--Faraway Dawn--
"Forever Love, Forever Dream
Because I need you by my side
To hold my trembling heart until dawn.
Ah, will you stay with me
Until the wind passes?
Now, I need you more than anyone."
~X Japan; "Forever Love"~
Houjun had not wanted to go to sleep, but nevertheless he found himself drifting off shortly after his disastrous evening with Kouran. The young man rolled over onto his left side, his scar pressing against the pillow. If anyone were to walk in, he mused silently, they would think he any ordinary person. No, from an outside angle, from an outside view, you would never know what was going on within another person's mind, what kind of torment they were undergoing. Perhaps it was best that way. His life had become a living hell. He could not imagine what he would look like if his physical appearance showed every contour of his pain, every tortured groove of his anguish.
Maybe not much worse than he already looked. After all, even Kouran hadn't been able to stare at the injury, without...
The young man shuddered as he began to doze off, gripping his pillow and forcing himself to forget about that. To forget about the look his beloved had sent him, that look of pain and sorrow and - what he hated most of all - pity. He knew he did not deserve pity, didn't even want pity: he just wanted understanding. But how was he supposed to get that, when he couldn't even understand himself?
Houjun pushed those thoughts from his mind and slept, though he knew perfectly well that, even in dreams, he could not escape his ongoing nightmare. As darkness and slumber enveloped his mind, he couldn't help but wonder how long it would take for the visions to reappear. Would they allow him to sleep peacefully for a few hours, or attack immediately, without warning? It had become something of a hellish game.
Houjun did not have to wait long to find out. Almost as soon as he slipped from the world of consciousness a new, unfamiliar dream began to take shape in his mind. He, a helpless puppet, could only watch as the images and so-called memories unraveled, the opening act to another long, painful night.
The young man stepped up to one of the many food stands in Eisha Kawa [Shining River] City, digging around in his kesa for the appropriate amount of money. A monk, by law, was not allowed to hold many material possessions outside of what was necessary, but they were also not supposed to take handouts from the working citizens. A nice catch twenty-two, which basically meant they had to work for the small amount of money they were allowed to accept.
He pulled out his final set of coins, laying them in front of the man. The clerk's head jerked up, and he blinked in surprise at the monk in front of him. His eyes roved over the lean figure, whose down-turned mouth and mussed clothing looked as if it had seen much better days. Despite his somewhat weather-beaten - or life-beaten, as the case could be - appearance, he still carried an air of youth about him. He was young, perhaps in his early twenties, and under his battered spirit still lurked a soul that enjoyed life. "Ah, hai, monk-san. How can I help you?"
The youth unconsciously tugged at the kasa that rested on his head, pulling it down so it almost completely covered his eyes. "Ano... a bag of rice, please. And," his tone took on a hopeful, hungry sound, "you wouldn't happen to carry any of those sweet chestnuts, would you?"
The shopkeeper laughed, winking at the young man. Monk or no monk, his youth was still evident. "I believe I might have a few, monk-san." The clerk took down the wanted items, throwing in a couple extra sweets for his beleaguered customer. "Anything else I can help you with?"
"That's all. Arigatou."
Slipping the items into a small, light satchel that he wore on his back, the monk turned and departed, turning down a narrow side street as to avoid the bustle of the crowd. He tried to keep away from the townspeople whenever possible. He had found life was much easier that way.
As he turned, ready to make his way from the city and back into the peaceful countryside he loved, a piercing female scream interrupted his thoughts and made him stop in his tracks. He hesitated, wondering where the sound had come from, when another screech filled the air, this one rattling with what sounded like the word: "Help!"
Without knowing how or why, Houjun detected the terrified life force of a young woman just south of where he was standing. The young man took off down the streets, determined to find out what the problem was and - if possible - correct it. It was a monk's duty to serve, after all, and if the woman was in trouble...
Houjun skidded around a corner, single eye widening as he saw a pair of men hovering over a shrieking female, attempting to force her to the ground. The girl's shirt was ripped savagely down the middle, and her face was bloodied, but she continued to avoid capture and fight as best as she could. It was only a matter of time, though, before she lost the fight and was ravaged by the vicious men.
The young monk didn't waste a second. Gripping his shakujou - his staff - firmly in one hand, he banged the butt of it on the ground. The trio looked up at the sound of the jingling rings, the pair of men tensing, expecting an attack. Once they saw whom it was, however, the two relaxed and chuckled.
"Eh, nothin' t'worry about here, monk-san," one remarked with a sneer. "We was jus' havin' some fun with my girlfriend."
"Yeah, better move on b'fore y'get yer pretty robes messed up," the other added.
Houjun frowned. "Perhaps you two should be the ones moving on," he suggested, trying to keep the tremor of anger from his voice. Still as a pond, like Takashi always said. You were underestimated that way. "Judging by her screams, I'd say the young lady wasn't enjoying your 'fun' as much as you were." He glanced towards the girl, offering the hand that wasn't holding his staff. A small, gentle smile lit his attractive features. "Shall I take you back home, Nee-san?"
The young woman hesitated, looking between the two men and the monk. After a moment, she nodded, moving on trembling legs towards the disciple of Suzaku. One of the men turned and slapped her hard across the face, knocking her back to the ground. He whirled, one lip curled upwards at the older man. "Ah, now why'd'ja have ta do somethin' like that? Ya coulda lived a long life, too."
Houjun raised his staff, gripping it in both hands in a fighter's stance. Silently, he thanked Takashi for his many - and secret, as the others had forbid them - lessons in self-defense. A small part of him had to thank Hikou, his brawling partner for so many years, as well. "You have one last chance to leave," he told them, voice lowered to a dangerous growl.
The two young men attacked, both lunging for their opponent's throat. The young man slid one hand down the staff and pulled the other back, angling it so it was level at his side. As the men drew closer, he took a small step back, then lunged forward with the shakujou. The staff rang out through the street as it came into contact with one of the men's stomachs, dropping him quickly to the ground.
The other man avoided the dangerous pole and pulled back, swinging a punch at the monk's head. Houjun sidestepped the brunt of the blow, though it managed to glance against his kasa and knock the headgear to the back of his neck. The man blinked, surprised to see the dangerous scar gleaming in the sunlight; Houjun took that moment of shock to slam one well-aimed hand into the back of the man's neck. With a yelp of pain, he collapsed.
The young monk sighed, running a hand through his recently shaved blue hair. "Arigatou, Suzaku, for granting me this victory," he muttered, knowing Takashi would approve of the small prayer. He sighed, watching as the pair of men scrambled to their feet and dashed away. "And I apologize, for having to brutalize some of your stray servants." Houjun always added that, even though the Akura monk had never taught him those words. He did not enjoy violence, but unfortunately he still had to use it once in a while.
Houjun turned towards the girl, who still sat shaking on the ground. "Daijoubu," he assured her. "Those jerks won't bother you anymore." He smiled gently, once again reaching out a helping hand to the frightened young woman.
The girl turned her eyes up to meet his, but her look of fear was not erased. Rather, it seemed to have intensified.
She took one look at his uncovered scar and screamed.
"No, please..." Houjun whimpered in his sleep, trying to reach out to the girl, but the vision had disappeared as quickly as it had come. He was left once again in the murky darkness of his mind; left to worry about his next dream and to anxiously attempt to assure himself that none of this was real. Gods, if nothing else, he had to believe that. That was the key to sanity, separating the fiction from the truth, the dream from the reality. Once he understood that, none of this could hurt him. None of it.
Not even the look in that girl's eyes, Takashi's farewell, Mitsukake's death... no, not even that fateful kiss could hurt him after that.
"Chichiri..." a familiar kansai accent cut through Houjun's thoughts like a knife, slicing into his reality and opening a rift in the worlds. The voice was not its usual vibrant self: there were hints of anger, confusion, even fear in the undertones. "I really wish ya were here right now... things're gettin' so messed up..."
"Here"? But, but where was "here"? Another world, another life? Was Tasuki the voice of madness, threatening to pull him into darkness... or the voice of truth, trying to guide him back to light...? Which was he, a demon, or an angel? And who was to say which side was right, anyway... Who was to say what was right or wrong, in this nightmare that Houjun couldn't wake up from...
The young man suddenly felt an overwhelming urge to find answers, a desperate need for peace and release. Could Tasuki, this savior, this condemner... could Tasuki give him that? He was willing to find out. Was willing to gamble even his sanity to find out. Houjun cocked his head to the voice and, following the sound of the words, took off across the murky void of his consciousness in search of the mysterious speaker.
"I... I'm gonna have ta leave ya, fer a while... but I promise I'll be back, as soon's I can," Tasuki assured him, the usual hint of fire and determination back in his voice. "And when I come back... I'm gonna have s'me answers about all-a this. That's a promise."
Houjun shook his head and sighed. Promises, always promises. But what good were they, when they were so easily broken? When all it took was a moment of weakness to shatter that promise, and the hearts of those around you?
The young man quickened his pace, surprised to see something shimmering on the horizon. Was that it? Was that his answer? Was it in here, all along, buried somewhere in the back of his tormented mind? Oh, please, Suzaku, he prayed. Let that be it! Let that uncover the secrets to my hell. Please!
"Hikaru'll look after ya," the kansai speaker continued. "I know she will. She's real fond of ya... she's... well, anyway, hang in there, an', if ya really can hear me, which I kinda doubt, ya gotta try yer best t'get back here, okay?" His voice lowered, and for a moment Houjun thought he heard a tremor in the normally strong tone. "We need ya. More'n ever, we need ya."
Yes, they needed him... and he needed them, too, he realized, more than he needed anyone else. Tasuki was the key. Tasuki had to be the key! Yes. Finally, yes. And he would do his best to get back to them. He would do it right now. Right now, he would find his answers, and he would find Tasuki, and he would save him like he always did.
...Like he always did...?
***
As she had no real need for sleep, Kouran had stayed up most of the evening, pacing her room and wondering what in the world to do about Houjun. Time was running out, of that she was sure. Either Hikou would tell him, or Houjun would find out on his own. And Kouran could not allow that, could not allow her former friend to destroy Houjun's future, could not allow that other, horrible world to suck him back in. She simply couldn't!
The young woman frowned, subconsciously feeling like something was wrong. Unsure what the feeling was but knowing it must have something to do with Houjun, Kouran decided to take a walk down the hall and see if her beloved was having problems. Maybe he was awake, unable to sleep due to nightmares or worries. Of course, and when she arrived, she could soothe his troubles, set all his questions to rest, and finally save him. "What a nice, idealistic thought," she berated herself as she slipped out of her room. "Too bad things never happen like that in the real world. Baka."
Kouran stopped in front of Houjun's door, listening for the sound of his voice, or some other indication that he was awake and troubled. After a moment's hesitation, the young woman knocked timidly against the wood. "Houjun?" she called. "Are you awake? I couldn't sleep and I just thought..." she trailed off, leaving him to answer the sentence. The young woman waited hopefully, expectantly, certain that he would come to the door and they would finally be able to work everything out. But there was no response.
She sighed, turning her eyes to the ground. He was asleep. Of course. And, even if he wasn't, perhaps he just didn't want to see her right now. She couldn't blame him. She wouldn't want to see herself, either, after that disaster in the hot springs. How pathetic.
The young woman turned to go, only to stop once again as she heard a faint, almost hysterical murmuring from behind the thin wood. "No... no, please... don't go... you can't go..."
Kouran's frown deepened. A nightmare? Was Houjun having another of his numerous visions? It seemed likely. The young woman faltered in her movements for a moment, then shook her head hard. No, she could not run away again. She had to face him head on, had to confront his nightmares with him, instead of turning away from them. Houjun needed her. By gods, she wasn't going to let him down again. The young woman opened the door.
***
"What? Ah, son of a... I gotta go now, 'Chiri," Tasuki remarked, trying to force cheer into his voice. "But if I get back an' yer still like this, then there's gonna be a monk ass t'kick, y'got that? I ain't playin' nursemaid to ya ferever y'know. So... come on back t'us, okay? ...Please?"
Houjun sat up in bed, though he was unaware of the physical action. His mind was still lost in his dream, still faltering desperately towards the wavering voice of the bandit. The bandit that had said he needed him, that so obviously needed him, now more than ever... he couldn't let Tasuki down, not now, not after everything they had been through together. Tasuki didn't deserve that. He had to find some way... some way to escape...
"Jaa ne, Chichiri."
Panic welled up in Houjun's throat. Tasuki was leaving? Tasuki was leaving him?! No, no, he couldn't, not now, not when he was so close, so close to regaining whatever he had lost; not when he was so close to discovering the truth! He reached a hand out towards the shimmering haze that he knew must be the seishi bandit's ki. "No... no, please... don't go... you can't go..."
The young man's body flared with a power he did not know he had. He felt tears of frustration come to his eyes; he closed them tightly, throwing the building heat out towards the haze, praying for his friend to stay, to stay a bit more... just a little longer and he knew he would have it...
"Please, Tasuki! IKANAI NO DA!"
***
The young woman truly did not know what to make of it.
Houjun was sitting up in his bed, his eyes closed and his breath coming out in long, deepened intervals. Nothing seemed to be physically wrong with him, save for a slight paleness to his skin. Was he just sleeping, then? She knew she had once awoken from a dream to find herself sitting up in bed. Kouran mentally scolded herself for being so paranoid, but still couldn't convince herself that her beloved was unharmed, either mentally or physically.
The young woman frowned, sensing that something was deeply wrong with Houjun, something that was almost invisible to her eyes. She squinted a little, trying to figure out what it was... and nearly cried out at what she found. She hadn't noticed at first because it was so slight, but he looked... well, he looked like he was almost flickering, just barely. As if he were teetering between the edges of his realities... as if he were seconds from slipping away from her...
The young man's eye snapped open, but it did not seem to see anything in the room. Rather, the mahogany orb stared forward blankly, looking into a world that Kouran knew she would never be able to visit. A world of nightmares, of questions... of truth...?
"...Tasuki..."
Tasuki...? Wait. Tasuki. The Suzaku shichiseishi?! Kouran's hand flew to her mouth. Then, then Houjun was... oh, gods, no, no... she was too late, she was too... too... Houjun continued to tremble with emotion, continued to flicker, though now it was noticeable, so very noticeable...
No! Kouran suddenly cried, feeling something within her shocked soul spark back to life. She would not allow it! Not now, not after all her hard, meticulous work! Not after all the pain and sacrifices! She would not let them have him back! Fears forgotten in her desperate concern, Kouran practically flew across the room, kneeling down on the bed in front of her beloved. She cupped his face in her thin hands, forcing his lifeless - almost soulless - eye to meet her own.
"Houjun, Houjun," she said gently, trying to keep the panicked edge out of her voice. She leaned in until their foreheads touched, voice trembling with emotion and fear. She threw all of her will into her next words, dove into his soul with her eyes alone, trying to pull her beloved back from the brink of his void and into the world he knew, the world he trusted. The world where she could keep him safe at all costs. "You can't leave, Houjun. Not now, not ever, you can't. I love you so much, more than anything. I couldn't... I can't bear the thought of losing you, once or ever again. You have to come back. You promised, remember? You promised that you wouldn't leave me. Come back. Please. This is where you belong. With Hikou. With your family. With me. Houjun."
***
Houjun was moments away from where the voice of his seishi friend had been, mere seconds from bursting through the orange-yellow haze and discovering... something. He didn't know what, exactly, but each step he took brought him closer, closer to himself, closer to Tasuki, closer to the truth he so wildly sought... if only that bandit would keep talking, keep guiding him towards where he needed to go...
"Houjun, Houjun."
A familiar female voice stabbed through the darkness, piercing his single-minded thoughts and jerking him back on invisible threads. The young man stopped, wavering between answers and the sound of his beloved's trembling calls. He glanced back over his shoulder, though of course there was nothing there. Nothing but the grey haze he had been traveling through for so long... he was so sick of seeing just that fog…
"You promised, remember? You promised that you wouldn't leave me."
He had promised that, hadn't he? He couldn't go back on something like that. Not when it would hurt Kouran so much. He shot a backwards look at the shimmering golden haze, still hesitating, still torn between the two points of truth... his reality, his family and friends and beloved, or a place that must exist, had to exist, a place that he wanted to find so bad...
"This is where you belong. With Hikou. With your family."
But Tasuki... and that name, that name, Chichiri, the name they kept calling him...
"With me."
Kouran...
"Houjun."
Yes. Houjun. Not Chichiri. Houjun. The young man closed his single orb, allowing the gentle tones of his beloved to bring him back to his world. His recent dream slowly evaporated, his gradually recovering memories destroyed with the sweep of his mind's broom. He had promised. And he loved her. That was enough. He could forget about the rest of it.
And yet...
Houjun opened his eye, finding himself staring straight into the worried face of his beloved. He blinked in confusion, pulling back and trying to tie the pieces of his last sleeping moments together. There had been a dream, hadn't there? One not so different from his others, right? But wait... something had been different. Something...
"Oh, Houjun," Kouran breathed, touching her lips to his in relief. "Thank the gods. Thank the gods."
The young man automatically embraced her, surprised and concerned by the tone of fear in her voice. "Kouran. What's... what's going on?" He looked past her shoulder, realizing that the two of them were on the bed in his moonlit room. And he was sitting up. "What happened? When did I...?"
Now she was the one who pulled away, so that she could face him. Her visage held a mixture of confusion and worry, a look that he knew he was wearing as well. "You don't remember?" He shook his head. That must have been the answer she wanted, because her face broke into a relieved smile. "Nothing, really. You were having a dream. You must have sat up while you were having it. I heard you talking in your sleep, so, I came in to see what was the matter." She shrugged. "And then you woke up. That's all."
He shook his head, turning his eye towards his partially opened window. For some reason, his mahogany orb trailed to Hyokkokusei, the North Star. "How weird... I don't remember anything about the dream... nothing exact... but, somehow..." He trailed off, unwilling to finish his sentence. Unwilling to tell Kouran that, somehow, he felt as if he had just lost something that he had been striving very hard to reach. Lost it, perhaps, forever. The young man turned back to his beloved, noting that the concern had not left her gentle, chocolate brown eyes. He forced a smile that he didn't really feel. "I'm all right, Kouran. Really. It was probably just another bad dream. I have so many of those, lately..."
"Tell me about them," she said bluntly. "About all of them. About anything that's bothering you. Anything and everything, if you need to talk about it, then I want to hear it."
Houjun blinked at the rapid series of unexpected comments. "Eh? Kouran, I don't-"
"Liar." She kissed him suddenly, and just as fiercely, cutting him off in mid-sentence. The young woman drew her lips away after a few moments had passed, forcing her body under control. Right now, he needed her emotional comfort over her physical comfort. "You're a terrible liar, Houjun. You have plenty you need to talk about. And I want to know all about it." She ran her hands through his sweat-drenched hair, alarmed by how violent his dreams must have been. "So please. Please, tell me your pain. Any of it. All of it. I want to help you."
Houjun shuddered, hating how much he loved hearing her say those words. Hating himself for buckling under and doing what she asked. "The stuff I told you and Hikou about before... remember? About the kiss, and the betrayal? Remember?" She nodded, which he took as a sign to continue. "After we talked, I thought... I thought I should try to figure it all out. So I could stop it from happening, stop whatever it was from happening, ever or again. I went to the riverbank, that night of the accident, to find my answers." His eye trailed once more to the stars outside his window. Why was he so interested in the constellations tonight? "I got my answer. Now, I wish I hadn't.
"Hikou and I fought. Over you, I guess. It was more over friendship, maybe jealousy... I don't know. Anyway, we fought, and I... the bank gave out, and Hikou slipped, and I grabbed his hand, but then, then..." Houjun gulped, fighting to control his emotions and struggling to push the words from his mouth. "Then I lost him. I may as well have killed him. I did kill him... I'm such scum, such dirt...!"
"No..."
"After that I gave up for a while. I just... lost whatever strength I had. I don't know if I ever got it back. But the visions and the nightmares took over, drove me to the edge, practically off the edge. If it wasn't for you and Hikou, there at the end, I might have - no, I know I would have-" he gulped for air, wondering when he had begun to cry. "I've just been so afraid. So afraid that it'll all come true, that it has come true, somehow, some way, that I really did kill him."
"No, no," Kouran whispered soothingly, stroking her beloved's hair with her slim, gentle fingers. "That will never happen. I told you before, and I'll keep telling you until you believe it once and for all. I would never leave you Houjun. Never."
"But what if... you already have?" he whispered, eye turned to the bed sheets.
Kouran's orbs snapped open, a small gasp escaping her lips. "Houjun-"
But he went on, either not hearing her or not caring what she had to say. "Maybe, maybe that betrayal really happened, and I really did kill Hikou… maybe I really am the Suzaku shichiseishi, that wandering monk that everyone seems to trust even though I don't even deserve that… maybe it all finally drove me over the edge, and I'm imagining all of this... maybe… maybe none of this is even real."
His voice had slowly turned to a nearly hysterical sound, and Kouran feared that, this time, he really was going to lose it. She pushed back the part of her that wanted to break down and cry, to run away or freeze up and force Houjun to deal with everything on his own. He needed her. She would not turn her back on him now. The young woman turned his head upwards so she was meeting his eye. Kouran pushed back his bangs, staring straight at his disfigured visage without flinching. Her voice was just above a whisper: a calm, soothing purr filled with sadness and love. "I'm real, aren't I?"
She brushed her lips against his own, then moved them upwards to tenderly caress his scar. Houjun sighed heavily, allowing his beloved to pull him to her own body. The young man leaned his head against her chest, nodding in weak agreement. What was the use in arguing, when he couldn't even make himself believe in his fears? When, deep down, he really didn't want to believe them. "Hai. You're real, Kouran. If nothing else, you're real."
"And I love you, Houjun. You know that don't you? I love you more than anyone, more than my family, my friends, even my own life. I would do anything for you, anything at all. You said the same thing to me earlier this evening. So, now I'm saying it to you. Whatever you want, Houjun, just name it, and I promise I'll give it to you."
The young man shivered in her arms, even though he was quite warm. He gripped her sleeves in his weak hands, closing his single eye. "Will you stay with me?" he asked her, voice barely audible. "Will you stay by my side, with me forever? Stay with me, and chase away these horrible dreams, these nightmares that keep trying to pull me away from you, from everything I love? I can't do it by myself anymore. Kouran, I need you so much right now. Please, all I want is you by my side."
He hated himself for his words, for his weakness and frailty, but he could no longer help himself. He could no longer turn away her offering hands. If this request could ease his mind, then he would endure the self-loathing that came with it. He could deal with that later. And yet, a small part of him couldn't help but feel like he was forgetting something, missing something, still painfully far from finding true peace...
Kouran chuckled. "Is that all? Goodness, that's awfully easy. Of course, Houjun. I'll stay with you for as long as life allows, and into the afterlife as well. We'll always be together." She rested her chin atop his head, smiling even though he couldn't see it. "I love you so much."
"I love you, too. And... and thank you."
She felt Houjun relax against her warm body, releasing his tired mind to its first peaceful dreams in weeks. She continued to hold him in her arms, long after he had drifted off, still stroking his hair between her soothing hands. The young woman turned her eyes upwards until they were viewing the star-streaked sky through Houjun's window. She squeezed his sleeping form protectively, as if to reassure him of her earlier promise.
Yes, she told herself, confident at last. I will stand by you forever, Houjun, as long as you need me. I will never run from you again, no matter how afraid I am, no matter how much pain I may be suffering. From now on, I'll face everything, and because of that, I'll be able to really save you this time. I'm sure of it.
Kouran whispered a phrase to the stars above: a single, eternal promise that she would forever hold sacred. "Zutto, toki no hate made... watashi wa soba ni iru yo."
The night had been long, and there was still much darkness to come, but the young woman would keep her promise throughout the long hours. She would stay with him until the sun chased the stars from the sky. She would stay with him until their new dawn arrived.
*****
Author's Mundane Ramblings: March 20, 2004; 11:20 p.m.
Hao, minna-san!
Let's start this off with a good old-fashioned session of groveling and apologizing, because I am so, so sorry to make you all wait so long for this chapter! Honestly, it's been finished for quite a while, just sitting around in my hard drive waiting for me to give it the final editing job and slap it up. However... well, you know that usual string of complaints/excuses? Multiply it by ten. Life has been wild. But that's still no excuse, and I'm terribly sorry. Hopefully, none of you have given up on this just yet - the going's been slow, but I still intend to finish it, one of these days. (Let's pause for a round of sweatdrops... and moving on!)
Oh, and on a totally unrelated note: Go Jayhawks! Woo!
Random Chapter Comments Well... ta-da! The first movement and all its drama has passed! I'm sure that probably wasn't how you all wanted it to end, but that's how it turned out. The wheel weaves as the wheel wills, whatever that means. Flames are welcomed just as much as praise. And hey, don't give up on Houjun just yet - there's still two Movements to go, and anything can happen!
Oh, and speaking of the other Movements... don't expect them to come out for a while. Due to school, work, sports, and a severe lack of creativity (no doubt caused by the former three), I'm only about three and a half verses into the Second Movment, and I want to get a little farther into it before I start posting. It's an editing peeve of mine, involving last-second changes and so forth (best not to ask). I can't give you an exact date, but I think (and by "think" I mean "desperately hope") that I should start posting again around, oh... probably May. Maybe June. That's a rough estimate, mind you, and depends solely on whether my vacationing creativity wants to come back or not. (Let's pause for a long, drawn-out sigh... and moving on!)
Answering Reviews First of all, let me start by welcoming Kyokujitsu no Youkai-san to the small but loving "RFS" family! And hey, you're pen name even has "Kyokujitsu" in it, like Houjun's village! What a crazy coincidence! Erm, with luck, this message will actually reach you; after such a long period of dormancy, I can imagine that a lot of people forgot all about this fic...
-To Everyone, on Kouran Yes, yes, I'm sure half of you want to strangle her after this chapter, but in regards to previous comments... I'm quite glad that a good number of you understand where Kouran is coming from. I like knowing that I'm not the only person who doesn't want to kill her. However, to those of you who are really irritated by her, I completely know where you're coming from, too. In particular, I wanted to address Space Cat-san's comments on Kouran's selfishness. Well, you're absolutely right. Kouran is a selfish person. But, so is about ninety percent of the cast of this story. In fact, with this comment you've touched on one of the larger issues of this story, and that is the essential selfishness that almost everyone possesses. That's really where most of the conflicts in "RFS" come from. There are really only about two people in this story who I would consider completely unselfish (I'm not gonna tell you who, though!), and at this point they happen to be my two favourite characters, probably for this very reason.
However, on another Kouran issue, the one about her not really loving Houjun... well, I'll just leave the Third Movement to answer that argument. (Let's pause for a moment of confused pondering... and moving on!)
Quote of the Week: Due to my recent lack of posting, as well as the fact that this man's books were part of the reason I was too busy to post, this quote seemed appropriate:
"I love deadlines. I love the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."
~~~Douglas Adams, the genius author of "The Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy" series~~~
Your March Maddened Author,
Dee ~_^