Chapter 17: Fear

…I…I don't want to suffer. "Alright, Ryoji." I feel my vision blur from tears. "I'll…try to make it as quick as possible." he transforms into his original state.

"So…you understand. I think that looking to the future is a great way to live. But, that doesn't mean that other ways of living are wrong. No one knows which road leads to happiness. I'm glad I met you. This must be what it means to "feel happy". Thanks for everything…"

I nod. And summon Thanatos…at least this way…it'll be quick. I could feel all of my memories slipping from my fingertips like rain drops down a windowpane.

…I could…be at peace now.

3/3/09

Gekkoukan High School, school gates…

"Yo!" Junpei greets me when I walk forward with Yukari in tow. Honestly…why am I friends with this guy? He's so annoying. "Damn, it's cold. But of course, you never miss a day of school. Man, can ya believe this year's already over? We're practically seniors now. Just one more year…ya think anything interesting will happen?"

"I doubt it." School was lame as hell as always, and no one was every in that dorm. Seriously Iwatodai had to be the most boring place in Japan. Not a single thing happens here.

"Well, seeing the current seniors makes me wonder…seems like all they frickin' do is study. Talk about boring. Is that gonna be us next year? …Why do I feel like I'm forgetting something?" I shrug…hm? There's a strange blue eyed and blond haired boy staring at us. There's some white dog with red eyes with him…what the fuck is he staring at us for? Creep.

"Hey, is that guy looking at us? I've never seen him before."

"He's a creep. Let's…just go." Granted he's cute…but something about him…it seems…so fake.

"What are you talking about? He lives in the same dorm as us…"

"He does?" I've never noticed him before.

"Seriously?" Junpei looks from the guy to Yukari in wonderment. "Uh…what's his name, then?"

"I dunno."

"Well then, why're you giving me a hard time? Anyway, it's always crazy in the dorms this time of year, with so many people coming and going. Oh yeah, did ya hear? Akihiko-senpai's movin' out."

"That dude with all the screeching fan girls? Good my ears will be infinitely grateful." I say dryly.

"He's the captain of the boxing team you know!" Who cares? Once he's gone we won't have to deal with all those obsessed girls outside the damn doors.

"I know who he is, but I haven't really talked to him." Yukari bites her lip.

"Frankly I could care less. As long as I don't have to hear. "I love you Akihiko-senpai!" At four in the morning I'm happy." Junpei laughs at my mockery of the girl.

"That was pretty funny."

"No…that was pretty annoying. The only thing funny was when the dumbass tripped and nearly broke her neck."

Yukari shakes her head. "You know…all the graduates are leaving, even Kirijo-senpai."

"Ms. Student Council President…she's in our dorm too, huh?" Odd…I don't remember her much either.

"…Man, what's up with that guy? He's still looking at us." She whispers looking at the blond haired guy. Wait…he was there the whole time. "Hey, there! Are you looking at us? Is something wrong?"

"No…it's…nothing." the amount of sadness in his voice surprises me. "I…" he turns and runs the dog following him.

"Jeez. Talk about emo." I mutter. "Let's get going we'll be late."

"Oh yeah. Let's go."

Gekkoukan High School auditorium…

"Next, a word from the valedictorian…from class D, Mitsuru Kirijo."

"Thank you." she nods to the President before standing at the podium. "This last year, I accepted an important responsibility as Student Council President. When I first addressed you from this podium, I spoke to you all about seizing opportunity while you had the chance…well, it must have been fate that intervened and gave me an important reminder of this…as many of you may know, my father unexpectedly passed away due to illness." she pauses. "To tell you the truth, after losing my father, I also lost much of my self-confidence. You see, I had overestimated my ability to handle everything alone. Few people can be that strong…there are times when we cannot stand without the support of others…after my father's death, I received kind words from many people. You all taught me the value of allowing yourself to be cared for and protected. I would like to continue going forward with the support of those around me. For us graduates, it was truly an honor to share the last three years with all of you. Thank you so much…for those wonderful years…" she sounds ready to cry…

"…she seems kinda bummed, doesn't she? I guess even Presidents cry too…" No shit.

"She's only human."

"Hey, where's that guy?"

"What guy?"

"The one we saw yesterday…"

"Why are you looking for him? Got anything you want to share?" I grin at him and he rolls his eyes.

"Uh…no. I was just wondering why he wasn't here."

"Well, there's a lot of people who aren't here. Actually I'm surprised YOU didn't skip." Yukari's got a point there. Why did I bother coming? Who cares about the future? About needing help from other people? I'm fine on my own. I've always been fine on my own. I'm not weak enough to need someone else's help.

"Heh. I thought about it. Anyway, next year it'll be our turn…" Oh joy. Studying, studying and even more studying. "What have you got planned, Yuka-tan? College?"

"Mmmmm…I haven't really decided yet." she turns to me. "What about you?"

"Just going with the flow." I laugh.

She giggles. "That's what I thought. You know how the President was crying? I can sorta relate, since my dad passed away too, but, that stuff she said about seizing opportunities? Gimme a break. We're only in high school. I mean, yeah it's important, but can't it wait a few years? …But anyway, there's really no hurry to decide what we wanna do with our lives, right?" Nope. We have years to decide that kind of thing. I yawn. Plenty of time to figure out what our so called "destiny" is…if there even is such a thing. Frankly I think destiny is a bunch of bullshit. "I mean, high schools' hard enough as it is."

"Yeah, I can agree with that." Junpei nods in agreement.

"Here's what I think…sometimes you're better off not knowing. As they say, "Ignorance is bliss."." I nod in agreement. Yukari sighs. "Besides, you can't always be thinking about the future. In the end, it doesn't matter as long as you're happy." she laughs at this. Yeah. Nothing matters except our happiness…nothing else. "You've got to live in the moment-carpe diem, right?"

"…Yeah, I guess so." Junpei leans back in his chair. "Whew, that was some speech."

"To be honest, I'm not that strong of a person…that's why I get worked up so easily. It's hard to explain. It's just the way I am."

"Hey, I know where you're coming from. Thinking about stuff like that just gives me a headache. So, I try to avoid it as much as possible."

Yukari giggles. "Now, that's the Junpei we all know and love." Yeah. We're friends because we all realize that life…the purpose of life is to enjoy yourself. Nothing more, nothing less.

"Everyone's so uptight these days. They just need to chill out…you know, take it easy for a change."

"What're you gonna do if that plan backfires?"

"Well, that'll be that." He just grins. "But for now, let the good times roll…" I laugh.

"Yeah. Let's have some fun!" I add.

"Karaoke, anyone? Let's celebrate our future!"

"A graduation party, huh? Well, that does sound like fun…" Yukari turns to me with a smile. "Why don't we all go?"

"It's decided, then? Cool."

That said we go ahead and head to the mall as soon as the sun sets.

Paulownia Mall, Mandragora

We stay there for hours singing and singing.

"Whoot!" Junpei's cheering me on as I sing some J-pop song about never giving up. "Go Minako-tan!" Laughing I look at the clock huh…it's nearly midnight.

"This is the life-!"

"The Fall shall be instantaneous and you shall not suffer."

The End