Remus held the door open for the exhausted teenagers as they piled into Grimauld Place, their heads hung, their spirits broken, and their bodies sore. Grief had over taken them all when Sirius died right before their eyes. He remembered that Hermione screamed when the bright green light hit him, forcing him to take his last breath. To return to the Black house felt wrong. He wouldn't be there to greet them with a kind smile and crinkled eyes. He wouldn't be there to roughhouse with Danica before she slipped into the kitchen to eat something. Now, that would never happen again.
He looked down at the top of each head since none of them dared look up into Lupin's face, afraid of what they might see. He had lost his best friend today. And to top it all off, his little girl, his Danica had betrayed them. He kept expecting to see Danica walk through that door, tippy-toe up to kiss him on the cheek and wander about the house like it was her own. And it would have been. If Sirius knew of her heritage, he would've left the Black house for Harry and Danica to share.
Remus closed his eyes, trying to force back the emotion, trying once again to gain control. He lost it back there in the chamber. He lost every ounce of restraint as he saw Harry pointing his wand at Dani as she screamed bloody murder for him to stop, to lift the Cruciartus Curse. But he stood there. He kept going. Remus loved Harry, he did. He was James's and Lily's son. And just like Sirius, he had promised to always take care of him. Now, since the death of Sirius hours earlier, Remus is the only father figure that Harry has left. But how can Remus throw his arm over Harry's shoulder and tell him that everything is going to be alright, that he is going to be there from now on when Remus saw a boy, consumed by rage and misery, standing over Danica, using an Unforgivable Curse on her?
Mechanically, trying to void his face of any emotion, to make him seem like this was another typical loss, Remus nodded at Molly who pushed all the kids into the kitchen, whipping up something to eat quickly. She fussed frantically over all of them, getting after them for putting themselves in danger like that. Ginny got it the worst.
Normally, Remus would've gone into the kitchen, sat at the dining room table with them and talked things over. But sitting there, at Sirius' table in Sirius' house without him, knowing that his best friend is now dead was too much. It took all the strength he had just to walk up those stairs and into his room that Sirius had always left open for him.
"Remus?" Molly called, hurriedly rushing to the stairs to catch him before he disappeared into the second floor. He stopped, his knuckles turning white as he gripped the railing, trying to keep himself standing. Too much. It was all too much. "Aren't you going to eat anything?"
Lupin stared at Molly, her eyes boring into his. He found it hard to look away. What would she do when she found out the girl she had hoped to become her future daughter-in-law turned Death Eater? How would she take it?
He shook his head. "No thanks, Molly. I'm going to bed."
"But the others will be here shortly." She protested, cocking her head to the side in deep concern. She knew something went wrong. But not a single person had spoken a word since they arrived. Harry was with Dumbledore. His absence made her all the more nervous.
"I'm sorry but I need to rest. Forgive me." He explained in a mono-tone voice. Remus tried to smile, but it came out as a sort of grimace. Exhaling deeply, he continued his long journey up the stairs as soon as she turned, heading back into the kitchen.
He hated this. He hated being in this house without Danica. He hated the fact that with every breath he took, every beat of his heart, all he could see in his mind was Danica wrapping her arms around Rodolphus Lestrange's neck. He raised her. He was there for every day since he found her. She belonged to Remus and no one else.
But she left with that man without even a second thought. She chose him, she chose the Dark Lord over him, over Harry, over everyone who had ever come to care for her. All in a matter of seconds. He also hated that even though he was only climbing the stairs, the kids thought he was deaf because they began screaming at each other about her. About his girl.
"NO. I don't believe that!"
"She did, Neville! She left with them! Don't you care? She's the daughter of Bellatrix and Rodolphus Lestrange!"
"She betrayed us."
"Traitor."
"Hermione did you know?"
A long pause.
"HERMIONE!"
"Yes! I knew! But she was going to come back with us. She wasn't going to go with them. She told me." Remus could hear the crack in her voice even from the second floor, where he leaned over the railing, still trying to listen. "She told me…and…and I believed her!"
"You're all lying! Danica would never! She wouldn't!"
"She did Fred. You're damn girlfriend is a Death Eater now!"
Remus cringed as he heard the sound of breaking china and bodies hitting the floor. Ron yelped in pain as his brother pounded on his face. Usually, he would've stepped in and pulled one off the other. But he couldn't bear it anymore. The sound of her name, the mere sound of it, cut him deeply.
The daughter of Bellatrix and Rodolphus Lestrange. How could he not see it? She was the spitting image of her mother. But her eyes, she had the eyes of her father. What if Sirius knew? What would he say if he knew Danica was his cousin, the daughter of his deranged cousin? He would've welcomed her with open arms despite her unlucky yet powerful heritage. It made sense. The gifted child he knew she was came into the light. Her parents were strong wizards, strong and special within the grasps of Dark Magic which gave her the genes, the uncanny ability to master magic before her time was complete.
Opening the door to his room, hearing the familiar creak held no comfort for Remus to indulge in. Sirius was still dead. Danica was still a traitor. He shook his head, putting his hand to his forehead, wondering if there was any fire-whiskey somewhere in the house.
Emotionally drained, spiritually destroyed, completely lost and broke, he took a step towards the bed.
And he saw Danica's first birthday, her hands buried in the disaster of a cake he had made, smiling up at him, frosting sticking to her chunky rosy cheeks flash before his eyes.
He took two more steps.
Remus saw her take off down the street on his rusty old bike, her first time without training wheels. Her hair was long then, flowing behind her as she squealed in delight in the autumn wind. She looked back and smiled triumphantly at him. It had been a long time since he had seen that true kind of happiness on her face.
He collapsed onto the bed, tears blinding his vision as he stared up at the ceiling, trying to keep the emotion back. No more. Make it stop.
But instead he saw a girl in converse and baggy shorts practicing her first advanced spell, sweating in the summer heat, determined to get it right, to make him proud.
Remus' body shuddered as he let out a silent sob, trying his hardest not to make a sound. Slapping his hands over his mouth, his head throbbed in pain. No more memories. No more.
Danica blasting music from her room until he was forced to knock on the door and scream for her to turn it down. Instead of getting mad, she smiled and hugged him, telling him that she loved him.
The tears streamed down his face as he flicked his wand, locking the door. No one was to see him like this. No one was to see him break. He only cried in front of two people in his entire lifetime. In front of Lily. And in front of Danica.
He woke up, his body shivering from fever and in cold sweats, to see her peering over him, her young face looking so much older as she sat him up to give him water. How many times did she have to take care of him like this? How many times did she have to play the adult of the house?
The night he told her he was leaving for Hogwarts, she put on a fake smile and wished him good luck even though he knew very well she was screaming inside for him not to go. Especially after what just happened a few nights before.
"Oh God." He muttered to himself, desperately wishing the pain would go away, desiring nothing more than the flashbacks to stop playing inside his mind when he wanted to forget about her, just for a few minutes so he could sleep. But it was useless. Because he would see her in his dreams. He would see those eyes. And that smile that could've brightened his day even though Sirius just died. She made every aspect of his life better.
"Remus?" Came a voice from outside his door. He sat up quickly, wiping his eyes. Oh, how he loathed feeling like a heartbroken teenager. He was an adult, sitting in his bedroom alone, crying. How pathetic.
Pulling it together, he went and answered the door to see a shy Hermione looking down at her feet. She looked up at him when he opened it. And from the look on her face, Remus knew he must've seemed like a complete mess.
"This came in the mail for you." She handed him a small envelope. He looked at the front, his heart stopping as he read his name in scrawled hand writing. He looked up at Hermione, trying to see if there was any more information. She only shook her head. "Good night, Professor Lupin." She whispered, giving an apologetic smile that only made his stomach drop.
He shut the door, locking it once again and headed back to the bed. His hands shook terribly as he began to tear open the letter, his fingers nimble and eager. The envelope fluttered down onto the ground as he unfolded the little piece of paper, the smudges of ink still seeping through. It was fresh, newly written. So he began to read it to himself.
Dear Remus,
I have chosen the Dark side.
I am now Lord Voldermort's right hand girl along with my mother. Tonight, at the stroke of midnight, I will be inducted into the Death Eaters, the Dark Mark tattooed into my skin permanently, pronouncing where my loyalty lies to the entire world.
You must feel betrayed. And abandoned. I apologize deeply. I wish I could say Sirius' death is not on my hands but it truly is. Not only have you lost your best friend…but your little girl has chosen the path that you desperately tried to save her from. So I ask for your forgiveness. One day we'll meet again. I just pray it won't be on the battlefield.
You have taught me well, better than anyone else could. You provided me a home, a family. So I thank you for that Rem. Please, do not come looking for me. I don't want you to get hurt. I know what I'm doing. And I know that the choice I made is one I'm going to have to stick to forever.
But as I say my good-bye, know that one thing will never change.
I love you, Remus J. Lupin.
Always have, Always will.
Forever yours,
Danica Rae Lorenzo
The ink smeared, running down the page as his tears fell upon the letter in his hands. The hole in his chest ripped open even more, creating a gap he felt could never be filled. Not until she came back. And if she never did….Remus didn't know. He just lay on his bed, placing the letter in the drawer for safe keeping, and fell into dreamland, secretly wishing he would see her there so that everything would just fade to a dull ache. Just until he had to wake up in the morning and face the Order. That's when all hell would break lose.
"Harry, you need to talk to him." Hermione said, trying to peer into the eyes of her best friend. He leaned against the railing of the stairs, whispering to his two companions, afraid Remus, who was just down the hall, would hear them.
"I know."
"Then do it."
"I will, Ron!"
Harry looked over at his best friend who leaned away from Harry, obviously hurt from the way he snapped at him. What couldn't he do anything right anymore? First, he had driven himself and his friends into the hands of the Death Eater's. Second, he caused the Order to come after them which led to Sirius' death. And the last of course, he tortured Danica. He forced her to choose the Dark Lord's side. She would've come back, accepted life as a wanted teenager. All she asked for was forgiveness. They all would've given it to her without a second. After all, she betrayed them to save them.
But he was too angry, too miserable and drowning in his own darkness to realize what he had done. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw her pale gray eyes staring up at him, screaming for him to stop. But he didn't. He kept the curse cast upon her.
His betrayal would probably hurt more than Danica's. But Remus didn't tell anyone. He didn't say a single word against Harry. Everyone just assumed she chose the side because it was truly where her loyalties lie. But Harry and Remus knew that truth behind that story.
Harry needed to know. He needed to know all the truth. Every single part of it. And only Remus could give him that.
"I'm sorry, mate." Harry apologized, clapping Ron on the shoulder as he passed. His red-headed best friend gave a sheepish smile as he passed, happy to see the Harry they had known and love finally begin to return.
"Who is it?" Remus asked, piling the picture in his hands back inside a box.
"Harry."
Lupin stopped in mid-way of placing the lid, marked with 'Danica's Stuff', back onto the box. Could Remus face Harry this soon? The incident at the Ministry of Magic was merely yesterday. Besides, things were extremely awkward when Harry and Remus had to sit through the Order's bickering and outraged arguing at Danica's disappearance. They alone knew the truth. And they alone knew they couldn't dare tell anyone.
"Yes, come in."
Before the door creaked open, Lupin slid his private box back under the bed, out of view. He had to be the adult now. Harry needed him. James, Lily and now Sirius needed Remus to be the responsible one and help Harry. There's no room for heartbreak.
Harry hesitantly stepped into the dusty room, the air immediately suffocating with the grief and sorrow he felt lingering in the air. He had known Remus for three years now. Lupin had been the only professor he really liked and he had been the best friend of his long deceased parents. So how could he just walk into his room without noticing the dark shadows across Remus' face even though the man tried to hide it?
"What is it you need, Harry?" Remus tried to sound as harmless as possible, tried to act as if none of this ever happened. But he failed. The menace seeped into his voice unwillingly. Flinching inside, he sighed and patted the spot on the bed next to him. Harry went to him without a second glance and sat there, sinking into the old mattress. Remus crossed his leg, resting a shaky hand on his knee.
Harry knew that he was studying him, watching him from the corner of his eye. But he had not the will or the strength to look into Lupin's face. Harry did not want to see what lay beneath those hurt eyes. "I'm sorry…"
Remus inhaled deeply, trying to find the right words to say to the young boy. "No, Harry, you have no need to apolo-"
"Yes I do." Now he looked up, staring into the line drawn face of his former professor, seeing the traces of betrayal and loss behind those starry blue eyes. How could he ever cause pain to a man as kind as this? "I should have never lashed out at her like I did. She would've stayed. If it wasn't for me, she would've stayed. I'm so sorry, Remus. I messed up. They know have the greatest weapon they could get their hands on; they have a member of the Order who will give them information willingly. And it's all my fault. All of it is my fault."
Harry found the words spilling out of him without restraint, unable to control what came out of his mouth. But before he continued again, proclaiming his part in the temporary down fall of the Order, Remus put his hand on Harry's shoulder and gave him a reassuring squeeze as he put his face into his hands.
"Harry…did you expect me to not forgive you? I'm offended. You are the son of Lily and James Potter, two of the best friends I ever had. But not only that, you are a good boy, Harry. You possess qualities of a man that others your age still only dream of obtaining. Yes, you made a mistake. A horrible and deadly one at that, yes. But Danica…Danica does not act rashly Harry. She knew what she was doing." Needing something to support his weight as the face of Danica flashed into his mind, Remus settled against the headboard, pinching the bridge of his nose between his fragile seeming fingers.
Harry remained silent. There, in that moment when Lupin lost his face, Harry never felt closer to him. He was forgiven. With the dismissal wave of a hand, Remus regarded his incident as nothing but the past. Of course he still felt insanely guilty for what pain he had caused. And of course, he was still in mourning for the loss of his godfather. But knowing that he didn't make an enemy with the only man he had left to look to as a father made him see the shining hope at the end of the tunnel that someday, soon or far away, everything was going to be okay.
Then the question Harry has been asking himself for quite some time now remerged into his mind, making him look Remus over as he closed his eyes to think. She had shown the signs. She had made it obvious enough to see but no one, maybe Hermione, but no one else caught onto it. He wanted to understand. He wanted to finally put the puzzle pieces together. And he felt now was the only right time considering Remus just forgave him for his wrong doing. He had to ask. Harry had to know.
"Professor Lupin…"
"Please, Harry. Call me Remus."
"Remus, I need to ask you something."
Lupin opened his right eye and looked into Harry's serious face. He sat up straight, clearing his throat. He smiled, barely noticeable but there, in Harry's direction. "Sure, anything."
"I don't want to upset you or anything but I've been curious about this for a long time now." Harry watched as he fidgeted his hands in his lap, nervously tapping his fingers against his skin. Lupin raised an eyebrow, encouraging Harry to go on. But he felt the words stuck in his throat, unable to submerge from the consciousness of his mind. How could he ask this question without making things awkward?
But before he even had second to think of an answer to his own question, Harry looked into Remus' eyes and asked him, "Do you love Danica?"
"Well of course, Harry. I raised her since she was a child. It would be rather wrong of me to not love her." Harry saw the flicker in those blue eyes.
"No...I mean, do you love her in the way…she loves you?"
The room grew tense, shrouded in silence as Harry looked at Lupin who stared at him intently. Remus cleared his throat again. He crossed his other leg over the first and ran a hair through his graying hair. He was nervous.
"You don't have to answer. I understand if I just made things extremely inappropriate-"
"No, Harry, I need to answer this question. Not only for you but for myself." He took a deep, shaking breath, closing his eyes. Getting up, he began to pace before Harry who merely watched, eager to hear the answer as his heart pounded within him.
"You understand that she loves me, correct?" He asked before Harry nodded in agreement. Remus gave a sad chuckle, looking to the ceiling to hold back the tears threatening to break free.
"She always has. She was my child, Harry, pay attention closely. She was my child in her young age when I was teaching her to read and write and how to use a wand. But then she became a sister as she got a little older. She could take care of herself but she still needed me." Then Lupin's eyes darkened. Harry watched as the blue hue turned to a deep shade of navy. They look sad, ashamed even. But somewhere deep inside those irises, Harry could see the look of gratefulness, of hope. "Then she reached the age where she learned to love."
Harry sat silently, watching Lupin, deeply emerged in the reminisce of Lupin's life. He could see Danica age before him, growing into the beautiful young woman she was, developing those eyes so full of wisdom, he could no match it. And he could see Remus struggling to deny it all.
"She became my best friend, my provider. I was getting too sick to support her so she had to do it herself, for the both of us. I assume you know what I did to her. The accident, right? I took her normality away. I made her into a monster. Yet she stayed. She helped me through this awful disease and never once complained. How could you not adore someone who did all this for you?" Lupin told, his voice thickening under the strain. Harry remained silent, watching as Remus paced across the room.
"She is the only person left in my life who truly knows me. We were alone, Harry. Throughout her entire life it had always just been her and I. And not once did I ever think it was possible for her to fall in love with me…to want a monster. But she did. She began to watch what she looked like each day, making sure she was 'presentable'. She would watch me when she thought I wasn't looking. And when I looked into this eyes, Harry, I saw an emotion that had always frightened me, scared me away."
"Love." Harry chimed in, his own eyes watering as he watched Lupin painfully explain all this. She loved him.
Remus nodded, rubbing the side of his face. "Then I began to feel…differently. She grew into a young woman with intelligence, wisdom, care and maturity beyond her years. We would talk for hours and hours, something I had wanted for so long, about anything and everything. To books, politics, religion, philosophy. She was the only person in the entire world who understood me. To feel that kind of isolation is unbearable. But when you have someone to share that isolation with, someone who accepted it willingly, you grow attached. Unhealthily attached."
"You fell in love with her."
Silence overtook Remus. For what seemed like an eternity Lupin did not speak. He merely gazed out the tiny window, reliving his past to the point where it seemed real, making his knees almost give out from beneath him.
"Yes. I fell in love with Danica. I was ashamed, disgusted with myself. To love the child that I had raised even though we were not related by blood in any way. It felt wrong. She told me she loved me one night, gave me this long thought out speech about how she had never known love but she was sure she had it right with me. It killed me but I rejected her. It was unhealthy, not right. The next day I announced I was leaving to teach at Hogwarts."
Harry exhaled, overwhelmed by it all. All this time Harry knew something deep and unbreakable bound these two together. But not for a single moment did he guess that it was love. The kind he wished she would've had for him.
"I ran away from her. Ran from my fears, my inability to accept what was going on between us. Because I loved her too. I just couldn't bear to tell her. So that year without her was almost torture. I scarred her, left her wounded and hurt. When I returned she was a different person. Cold, broken. The young lady who loved life was gone, replaced by someone bitter at the damage done to her. I did that to her. And it killed me, Harry. I wanted to die than see her like that. Before I knew it, an awkward year between us passed, she was inducted into the Order and she ended up forever intertwined with your life."
Remus J. Lupin loved Danica. More than his own life. That was the missing puzzle piece. That was the key to the locked chest that contained Danica's life. It had never been Fred or Harry. It had always been Remus. And it always would be.
So as he looked into the mourning face of Lupin, Harry let a tear roll down his cheek.
Danica stood outside of the Dark Lord's hideout, unable to give away the exact location of it. She looked up at the sky, the moon a crescent. The sting of fresh night air stung against the raw skin of her arm, the Dark Mark permanently tattooed there. Not only was her skin know contaminated, corrupted the evil that surrounded this place but so was her soul. She felt it sink into her being, engulfing her until the point that it felt like drowning. She would've died, unable to take the power and darkness that slipped into her when the Dark Lord marked her as his own. But she embraced the Dark Magic. Let her heritage suck the authority, the strength that Voldermort gave her as his third in command till they bound themselves to each other.
This is who Danica Rae Lorenzo became. So as she thought of Remus, of Harry, she let the last tear she would cry in a long while slip down her face, allowing herself to become vacant of all emotion, of all past memories. She became a child of the dark. And this time, no one would try to stop her.
I would like to thank everyone who read my story, When the Moon Meets the Sun. Reviews and comments, ways to improve and compliments would be greatly appreciated as I work on the sequel, taking place in the story line of The Half Blood Prince.
This is the first fan-fiction I have ever completed and I am thankful for all the fans it received.
Please tune in for Danica and the Golden Trio's next adventure Wilting Lilacs.
Thank you once again.
Love always, Rayne.