Kenny's POV

May 16th

"Owie!" I hissed, trying to jerk my hand away from his grasp, but he kept his fingers locked firmly around my wrist, dabbing my abused skin as if to erase the angry marks that blazed upon it.

"Kenny, stay still," Stan murmured absentmindedly, entirely focused on what he was doing, blatant to the clench in my jaw and the straight, grim line that my lips had pressed themselves into. "I'm nearly finished."

The wounds were still fresh and they leaked sometimes whenever I was a little too reckless with my hand movements. Stan had been extremely dedicated to me, almost like my private nurse who arrived every weekday after school just to keep me company. To be perfectly honest, it was...lovely to have Stan around. I sound really gay when I say it like that, but it's true. I was becoming kind of dependant on him to always be there, but now it was Friday and the panic bubbled inside of me that over the weekend, he would be too busy to come over and that I'd just be sitting there, waiting for the Monday to arrive.

"There, all done," Stan looked pleased with himself, admiring his handy work in the dim lighting of my bedroom. His fingers loosened and he allowed me to slip my wrist back, slowly dropping his own hand onto his lap, watching me steadily with those dark blue eyes of his.

There was one of those pauses between us, one of those silences where it was either drown or float depending on who the person was. If it was a true, close friend it was one where you could both tread water without feeling uncomfortable or feeling that you were starting to drown. If your relationship was not so strong, you'd flail and start to go under, feeling the need to speak utter bullshit in order not to disappear under the still surface of it all. With Stan, it was comfortable and I felt no dyer urge to break the silence that feel between us.

"Kenny...when are you going to come back to school?"

I felt myself recoil, ice sprinkling into my gut as the wave of dread rolled on in, demanding me to mount or be crushed by it. I swallowed hard, contemplating acting like I'd never heard him. I studied my wrist, feeling sicker after every second. Eventually, I caved and tugged my sleeve back over it and back up to Stan.

I opened my mouth to speak but all that escaped was a high-pitched intake of breath that sounded more like a sigh than an attempt to reply. My throat tightened like I was being strangled and, in a sense, I was. Strangled by my fear of going back, of seeing...him. I clenched my fists tightly as I refused to speak his name even in my own mind. It still cut deep, the hurt so raw I still felt pain whenever my thoughts brushed over the sharp subject of the one I used to be with. Stan didn't say a word and I knew he was waiting for me to, to hear my reason without forcing it out of me.

It took around four minutes before I could find the words that had started to drown at the back of my throat.

"I'm not sure," I murmured, unable to maintain eye contact with him as I spoke. "When I'm ready, I guess..."

"And when will that be, Ken?"

The worst thing was, I had absolutely no answer for that. I supposed when I had finally gotten over...Kyle and could handle seeing him around school again. I tried to imagine what he looked like, and it wasn't all that difficult. His red hair shone in my mind, accompanied by those round olive green eyes that seemed to turn a shade lighter whenever he smiled or laughed, like just by those small movements of his face that he was turning his eyes to an inner sun that was constantly beaming within him. A slight dimple in his cheek as he grinned a tad too wide, and the way a carpet of pink would fall across his face whenever I kissed him in the tender spot on his neck, one that made the words "I love you" fall like petals from his lips...

I cringed, my arms instinctively clamping across my chest, hands squeezing the other upper arm, biting into the skin to drive the pain elsewhere, away from my heart that continued to throb and strain in my chest. I couldn't handle seeing him, and I knew it. Would I just shut down when I did see him in person and not in my memories? Memories hurt enough; I didn't want to hurt anymore. I wish I had missed the first time I'd kissed him...the way everything swam inside of me and made my heart pound like a fist inside my ribcage, demanding to be set loose. I let out a whimper as a pair of hands touched mine, gently prying my fingers loose and setting them down at my sides, continuing to hold them as if to prevent them from resuming their positions. I didn't meet his gaze, staring blindly into space as he turned my hands palm upwards.

"Kenny..." he sighed heavily, touching my wrist. I grimaced, feeling a piercing tingle upon his contact. I looked downwards to see fresh blood forming at the wounds, dark ferocious red that wobbled coldly like globes before sliding down, leaving their warmth behind.

"Oh shit...sorry, Stan, sorry," I gushed, snapping my head upwards to look at him to find his eyes meeting mine, and there was a wry half smile upon his lips.

"Don't apologise, you goof," he said softly, his thumb starting to run over my skin. "Let's clean you up, yeah?"

Two hours later, Stan was standing at my front door, shifting his rucksack on his shoulder, looking tiny on my doorstep compared to me. I realised how tired he looked against the brilliant lighting of the lamppost outside my house; he looked ashen, weary and drained. I felt a slam of guilt and realised that the reason he looked so unwell, was because he was spending his evenings with me and was staying up until the early hours of the morning to finish homework and catch up with Kyle so that he suspected nothing. Shit...did I just say his name? I shivered involuntarily, snatching Stan's attention in a heartbeat.

"Go back inside if you're cold, Ken," he suggested. "I'll see you tomorrow, 'kay?'

Stinging with shock, I spoke without thinking twice. "No, Stan, you won't," I said firmly, causing him to blink several times in the space of two seconds. Before he could create any incorrect reasons in his mind, I went on. "You get some sleep...you've been fussing over me too much. Have the weekend for yourself, and I'll see you at school on Monday. See you."

Stan's face shimmered with a range of emotions at that moment; they ranged from hurt, thrilled, confused and concerned. He finally settled on pleased and the corners of his mouth rose, raising his hand in a motionless farewell before turning his back on me and walking away. I watched him for a while, just standing there at my doorway, ensuring that no one suddenly jumped him or that he didn't slip in the thin layer of ice that was a second layer of flesh on the concrete of South Park. Only when he was no longer in sight, did I realise the chill that was driving my body insane with violent tremors and I shut the door, hugging myself tightly. I hissed quietly as a pulling pain jerked in my wrist and I pulled down my sleeve to glance at the new bandage that Stan had applied before leaving. I lightly brushed my fingers against it, feeling the faint thrum of my heart buried beneath bandage and skin. It hummed its only song: Alive, Alive, Alive. For the first time in a while, I felt glad to be...

000

Stan's POV

I'd only just hopped out of my trainers when my mom approached me, arms folded across her stomach and a curious glimmer to her brown eyes. She didn't speak but I knew she wanted to, and that she was simply waiting for me to finish putting my stuff away. I hung up my jacket, removed my gloves and dropped my rucksack onto the floor next to me. Then she pounced.

"Kyle's been calling nonstop since four o'clock," Mom said, her voice flat and void of emotion, though I understood that she was suppressing her annoyance. "It's seven, Stan. Your father's been going crazy, and has unplugged the phone. If I were you, I'd call Kyle back up right away before he comes over in the middle of the night. It must be some sort of emergency but he didn't say anything to your father or me about what the matter was. He just kept asking where you were..."

I nodded, feeling my elation over Kenny coming back to school dimming. Fuck, since when did Kyle become such a burden to me? I hated it, but it was true. He was seriously starting to piss me off, always phoning me at inappropriate times, asking me about Kenny, a question were I constantly had to lie. How could I tell my best friend that I'd been keeping his ex company, and that I was helping him recover from what he himself had done to him? Shit that sounded confusing...but still, all the same I was losing my temper. I had to bat down the flare of irritancy before I even dared to retreat upstairs and retrieve my mobile from my bedside table. I unlocked it and was stunned to see fifteen missed calls from Kyle and seven new messages from him.

Kyle (3:45pm) Dude, you wanna come over later? Lemme know.

Kyle (4:00pm) Stan, I might be going to the see the new Pixar movie in a bit. Come over mine at around 6? Call me.

Kyle (4:14pm) Your phone switched off again? CALL ME ASAP.

Kyle (4:56pm) STAN SERIOUSLY STOP IGNORING ME, YOU ASSHOLE!

Kyle (5:00pm) Shit Stan I'm sorry dude...just...lemme know what's going on.

Kyle (5:45pm) Fuck dude. Going to miss the movie now. Fucking awesome, why did you bail on me? Are you seeing someone? Is it Wendy?

Kyle (6:18pm) Yeah, definitely missed movie now. Could've called me at least. What's UP with you?

My eyes starting to smart from the garish light of my phone, I put it roughly aside, pressing my palms against my temples as if to hold back the aggravation that was fighting to break free, to let loose and tell Kyle where to shove it. I couldn't do that; despite him constantly being on my case lately, I didn't want to tear his head off. He was vulnerable too, just like Kenny was. He was seeing himself as a villain, someone who'd hurt someone for no good reason. I squeezed my eyes shut; I realised that the reason Kyle did that was because of me. Because he 'loved' me. I'm aware I have no right to mock his feelings, since I have no idea what goes on in his head or his heart but it seemed preposterous. And, if he 'loved' me so much, why didn't he tell me sooner? Why did he tangle everything up and make things harder for everyone? He'd possibly ruined any chance of having a relationship with Kenny, be it friendship or otherwise, and he'd stuck me in the middle like a wall that was supposed to separate them and keep the other from view. I couldn't stand there forever, letting them lean on me simultaneously and expect me to support them no matter what was going on in my own life. They needed to talk again, soon 'cos I couldn't keep doing this.

My phone vibrated dully like nails against chalkboard and I rolled my eyes, picking up and expecting to see Kyle's name blaring on the screen. I glimpsed at it from the corner of my eye, only to give it my full attention as I read the sender's name. KENNY. My heart fluttered slightly, and relief tingled in my fingertips and my muscles went lax. I clicked the open button and scanned the message swiftly.

KENNY (7:18pm) Hey, Stan thanks for today. I'll see you on Monday. Have a good weekend 3

I didn't notice that my lips had spread into a wide grin until it fell off of my face as my phone vibrated in my hand again. This time it was a call, and the name Kyle replaced Kenny's like a cloud covering up the sun. I let it ring out twice before answering, licking my dry lips as I pressed it to my ear.

"Stan? Dude, where have you been? Why haven't you answered my texts?"

The image of Kyle being my nagging housewife skipped into my head and I smirked in spite of myself. "I was out, sorry."

"Out where? Who were you out with?"

He sounded pissed off, but astride that sat jealousy. He was jealous that I'd been spending time with someone else. "Um...W-Wendy," I lied.

"Wendy? Why were you with her? I thought you two broke up?"

"We have. She wanted to see me after school, talk about stuff."

"What kind of stuff?"

He was making this too difficult. "Private stuff, dude," I snapped, but then regained my calm. "Sorry about not texting you. I left my phone at home to charge it. We could see the movie tomorrow instead?"

Kyle exhaled heavily on the other side and, at first, I thought he was doing it out of annoyance but then I realised that he was relieved. Relieved he hadn't lost his best friend. "Okay, I'll come over yours at around two tomorrow. See you then, dude."

"Yeah...see you..." he hung up before I could say anymore, probably because he was worried I'd cancel or remember that I'd already created some fictional plans with Wendy. I felt guilty about lying. I lied all of the time, especially to my parents, but never before to Kyle. He was my best friend. Was. I wasn't so sure now. I desperately wanted some space from him, but that was unfair. He needed me and I was going to be there for him, like he was there for me when I broke up with Wendy. Then again, I hadn't hurt Wendy for no reason other than to get someone else's attention.

000

The next day, Kyle had arrived dead on time at two o'clock, beaming brightly at me. He apologised several times to my parents for calling so persistently, and they simply smiled at him, promising it was no big deal even though my dad had been threatening to get a new phone number and not tell the Broflovski's about it. The movie was great, just as I knew it would be seeing as though it was Pixar and they pretty much made Dreamworks look like utter shit, but something was itching at me, warning me something wasn't quite right. Kyle was shuffling closer and closer to me throughout the movie, using any excuse to tap my arm and point at the screen even though I was already staring intently at it, refusing to meet his enthusiastic gaze. I smiled and spoke sheepishly, saying barely anything and it seemed enough for Kyle, who fed off it like a mouse would on crumbs, devouring each word I said like it was some glorious banquet. As we left the movie, his hand kept 'accidentally' brushing against mine, knuckle against knuckle, and whenever he was behind me I felt his wrist bump into my ass. In the end, I brought it up, asking playfully why he was feeling me up and, even though he insisted it wasn't on purpose, he blushed fiercely, telling me otherwise.

"What do you wanna do now, Stan?" Kyle asked, standing beside me outside of the theatre, eyeing up the buildings and stores in front of us like they were destinations of adventure. "Wanna go to the mall and have a look at the new Guitar Hero game?"

"Uh, sure but I have to be back by five," I lied again, feeling my heart tighten in my chest.

"Aw, man that sucks. How come?"

Why so many questions? "Er...my parents have been going really hard assed about my exams. They want me to revise pretty much 24/7."

Kyle's face appeared understanding. "Aw, same here. HEY!" he was grinning widely. "How about we study at your house together? I swear not to distract you; I need to focus on Math."

I knew straight away he wasn't telling the truth; math was one of the things that came naturally to Kyle and saying that he was struggling was like saying that the clouds forgot how to rain. I couldn't call him out on it though because I was lying too, and if I accused him he might turn around and reveal he never bought any of the bullshit I was feeding him about seeing Wendy or needing to study. I reluctantly agreed that that would be alright, and we started to make our way back home when he asked the question I'd been dreading the most...

"So...have you seen Kenny...like...at all?"

The best way to describe the panic I was feeling at that moment is that it was like taking tedious, tiny footsteps into the ocean only to see a fin of a shark in the distance. I had the option of retreating back onto the sand where I knew it was safe, which would mean lying to him and claiming that I hadn't seen Kenny, or I could take a chance and take a few steps deeper, which would mean admitting that I had. But the longer I stood there, with my knees buckling and near enough shitting myself, the fin drew closer and the sand drifted away, safety and retreat a distant thought. When I opened my mouth, it felt like my balls had dropped down onto the ground.

"Uh...yeah I saw him a few days ago," I edited the truth harshly, trimming away the parts that were liable to hurt Kyle.

Kyle ceased walking entirely; leaving me a few yards in front of him until I had noticed he'd fallen behind. I turned to glance over my shoulder, locked in his gaze the moment our eyes touched. I tensed, feeling my muscles bunch together as if they were frightened of being too close to him; my breath hitched and I awaited some form of reply. It was a good three minutes before he said a single word.

"H-how is he?"

I wasn't sure why but all panic subsided the moment he said that. Whether it was because he wasn't shouting, accusing me of picking sides, or that he simply still cared about Kenny I dunno but I felt a lift in my chest, like his words were little balloons lifting my heavy heart.

"He's...okay," I said tenderly. "He says he might come back to school on Monday." I bit my bottom lip hard in punishment for revealing the last part. I wasn't certain if I was allowed to mention that to Kyle, if Kenny wanted it as some sort of secret, but a part of me argued that Kyle would find out either way.

Kyle's expression was unclear to me. His brows were knit into a slight frown, his somewhat thin lips pressed firmly against one another and his eyes lowered to the ground, forcing themselves to remain there despite knowing I was intently watching him. I remained quiet, yelling over and over in my mind not to speak and to let the news sink in. I pondered on what must've been going on in his mind, concerns of seeing the affects of what he'd done, seeing how much Kenny had changed...maybe he was just pleased that Kenny was coming back? That maybe things could be normal again? I sure fucking hoped they'd be 'normal' again. School was such a drag these days; I wanted the day to be over the moment I woke up. Then, before I could register what was going on, Kyle had crossed swiftly over to me and had moulded his lips against mine.

That freezing terror splashed inside of my gut, the exact way it had the last time he'd done this. This time was different, though. He wasn't timid, wasn't experimental. He was purposeful, he was confident and he sure as hell wasn't going to back down. His hands clutched my upper arms, pulling me upwards into his kiss. My eyes remained wide open, as did his. His green eyes were fogged, and although it terrified me that this was my best friend doing this to me, I couldn't help but groan. The groan sounded so sick in my head and I mentally kicked myself for making such a noise. I snapped my eyes shut; trying to pretend it was Wendy. For some reason, I didn't try to shift away from him, didn't push him off. I allowed him to press his lips harder against mine, and I even responded as he ran his hot, damp tongue against the gap of my lips. My mouth opened and Kyle ran his tongue over mine; his hands moved down to my hips and gave them a tight squeeze. My hands, meanwhile, remained motionless at my sides, hanging limp like the limbs of a ragdoll. Then he did something that caused me to jerk back into motion. He bit my bottom lip sharply. It stung and I pulled away abruptly, discarding the stung look in his eyes.

"I-I'm sorry, Stan..." he panted, drying his lips with the back of his jacket sleeve.

"What the fuck gave you the impression that I wanted to kiss you?" I said my voice unintentionally cold. "We're talking about Kenny, Kyle."

"I dunno," Kyle admitted lowly. "I just...I don't know what came over me. I lo-"

I turned and stormed away, leaving him there with his 'lo'. Two more letters and I would've been inclined to punch him. My lips still misted with his warmth and my bottom one still throbbing after the abuse, I walked away, ignoring his calls and pleas with me to come back. I was going to go over to Kenny's, to pay him a visit but found myself too ashamed to. I'd just kissed Kyle, his ex-boyfriend. I couldn't do that to him. I returned home and threw myself down onto my bed, hugging myself tightly and cursing the tightness of my pants...

Dun dun duuun. Cliff hanger I know. I just want to apologise for the lack of updates, so much going on especially the weight of writer's block. I finally just sat down and finished this in two days, a personal record I think. I'm enjoying writing this; it's definitely keeping my mind occupied. Please review and let me know what you think. If I seem a little rusty, I apologise. It's been so long since I've been able to write, I may just be a little off with the style and rhythm (that's what he said) but I hope you enjoy. Maisy-Shane 3