Chapter 2: Tied together

"Can I borrow the phone?" I asked, with a sudden joy spreading inside me, now that I knew I was only minutes away from hearing a familiar and missed voice.
"Sure" Ally said in a slightly airy and distant voice, handing me the phone without looking at me; she was busy staring out in the air glowing like an angel. She was going to be the best sister in the world, I thought as I left our room.
As soon as I was outside; I quickly pressed the number for Seth and Leah's place. I held the phone up to my ear and waited anxiously. It rang four times before a stressed voice answered.
"Hello?" It was Leah's voice. I felt the corners of my mouth turn down and my hope disappear. There was no way now I was going to get away with this without Jacob jumping to conclusions. Seth could hide his thoughts easily, but with Leah it was a different story.
"Is Seth home?" I asked when I heard some noise in the background that sounded like another person.
"Nessie?" She asked with wonder, and I could hear she was happy to hear my voice. I smiled; she was fonder of me than, I'd remembered. Actually she was fonder of me than most of the people she knew. It might have something to do with her sharing thoughts with Jacob, but still.
"Yes," I said a little unsure. "Please don't tell Jake, I called" I added quickly before reason caught up with her. "Can I please talk to Seth?" Why did I say please? I should demand to talk to Seth. I deserved to talk to him, didn't I? I was almost crying. I hadn't realized just how homesick I'd gotten. I missed Leah too; she was one of my best female friends, not better than Rosalie, but better than Alice. Not that I didn't love Alice, I just hadn't spend that much time with her since we moved from Forks to Alaska. Leah was the person I talked to when I was tired of vampires and werewolves, and needed some normal girl talk. Her harsh exterior didn't seem like an estrogen bomb, but underneath the short hair and aggressive behavior a lovely little girl was hiding. I laughed a little at the thought of her as lovely, but stopped again; this was not a time for laughing.
"I'm so glad to hear your voice again..." she said as her voice lightened up. "I can't promise you anything about not telling Jacob, we share thoughts, you know." Her voice was brighter than I'd ever heard it, and I was pretty sure it wasn't just my call, that had caused such a reaction. "Seth is right here, I have to go anyway... I hope I'll see you soon, if not then I'll see you later... bye" I was a little annoyed with myself for having asked for Seth so soon; I wanted to hear why she was suddenly so happy.
"Bye," I whispered a little too late; she'd already handed the phone to Seth.
"Nessie!" He said in the cheerful voice I'd missed so much. "You won't believe what've happened!" he continued, as if this wasn't a rare event. That was why I loved him so much, that right there; he made me forget all of my problems, in a blink of an eye. I smiled more than I'd done this whole trip.
"Seth!" I almost yelled. I missed receiving one of the happy hugs; he'd given me so many when I was a kid. "No, what happened? You didn't imprint, did you?" I joked. I had suddenly forgotten everything around me. Now it was just me and Seth, brother and sister; joking like in the old days.
"Yeah, I imprinted on Leah, hope you don't mind"
"As long as I'm invited to the wedding, you have my blessing." it was as easy as breathing.
"Sounds good"
"No, seriously... what's going on, with Leah being all happy, and you all most bursting out of your human form with excitement?" I'd picked up all Jake's humor, that's why I was so comfortable with the werewolves. They saw me as one of the boys.
"Leah imprinted!" He shouted and started half laughing half gasping in shock, like he'd seen a polar bear flying around. I was shocked too; the flying polar bear was like seeing a tree next to Leah imprinting. Those words sounded crazy together. Leah wasn't the biggest fan of love, and imprinting wasn't really something I'd considered for her. But who had she imprinted on? A normal human boy? That would be kind of freaky, for him. Not that Leah was freaky; just the thought of imprinting on a random guy, seemed frightening. Maybe she'd been visiting family home in Forks and met one of the new kids down there, and as Jake would have said it: Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo, her whole life was about that person.
"No way! Who's the lucky guy?" It was weird; I'd spent the past month with a bunch of teenage girls surrounding me, and as soon as my 15 year old "brother" calls, I start gossiping like the real teenage girl I am. If Ally saw me now, she would have insisted on hearing what had made her composed, calm roommate, freak out like this.
"He's really nice, not at all the-I'm-going-to-kill-you-with-my-sarcastic-comments type like Leah. He's made her all happy and nice. It freaks me out sometimes, it freaks Jake out even more." the name interrupted my happiness, it had been a taboo the last month, and the thought of him made a huge amount of guilt wash over me. I'd broken my promise. It made my stomach turn to ice. Seth sensed my sudden change of mood - no idea how he did that through the phone - and realized his mistake. "I'm sorry, I forgot... I promise I won't mention him again" he said and pleaded for my forgiveness.
"No, I shouldn't react like that." I apologized. "So, what's his name?" I quickly changed the subject so I could forget my problems once again.
"His name is Joseph, and he's part of the Eyak tribe." The Eyak tribe was a tribe near Cordova where we'd moved to from Forks, "We were down there just like we always are once a month. Then when we were about to leave Joseph comes out of his house to see the visitors, us, and Leah instantly fell for him; just like Sam and Emily, Jared and Kim, Quil and Claire, Paul and Rachel." I could feel the silence as the unspoken words hung in the air: Jacob and me.
"Has she told him about her being a werewolf and stuff?" I asked, now a little worried about his reaction.
"She told him that if he ever wanted to ask her anything about anything at anytime, she would answer right away… no matter how stupid the question was," he paused to take a deep breath. "It freaked him out a little bit, but he doesn't have a clue anything magical" he said the word like they did in Disneyland commercials, "is happening around here." It was as if I could hear him shrugging, after he finished.
"If he had found out, he would have been a pretty messed up kid" I said and laughed a carefree laugh.
I could hear Seth laughing in the other end, and it made me smile once again. "Yeah…" he said as we both had finished laughing and there had been a short awkward break.
I went dead silent, because I suddenly heard a lot of noise in the background, and it sounded like someone was demolishing the building with their bare hands. "Jake! What are you doing? Calm down!" Seth's voice was full of shock and confusion, but yet he managed to sound commanding.
"Back off! I need to talk to her!" Jacob roared and there was lots of scrambling in the speaker of the phone; like when you drove through a tunnel. I hadn't prepared for this. What was he going to say? What was I going to say? Why was he even here? How did he know I was talking to Seth? Leah, was the answer to the last question, of course she couldn't keep my call a secret from Jacob. It was an impossible wish for her to fulfill, I should have known. The other questions remained unanswered.
"Renesmee" Jacob's voice was the opposite of the roaring from before. It was soft, almost persuasive. And he used my real name, not just Nessie, but Renesmee. That was never a good thing.
"Jacob, please don't do this" I said, my voice was pleading and I felt my cheeks get wet, as the tears started streaming down my face. He would try to convince me of going back. Promise me that he didn't care if I started dating. But I still didn't know who I was, and I still needed some time on my own. Why didn't he understand?
"I don't care if you need to figure out who you are, and I don't care if you don't see me as someone you would kiss. I need you to come home, because" he was crying. His voice sounded like he was being tortured, and I was the one doing it. I couldn't stand it. I slowly lowered the phone, as the tears kept running in an even flood from my miserable eyes down my face, passing my sad mouth and dissolving in my black sweater. I pressed the end-button, knowing he wouldn't forgive me for doing this, but also knowing; I had to.
I walked through the door of our dorm room my shoulders slumped. I found the room empty. Ally was probably out spreading the good news, and since it was Ally that could mean, her standing on the roof of the school with a megaphone screaming her mother was pregnant. I smiled a tired smile and closed the door behind me. I was walking over to my bed - I needed to lie down – when I saw the worn folded piece of paper from before on the floor and froze. Jacob's letter.
That did it; everything came crushing down under me. All of my vampire strength was useless against the pain crushing my heart. I needed mental strength. Talking to Seth hadn't been the success I thought it would. The memories of Jacobs pained voice made me want to rip my heart out of my chest and tear it to pieces. I'd only heard that voice once before. At the airport when I left for my new life. I knew the whole conversation by heart, every move he'd made, every time his voice had broken, every time his heart had sped up; everything.

~ Four weeks ago at the airport ~

My mom and dad had said goodbye outside the airport, probably to give me and Jake some space.
We walked all the way down to the gate in silence. I could feel the tension in the way he held my hand and it hurt me physically to leave him like this.
"Nessie" He said in a tired voice, when we were close to where we had to part. He turned around, blocking my path, to look at me, and he took my other hand in his too. I looked down, not wanting to meet his gaze. "You know I don't understand why you have to go away" the pain in his voice was clear, and broke on the word away. I was so close to just give up and stay with him. "I want to know why I can't come with you." he said and tried to meet my eyes.
I didn't look up. "Jake, you know how much I love you, and I always will. Forever. But I've only lived for 8 years, and I'm already pretending to be 17. I've never been on my own. I still don't know who I am, and I really want to." My voice was strong and clear in the beginning but in the end I was mumbling.
He sighed "I know that, but you still haven't said why I can't come with you" he was pleading, and it was heartbreaking.
I looked up in to his mesmerizing deep eyes. "There's no doubt that we have a special bond, but" I said and I felt my eyes tearing up "but I just don't know if I'm in love with you" My voice got thick and begging. I could see how every word I said hurt him, but I couldn't lie to him.
"But we don't have to be in love. We can just keep on being best friends." He said in a cheerful voice, and it was clear that he really meant it. But he could be lying to himself. He was pretty good at that, when it came to pleasing me.
"But what if I started dating... would you just accept that?"
"Maybe... I don't know... if that's what's best for you, then I would accept it with time"
That was the answer I'd feared, he loved me so much that he would accept sharing me with someone else.
"I don't deserve you" I said and lay my head on his chest that for once wasn't bare but covered with a black t-shirt. He put his arms around me and lay his cheek against my hair.
"Of course you do... and if this is what you need, I will survive it one way or another" he whispered and hugged me tighter. He'd given up.
"I promise to write to you every day, and I'll come home in the holidays" I whispered against his chest. I wasn't sure if that was a lie, but I would do anything in the world to comfort him.
He pulled away and looked me in the eyes. His eyes were sadder than I'd ever seen them, and it was my fault. I'd caused him so much pain, and I couldn't make it better.
"I love you, in every way possible... Now go find yourself" He said and smiled a warm smile, probably knowing that was the last time I would see him in a long time, and wanting it to be a good memory. He let go of me, and I walked towards the gate, trying not to look back.

The pain of that memory cut through me like a million vampire teeth ripping through my chest and eating my still pounding heart. I picked up the letter from the floor and threw myself on my bed. It was the 10th letter he'd written. I had never answered him. I unfolded the letter and read it once again.

Dear Renesmee.

I don't know why you haven't answered me; it's nerve-racking to not know how you're doing. I know I'm annoying you, and I'm sorry. I really am. I just can't stop thinking about you. It's killing Embry, Seth and Leah to listen to my worried thoughts about you all the time, and Edward too. I know this is a wasted effort, I'm not even sure you're reading these letters anymore, if you've even read any of them, but please, please answer me. It takes all of my willpower to not just go to Saguenay and take you home, or maybe just give you a hug. Every night I run half the way, but at some point I turn around, for your sake only. I miss hugging you, holding your hand; you're the only one I can hug and hold hands with. Everyone else would freak out if I did it. I really need you, to talk to you, to see your face. Imprinting is not a joke. I've talked to Sam, Jared, Quill I even talked to Paul about how they stand being away from Emily, Kim, Claire and Rachel. They all said they haven't tried it, because even hours make them more than anxious. I've tried to come up with a way to explain what it's like, having you 1600 miles away. Try to imagine an elastic string; your heart tied to one end, mine to the other. When we're close it's nice and wonderful, but if we're not together we can feel the elastic expanding, and pulling in our hearts, trying to get us close again. Imagine the physical pain is mental pain. Now when you're so far away it's like I can feel the elastic band slowly breaking on the middle, one tiny string at a time, uselessly trying to tow us together again. There are two options. Either it will break in the middle and knock both of us to the ground so hard we might never stand up straight again, or it will eventually succeed in its dragging and we will be reunited. I hope you understand me, and don't think I've gone completely mad. On that note I will stop writing and let you think about this. Please answer.

I love you.

Jacob Black

I always ended up crying, and this time wasn't an exception. I tried to wipe the tears away, but they were unstoppable, and continued to appear in my eyes. After a little while I stood up and went out on the almost empty hall looking for the bathroom. I was hoping no one would notice how big a mess I was, and my wish was fulfilled until I reached the bathroom where Ally was washing her hands.
As soon as she saw me, and took in my mood, she ran over to me and wrapped her weak human arms around me. "What happened?" she asked in a shocked voice. This was the first of my breakdowns she'd seen, and it wasn't a pretty sight.
"I just miss home" I whispered and easily released her grip around me to go look in the mirror. I was a mess. My hair was a chaos and my face was distorted into a mask of sorrow and torment. A carcass would look exquisite next to me. "Oh, I look horrible," I complained and smiled a little.
"No, you look as beautiful as ever, and I have good news" she said and padded my back. I could see her smiling in her reflection in the mirror. I looked back at her in surprise, what was the good news? I already heard about her mother being pregnant. "We're going out on Friday!" she said and her smile turned beaming. I'd never been on a date, which was also one of the reasons I didn't know anyone else but Ally.
"Someone invited me out?" I said and my voice jumped up a few notes of surprise and disbelieve.
"Don't sound so surprised. Every guy would love to date you, they're just afraid of a rejection. You seem a little bit out of reach," she said with a grin. "Anyway, this guy, Aaron, asked me out, and I said yes." she paused and smiled a satisfying smile before she continued with just as much enthusiasm "And then this other guy, Luke, asked if you were available too and I said yes." She took in the critical expression on my face, and then quickly continued: "I know, I know; I should have asked you, but it's a date!" she ended with a little bounce, but quickly controlled her happiness, when she saw my apparently dumbstruck expression. "A social gathering outside of school," she said in a flat voice, getting slightly annoyed, because I didn't join her joy "You can't say no, it's Aaron's friend" it was turning into begging. "Besides he's kind of hot. He has short golden hair, and tanned skin. His eyes are blue and he has this really cool smile. He is a little arrogant, but I'm sure that'll disappear when he's around you. Just your existence can lower anyone's confidence." she was babbling with such eagerness, I could do nothing but smile. Even if he was a jerk I could just punch him in the face and leave… or maybe just leave. Time would show.
"So… will you come?" she asked.
"Sure" I said and smiled willingly. She jumped up in the air and smiled. "Where are we going?" I asked, now interested in my newest event.
"The museum of Natural History, it's in Ottawa, but not too expensive, and the guys seemed really interested in it" she said with a shrug. We could've gone to the South Pole, she wouldn't mind as long as Aaron was right next to her.
"The museum of Natural History? Isn't that the place with stuffed animals everywhere?" I asked with caution. I was not a fan of stuffed animals to put it lightly. It was creepy that I couldn't smell their blood or smell their scent either; they all smelled the same bleach-like smell.
"Yeah, it's so cool, have you never been somewhere like that?" she obviously hadn't heard me hesitating.
"Yes, I've been there… I just didn't particularly like it, to be honest" I said and smiled a fake smile.
"Oh" she said and stopped shivering of excitement, "But you'll come anyway, right? If you're very scared Luke can always protect you" she said in a none-joking voice.
I grimaced. "Yes, I'm coming, but…"
"Thank you!" She interrupted and stormed out the door, probably to reassure the guy, –Luke, was it? - that I was coming. I groaned; I was not sure I was ready to date. Today was Tuesday, that meant I had under 3 days to either get killed, catch a flu – which wasn't that likely for a vampire hybrid – or run far away. I wasn't even sure I was allowed to date. My parents were a little overprotective on that point. But it was too late to back out now. I was officially dating.

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