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"Strength is a very important thing,
But you need tears too.
With a
parched, dried-up heart,
You can't do anything at all;
You can't feel a
thing."
~Hayashibara Megumi; "I'll Be There"~
The next day, Koji decided to help Hikaru get settled into her room. It would be a nice thing to do, plus it would give him some time to get to know her and give her a chance to know him. True, she had brushed aside all of his earlier attempts, but there was no way he was going to let a couple of little setbacks daunt him! No sir, Mitsuragi Koji was not the kind of person to just give up after a few failed attempts! Today, he'd let her see who he really was, and give her an idea of just how much he cared for her.
The bandit headed down the hallway toward where the Asatenshi woman was staying, remembering how the rooms had been decided the night before. The stronghold only had one spare room - intended for Chichiri - so after a bit of arguing Tasuki had "graciously" agreed to have Chichiri room with him for the week, while the Asatenshi sisters took the remaining sleeping quarter.
However, Shuu had been adamant about having a room of her own (Hikaru explained that Shuu couldn't control her Holy Magic when she slept, and sometimes she would hit things - it didn't hurt inanimate objects, but it could kill humans - and that she was terribly worried and embarrassed about it) so Koji had offered for Genji to stay with him, while Shuu took the young man's old room. It was a bargain that satisfied both Shuu and Genji - Genji a bit more excitedly ("Suzaku bless your out of control magic!" he had cried while hugging tightly to Koji's leg) - and the groups had dispersed to their rooms.
Koji knew that Hikaru had been tired, and chances were she hadn't had a chance to pack and clean up the evening before. This would be a perfect excuse for him to talk to the Asatenshi sister, and learn even more about the woman he had so swiftly and hopelessly fallen in love with.
The bandit stood outside of her door for a moment, rehearsing what he would say and what sort of things they could talk about, then mustered up all his courage and knocked on the door to the Asatenshi woman's room. "Knock knock! Who's there? It's Koji, comin' t'help Hikaru-san get settled in. Oh, Koji-san, please come right in. A-ri-ga-tou..." the bandit opened the door, and glanced around the room to find it void of all life. "Eh!? Hikaru-san?"
"She already left."
Koji jumped straight up in the air, hitting his head on the frame of the door. He whirled around, only to see Shuu standing behind him. She had on a pale green dress today, tailored in the same plain style as the blue one from the day before. Her eyes were fixed in the familiar bitter, hurt glare; Koji wondered if she ever looked happy. "Oh, it's you, Shuu-san."
"If you're looking for my sister, she's long gone. Went to go help that ahou Tasuki with something. I don't know or care what." Koji noticed that Shuu always sounded especially bitter when she was talking about her sister. "If you want to put yourself to use, I could use some help getting my things set up. Genji-kun left his room in a total mess."
The older bandit didn't really want to help Shuu - what he wanted to do was track Hikaru down and drag her as far away from Tasuki as possible - but he knew that he couldn't refuse to one sister what he had just offered the other. "Ah, okay. Actually, once I was done helpin' Hikaru-san, I was gonna go find you..."
"Don't say things you don't mean. Two-faced people piss me off," Shuu snapped. She started down the hallway, heading towards her own room. With no better option, Koji followed.
They arrived shortly at the younger Asatenshi sister's temporary sleeping quarters. The room was in fairly good condition, save for a few loose ceiling tiles and a large crack running across the floor. Koji was glad that Shuu didn't say anything about these problems; the Reikaku stronghold was getting old, and the bandits weren't exactly handymen. The young woman gestured to the trash strewn haphazardly around the room - things Genji had left in his haste to move in with Koji. "Just get rid of that junk for me, will you? I'll unpack while you do."
Koji accepted the sack Shuu handed him - apparently she'd been prepared to clean up the mess herself - and got to work on the task at hand. The pair worked in silence for several long minutes - Shuu because she liked the quiet, and Koji because he didn't know what to say to the short-tempered woman - until the bandit finally decided to try and make conversation. "So, you 'n' Hikaru-san're from the Kiten Shrine t'the Mother, ne?"
"That's what she told you last night, wasn't it?" Shuu answered as she set a small white crystal down on her nightstand.
"Why'd ya decide t'leave th' Shrine? Hikaru-san never really mentioned that."
"I wanted to," Shuu told him sharply. She pulled several dresses out of her small bag, stuffing them in the dresser. "Didn't like it there. Didn't have a chance of doing anything worthwhile. Something like that."
"Didn't have a chance? How come?"
"Too weak. Who knows?"
The older bandit picked up the last piece of trash; as he did, he turned to face Shuu. "Well I know that ain't true, judgin' by th' way ya blasted th' door down yesterday. So what's th' real reason, ne, Shuu-san? How come yer sister's a High Priestess an' yer out here studyin' in some backwater Konan village?" Koji was prepared for an answer resembling "sibling rivalry" or "family issues;" what he got was everything but what he expected.
Shuu opened her mouth to give a snippish reply, but at the last second she decided against it. The Asatenshi woman looked away, clutching her hands tightly to her chest. Her voice came out barely above a whisper, but in that soft tone it held almost unbearable bitterness. "Two friends leave home to start their lives. One of the young men goes out, gets a job working the fields. He busts his ass, lives a hard, honest life, and gains several scars for his work. But even after years he still barely has a cent to his name. He's poor, uncared for, and completely alone.
"The second young man leaves home, and immediately goes into a restaurant to have a drink. He gets drunk and blows all of his money. As the place is closing up, he gets angry at the bartender and throws his last bottle over his shoulder in a drunken rage. The bottle hits the head of a man who was harassing a young woman. It knocks the man out and saves the woman. The woman happens to be the daughter of a government official, and is so grateful that she marries the man and the two live in luxury." Shuu didn't look at Koji, but he knew she was talking to him. "Why did the second man wind up better off than the first?"
Koji looked at her, confusion written clearly across his features. "Fate, maybe?"
"Bullshit. By himself, Fate can't do a damn thing. It's all about the luck of the draw, Koji-san. The damned luck of the draw." Shuu kept her green eyes as far away from his hazel ones as possible, almost as if she were afraid to meet them.
Koji hesitated, wondering what he should do; the young woman looked extremely vulnerable, completely desolate and absolutely alone. What she really needed, he thought, was someone to hold her, if only for a moment. She needed to know that she was cared for. There was no one else around to do it; if anyone was going to console Shuu, it was going to be him.
But to hold her would be to agree with her, and to agree with her would be to condemn Hikaru. Koji couldn't do that, not to the woman he was so helplessly in love with. The bandit bit his lip; he couldn't agree with her, but he could do the next best thing. Koji touched a hand lightly to her shoulder. "Oi. Oi, it's all right, Shuu-san."
Shuu turned her head around, but kept her eyes down. "Koji-san...?"
He grinned, flashing a thumbs-up. "Luck ain't somethin' that stops ya, it's jus' another obstacle ya gotta figure out how t'get around. I'm sure it'll work out all right when all's said an' done; it almost always does." He jerked a thumb at himself. "Take me, fer instance. I lost my family when I was pretty young and didn't have anywhere else t'go. I stumbled upon Reikaku by pure accident, in fact! I was jus' a kid, but the old leader Hakurou took me in anyway. It was tough, but I worked hard, an' look at me now! Co-leader t'the greatest gang on th' planet!" Koji chucked her chin up with one hand, forcing her to look him in the eyes. "So cheer up already, will ya?"
Shuu's green orbs nearly filled with tears; she was two seconds away from collapsing into the surprisingly kind bandit's arms, half an instant away from telling the entire story, the real story. But at the last second, she came back to herself, remembered who she was and what she was. She realized what was happening, what had almost happened, what barriers she'd almost dropped, what emotions she'd almost displayed, who she'd almost displayed them to, what she'd almost allowed herself to reveal. Her eyes widened as she looked up at Koji, then narrowed hurriedly. He had no right... he had no right!
Asatenshi slapped Koji's hand away, jerking back sharply and nearly losing her balance. "Don't touch me," she said harshly, voice trembling with either fear, anger, sorrow, or an unusual blend of all three.
The bandit involuntarily winced at the tone in her voice. "H-hey, what's wrong, Shuu-san?"
The woman turned sharply on her heel, hands clasped tightly over her chest. "Just stay away from me... stay away from the both of us..." she looked at him once more, green eyes masked by a thin layer of raven-colored hair and emotions masked by a thin layer of protective anger. "No one's safe in this game. Don't get involved in it. If you do, if you get mixed up in this... I swear you'll regret it."
"Shuu-san, I don't..." but the young woman had already exited the room, green skirts swishing violently against her heels, and Koji was left alone to wonder what in the world had just happened.
Three days had passed since Chichiri had arrived at the stronghold, and the monk had very quickly adapted himself to a new routine that suited the Reikaku way of life. He was even starting to get used to Tasuki's constant snoring, something he hadn't thought he'd ever become accustomed to. Yes, Chichiri was somehow fitting right in with the rest of the crew, and making several new companions out of the experience as well.
Hikaru spent a lot of her time with Tasuki or her sister, but she always made it a point to talk with Chichiri at least once a day. The two had bonded in their days of travel, and still retained that closeness now that they had reached their destination. Hikaru was a good storyteller as well as an excellent listener, making her easy to talk to and even easier to get along with. The monk liked her immensely, and, ironically - considering Tasuki's earlier jabs about his age - Chichiri did think of her a little like a daughter; or at the very least, like a younger sister.
Shuu, on the other hand, was a completely different matter. The younger sister was a mute for the most part, keeping her distance from all of the Reikaku residents. When she did speak, her words usually came out like a whip: they cracked the air and left the victim of the harsh words with nothing to do but wince and back away. She was like that with everyone, saving Hikaru, the sister that she seemed to love, however reluctantly, and Koji, for reasons Chichiri had yet to discern.
The monk did what he could to be kind to the young woman, but her lack of gratitude, added together with her harshness, were starting to wear on even the mild-mannered Chichiri's nerves. He kept at it, nevertheless; for Hikaru's sake - he didn't want her to think Shuu was unwelcome - and for his own. There was something buried deep in the younger Asatenshi woman's heart, something in her bitter, ravaged eyes that reminded the monk far too much of himself. And, in spite of her attitude, Chichiri sensed that she was a trustworthy person; he had no idea why, but something told him Shuu would prove herself to be much more than she seemed.
But then again, both of the Asatenshi women were like that. Mysterious, secretive... their was something odd about their life forces, something the ki-senser couldn't quite place. And they were hiding something, too, masking it so well that even the observant monk couldn't uncover the truth. But what could it possibly be...?
Ah, well. Chichiri tried not to think too much about that. If there was something odd about them, well, Hikaru was bound to tell him sooner or later. No reason to get worked up about that.
At that particular moment, the monk was more worried about himself, a fact that he didn't like to admit. Thinking about yourself, about your own emotions, was much more tiring than concerning oneself with another person's; more selfish, too. Chichiri didn't like to do it, but sometimes his subconscious made itself known without the rest of his mind's consent. Such was the case today, and he was determined to get down to the root of his restlessness, figure out what was wrong, and move on with his life.
And whenever Chichiri felt like that, there was only one thing he could possibly do. The monk kicked Tasuki out of their room that afternoon and settled in for some hard-core meditation. Surely, that would help. Clear the mind, open up the heart... a perfect solution. In a few moments he was lost deep within his own subconscious, rehashing the past and trying to figure out what in the world was wrong with him.
It was true, the monk had spent his last few days living in almost constant contact with other people; it was a new experience, but he couldn't say that he didn't enjoy it. Chichiri realized that he was getting tired of living alone, getting tired of wandering by himself with no one but nature and his own thoughts to keep him from being in complete solitude. He wanted company... he needed company, people who actually cared whether he lived or died. And, oddly enough, he had found those people in the form of a few vulgar bandits and an unusual woman.
Chichiri thought that he would be perfectly content to settle down at the foot of Reikaku, maybe near where Shuu studied. If Hikaru's feelings were the way the monk thought they were, then he might be able to convince her to stay around the area, too. Tasuki, Koji, the other friendly bandits... they'd all be a day's walk away, easy traveling distance for a seasoned wanderer like himself. It would be a bland, modest little life, but surely he'd had enough excitement in his twenty-odd years of traveling to count for fifty more.
Yet still Chichiri was restless, discontent with the way things were working out. He couldn't explain it, couldn't understand it, but some nagging part of his mind wasn't happy with the situation. No, that wasn't the right way to put it; it wasn't that he was unhappy, it was just... something was missing. Something wasn't quite right. Some hole in his life that he hadn't been able to fill for over twenty years... ever since...
That was it.
Chichiri opened his single eye, bringing himself back to reality with a crash. His eyebrows furrowed into an unhappy, guilty little frown. "Twenty-one," he said quietly. "It was twenty-one winters ago, yesterday no da."
Twenty-one winters ago, he'd done it.
Twenty-one winters ago, on a frigidly cold January night amidst a glade of bare trees, he'd finally gotten up the nerve to say the words his heart had been screaming at him for years.
Twenty-one winters ago, Ri Houjun had offered his life, love and soul to Suzunami Kouran.
Twenty-one winters ago, her eyes had filled with tears. She had said "yes."
Twenty-one winters ago, and he hadn't even had the decency to remember the damned date.
The monk leaned back on his elbows, looking up at the slightly peeling ceiling of his temporary room. "Chichiri, you really are an idiot no da."
Tasuki knocked quietly on the door of his room later that afternoon, not wanting to disturb Chichiri in the middle of... whatever it was he was doing. The bandit didn't completely understand his friend's actions, but he figured that the least he could do was respect them. "Oi, Chichiri? You still busy?"
There was no answer, so Tasuki decided the monk had either left or was too involved in his activities to hear him. The bandit opened the door quietly, looking into his sun-washed room and finding the usual things, but no Chichiri.
"Huh, that's funny... I figured he'd tell me if he was gonna get up an' leave like that..." Tasuki's boots thumped quietly across the wooden floor as he headed towards his bed. The bandit noticed a slip of parchment on the pillow; he picked it up curiously, reading the note aloud. It was from Chichiri. "Tasuki-kun: I went out to the stream to do a little fishing and thinking. I'll be back before nightfall; don't wait up for me at dinner. Please don't try to bother me - I just need some time alone. It has to do with The Flood. Chichiri." The bandit looked up, frowning a little. "Three whole sentences an' not a single 'no da'? Somethin' important must be on yer mind t'day, Chichiri..."
A voice from the doorway interrupted his thoughts. "Tasuki... san...?"
The bandit recognized the female voice as Hikaru's. He waved a hand in the direction of the doorway. "I told ya already, don't bother me when I'm in my room. It's th' only place I c'n get a little peace 'n' quiet around here."
"Ah, yes of course, Tasuki-san... eh, demo [but]..." Hikaru stepped into the doorway, staggering under the weight of a pile of firewood nearly tall as she was. "Where did you say you wanted me to put these?"
Tasuki sweatdropped. "Oh, I fergot that you were helpin' me with those. Oops."
Asatenshi leaned around the wood, flashing a pained smile. "It's no problem... really..."
The bandit grinned, walking out of his room and waving a hand for her to follow him. "C'mon, we'll take 'em out back t'the woodpile. Once ya get that finished, take a little break an' then you c'n separate 'em."
"Excuse me?"
"Yeah, y'know, take some t'the stoves, some t'the fireplaces, the whole thing." Tasuki glanced over his shoulder at the woman, grinning devilishly. He hadn't thought he was going to enjoy having her around, but Hikaru's willingness to help him get things done was making his life much easier, not to mention much more enjoyable. "You don't mind, do ya?"
The woodpile shook back and forth. "Not at all, Tasuki-san! It's my pleasure to give you any aid I can, especially after you've been so kind to my sister and me! I don't mind one bit!"
"Glad t'hear it," the bandit told her, walking backwards into the living room so he could help her if she stumbled. "An' it's my pleasure t'let you take my duties, y'can be sure of that!"
Koji, Shuu, and several of the other bandits were in the main hall, lounging about and playing various games (most involving gambling). They looked up and smiled - some at Tasuki, some at Hikaru - as the pair came in. "Ya, Leader/Hikaru-san!"
Koji, upon seeing the young woman under the wood, immediately hopped to his feet. "Oi, Hikaru-san, lemme give you a hand with that."
Asatenshi poked her head around the pile once more, smiling distractedly in Koji's direction. "No, that's all right, Mitsuragi-san. I told Tasuki-san I'd help him with the Reikaku chores, and I wouldn't want to skirt my duties."
Koji decided to get after her about calling him "Mitsuragi-san" later. "You've got enough wood there t'keep the mountain warm fer a week! I appreciate yer willingness, but yer our guest. Please, lemme help ya."
It wouldn't have done Hikaru any good to protest - Koji was already shifting part of the load to his own arms - so she offered him a fleeting smile instead. "Arigatou, Mitsuragi-san."
Her smile was like a thousand words of praise, as far as the bandit was concerned. "No problem!" Koji moved the bundle into a more comfortable position, then turned to yell at Tasuki. "Oi, Genrou, help Hikaru-san with the rest. This is yer day t'get wood, after all, an' ya shouldn't make Hikaru-san do all yer work fer ya."
Tasuki's golden eyes narrowed. "Who's th' leader 'round here, na? Besides, she offered t'do it. Ya think I'm gonna turn down a chance t'get out of work?" Hikaru stumbled slightly under the load of wood - which, even with Koji's help, was still much too heavy for one person - and the tanned bandit sent Tasuki a meaningful look. "Oh, fine, fine!" The seishi turned, calling towards where Shuu was sitting. "Oi, Gaki! C'mere an' help yer sister with th' firewood, will ya?"
Shuu looked up from where she was quite comfortably seated, spread out in one of Reikaku's window seats with a scrap of parchment in one hand and ink and quills scattered about. Her usual frown deepened. "I don't remember offering my services, Ahou. You invited me to stay as a houseguest, not as a paying customer."
The redheaded bandit matched her scowl for scowl. "Ya don't see yer sister slackin' off an' complainin', do ya?"
The younger Asatenshi sister shrugged, leaning back in the window seat and turning her eyes back to the parchment. "Hikaru is Hikaru, and Shuu is Shuu."
"Shuu is Gaki!" Tasuki snapped back heatedly. "It wouldn't kill ya t'do a little work, would it?"
"Like you have room t'talk," Koji remarked dryly. He shoved his load of wood into Tasuki's hands, then went to help Hikaru with the rest. "Shuu-san's right: they're guests, not tenants. If they wanna help out then that's fine with me, but ya don't gotta turn 'em inta slaves."
Tasuki grumbled something rude and followed his friend to the woodpile outside. Hikaru stumbled after them, calling to the two in her gentle voice: "But Tasuki-san, I really don't mind aiding you in these chores! Honestly!"
The three of them soon walked back into the stronghold, Tasuki leading the way. "Well, I'm glad that's over with."
Hikaru wiped her hands off on her dress - it was a pale brown one, plain and tailored to be well-suited to work. "Is there anything else I can do, Tasuki-san?"
The bandit paused thoughtfully. "Well, ya could re-tile th' roof..."
From her corner, Shuu snickered. Hikaru put a finger to her chin thoughtfully; she didn't seem to have heard her sister. "Oh? How long to do you suppose that would take? Should I start now, or wait until tomorrow morning?"
Tasuki and Koji nearly face-vaulted. Koji waved his hands, sweatdropping. "He's only jokin', Hikaru-san. There's nothin' else that I c'n think of, an' if there is anythin' then th' rest of us c'n take care of it. You jus' take off th' rest of the afternoon."
The young woman bowed quickly. "Arigatou!" She looked towards Tasuki. "Do you know where Chichiri-san is right now?"
Tasuki thought for a moment. "Uh..." he pointed towards the wall, in the direction of the forest. "Outside an' by th' stream, over that way, I think..."
"Arigatou," she said again, bowing quickly and hurrying towards the woods. "I haven't spoken to him yet today! I'll be back by dinner, at the very latest! Dewa [See you]!"
"Oi, matte [wait]! He kinda wanted-" but Hikaru was already out the door and gone. Tasuki sighed. "Ah, well. Chichiri c'd use a little company. Gods know he's alone too often as it is..."
Koji looked at his friend curiously. "Hm? Somethin' wrong with Chichiri?"
"Well, not exactly..." the bandit hesitated, then decided not to get into the whole tale without Chichiri's consent. "It's a long story. Ya'd have t'ask him t'tell it to ya."
Shuu set her ink quills down on the window seat, watching Hikaru's departure. After a few seconds, she tucked the parchment into the sash around her waist, and followed her older sister. Shuu walked quickly, and didn't notice when the piece of paper slipped out of her sash and onto the wooden floor.
Koji trotted over and picked it up. "Oi, Shuu-san..." the young woman, like her sister, had already vanished out the doorway. "Ah well, I c'n give it to her later, I guess... wonder what she was workin' on, anyway?"
The bandit decided against looking at it, and started to slip it into his belt. The paper stuck there for a moment, but it was too thick to fit firmly enough; it dropped out and fell to the ground again, unrolling as it went. Koji sighed and bent over to grab it once more, except this time his eye happened to catch sight of the design.
Koji held up the paper, surprised by what he saw. It was an interesting piece of artwork; Shuu had a talent for drawing, to say the least. It was done in a series of lines that made it seem almost abstract; however, if Koji followed the lines, he noticed that there was a picture among the varying lines of color and density. There was a woman standing in the corner. Her eyes had been inked in green, and her hair was colored a deeper black than the rest of the picture. Due to the heavy ink and the lining, it was impossible to tell whether it was meant to be Shuu or Hikaru; it was definitely one of the two, Koji decided. Several thin lines sprawled out from her back; following the pattern closely, he realized that the lines formed a pair of nearly transparent wings.
An Angel. How fitting, he thought with a small smile. The Angel was standing on a precipice at the edge of the picture. Her hands were clutched tightly over her chest, gripping something the bandit couldn't see. Her white wings were spread behind her in what looked like elegance. The bandit's eyes traveled over the picture, once more admiring the unusual style and stunning emotion displayed in the woman's mysterious eyes. His own hazel orbs traveled back to the wings, to the lines inked in black, red, and green that seemed to whirl around those white wings in a pattern... the bandit froze, unintentionally gasping slightly.
Tasuki heard his companion. "Mm? Koji? Somethin' wrong?"
Koji rolled the parchment up quickly, shaking his head and forcing a smile in Tasuki's direction. "Wha? No, nothin'. I jus' thought I saw a... a snake. Yeah. A poisonous one. It wasn't, though. Nevermind."
Tasuki had many strengths, but his perception skills were not among them; he accepted Koji's answer as the truth and went back to talking with Ken about the recent attacks from the rival gang.
The tanned bandit gave a quick sigh of relief, gripping the paper tightly in his hand and heading towards his room. His hazel eyes were lost in a world of intense, troubled thought, as he tried to erase the disturbing image he had seen within the picture and found that it only lodged deeper into his brain.
The swirling pattern had been in the shape of a claw.
The mysterious emotion in her eyes had been pain.
The Angel's wings were being ripped apart.
Chichiri, mask off for the first time in several days, sat by the stream that flowed gently past the Reikaku stronghold and provided the bandits with fresh water. His fishing line was cast into the water - unbaited, because he wasn't looking to catch anything today - and his mind was miles and years away. The monk stared thoughtfully at the blue sky above, not really seeing it or the birds that fluttered around overhead. He closed his single eye, inhaling deeply and remembering... oh, gods, always remembering...
~~Houjun shivered in spite of his thick robe, peering through the flurries - it rarely snowed heavily in Konan, if it snowed at all - and trying to keep up with his fiancee. "Kouran, it's freezing out here! Where in the world are we going!?""It's just a little further, you big baby!" Kouran said teasingly, ducking behind a tree and forcing him to follow. "Come on, come on! Just a bit more, and then you can go home and warm up."
"Go home and defrost is more like it," he said with a laugh, jogging to keep up with his fleet-footed love. The young man swung around another of the many bare trees, pulling up abruptly as he came face-to-face with Kouran. "Ah! Are we there yet?"
She smiled secretively. "What do you think? Do you know where we are?"
Houjun looked around the clearing. A small chill ran down his spine, but it wasn't from the cold this time. He knew exactly where they were. "A week ago... right here..."
"You proposed to me, Ri Houjun." Kouran hugged him tightly, for affection and warmth."I'm sorry to drag you out here, but it just seemed right, to come back after a week and all..."
"Don't be sorry. It was a wonderful idea."
"Mm," she said contentedly. Kouran's mood changed swiftly; she leaned her head against his chest, frowning slightly. "Oh, why can't we tell everyone else about this? It's fun having a happy little secret, but I want our family and friends to share the happiness as well."
"You know how traditional Kikuko Oba-san is," he reminded her. "We've been friends forever, but as far as the family knows we've only been officially 'courting,'" he laughed at the old-fashioned term, "for a few weeks. My old Oba-san will insist that a wedding this soon is a curse, and that's the last thing I want to hear from anyone on the happiest day of my life."
"Mm..." Kouran tugged on his robe slightly. "Can we at least tell Hikou? I feel like we owe him that much... he's known us for so long..."
"Especially not Hikou!" Houjun said with a chuckle. "I love him, you know I do, but let's face it Kouran, the man couldn't keep a secret if his life depended on it."
She giggled. "Sou, sou." Kouran sighed once again. "So we have to wait until the spring to make the announcement, deshou?"
"You always told me you wanted a summer wedding, didn't you?"
"Well, yes..." she looked up at him, one eyebrow raised quizzically. "If you were so worried about your family and my wants, then why did you decide to propose so early; in the year, and in the relationship?"
Houjun leaned down slightly and kissed her - it was a quick, fleeting gesture; the young man was always careful about not overstepping boundaries - and chuckled slightly. "Because if I had waited I would have lost all of my courage, and you would have had to wait another three years before I got up the nerve again to ask you."
Kouran laughed. "In that case, I'll take a few months to three years." She huddled into his shirt; now she was the one shivering. "Oooh, Houjun, I'm freezing! Let's get inside, quick! Your house is closer; can I stay there until I melt a little bit?"
"I told you it was cold, didn't I?" Houjun laughed as well, wrapping his arms around her thin frame and leading her out of the trees. "Hai, hai, stay for as long as you want! My family would love to have you... And so would I, of course...!"~~
Chichiri sighed. This shouldn't be bothering him. By all rights, none of this should be bothering him. His days were full of things to keep him busy, he had friends who kept him company, and a life of his own. He shouldn't be feeling so damn guilty about forgetting the proposal date! He was acting as if it were some kind of anniversary, as if the two of them had actually gotten past the proposal, as if he'd ever even had a life with her. For Suzaku's sake, it had been twenty-one years! His old friends didn't really expect him to mourn them for that long, did they? How much time could one person possibly take to move on, to get life going again!?
But the monk already knew the answer to his question, and he knew that it was an answer that only added more questions to the never ending list. He couldn't move on because, quite simply, he didn't have all the answers he needed to be able to move on.
Kouran. Why had she let him think that she loved Hikou? Didn't she know he'd believe her, if she told him the truth? Why hadn't she tried to find him, after he had left her home, practically in tears? Why had she allowed Hikou to do that? Why hadn't she tried to pull away? Why did she look like she was enjoying The Kiss? That was what still stuck with him, and what would always stick with him; the way she let herself be held by Hikou, the way her eyes had been closed in pleasure, not open in surprise or shock. Why hadn't she fought back?
Hikou. Why had he let himself get caught up in the moment? They had been best friends since childhood; surely simple feelings of lust couldn't force someone to destroy a relationship that easily. How could he have hated Houjun enough to allow himself to be possessed by a demon? How could he let himself sink so low, how could he lose so much trust in friendship? And why, oh, gods, why had he said they weren't really best friends? Why had he decided to have that be the last thing he ever said to Chichiri? How could he say it!? How could he believe it!?
Above all else, though, was still that one thing that always ached at his heart. Why? Why had it happened? Why had any of it happened? Hikou's jealousy, Kouran's reaction, his own blind rage... And that surprise flash flood, that not even the weather sages could predict...
Chichiri shook his head, leaning back in the brown grass on his elbows and sighing. He had given up on trying to understand himself and that event years ago. There was no way he could ever begin to understand it, so why even try? Except that wasn't enough; giving up on figuring it out just wasn't enough. He still wanted to know, needed to know, thirsted to know the unmasked truth.
But that truth was a truth he'd never be able to find... and for that reason he was restless, he realized suddenly. There were so many questions that he'd never know the answers to; so many answers that could never be given. That was why he couldn't find true happiness on Reikaku, or anywhere; that was why he would never be completely content.
There were some things that just couldn't be given back, and those things were the ones that left the holes in your heart. His questions didn't have answers. His hole would remain unfilled.
'It isn't fair,' he thought to the blue sky above. 'But then again, I learned a long time ago that life wasn't always fair no da...'
"Eto... Chichiri-san?"
The monk sat up quickly, coming back to the real world as quickly as he had left. He jerked his head towards the owner of the gentle, concerned female voice. "Hikaru-san no da."
"I was-" Hikaru looked at him curiously, then jumped back a little, somewhat startled. "Goodness! Your face-!"
Chichiri touched his hand to his scar, one finger tracing the jagged pattern quickly. He had become so accustomed to either wearing his mask or being around people who were used to his disfigured face that he had forgotten the reaction it tended to get. "Gomen, Hikaru-san no da." The monk reached over to where his mask was sitting on the ground, but the young woman walked over quickly and put a hand on his, stopping him from picking up the magical piece of cloth. "Hm?"
She smiled in embarrassment. "I apologize, Chichiri-san. I just, I didn't realize that the face I knew was not your real one. It startled me for a minute."
"Daijoubu no da," he told her with a small, forced smile. "I'm used to people being disturbed by my scar no da. Here, I can put the mask back on..."
She shook her head. "No! I wasn't disturbed! I was just... surprised. It was like looking at a different person, for a moment. Really, it doesn't bother me." Hikaru grabbed his chin tightly in her hand, using her other hand to touch the scarred skin. "Hm... it's an unusual wound, and deep too. I know a spell that might heal it; I can't guarantee that it will restore your sight, but it's worth a try..."
Chichiri shook his head, pulling back slightly. "No, Hikaru-san. If I had wanted to have this healed, there are a lot of people I could have asked to do it no da. I wear the scar voluntarily, as a reminder no da." He glanced at his mask; he itched to put it back on, to hide behind the material and become the smiling, cheerful monk he had grown so accustomed to playing in the past years.
But Hikaru sat down, picking up the material in her hands and giving him no chance to snatch it back. "It's so real... you'd never guess it wasn't your true face."
He chuckled a little. "You really didn't know na no da?"
"Well, I thought it a little strange that you always looked like this," Hikaru curled her eyes upwards to demonstrate, "but far be it for me to question the ways of another culture..." the young woman looked at Chichiri, concern and confusion in her emerald eyes. "You look troubled, Chichiri-san. Is something the matter? Can I do anything to help?"
He curled his knees to his chest, staring into the waters of the stream. "There's nothing you can do no da. Not unless you know how to communicate with the dead." He gestured towards his face. "It was a lot to do with that reminder I was telling you about... no da."
"I interrupted you during a bad time. I apologize." Hikaru shifted; she looked uncomfortable, as if she were fighting between her compassionate side and her respectful side. In the end, she compromised with both. "If you want to tell me about it, you can, but please don't feel that you have to..."
Chichiri was not the kind of person to withhold information from a friend, especially one who he considered as close as Hikaru. After all, it had been twenty-one years ago; if he couldn't talk about the incident now, then there really was no hope for him. And besides, didn't those who planned on getting close to him have a right to know what kind of a person he was? "Let me tell you a fairy tale, a sad one, that I'm sure your country has never heard. It's about one of the Suzaku seishi, who used to go by the name Ri Houjun no da..."
And so, the monk explained everything to the Asatenshi woman. He left out no detail, no scrap of information, no evidence to make him sound like the victim; for, in truth, they were all victims, just as they had all been villains. When he was done, he could tell that his words had hit Hikaru sharply; she looked as if someone had just kicked all the air out of her lungs. "Chichiri-san..."
He hadn't met her eyes the entire time, and he still kept his single mahogany orb fixed on the waters flowing near his feet. "Well, now you've heard the story no da."
"I have," she said quietly, "but I don't think I believe it." Chichiri looked at her quizzically; Hikaru returned his stare. "I simply cannot believe... you're always so cheerful, Chichiri-san! No one who endures... who has to suffer that much could possibly be that happy!"
He smiled, but his heart wasn't really in it. "Mostly, it's the mask no da. It smiles for me, sometimes... and, the rest of the time, it reminds me to be cheerful. I don't like seeing others unhappy, more so than I do myself no da."
She shook her head sharply, almost as if she were afraid to believe that there was so much more to the monk. "Still, I don't believe it! A mild-mannered person like yourself would never think about committing murder, never! It just isn't... it isn't Chichiri-san, or even Houjun-san..."
Chichiri set his jaw tightly, looking away again. "I never intended to kill him, Hikaru-san. Never, not even during my darkest moments... I never wanted to kill Hikou no da. Don't think that little of me. I wanted her back... I wanted to know why... but never, never did I think I would kill him. I was just so angry, so hurt, so betrayed that I, I lost control for a moment..."
Hikaru paused, thinking back to something the monk had said to her when they had first met. "Loyalty... you told me before that you valued that quality above just about everything else. You called it Tasuki-san's best trait. Is that why...?"
"Is that why I attacked him?" he finished bluntly.
"Why!? Why did you betray me!? HIKOU! Answer me!"
Chichiri chuckled, but there was no humor in the action. "Hai, I guess so no da. I trusted Hikou and Kouran, more than I trusted my family and probably myself. They were always there for me, and I was always there for them. To have the two of them do that to me..." he sighed. "Well, as you can see, twenty-one years later and I still can't forget about it no da."
Chichiri looked towards Hikaru, meeting her green eyes for one of the first times that afternoon. "Trust is like a house made out of straw no da. It takes a lot of work to build, but only two seconds to completely tear down. And just like a house, having it destroyed can damage a lot of the things inside of it no da. Sometimes forever. That's why it's so important to be loyal, no da."
This time, Hikaru was the one to break the stare. She looked down at the ground, voice quiet and - could Chichiri be mistaken? - almost timid. "And, do you trust me, Chichiri-san?"
The monk smiled. "I do, Hikaru-san. I know I only just met you, but I do trust you no da."
"That's good to know. I think, I think I trust you as well, Chichiri-san." Hikaru blushed, rubbing her hands together nervously. "Chichiri-san... because I do trust you... may I ask a question?"
"Of course no da."
Hikaru looked down at her hands, poking her index fingers together nervously. "Tasuki-san... you said he doesn't like girls... but, do you think, do you think there might be some way... I mean, with a little persistence, and a lot of luck... do you suppose that he, that he and I... do you think there's some way the two of us might, er... oh, dear, this is embarrassing..."
Chichiri chuckled, standing and helping the Asatenshi woman to her feet. "I understand what you're saying, Hikaru-san no da. I had a feeling from the beginning no da. You like Tasuki-kun, don't you na no da?" She blushed, toyed with her ear, and nodded. The monk smiled gently. "I wish you the best of luck, Hikaru-san no da. But don't become blind to the other bandits no da: you never know whose eye you might have caught, and who knows? They might catch your eye as well no da."
"Hai, because Hikaru-san is a natural sex-magnet," someone taunted from the nearby trees.
Chichiri looked towards the wood. "Did you finally decide to show yourself, Shuu-san?"
"I didn't scare you?" Shuu poked her scowling head around one of the trees, her body following shortly. "Damn ki-sensing. How long did you know I was there?"
"From the moment you arrived no da. I hope you enjoyed the story no da."
"Shuu-chan!" Hikaru reprimanded, jumping to her feet. "How impolite! Spying on people like that!"
The other woman shrugged. "Call it spying if you want. I call it looking out for my older sister. Not all monks like to follow their vow of abstinence." Chichiri sweatdropped. "Anyway, you don't seem like the kind of person to take advantage of anyone, especially after your fianee screwed around with your best friend like that."
"Shuu-chan!"
Chichiri touched a hand lightly to Hikaru's shoulder. "Calm down, Hikaru-san. Shuu-san has a blunt way of putting things, but I can translate well enough no da. She's like Tasuki-kun in that sense no da." He smiled in the direction of the younger Asatenshi sister. "Besides, I think I trust you too, Shuu-san no da."
"Oh, joy," she said sarcastically. The younger Asatenshi looked away and sniffed the air. "Smells like dinner's about ready. I'm going to eat. Come if you want, or stay here and get more depressed. It won't do you much good, trying to find answers to questions that don't have any, but who am I to tell you what to do?"
Chichiri held up a hand to keep Hikaru from reprimanding her sister anymore. "It's all right, Hikaru-san. Shuu-san had as much of a right to know about my past as you did; and like I said before, I think I trust her no da." He placed his mask lightly against his face, where it immediately molded to his features. "Besides, Shuu-san has a good point, not to mention I'm hungry no da."
Hikaru's anger evaporated. She chuckled. "All right, Chichiri-san. You go on ahead and get back to Reikaku; I want to talk to Shuu-chan for a moment, then we'll come for dinner. Tell Tasuki-san not to wait up: I wouldn't want them to starve just for our sakes."
"Hai no da!" the monk walked away from the pair of sisters, feeling somewhat better about his current situation. His issue had not been resolved, but he felt that he had just strengthened his bonds with Hikaru. At this point, that was really the best he could hope for, considering he had already given himself up to a lifetime of incomplete happiness. "I'll see you soon no da!"
Hikaru and Shuu waited until Chichiri had completely disappeared from view. Then, slowly, the two began to walk the same way he went. The sisters did not need to use words to communicate; they were far more closely connected than that. One of them looked at the other curiously; the other frowned somewhat unhappily. The curious one was the first to speak.
"Having second thoughts, Nee-san?" she queried.
"Have I ever?"
"You've never associated with your victims before. At least, not this closely. You were nearly reached recently, by one of them, weren't you? I can feel your wariness."
"That makes no difference," the Asatenshi woman's voice had a note of unsureness. "I'll always see them as foolish, pathetic beings. Nothing but fragile mortals."
"Angels were once mortals as well, you know."
"Yes, and those memories of feebleness were dissolved when we became servants, thank the gods."
"You're playing with their lives."
"They're too stupid to understand that."
"Didn't the monk's words reach you at all?"
Here she faltered, but only for a moment. "Of course they did. All the more reason to eradicate his unhappy existence."
"You're disgusting."
"No, you're the one who's disgusting, Nee-san. Sympathizing with their trivial, selfish little thoughts; taking pity on them, helping them! And then, after being rightfully cast down from the heavens for your disobedience, you are saved! Not only saved, but Chosen by the Mother, no less!"
"Jealous, Nee-san?"
"Of you? Never. The Mother will regret Her decision of picking a weakling like you as one of Her Own. You just see if She won't."
The first of the two sighed. "Then, if you wish to continue, what's to be your next step?"
"Hah! Did you think I would tell you, so that you could plan a way to ward my attack!? No, I'm not that foolish. The curtain will soon rise. And the next step, my dear Nee-san, is something you will have to wait and see for yourself."
*****
Author's Mundane Ramblings: July 10, 2003, 1:40 PM
Hao, minna-san!
I posted this verse a day early! Why, you ask? Because I'm
leaving for a family vacation to Colorado tomorrow, and I won't be back until
next Saturday. So, you get a verse early this week, and a verse late next week.
Hey, it all evens out, ne?
Random Chapter Comments Yup, here it is, the "Chichiri's past chapter" that nearly every Chichiri-centered fic simply must have. Hopefully I covered it in a way that didn't make it redundant and unoriginal! And, on a completely different subject, you've gotten a better look at Shuu's and Hikaru's characters now - any assessments?. And yes, Val-chan, I KNOW you think Hikaru is evil. Build a bridge and get over it. *Sigh*
Japanese 101 A little tired today, but, as promised, I'm going to
bring you family terms this time, since I'm going to use quite a few of them in
this fic. We'll save particles for another time, though, all
right?
--"Father" is Otoo-san, or sometimes 'Too-san for short. It, like most
family terms, doesn't necessarily have to be followed by "san." Sometimes it's
"sama" (very polite and respectful), oftentimes "san" (standard; polite yet
casual), and once in a while "chan" (affectionate and quite
casual).
--"Mother" is Okaa-san, or 'Kaa-san for short. Same as above as far
as suffixes go - most of the time, it'll be "san."
--"Sister" is (obviously)
Nee-san. An older sister would be "Onee-chan" and a younger sister would be
"Imouto-chan." Sisters and brothers are, much more often than parents, used with
the suffix "chan."
--"Brother" is Nii-san. An older brother is "Onii-chan"
and a younger is Otouto-chan. Also, a more casual (and often figurative) term
for "Big brother" is Aniki. Tasuki used to call Koji this, and a lot of the
bandits still do.
--"Aunt" is Oba-san. Oba-san can also be used on older
female adults; it sort of means "Ma'am."
--"Uncle" is Oji-san. Like Oba-san,
it can be used on older male adults, a bit like "mister" or
"sir."
--"Grandmother" is Obaa-chan, most commonly. You can use "Baba," too,
but that's not very polite - that's more like "old woman" (like Taiitsukun's
nickname, Sunakake Baba).
--"Grandfather" is Ojii-chan, or Jiji if you wanna
be a bit disrespectful. Heh.
Phew! *Wipes forehead* I'm spent. I probably
missed a couple, but that's about as deep into family as I get in this fic, so I
won't get into cousins and nieces, 'kay?
New Section I decided to start this, just for kicks. See, I recently
started compiling a list of "Useless FY Questions" that I plan to someday put on
my website, because, well, there are just some things about FY that need to be
asked. But, since I have no idea how long it's gonna take me to make that site,
I'm gonna post one question a week in here! ^_^ You're welcome to try and answer
these, but they're mean to be silly and rhetorical so you don't really have
to.
Question of the Week: If Miboshi can switch bodies, then what
happens to his symbol? Does it travel with him?
Things that make ya go
"hmm"... oh, if anyone has a good question that I can add to my growing list,
please feel free to e-mail me or stick it in a review!
Answering Reviews To Draconsis: Heh... it does kinda sound like a love
triangle, doesn't it? *Adds "Non-yaoi" to it* Yay! All better!
To Threshie:
Oo, artistic stuff! Actually, I've drawn a few pictures myself, old ones from
about 6 months ago, but still... if anyone wants to see what
Hikaru/Shuu/Genji-kun look like (1st edition), or if you just wanna see some of
Watase-san's pictures of Chichiri/Tasuki/Koji, Eikou Den style (about as close
to my timeline as we're gonna get), then check out the link in my "homepage"
area on my profile. Have fun! ^_^
Verse Preview? A short verse next time. We've got a New Year's Party, an Angelic spell and... holy poo! What the scrump do I think I'm doing!? You'll just have to stick around to find out! *Prances away, giggling crazily*
Insanely Yours,
Dee ~_^