Translation Note: I'm translating this here because it takes away from the story if I translate during the story. "Tadaima" means "I'm home," and "Okaeri" means "Welcome back." Simple, deshou?
--Evening Shower--
"Tender Rain,
Even rain that's about to freeze from cold
Is warmer than my heart.
November Rain,
Until my tears vanish, don't stop."
~Hayashibara Megumi; "November Rain"~
"...And we wound up cleaning rice off the walls for almost three weeks!" Hikaru declared proudly, stomping her foot into the muddy ground. "There! No way could you possibly beat that horror story! I told you, I truly am the worst cook the world has ever seen - but you might take a close second."
Koji laughed, stopping for a moment as they reached the far eastern edge of Reikaku territory. "Okay, okay, you win. Though I still think my 'sugared rice' was a pretty bad one... last time Genrou 'n' I ever tried t'cook t'gether, I'll tell ya that..."
The young woman chuckled, kneeling down on the ground and putting her hands against the wet earth. The bandit co-leader smiled a little; Hikaru's dress was a muddy disaster, but she didn't seem to mind. He liked seeing that in girls - it was annoying when they were too concerned with their looks to be practical. Koji glanced out across the rainy land, smilng a little. He was cold, wet and dirty, but somehow this was one of the best afternoons he had had since the Asatenshi sisters' arrival.
The young woman finished her incantation shortly, and the two of them started back towards the Reikaku hideout. She was silent for a moment, keeping a hand on Koji's arm for balance and taking in the relative calm of the mountain. Hikaru sighed happily. "Strange, isn't it? You'd think this afternoon would have been miserable, but somehow I've wound up having a wonderful time." She looked up towards her bandit companion, smiling a little. "Arigatou, Koji-san, for accompanying me. I probably would have been completely lost and half-drowned without your help."
He waved a dismissive hand at the compliment, returning the grin. "Hey, no problem! I like spendin' time with ya, Hikaru-san, even if it is a cold, wet, an' muddy time." The Asatenshi woman giggled, shivering as she did. Koji frowned a little. "You all right? Not gettin' too cold, are ya?"
Hikaru shook her head. "No, I'll be all right." She shivered again, wrapping her arms around her body for warmth. "Well, it is getting colder, I guess, and Tasuki's jacket is fairly soaked..."
"Here," Koji handed her the mat he had been using as an umbrella, making sure she had a good grip on it before letting go. He tugged on his relatively dry coat, slipping out of the garment and draping its dark red sleeves across her shoulders. "There. Better?"
"Mm. But won't you freeze without it?"
He shrugged. "We're not too far from Reikaku now. An' anyway, I'm used t'this kinda weather. I'll be fine." She seemed to accept that answer, and the two continued. "Ch, I shoulda known Genrou's jacket wouldn't-a held up fer th' whole trip. Can't b'lieve he really expected ya t'go out in this weather with jus' that little thing." He chuckled good-naturedly at his companion's behavior. "An' t'top it off, when we get back he'll prob'ly bitch - er, sorry, Hikaru-san - he'll prob'ly complain about how it's wet 'n' dirty, then make one of us clean it... I still haven't taught that guy any delicacy. Guess it's a lost cause."
Hikaru shook her head, voice rising protectively. "Oh, no! Tasuki was really being very considerate! He tried for almost ten full minutes to get me to change my mind about leaving! In fact, the only reason he probably agreed to let me do it was because he knew you would accompany me. You seem to know each other's minds very well, after all." The young woman glanced down, blushing a little bit. "He even said he'd never forgive himself, if something happened to me... it was a very thoughtful thing to say..." she shook her head hard. "Oh! I sound like a foolish schoolgirl, don't I, Koji-san? I apologize!"
The co-leader looked away, mentally kicking himself for his stupidity. He felt the strings in his heart tighten further at the painful realization he had been avoiding all day. Of course today meant nothing to Hikaru, he chided himself bitterly. She barely thought of him as a friend. Tasuki was her main concern. Tasuki was always the main concern. Tasuki was the seishi, the bandit leader, the one who always had everything tossed to him on a silver platter, even things he didn't necessarily want...
Before he could stop himself, Koji's words poured out of his mouth. "Thoughtful? Genrou? Hah, yeah, an' I'm th' Emperor! Genrou's the loudest, rudest, densest person I know. He never thinks about anythin', which is what makes him so aggravatin'. Take yesterday fer instance! He jus' wanted t'run out an' fry those Akutsuki members, without even takin' inta account th' consequences. Ch, he's so stubborn 'n' pig-headed, sometimes I wonder how he-"
The bandit co-leader stopped short, noticing that Hikaru had stopped walking with him. He looked back, surprised to find the young woman standing out in the rain, staring at him in shock and anger. Koji bit his lip, realizing what had just spilled out in his fit of anger and... and, there was another emotion, too, though he didn't know what to call it. "Hi... Hikaru-san..."
"How could you...?" she asked quietly, emerald eyes quivering with emotion. "How could you possibly say such terrible things about Tasuki!? How could you even think them!? I thought the two of you were best friends! Always, always you were saying you were best friends! But how could a real friend ever...!?"
"I-"
"Don't," she snapped harshly, shaking her head fiercely. "Don't try to explain yourself to me, when Tasuki is the one you so obviously have a problem with. I'm going back to the stronghold." She marched roughly past him, tossing him his coat as she went. "Thanks for the help. I think I can make it back from here."
"But Hikaru-san-!"
Her voice came back as hard and angry as a whip, snapping viciously at the bandit's heart. "Good-bye, Koji-san."
The bandit co-leader watched helplessly as the Asatenshi sister stomped off into the storm, gazing at her silhouette until it completely disappeared in the distance. Only then did he toss his coat to the ground, gritting his teeth against his own stupidity. He had just snapped all ties he had made with Hikaru in one, simple action - he wouldn't be surprised if she hated him after that bout of garbage he had just spilled!
Worse still, he thought angrily, was that she was so right! He had said horrible things about Tasuki, about his best friend, the person who had always been there for him. He and Tasuki had seen so much together, beaten so much together, and he had nearly been willing to throw all of that away tonight if it would make Hikaru see how much better he was than his bandit friend. This wasn't a competition, was it?!
...Or was it?...
Koji shook his head fiercely. Was he really so willing to throw away such a long-time companion for a woman he had known for less than a month? How could he do that? How could he think it? Wasn't friendship more important than love? It was, wasn't it? That sort of relationship was valued a thousand times higher than romance, right? And, anyway, you could have both, couldn't you? One didn't have to suffer for the other to survive, did it? Or did it...?
He didn't know. He didn't think he knew anything anymore. The bandit put a hand to his forehead, letting his breath hiss out between his teeth in frustration. "Shuu's got her names wrong. I'm the ahou around here," he muttered to the surrounding trees, wishing that they could provide him with some answer to his troubles.
Lulled by the faint drumming of rain against the rooftops, Houjun slipped in and out of a calm, peaceful doze throughout the afternoon, waking up once or twice to find himself feeling increasingly better. He gave a small sigh of contentment on one of these brief conscious spells, snuggling further into his blankets and enjoying the day of rest to its full extent. Perhaps, he thought hopefully, this was all he really needed. Maybe a relaxing afternoon of napping was enough to release the pressure he had felt gradually enclosing in on him, threatening to suffocate him in its damp blanket of unknown memories and fierce headaches. Already he could feel the pain from the night before receding, the knives that had laced through his heart fading with the images that had been so vivid only an evening ago...
'Hah, memories and premonitions,' he thought with a chuckle as he closed his eyes once again and slipped into a deeper, fuller sleep. 'That's a laugh. For all my good grades, I sure am stupid sometimes...'
Houjun decided not to think about it anymore, and allowed the gentle music of the storm to send him back into the realms of dreams...
The young man stood outside the makeshift infirmary where he had battled for his life and his sanity, allowing the light drizzle - the aftermath of the vicious monsoon of a week ago - to soak into his battered clothing. He glanced out at the receding waters, vaguely surprised to note that the flood had almost vanished, leaving only small rivulets of water here and there, along with the occasional "puddle," as some of the survivors jokingly called the miniature ponds that dotted the area.
His single eye turned towards the nearby ruins of Kyokujitsu, his home... no, wait, that wasn't right. A place was only a home if the people you loved existed there, and there was no one. He had no one. But then again, he deserved that, didn't he? He deserved to be alone, deserved all the pain he had suffered. After what he had done, he deserved more than what he had received: he deserved to rot in hell. Yet for some reason...
He glanced down at his knee, the knee that he had recently discovered carried one of the seven symbols of Suzaku. He barked out a sobbing laugh, finding the situation humourous, in a disgusting sort of way. To think, he would discover such a gift the same night everything he loved would be snatched from him, the same night he would lose his eye, his love, and his innocence. To think that that very gift would rescue him, unintentionally of course, from the very flood waters that destroyed everything else. It should have been something to celebrate - he could imagine his father, grinning like an idiot, and his mother, saying how proud she was to have a son chosen by Suzaku - but instead he stood out here by the ruins of his old village, cursing his existence and wishing for death. The gods must have found this to be one hell of a joke, he thought bitterly.
Hardly knowing what he was doing, Houjun set out across the ravaged landscape, leaving behind the survivors from the surrounding villages and heading towards the remains of Kyokujitsu. He stomped along quietly, head turned downwards, heedless to the mud that sucked at his shoes and the rain that soaked him to the bone, threatening to reignite the fever that had raged through him over the past week. That fever, combined with the loss of blood and near infection of his destroyed eye, had almost killed him. If it hadn't been for that doctor, he would have...
As he reached the edges of the village and passed quietly by the secondary school, where Ryuichi-sensei had once held sway, he smiled humourlessly at the thought of the nameless doctor that had saved his life that first night after the storm. At the time, he had been unable to say anything; looking back, he should have told the man to let him die. Perhaps that would have been better than this. Anything would be better than this.
Momentarily numbed by the dead weight of the recent events, Houjun continued down the streets, pausing for a moment to glance up at what was left of Kouran's house. He stared at the water-logged wooden structure blankly, wishing he could find some kind of emotion to pull out of his deadened body, something that would do his fiancee's memory justice. He could find nothing, though: just an increasing emptiness that filled his soul, threatening to send him into complete despair.
Sighing, he continued on the familiar path from his school towards his home, searching the damaged streets and houses for some kind of answer to the healing wound that raced across his face and the wound that still bled in his heart. He passed by Hikou's home in the same fashion that he had passed Kouran's; an upward glance at the beaten structure, a feeble attempt to rouse some kind of feeling - remorse, shame, even hate - before giving up and continuing on his way.
Houjun was so lost in his thoughts that he did not realize he had pulled up to his own house until he was at the front door, buried up to his ankles in a muddy stream of water. He blinked his remaining eye weakly, staring at the warped wood that had once been the entrance to warmth, happiness, and security. He pushed weakly against what was left of the door; it practically collapsed under his hand, but swung inwards on its rusted hinges with a weak squeak.
He stared into the hallway blankly, almost as if he were waiting for his mother to poke her head out of the kitchen and smile, his father to come from his seat in the living room to ask him about his day, his brother to tackle him from the hallway and wrestle him to the ground, his sister to spring from practically nowhere with her usual hug and loud call of "Okaeri, Onii-chan!"
But there was no one. The darkness was complete and absolute. Houjun stepped into the house, sloshing through a thin trail of river water and allowing the door to swing shut behind him, enclosing him in the surrounding shadows. He felt something soft bump into his foot; glancing down, Houjun blinked in surprise as he saw a familiar, soggy doll floating lazily by his ankle.
Still in a daze, the young man picked up the favourite toy of his younger sister. It was a small plush rabbit - fitting, since Kyoui had been born in the year of the same name - that he had gotten her for her fifth birthday. She had loved it ever since; even after five years she still slept with the faded "Usagi-chan." His sister would never just leave it lying in the hallway...
Had she been scared? he wondered numbly. Had she dropped the doll in her rush to leave the house, to escape the rising floodwaters with his family, only to find they were too late? Had she cried as she was separated one by one from her loved ones? Or, perhaps, had she been the first to die...?
'Did you cry out for me, Kyo-chan?' he asked the doll silently, pushing its soaked ears out of its face. 'Did you call for your big brother, praying that he would save you like he always did? Did you keep wishing for that, even as you were filled with such terror? Did you have faith in me, Kyo-chan, right up until-?'
Houjun clutched the pale yellow rabbit to his chest, collapsing to his knees in the puddle of water. He bowed his head over the small doll, grasping all of his sorrow, pain and grief in that embrace and pulling it tightly into himself.
The darkness of the home wrapped itself around Houjun's slight form, covering him in a protective layer of safety and solitude. He withdrew deeply into the blanket of security, cutting himself almost entirely off from the rest of the world. There was no reason for him to be a part of this world any longer. He might as well just die.
He gasped out a single, ragged sob, then looked up through his wet bangs at the remains of his world. The young man smiled thinly, whispering one small, insignificant word to the empty home; an impossible prayer that would never again have a meaning, would never again be answered.
"...Tadaima."
Houjun felt a shudder course its way down his back, and was surprised when someone stilled the shivering. "Houjun, Houjun," a voice whispered quietly, drawing him back towards life.
The cold emptiness that had covered him entirely was replaced by the warm, comforting sensation of being pulled into a gentle embrace. His loose, wet hair was stroked soothingly by a familiar hand. He relaxed in the hold, wondering when the last time that he was held like this had been. A lifetime, it seemed. Ah, no matter. If he could finally find condolence for his sorrows, then it was enough.
Feet slapping against mud alerted him to an approaching figure. A soft gasp, followed by his father's voice broke him from his private stupor. "Gods. What the hell...?" Shinsei rarely cussed. Houjun wondered what the fuss was about.
He opened his eyes weakly, finding his rain-drenched body in his mother's arms. That was expected - he had recognized her voice and embrace - but the water that soaked his skin and clothing was a different matter entirely. The young man jerked up in surprise, glancing around to find himself in front of the Ri household, sitting on the stone walkway that led to the front door. He blinked his mahogany orbs rapidly, trying to wake up... trying to remember... "Nande [What's]...?"
"Houjun? Houjun?" Yukari said quietly, brushing his wet bangs out of his face. "Are you all right? I think you were sleep-walking. Funny, you haven't done that since you were really little, and even then..." she smiled warmly, turning his face gently so his eyes met hers. "Anyway, you're okay now. Let's go back inside, before you catch a cold, okay?"
He blinked again, looking at his mother in confusion. Sleep-walking? But hadn't he... oh, gods! The young man's eyes widened as he remembered the sorrowful, lonely dream he had just envisioned. His friends. His home. The village. And he, alone, in the middle of it all, not even able to cry for them! Unable to cry for even his family, who might have lived if not for his foolishness!
"If I had been there," he gasped out, terror gripping him as he desperately squeezed his mother's arm, almost as if trying to make sure she was real, "you would have left earlier, and made it out, wouldn't you?! It's my fault, isn't it?! Subete wa [Everything]...!"
The older woman cupped his hand in her own, eyes bleeding confusion and concern for her son. "Houjun, what are you talking about? What's your fault?"
His lips parted, the tale of what he had just seen, where had just been, seconds from tumbling helplessly out. But at the last second Houjun remembered who he was talking to, and the kind of pain his visions would bring to her. No. He would not do that to his mother. He would not do that to anyone. The young man turned his head downwards, shutting his mouth tightly and saying no more. Even if it killed him, he wasn't going to bring that kind of suffering down on the rest of his family.
Houjun wrapped himself back into his blanket of emptiness and solitude, and even his mother's pleading voice would not make him leave. He would bear this alone. Whether it was the future, or the past, or a separate time completely, it all belonged to him. He did not want to share it anymore than he wanted to understand it. He just wanted it to go away. Wanted everything to go away...
And still, he thought bitterly as he hugged his arms to his chest. Still, he couldn't even cry for them.
"Shinsei," he heard Yukari say, her normally calm voice tremoring with fear. "Help me get Houjun inside. Something is very, very wrong with our son."
Koji lay on his bed later that afternoon, searching the cracked ceiling for answers to the questions he had been riddled with since the incident with Hikaru. The bandit co-leader sighed heavily. He wanted to talk to Tasuki about all of this - he needed to talk to Tasuki about all of this - but he just couldn't bear to face him, not after everything he had said. What if Hikaru had told the Reikaku leader about his harsh, spontaneous words? How could he possibly explain that it had been an accident, that he hadn't even meant any of those terrible things?
...Even though he did...?
No. That was unlikely. Tasuki was the sort of person who would confront someone if he heard a rumor like that, and Koji had not seen his bandit companion since he'd gotten back to the mountain. Hikaru had been silent. In that, at least, he had been blessed, though it still didn't solve any of his problems. Still didn't begin to answer any of his questions.
Could you balance romance and friendship on a scale? Or did one side always have to outweigh the other? Would he have to choose? Choose between Hikaru and Tasuki? He refused to do something like that!
...Because he was too ashamed of his choice...?
The door to the co-leader's room opened quietly, a chibi head poking its way through. "Hao, Koji-sama!" Genji's well-known voice cried cheerfully. "Do you mind if I come in, or are you busy with something?"
Koji glanced up, managing a flicker of a smile and waving the youth forward. "C'mon in, Genji-kun, y'know yer always welcome."
The bandit blushed a little. "Koji-sama said I'm always welcome." Genji leaped onto the end of the co-leader's bed, grinning wildly. "I'm always welcome in Koji-sama's room! Shi-a-wa-se [Hap-pi-ness], te kanjii!"
The older man sweatdropped at his friend's enthusiasm. "Well, right now it is yer room, too, y'know." He hesitated, watching as the green-haired youth took a cross-legged seat at the end of his bed. He did need to talk to someone about this, and there were only a few people on the mountain that he felt close enough to confide in - and confident enough that they would give him good answers. Hikaru was out of the question, as was Tasuki, and the co-leader was still a little angry at Shuu for her comments from earlier... well, fourth choice wasn't bad. "Say, Genji-kun, c'n I talk to ya about somethin'? It's kinda important, so hear me out on this one."
The bandit nodded fiercely, purple eyes shining with excitement. "Oo, a man-to-man talk between me and Koji-sama! Tanoshii [What fun], te kanjii!"
"This is just between you 'n' me, okay? So it's kinda like a secret. Got it?"
He wagged a finger at his mentor. "'Secrets don't make friends,' as my mom always used to say." Genji paused thoughtfully, putting the same finger to his chin. "Which is kinda funny now that I think about it, seeing as how Daddy caught her in bed with the mailman."
Koji sweatdropped. 'No wonder he ran away from home...' The co-leader waved a dismissive hand at his friend. "Eh, nevermind all that, Genji-kun. Just promise that this'll stay between you 'n' me, all right?"
"Haaaaaaaaai!" he cried, putting a hand over his heart. "I solemnly swear I won't tell another single solitary soul or you can pluck out my eyes with your daggers, te kanjii! Is that good enough, Koji-sama?"
"Er... Yeah. That's, uh, that's fine," the older man assured him. Inwardly, he was starting to wonder if this had been a good idea after all. Oh, well, he had come too far already. Might as well see it through. "Listen, Genji-kun... Whadda you think is more important? Friendship, or love?"
"I love all my friends, te kanjii! So can I pick both?" he cocked his head curiously. "Or do you mean romantic love? 'Cause in that case... eto..." the young man looked down at his hands, brow furrowed thoughtfully. "They're both really important, te kanjii. But, friends can sometimes come and go, but the person you love is the person you love. Like your soul mate, and all, and they're there forever and ever, so, um... love?" He glanced up hopefully. "Is that the right answer, Koji-sama?"
The bandit sighed. "I wish I knew." He paused, then decided to rephrase his question. "There're two people that I care a whole lot about, Genji-kun. But, th' problem is, th' person I wanna get romantically involved with has a thing for my friend. And I dunno if I can make romantic progess with one without hurtin' th' friendship with th' other. But there's gotta be a way t'keep a balance between th' two, right? I don't have t'choose one over th' other, do I?"
Genji clenched his fists, eyes lighting up excitedly "I know there's a way, Koji-sama! I know exactly what you're talking about, and I feel the same way, and we can settle it right here, te kanjii!"
"We can?" Koji blinked in surprise, leaning forward.
"Mm!" he nodded fiercely, then blushed and looked down, poking his index fingers together in embarassment. "Because, you see... there's two people who I really really care about, too. Except, recently, I've been thinking that maybe I care about one of them a little bit more than I care about the other. But I don't want to hurt his feelings, te kanjii! Because I still really really really like him, too! It's just..." Genji glanced up, setting his jaw and mustering up his courage. "Oh, but it doesn't matter anymore, Koji-sama! Because now I know how you feel, and I know why you told me all this, and I think we can solve everything, te kanjii!"
Koji frowned, not completely understanding his companion. "Huh? Y'mean... y'mean you like Hikaru-san, too?"
"What?" the youth cocked his head in surprise. "You mean we weren't talking about Gen-sama? Wasn't that the friendship you were talking about?"
"Well, yeah, it was..." the co-leader thought for a moment, then stared hard at his younger friend. "Wait. What romantic relationship were you goin' on about? If Genrou's one-a th' people you really care about, then who's th' other if it ain't Hikaru?"
"Eh!?" Genji blushed to the tips of his ears. He turned chibi and swiveled around on the bed, staring hard at the floor with his back to his bandit friend. "Oh... I was... it's, it's nobody... nobody important, I guess... te kanjii..." he brought up his head, swiftly changing the subject. "But, about your earlier questions, if you work hard enough then I bet you can keep both! Because if you really and truly love Hikaru-san and Gen-sama equally, then you'll find a way to work everything out, te kanjii!" He glanced over his shoulder at his mentor and friend, smiling cheerfully and flashing a victory sign. "That's what I think, anyway!"
Koji grinned back at his young friend. "Huh. Maybe yer right, Genji-kun." He stood swiftly, ruffling the younger bandit's hair affectionately. "I'll see ya at dinner, okay? Right now I gotta go talk to Genrou about somethin' stupid I did. Oh, and Genji-kun, good luck with whoever y'were talkin' about. I hope everythin' works out fer you, too."
The green-haired youth nodded. "Arigatou, Koji-sama, but I think I've already solved the problem, te kanjii." Genji waited until the door had opened and shut behind the co-leader before dropping his smile and his head. He sighed heavily, a single tear tracing its way down his cheek. "Koji-sama... it's just not fair..."
The young bandit turned his head skywards, crying twin rivers of tears. "Oh cruel, bitter Fate! I just had to fall in love with a man, didn't I!? And of all the men in the world, it just had to be one of the only straight bandits in existence! It's just not fair, te kanjiiiiiii!"
Houjun watched the rain pour quietly down outside his window. Rain was strange, he thought dully. You couldn't live without it, but you couldn't live in harmony with it, either. It gave what it wanted, and took what it wanted. You couldn't stop it; all you could do was do your best to fight it. Things like rain made humans seem pitifully insignificant, he decided. Could they really consider themselves the dominant species, when they were under the command of so many outside forces? His philosophy teacher had asked that question once, hadn't he...?
"Houjun? Houjun?"
The young man glanced up from his seat, meeting his mother's concerned gaze. He pulled himself out of his private cocoon long enough to answer. "Hai, 'Kaa-san?"
Yukari hesitated, not completely sure what to say. Her son had been almost completely unresponsive since she had brought him in, several minutes ago; he always answered direct questions, but other than that he may as well have been in a completely different world. She glanced over her shoulder at her husband, as if to gain strength from his quiet presence, then took a breath. "Houjun," she began again, "Shinsei and I are very worried about you. Is there anything you want to talk to us about? Something that happened outside, or yesterday, or..." she left the sentence unfinished, allowing her oldest son to complete it if he wished.
The young man shrugged a little, tugging at the blanket someone - his father, he thought - had draped over his shoulders and pulling it tighter around himself. He was as icily calm as a man who had been sentenced to Hell and had nothing left to fear. "I'm all right," Houjun said mechanically. A few seconds later, he couldn't even remember what had been asked, or how he had responded. It was like his brain was on automatic, going through the motions while he was really a thousand miles away.
"No, I don't think you are," Shinsei pressed from the doorway. "What happened out there? You need to tell us, Houjun, otherwise we can't help you."
That was the question they continued to ask. It was the one question he refused to answer. The young man shut himself off again, turning his gaze back to the window. "I'm all right," he repeated. "I just had a bad dream, and I was half-asleep when you found me. That's all. It was nothing." Nothing. That's all it was. That's all he was. Nothing in his heart for his family. Not even tears.
His father said something he didn't catch. His mother answered somewhat snappishly. They were arguing about something, but not fiercely. They rarely got into real fights. Houjun lost track of the conversation again. As long as they weren't speaking to him, it wasn't like he needed to listen. All he had to do was respond the way he was expected, so they wouldn't worry about his waning health. His mind turned over all of the painful details of his dream again, trying to capture everything so he could be sure to push it all out of the way. He didn't want any of that to come back to haunt him later. He didn't want to accidentally tell his family about the deaths he had envisioned for all of them. The deaths that were, essentially, all his fault.
The young man glanced down at his hands. They had been stained with mud earlier; somone must have cleaned them off. He had cleaned them off, hadn't he? That's right: he had gotten a towel from the kitchen. It was so hard to remember anything since he woke up; this felt more like a dream than his actual dream, he realized in confusion.
'It doesn't matter,' he thought numbly, clasping one hand firmly in the other. 'I'll never get my hands clean, after that. There's too much blood on them for a simple scrubbing to clean off.' He turned his eyes back to the window. 'I wonder if it will flood, tonight... like it did back then...?'
He pushed that thought sharply out of his head. There had never been a flood in Kyokujitsu; not a serious one, anyway. There was no "back then." Anyway, he didn't want to think about it. He just wanted it to go away. So he could stop this pain. So his family and friends could stop worrying. He shoved the memory further into the back of his mind, allowing the emptiness that surrounded his soul to swallow it entirely.
Houjun heard his mother murmur something gently to him. He didn't know what. After a moment, she left the room. Shinsei followed. Good. He didn't want them to see him like this. He didn't want anyone to see him like this. He had to try and pull himself back together, to forget those horrible visions before they took over his life completely. He had to think of Kouran, Hikou, his parents and siblings. Had to think about what was real, about what he knew. About what mattered. Not visions. Not deaths and floods and Suzaku seishi. Had to think about what was real.
But what was real...?
He sighed. It was no use. He looked around at his darkened room, littered with evening shadows that made it appear cold and empty. His heart was a lot like this room, now, he thought. The darkness was complete, in and out; the emptiness was complete, in and out. He pulled his knees to his chest, burying his head in his arms and wishing he could at least feel something, anything. Even pain would have been better than this complete nothingness. Even tears would have been a blessing. Had he ever been able to cry for them? Would he ever be able to cry for them? Or was his heart too frozen over with loss to do even that simple task?
Houjun closed his eyes tightly, taking his mind back to a day that was a lifetime away. 'I've felt this feeling before, haven't I...? Twice... twice I've felt this feeling... and I couldn't fight it, either time...'
He sat in one of the many tents that dotted the edge of the Shouryuu River, the temporary home of the flood refugees. Nearly a month had passed since the day everything had been snatched away from him; almost three weeks had gone by since he had visited his home for the final time.
The young man wondered how he had managed to get through all those days. He had even eaten, here and there, automatically continuing the basic functions of life. The other survivors encouraged their young, lonely companion quietly, urging him to keep up his strength and regain his health. Their words had been able to keep his numbed body from dying for a time, but it looked as if that time had passed.
He had no purpose in life anymore, no desire to continue his meaningless existence. He didn't deserve life, not after all the lives he had destroyed. Not after Kouran's tears, Hikou's pain, his family's suffering. So, it only seemed right that he do what the flood had been unable to do. That he finish what that rainy night should have finished...
Houjun glanced down at the knife that trembled in his weak hands. He had not eaten in several days, and it was starting to show. Not that that would matter in a few minutes, he reminded himself grimly. He tightened his grip on the weapon. He would have to make this quick, or he wouldn't be able to go through with it. He was coward enough that he might change his mind at the last second if he didn't do it fast.
It would only take one swift plunge to the chest. Even if he didn't hit his heart, the damage would be too severe for any of the village healers to handle. It would be slow, painful, and deadly. Then it would all be over. Then he would finally be free of the emptiness that swallowed his soul. He would finally be rid of the wound on his eye and the deeper wound across his heart.
"Hikou..." he whispered quietly. "I hope I suffer... as much as you must have..."
The young man closed his single eye, gathering together every last inch of his courage and pain. He pulled the knife back, preparing to stab it straight into his chest. One pierce. One pierce. Just one. Just one...
"Houjun-san. Oh, Houjun-san."
Someone's soft hands wrapped around his own, gently pulling the knife from his weak grasp. He opened his eye, finding himself staring into the familiar face of a middle-aged woman. It was Akura Hatsuko, Kouran's aunt from a neighboring village. The woman who had found him on the riverbank, the night after the flood, and who had discovered him in his home a week later. Both those times, he should have been left to die. Just like now. Just like now.
The older woman smiled kindly, but couldn't help wincing as the young man's jagged scar flashed in the dim light. He instinctively turned that side of his face away from her, so she wouldn't have to see it. He understood what kind of a monster he must seem to others. But at least, with a mark like this, the world would see on his face the sins of his heart. "Akura-san...?"
"Houjun-san, it happens to many stronger than yourself, and many weaker as well," she assured him quietly. "Your home, your family... everything gone... it's understandable, why you would try this."
He dropped his head, admitting his personal defeat. He couldn't even kill himself right. How disgusting. "Why...?" he asked quietly, unable to finish his question. Unable to demand to know why she would save someone who deserved a thousand painful deaths.
Hatsuko misunderstood his question, thinking it to be one of remorse. "It is understandable," she repeated quietly. "But you must not give up on life, Houjun-san! You have a purpose still, a purpose more beautiful and pure than any of us could possibly be given." She touched his right knee almost reverently, smiling secretively at the young man.
His single eye widened in surprise. "How did you-?"
"When I found you, that horrible night, you were covered in a red light. And your knee carried the symbol of 'well.'" She cupped his face between her hands, forcing him to look at her again. "You were protected, Houjun-san, by Suzaku himself! Is there a better reason to live?"
"I don't deserve it," he told her quietly, keeping his eyes to the ground. "I don't deserve... any of it..." Houjun touched his healing eye gently, to remind the older woman and himself of his previous sins. "I killed... him... and my family... I shouldn't be allowed to live, to be a shichiseishi..."
Hatsuko frowned. "Such a young, promising life should not be destroyed so easily." He laughed hoarsely at the idea of his life being promising. "If your mistakes bother you so much, then you should atone for them. Don't you agree, Houjun-san?"
"...Through death...?" he muttered, almost hopefully.
"No!" she said fiercely, gripping his shoulders. The older woman took a breath, trying to calm herself. She had to make him see reason, and yelling at him would not do it. "Do you know where Tsugunai Temple is? In Himawari Village?" he nodded weakly. "Good. Very good. My son... my son works there. In the temple, I mean. He is a monk. He can help you."
Houjun glanced up, a flicker of hope in his eye. He mentally cursed himself; even now, was he so desperately searching for an alternate path to redemption? Was he such a coward that he would try to sneak away from his own deserved death? "Help me? But how...?"
"Baka, how else?" she asked gently. "You can join him there, of course. Or travel, if you prefer. Work off these 'sins' you keep talking about. Give yourself a reason to live, if only until the Miko arrives and your true destiny is realized. Do whatever it takes, but Houjun-san - no, Chichiri-sama - you must live. If not for your own sake, than for mine. For that doctor who worked so hard to save you. For your Miko, and your fellow seishi." She glanced down, finishing quietly. "And, if for no one else, than for my niece Kouran, whose tears would flood the earth with rain if you were to die such a meaningless death."
At the mention of his beloved, Houjun felt something in his withered heart spark to life, just slightly. Kouran. Even if she had not loved him the way he loved her, even if it had all been a lie, surely she still cared for him as the childhood friend he had been? Surely, if he were to kill himself, more of her tears would be shed.
Surely, he would not allow himself to cause her more pain than he already had.
The young man straightened his shoulders resolutely. He had a path. He had a purpose. For the moment, at least, it would suffice. "When can I leave?" he wanted to know.
Yes, he reminisced quietly, only partially wondering how he could reminisce something that had not happened. That had sufficed, for a while, hadn't it? For almost three years, he had managed to keep the darkness in his heart at bay, had been able to fight it off with a set of carefully planned excuses. The quiet friendship of Akura Takashi, Hatsuko's son, had helped him survive for a painful year. The strangely rewarding job as a wanderer, traversing freely about the country with so few cares, so few worries, had worked for a time, as well.
But all that had eventually worn off. After three bitter years, after battling so many inner demons, after trying so desperately to keep a purpose in his life, he had lost the fight once again. Not even the simple beauty of nature, which he had come to realize he loved almost as much as the home he had lost, could help him cling to life. Not even the memory of Hatsuko's passionate words about Kouran could stir a flame from the ashes of his soul.
Because he still saw Hikou's desperate face, still smelled the ashes of his family's remains, still heard the heavy rush of a flooded river, still felt his best friend's hand slipping away from his own. He was still haunted by the events of that night. And he still had just one question to ask.
'Why did you betray me...?'
The Shouryuu River had not been so kind to him on his second visit to its depths. His Suzaku powers did not spring unbidden to stop his fall into the rushing current. With the help of a girl who shared his deceased fiancee's name, he had managed to escape with his life intact, but little else. Perhaps, that time, he should have died, too.
Houjun pulled his head from his knees, shaking it hard to clear it of the alien memories. As he turned his eyes back to the window, he couldn't help but wonder what had caused all the pain he felt in these visions. It was fiercely hinted at, something about murdering "him" and a flood. The destruction of his village...? No, it was more than that. Worse than that. But what...?
The young man closed his mahogany orbs, putting a hand to his forehead to ward off the hint of a headache. 'No,' he reminded himself. 'I don't want to find answers. More answers will just bring more pain. To me. To them. To Kouran. I refuse to do that. I love them too much.'
So why, he silently asked the storm, why, if he loved them so much, had he been unable to cry for them? Was his heart just too iced over with pain and guilt to find the strength for tears? Did he really fear for them at all? Was it for their sake that he fought his visions? Or was it only for himself?
The weeping sky offered no solutions to his dry eyes and empty heart.
"Oi, Genrou, c'n I talk t'ya fer a minute?"
Tasuki looked up from his bed at the bandit that stood in the doorway. He shot a teasing grin at his companion. "Aw, c'mon now Koji, y'know not t'interrupt me when I'm havin' such a rivetin' conversation with my roommate." His golden eyes shot down to where Chichiri still slept quietly on his floor, then back up to his best friend. "Yeah, come on in."
Koji sidestepped the comatose monk, frowning worriedly at Hikaru's patient, then at Tasuki. "Still no change, huh?"
"Nah," he agreed, smile disappearing as the conversation turned towards his seishi comrade. "Earlier t'day I thought I saw his eyebrow twitch a little, but I think it was jus' my imagination." He sighed, sitting up and watching as the monk's chest rose and fell slowly. "I been followin' Hikaru's advice, talkin' t'him an' all, but I dunno if it's doin' any good. Maybe he really don't wanna come back..." A shadow passed swiftly across Tasuki's face - concern, guilt, fear? - but the look was quickly erased. Reikaku's leader glanced up again, shrugging. "Ah, nevermind, though. What's up?"
Reminded of his real reason for coming here, Koji winced and turned his eyes from his companion's face. "Oh, right." He shifted uncomfortably, suddenly finding something very interesting among the cracks in Tasuki's wall. "Er, about that... there's somethin' that happened this afternoon, somethin' I figger I oughta talk t'you about..."
Tasuki frowned thoughtfully at his friend's unusual shyness. "Okay. So what's up? Somethin' between you 'n' Hikaru, 'r somethin'?"
"Yeah, you could, um, you could say that..."
The bandit leader's door opened once again. "Tasuki!" A cheerful voice called. A moment later, the elder Asatenshi sister's head appeared around the doorway, smiling at the seishi. "Sorry to bother you, but have you seen Shuu-chan lately? I can't seem to..." Hikaru's eyes fell on Tasuki's companion; her smile immediately dropped. "Oh. I see you've got company. I'll come back later, then-"
"Wait, Hikaru-san." Koji looked up at the attractive sister, forcing himself to meet her eyes. "I want you t'hear this too. So, d'ya think ya c'd come in an' have a seat?"
She hesitated for a second, looking between the co-leader and leader as if she was weighing the pros and cons - spend time with Tasuki, or escape the presence of Koji? - before finally nodding and entering the room. The tanned bandit waited until she was seated comfortably on the floor before speaking. "Listen, Genrou... about this afternoon..." he rubbed the back of his head, wondering how to bring this up. "Well, when Hikaru-san an' I were out takin' care of that barrier thing, I said some... some pretty harsh stuff about ya. Like, callin' ya stupid 'n' stubborn 'n' sayin' that ya couldn't do anythin' without my help..."
Tasuki shrugged. "What's th' problem? Y'say that stuff t'my face all th' time."
"This was different!" Hikaru interjected angrily. "Before, it was obvious that you were only teasing each other, that it was in jest! But Koji-san... Koji-san said it so harshly! It was like he meant every word of it!"
"Which I didn't," the co-leader added hastily. "It jus' all popped out, 'cause I, well..." he sighed; he would have to be honest about this. "Sometimes I jus' get so sick of hearin' about how great Genrou is! I mean, here we were, Hikaru-san, havin' a perfectly nice afternoon an' all, an' suddenly yer gigglin' an' goin' on about how nice 'n' thoughtful he was to ya. I couldn't help it; I got a little irritated."
The Asatenshi sister did not seem impressed. "Well, perhaps, but that didn't give you a right to speak so poorly of Tasuki."
"Yer right," he agreed whole-heartedly, "it didn't. An' maybe that ain't a good excuse, either. I guess... I guess sayin' that stuff was me tryin' t'soothe my stupid pride. I hear about Genrou all th' time, so sometimes I gotta knock him down t'make myself feel a little important." He put a hand to his forehead, rubbing his temples and adding quietly, "I mean, after all, I mean somethin' t'the world, too, don't I?"
Silence filled the room for a long moment. Finally, the intense quiet was broken by a surprising sob from Tasuki's direction. "I can't believe it... I jus' can't..."
Koji looked up, eyes widening in shock at his companion, who was hunched over on the bed with his head in his hands. "G-Genrou? Are you... are you okay? I, I didn't..."
"I jus' can't believe it..." The seishi sat up suddenly, eyes full of tears. "Aniki, you don't... you don't love me anymore?" He put his head into his sleeve, sobbing wildly. "Oh, you big meanie, you called me all sorts of nasty names! I'm never speaking to you again, never never never! Boo-hoo-hoo!"
Hikaru and Koji both sweatdropped. The co-leader grinned crookedly, surprised by the immense relief he suddenly felt in his chest. "I take it this means y'ain't too pissed at me, na?"
Tasuki sat up, sobs turning into chuckles as he dried away the false tears and popped his companion good-naturedly across the back of the head. "Ahou! Please, like a couple-a little remarks're gonna damage this friendship! If I let people callin' me dense 'n' loud-mouthed get t'me, I'd-a thrown myself off a cliff when I was in my teens!" He grinned, shoving Koji off the bed and literally into Hikaru's arms. "Hell, sounds t'me like Hikaru's more pissed off'n I am, so why doncha say yer apologies t'her, na?"
The Asatenshi sister blushed slightly at the co-leader, who was almost nose to nose with her. "I suppose if Tasuki can forgive you so easily, then I misinterpreted your remarks. I apologize for jumping to conclusions and storming off like that."
Koji grinned. "Hey, no need t'apologize, I was th' one who was outta line, Hikaru-san."
The young woman returned the smile. "Consider the entire thing forgotten. Now, Koji-san..." she glanced down to where he was sitting, draped across her in an extremely compromising position. "Do you suppose you could remove yourself from my lap, please?"
"Huh? Oh shit, sorry 'bout that!" the bandit hurriedly attempted to do as she asked, but slipped on the wooden floor and wound up with his hand on her breast. Koji blushed, swearing loudly and trying to ignore more than a few sensations that raced through his body. "Gomen, Hikaru-san! I jus' can't do anythin' right t'day - oof!"
Tasuki, who was laughing almost uncontrollably at his friend's awkward situation, had fallen off the bed - and right onto his two companions. The bandit chuckled, opening his tear-filled eyes and slapping Koji on what he assumed was his shoulder. "Holy shit man, you shoulda seen yer face! I thought y'were gonna explode in yer damn pants!"
"Would you shut up!?" Koji cried with a fierce blush, trying to glare at his friend and remove his head from Hikaru's chest at the same time. "An' why th' hell are ya pattin' my ass!?"
"Eh?" Tasuki blinked, clearing the tears of laughter with the action and finding that his friend was right. "Ach! Sorry!" He quickly removed his hand from its current position, spluttering angrily to cover his embarassment. "Well, it ain't my fault yer ass is so hard it felt like yer shoulder!"
"What was that, some kinda twisted pick-up line!?"
"N-nani-!?"
Hikaru, who was sufficiently smashed under the two men, managed to squeak a small request. "Would you mind... not putting your hand there, Tasuki... and your face there, Koji-san... and could you both, eto, could you please, perhaps, get off of me?"
"Eh? Oh! Sorry 'bout that, Hikaru!"
"You idiot, quit apologizin' an' jus' move!"
The trio looked up, momentarily frozen in their rather unusual positions at the sound of the door creaking open. A bedraggled head of raven-blue hair poked its way around the wood, looking extremely tired and more than a little annoyed. Still, that didn't stop her from taking in the scene and, with a raised eyebrow, make one of her infamously dry quips. "Well, look at that. I'm impressed, Nee-san - I never thought you had it in you to pull off a threesome."
Hikaru blushed violently, sitting up as the pair of bandits scrambled off and away from her. "Shuu-chan, it isn't like that! We were just talking, that's all!"
"Hey, whatever. It's none of my business what - and who - you do in your spare time," the other sister agreed with a shrug. "Anyway, some of the bandits said you were looking for me. You need something?"
"Ah, actually, I did wish to see you. I need some help with remembering a few spells." The eldest sister stood, turning and bowing quickly to her two bandit friends. "After I speak with Shuu-chan, I'll probably be going to bed, so I'll see the two of you in the morning."
"Come t'think of it, I'd better get back t'my room, too," Koji remarked. He started to stand, but was pulled roughly back to the ground by his bandit friend. He glanced over his shoulder at the seishi. "What's up?"
"We've still got somethin' t'settle," he said sternly, pasting on his most severe "leader" look. "Whether y'like it 'r not, I'm still th' boss around this place, an' talkin' bad about th' boss is definitely breakin' code three-five-dash-four-point-two." Koji sweatdropped, knowing perfectly well there was no such thing. "Which means that yer now susceptible t'some serious punishment." Tasuki cracked his knuckles, grinning viciously. "In other words: the ol' 'Turnabout is Fair Play' payback."
"Ah, crap." The co-leader sighed. "Don't s'pose I c'n wheedle my way outta this?"
"Nope! Now sit back an' take it like a man!"
The two bandits sat across from each other, cross-legged, both looking very stern and severe. The seishi cleared his throat, glared accusingly at Koji, then began: "First off, yer jus' like some old mother. Yer bossy, naggy, a born worrier, an' a stickler fer keepin' th' stronghold clean. Yer th' most anal person I know, with th' way ya gotta organize things around th' place, an' yer damn chore schedules suck ass. Yer too emotional when it comes t'people ya care about, an' that last display jus' showed that ya get guilt trips fer things that ya don't even need t'feel guilty about. An' don't even get me started about yer taste in clothing..."
"How long is this gonna take?" Koji interrupted somewhat irritably.
"As long as it needs to..." he scowled, pulling out his crystal fan. "An' don't you dare take that tone with me, young man!" Tasuki smacked his friend over the head with his tessen. "Remember, in the Reikaku family I'm th' husband an' yer th' wife, which means when I'm talkin' y'better damn well listen."
"D'you have any idea how gay that sounded?"
"Urusai, woman, an' make me mah dinnah!"
Hikaru chuckled from the doorway, smiling fondly at the pair of bandits she had become close companions with in a relatively short time. "They're true friends, through and through. To tear the two of them apart would be a nearly impossible task." Her eyes narrowed thoughtfully. "It's hard to find such strong bonds of loyalty and trust, especially in humans. Don't you agree, Nee-san?"
"It's so sweet, I just might throw up," Shuu drawled sarcastically. "Stop sight-seeing already. You needed some help, right? So, let's get it over with. Unless, of course, you'd rather stay in here with your little bandit harem..."
"Shuu-chan, you pervert!"
"Onii-chan? You awake?"
Houjun, jerked sharply out of his half-asleep daze, glanced up in moderate surprise at the quiet call. He found himself looking into the unusually hesitant eyes of his little sister. The young man managed a small smile; even now, after everything, Kyoui's presence could still put a bit of warmth into his life. "No, Kyo-chan, I'm awake, more-or-less." He patted his bed, inviting the girl to have a seat.
She willingly accepted the offer, slippered feet padding quietly across his wooden floor. "Okaa-san and Otoo-san said that you were sick and that we shouldn't bother you," she explained as she hopped onto the bed. The girl squeezed into a comfortable position, lodged safely between her older brother and the wall that the bed sat against. She leaned her head against his shoulder, glancing up at him with a smile. "But I think that's kinda silly, don't you? 'Cause when I'm not feeling well, most of the time I don't like being alone. If someone's there, they can help you forget that you're sick."
Houjun nodded, giving her a small squeeze. He had to keep up his cheerful pretense in front of his sister. He couldn't stand the thought of making her worried. He had brought her enough pain, when he had... The young man closed his eyes tightly. No, no, no. He refused to think about any of it. If he held it back, it would go away. It had to go away...
"Oh, I almost forgot!" Kyoui looked down, rummaging in the folds of her skirts in search of something. After a moment, she pulled out the desired object and stuck it in front of her brother's face. "Here. This always makes me feel better when I'm sick. I know you're probably too old for it, but just try it tonight if you want." She smiled sweetly. "Then everytime you hug it you can think of me, and how I want you to get better!"
The young man blinked in surprise, eyes taking a minute to focus on the object that his sister had presented to him. Once he did figure out what it was, he wished he hadn't.
"It's Usagi-chan, remember, Houjun?" Kyoui was saying, though he barely heard her through the thrumming visions in his eyes and ears. "You got it for me. See? I still hang onto it! It's my favourite toy, you know." She dropped the plush rabbit into his lap, glancing up worriedly at her unresponsive brother. The young girl scowled fiercely. "Neeeeeee! Onii-chan!?"
"What about my village? My family? The others? How are they?"
"Oh, Houjun-san, I'm so sorry."
"What? What is it? What's wrong?"
"It's just... Kyokujitsu... it was right on the riverbank, practically on the water... it just happened so fast, no one expected something so violent... Houjun-san, the village was completely destroyed. No one had a hope of survival."
"No one...?" his single mahogany eye widened in surprise, glistened hesitantly with the threat of a tear... then suddenly returned to its usual, impassive state. He looked away, nodding slightly. "I see. Thank you, Akura-san. I'd like to be alone now, if that's all right."
"Houjun-san..." she said carefully. "It's, it's all right to cry, you know... it would, it would be all right if you cried..."
The young man, bedridden for the moment, turned his face away from the older woman. He felt that he should cry; that he wanted to cry. Yet he could not. He had used up all his tears, all his passionate grief, on his best friend and fiancee. He had nothing left to give to his family. Nothing left to feel for his family. They were gone forever, and yet he couldn't find any emotions to pull out of his battered body, his ragged soul. Spiritually, he, too, may as well have been dead.
"Dekinai [I can't]," he murmured quietly. Houjun closed his single, dry eye, and closed his heart to the outside world. "A frozen heart doesn't know how to shed tears, Akura-san."
Houjun stared hard at the small doll in his lap, then looked up at his irritated - but also worried - younger sister. His mahogany orbs met her lively brown ones, eyes full of cheer and love and concern... and felt something that had long been locked in his heart unexpectedly open. "Kyo-chan..."
His eyes filled with long overdue tears, tears that he had been unable to give all evening - that he had been unable to give for over two decades. The young man gripped his sister in a tight hug, water spilling freely down his cheeks. He sobbed brokenly, all the grief of his dreams - of his reality - escaping in a cascade of helpless sorrow.
"Kyo-chan..." he repeated, holding her tightly, afraid to let go. Afraid that he would once again lose it, that he would lose the burning passion that had been locked in his chest since his nightmare - since his family had died. Passion for the things he loved, passion for himself... passion for life.
He felt like he had found a lost toy, a toy that he had given up on finding years ago. And somehow, even as the tears fell uncontrollably, that made him feel just a little bit better. It was pain, surely, fierce and raw, but at least it was emotion. At least it was a real, fiery feeling for something. He would deal with the rest later, would handle the nightmares and the headaches and the false memories at another time; right now, he needed nothing but tears.
"Gomen ne," he whispered quietly. "I should have been there... I should have been there for you, when you needed me most... I wanted to cry for you, but I couldn't... I just forgot how... gomen ne, Kyo-chan... Gomen ne..."
The youngest Ri child blinked in confusion. She had never seen Houjun like this before. She had never seen him so hurt, so overwhelmed... so sad. Kyoui's wide eyes softened a little; she patted her eldest brother's back comfortingly. He was always around when she needed help. At least she could do this for him. "Daijoubu, Houjun," she assured him. "It's okay. You've always been here for me. You'll always be here for me. Don't cry. It'll be all right."
He pulled her even closer, sniffing violently against the onslaught of tears. "I hate the rain," he told her quietly. "I hate it... I've always hated it... horrible things always happen in the rain... always... And it's so cold... it makes everything so cold... inside and outside... it floods - and freezes - everything... sometimes for so long..."
'Ame [Rain]...?' the girl frowned thoughtfully. 'Why does that...?'
The feeling of being surrounded by swirling waters, of being held under by a chunk of debris, of shouting helplessly, only to have her mouth filled with muddy water, flashed through Kyoui's mind. Over and over, she called out the name of the person she most trusted, praying desperately that he still lived, that he could still save her, but it was no use. Eventually, she had no more air left with which to yell. Just water. Everything was water.
Kyoui sniffled a little, though she wasn't sure why. "I hate the rain, too," she agreed.
The pair of siblings turned their heads toward the small window in Houjun's room, watching as the raindrops continued their dance across Kyokujitsu Village. Brother and sister hugged tightly, leaning against one another for comfort and strength. They would wait out the rest of the storm. This time, they would wait it out together.
*****
Author's Mundane Ramblings: October 25, 2003; 11:30 PM
Hao, minna-san!
Ay, another more-or-less pointless chapter! I need to stop writing these, don't I? Well, look, it doesn't have anything to do with the plot, but it does serve a purpose... or something like one. Okay, I have a lot to get through in this session, but I'll do my best to get it done quickly.
Random Chapter Comments Fans of bandits and Asatenshi sisters will want to savor this chapter, as it's the last you'll be seeing of them in the First Movement. *Wards off angry readers* Hey, calm down! There's only fifteen verses in the First Movement, and the Second Movement is reserved completely for Tasuki, Koji, and the mysterious sisters. All the Reikaku goodness you can muster - but on the downside, no Chichiri/Houjun (unless you count his comatose form, which I really don't). *Wards off yet more angry readers* Ach! I just can't win, can I?
Answering Reviews I feel quite silly, because I got in a hurry last time and forgot to do this section! A thousand apologies, O Readers! *Much bowing* Oh yes, and a big "howdy ho!" to my newcomers: WeaselGirl-san, Disheartenedwolf-san, Kohiko-san, and Chiri27-san! Thanks so much for hopping on the RFS train! There's a long ride ahead, so buckle up...
--To Wingstar-san, about Tenshuru: Haha, yep, Tenshuru's the good Asatenshi, in a sense anyway. But that still means it could be either Shuu or Hikaru, so nobody better start jumping to conclusions! And yes, "Asashi Tenshuru" is a cooky little anagram on my part - but keep in mind that her last name as both "shu" and "ru" in it, which are parts of both sister's names... so there's still no clear villain in sight! Hooray for mysteries!
--To WeaselGirl-san, on "te kanjii": It's sort of like, "no da," but with more flair. It doesn't really translate. If you were to translate it, it might be something along the lines of "like" or "totally." Think valley girl, heheh.
--To Kohiko-san, on Kouran: Oh, good, you feel sorry for her, you don't hate her! Phew! I was worried about what kind of emotions I'd be getting from Kouran's involvement in this story... so far, there haven't been any flaming death threats, so, I guess I should count myself lucky. I actually like Kouran, you know, even if I don't seem to show it...
--To Wingstar-san (again, heh), on Ficcing: Oh, well, most of the time I don't accept excuses for delayed reviews (don't worry, I'm kidding), but if it involves Roku-senpai's fic, then you're forgiven! *Hugs "Bridge Over the Abyss"* You can bet your sweet pippy that it's the best FY story running on the net right now, so everyone who hasn't read it needs to, right now! Hell, I'd choose Roku-senpai's work over my own... *Mega-Sweatdrop*
Fact Vs. Fanfiction I did a lot of research for this fanfic, in the form of scouring the web for accurate translations of gaiden novels and whatnot, so many of the things I discuss concerning Houjun's past really did happen. However, there are other incidents that I found it necessary to add - and this is the section that will distinguish the difference between the two! Hooray for citations!
--Houjun's kakyo plans - Fiction, but based on Fact. In "Shouryuu Den" it is mentioned that his father (well, actually it says parents, but how many women actually got to work in those days?) was a government official. I'm sure, in that time period, a lot of kids - especially oldest sons - were encouraged to "carry on the family business," so it's realistic that he would be expected to do what his father was doing.
--Houjun's attempted suicides - Fact!... and Fiction! Though it's true, "Shouryuu Den" actually begins with Houjun throwing himself into the Shouryuu River - the same river that took his village - the "knife incident" a month after the flood was something I created on my own. I actually have Roku-senpai (er... Roku Kyu to the ficcing world), to thank for that scene. I didn't get the idea from anything *she* wrote, persé, but in her author's note at the beginning of "Bridge Over the Abyss" she says how she thought it was unrealistic that Houjun would wander around for three years and then try to kill himself. Well, I realized how right she was, which also got me thinking about what would give him the idea to suddenly become a monk... anyway, one thing led to another and I wound up writing the scene involving Hatsuko and her monk son. Thanks for the creative thrust, Roku-senpai! I heart you! *Grin*
Question of the Week: If Tasuki's tessen fire isn't his Suzaku power (after all, even Eiken made it work), then why couldn't he use it when Nakago sealed their powers in Kutou?
Verse Preview? One last CDC before the shiznit hits the fizan. Friendship, a paradise, and of course: some Dee-chan patented fuzzy memories! Hooray for memories!
A Very Happy Bunny Tonight,
Dee ~_^