affected a look of innocence as she folded her arms defensively. "What's wrong?"

"Have you… have you just played me?"

"What makes you think-"

He knew her and he knew that face. "You have…"

"No, it's not like that-"

Turning away from her he covered his eyes with a hand, knowing what she'd done and the sudden, unbelieving realization why she'd done it. "God Sam, no, I can't go all through this again…"

She moved towards him. "Another chance Jack, just give us one more chance."

His hand dropped away from his face. "What –so one of us can screw it up again?" he asked. He went over to the table to pour himself some wine. "You had it right in LA –it just ends up messy," he pointed out, "and last time it did exactly that."

"But this time, I'm more certain than I've ever been."

"This time." Staring at her over the glass, he then took one long swig, wondering what she was going to say next

She stared back. "I'm not playing with you, Jack."

He sat heavily down in the chair she'd been using earlier. "I don't even know what to think… We both opted out of 'us', we did it for reasons…"

"Wrong reasons, reasons that weren't properly thought out-"

"I don't know what the hell you're trying to do..."

He knew -of course he knew; he just couldn't comprehend it, or that she'd gone to this length to get his attention.

"Mine was Brian, thinking I was doing the best for Finn; yours was your daughter-"

"That was a half reason, I was giving you an easy out for you to be with him, but you dumped me before I said anything further, remember…?" Putting the glass aside, he got up. "And the point's moot anyway; I knew the score then and I know it now; he's around and will always be for Finn, and he has feelings for you and you have… feelings for him." He was now moving past her, walking towards the door, finding his last words weighing him down.

She wanted to reach out and stop him, trying to keep the pathetic pleading tone out of her voice. "But I've realized…"

That did it.

Pausing he turned, glaring at her. "Okay, what have you finally realized?" he asked in an exasperated tone. "What's finally gotten into that head of yours?"

She had to clench her hands to steady herself. "That I don't love him. I never will and to tell the truth, I never have." It's you, Jack –you.

He was incredulous. "Now you realize this? Now?"

At his expression, Samantha really didn't know what to say. She lamely fished her memory. "That Chinese woman was right: 'The woman is supposed to stay with the man, no matter what'."

"I remember that." All too clearly.

"I chose the wrong man; I should have chosen you."

There it all was, everything now out in the open. She couldn't have been any plainer, and she waited as it was surely Jack's turn to admit what he truly felt as he chewed over her words.

"You haven't taken something else into account."

"What's that?"

"I'm with Jessie."

Not the answer she was wanting.

She practically snorted. "Yes, of course you are." It was hard to keep the derision away.

He rolled his eyes at that. "Why is it so hard for you to believe I really, really like her and enjoy being with her? That we get on well, that we have fun? What makes you think otherwise?"

She'd seen how he was with Jessie, but she was going to conveniently ignore it and go with her gut. "Just a feeling it's not going how you want it to." Time to make a point. "She's not me."

Jack wasn't going to let his face give anything away.

No, she's not.

Samantha had to expound further. "She's only using you for sex."

It was a mistake and she should have left it. Jack rallied. "Oh? And when was that such a bad thing? It's better than nights alone, believe me. I'm a guy, just sex is fine," he said, lying through his teeth. "Anyway, you gave up the right to behave like this when you let him back into your life, when you chose him."

"I honestly thought it was for the best…" she repeated.

"Oh yes, and the 'You're in this box, Jack and he's over there in that box', it was bullshit then and it's bullshit now! It should never have been a choice in the first place –we were together," he said, his voice reverberating around the room.

Crossing to him, standing close, her eyes implored him. "Everyone's allowed mistakes, Jack. You were never, ever one for me."

He could only look back at her.

There was nothing more he could really say.

"I have to go," and he turned towards the door.

"Please, don't walk away from me for the third time Jack..."

"Then you'll just have to deal with it."

Moving around him, she stood in his way. "Stay with me tonight," she whispered, coming close as she could to him, putting her hands lightly on his chest, her eyes full of regret for her past mistakes and want for him.

She wasn't playing fair, she knew it.

"No Sam, don't…"

It hadn't been a lie or even self-deception; he did have strong feelings for Jessie, feelings that had grown since they'd been together. He'd meant it when he said he was falling for her. There could be a future with her, he knew it. He wanted it.

But this was Samantha -his Sam, the one who knew him like no one else did- right here, right now, in a nice warm hotel room, apologizing and wanting him back and it would be so easy to hold her tightly in his arms and fall back with her on the bed even if it were for one more final time...

But…

He reached up his hands and carefully grasped her wrists, gently pushing them -and her- away.

"No," he whispered firmly. "I'm sorry -this is not going to happen again, our history just doesn't work like this…" Walking backwards, letting Samantha absorb what he'd just said –although her face pretty much said enough- he found the chair and seated himself again. "Look," he began with a sigh, running a hand through his hair, "tell me what's up. It can't be all that bad with… with Brian." Fuck, I am so sick of that guy… "You can talk about it with me."

Samantha was now aghast –Jack was going to help with relationship advice for her and Brian?

To try and keep them together?

It wasn't supposed to be like this.

It wasn't supposed to go like this, either: Jack should have fallen into her arms, ecstatic that she wanted him again, they should have kissed and talked and made decisions about the future, and they should have tumbled on the bed, and…

In a perfectly romantic world, that is.

Looks like all my bad decisions are coming back to haunt me.

She shook her head. "Thanks for the offer, but I don't really want to discuss him with you." Of all people. Going to the bed, she faced him by perching on it; the bed that was now sadly not going to be used. "As for Jessie, do you love her?"

He threw a hand up in disbelief. "Oh, for Christ's sake -what is up with you?"

Totally the wrong question at the wrong time; Samantha knew she wasn't handling this whole situation well at all. "Okay, okay, sorry…" she apologized, severely on the back foot. "I'm not thinking straight… What I should have asked is that I really want… need to know is… do you love me?"

Examining his hands now on his lap so he didn't have to look at her, Jack also didn't have to think too hard. "You know the answer to that," he said quietly.

"Do you love me now?"

Bringing his gaze to hers, his face had softened, his eyes were gentle, but he'd have to skirt around any response. He didn't want to truly admit anything out loud –like that small undying flame for her in his heart, the one he had to ignore to keep him on track and unhurt.

It certainly wasn't something to confess at the moment to her.

"Probably," was the best answer he was going to give, "but look, only as a friend-"

She'd take it; good things started from there. "Well then-"

"Sam, it's over," his words sliced through the air.

She nearly gasped.

…That was unexpected.

She had to pick her words carefully. "You've said that once before."

"Yes, and then look at how long it took us to get back together."

A smile -her first one all evening- nostalgically curled her lips. "But that was a pretty wonderful night in LA, wasn't it?"

He couldn't disagree, slightly mirroring her smile. "It really, really was… but it's in the past now. We have to move forward."

"I just wish Brian and I hadn't been in that accident, you and I would still be…"

"I think it was him turning up out of the blue which set that particular ball rolling. It was all downhill from there." He stood. "You decide what you want to do, but you have to do it without me."

She watched him walk past her, not getting up this time. "I'm sorry… for all this, for the way I've been with you."

Wanting to lay a hand on her shoulder as a friend would, he decided he shouldn't. "Some things just aren't meant to be," he said softly.

Samantha heard the door open and then click shut. She looked around the room –at the still made-up bed, the two glasses, her back pack. Earlier, she'd hoped she wouldn't have to go home until much later that night, or even tomorrow morning.

Now it looked like she might as well leave too.

Xx—

Jack parked his car and then walked to his apartment, his mind fomenting with troublesome thoughts.

He'd said no to Samantha, and he'd meant it, but damn it…

Jack Malone was not a perfect man, and he'd be the first to admit it. He'd juggled two women before, much to his detriment, and it had caused all concerned considerable emotional damage. He –of all men- could not handle Samantha and Jessie at the same time, but there she'd been, wanting him back… him -not Brian!

He saw someone sitting on the stairs of his apartment building. Jessie stood up at his approach, rubbing her arms in the cold. "Hey Malone, I thought you'd never get back," she said, looking and sounding tired through her smile.

"Where have you been?" he asked, going past her up the steps, sounding interrogative to hide his small hurt at her absence as he got his keys out.

She sighed wearily. "Sorry, we were out of town on a drug case, following some leads. It involved a lot of driving. Benny, Gail and I ended up near Boston. It wasn't fun and we were very busy."

"I had my phone," he pointed out to her, flatly.

"Dead battery on mine," she explained, fishing it out of her back pocket and waving it at him. He wasn't about to say she could have used someone else's from the team. "Maybe I should have taken you up on that offer of a key."

Opening the building's door, Jack paused. "Are you staying the night?" he asked, sidestepping her last comment

Pressing herself against his back, Jessie linked her arms around him. "Would you like that?"

If she had asked him last night, he would have said yes, definitely, but tonight…

This new thing with Samantha was causing him difficulty, so tonight was another matter.

She squeezed him tighter, almost nestling. It felt good.

He gave in. "Of course, come up."

Xx—

Jack was reading a novel in bed when Jessie returned from the bathroom.

"Hey…" she said.

"Feeling better?" he asked, not looking up.

"Yeah -there's absolutely nothing like a hot shower."

Feeling the other side of the bed move under her weight, he nodded. "You're right," he said flipping a page; the hero was getting nastily tortured by some bad guys and Jack always appreciated a realistic description, which this undeniably was; anything to take his mind off the night's events. He kept reading until he realized he was being watched. Looking at her over his glasses, he found a very naked Jessie stretched out on her side, the sheet barely covering her legs, her thumb resting on her amused lips as she waited for some reaction. There was a definite glint in her eye.

Oh.

"I thought you were too tired," he remarked.

"I am, but you know…" she said, trailing a hand down to cup her breast. "It's a nice way to end the day."

"I was thinking we would just sleep," he said, his eyes dusting across her damp skin.

Jessie groaned as she rolled onto her back, kicking off the sheet. "Okay, you can -I'll just lie here." Her other hand started to inch its way down her stomach. "Don't mind me."

Swallowing, Jack cursed himself as he watched her fingers find their way between her legs, her thighs parting; her other hand now squeezing her already firm nipple.

Christ…

Jessica Prince, lying there, writhing and fingering herself a foot away from him.

Any sane man would be all over her like… like a man wanting sex with her, and all he could do was debate the issue with himself.

He wasn't with Samantha and therefore this wasn't cheating. He should know as he was an expert in that matter.

But after what she said tonight… however he also knew what she was like, especially at making choices.

He had no idea what was going on in Samantha's head and it wasn't his main concern all of a sudden.

Jessie's soft moans may have put on for effect, but it didn't matter. He put his book and his glasses on the bed stand, turned off the lamp and creeping closer, he reached out to her crotch and slid his fingers under her hand, taking over what and where she'd started.

There was a small, traitorous voice in the back of his head that said he could always shut his eyes -and pretend she was Samantha.

Xx—

TBC