Chapter 6: Why?

I sat up in bed in nothing near human speed: It was all instincts. I quickly searched the room for intruders, before I jumped out of my bed and hurried out the door. My first impulses had told me that it was night, and that jumping out the door like during a fire, wouldn't be weird, since no one would be awake. I was wrong.

The hall was filled with girls slowly sauntering off to class or breakfast. When I nearly fell out the door they all looked up and turned their heads to look at me, but only for a moment before they continued dragging their feet, slowly moving forward.

It didn't take me long to get inside my room again, put some more appropriate clothes on and then get out the door again. I ran down the hall doing my best not to run too fast, making people suspicious, and not too slow, making me late for class. Running was second nature to me, and it didn't keep my mind busy. Something that did occupy my mind was the horrifying nightmare from last night.

What did it mean? Why had I been terrified by a werewolf, when I trusted them? Was it wrong to trust them? No. It wasn't wrong, but why was it so scary then? Was it really Jake, who'd been outside last night, or was my nightmare trying to tell me I was exaggerating? Maybe it had just been a spruce and my imagination had instantly made the jump to a wolf? Time would show…

As I came into the classroom, it seemed like gossiping about me, hadn't gone out of fashion. I groaned quietly and sat down in the back of the room. People tried not to look at me, but once in a while they would glance down and then when my eyes met theirs, they would murmur to the person next to them. This was going to be a long day.

Mr. Lancaster came in balancing a stack of books on top of the usual brown leather briefcase he always carried around. A deep line of concentration had formed itself between his eyebrows.

"Good morning, students" He said almost relieved, when he sat down the books on one of the tables in the front. There was a low murmur of polite replies and then the class started.

I didn't realize I was sleeping until I was woken by the sound of my name.

"Is Renesmee here today?" Mr. Lancaster asked in a stressed voice.

I lifted my head from the table, before I answered: "Yes?"

"A guy insisted on talking to you." He sounded very irritated, and I didn't understand why he would let me talk to anyone during his lesson. Who could it be? The first person I could think of was William, but he would never be allowed to talk to me during class. Maybe it was the principal, who'd found out that I'd destroyed every hope of our school to get to the finals and had therefore decided to throw me out. But Lancaster wouldn't call the principal a guy, especially since it was a lady. I kept searching my mind for answers, as I made my way to the door.

I saw him standing up against the wall with a worried expression. First I was sure it wasn't him, but after blinking the fifth time I convinced myself I was right.

"Da…!" I yelled but quickly changed it to: "Edward!" People would find it weird that my dad was the same age as me, or at least as we pretended to be. I ran over to him a little faster than human speed, and then threw my arms around him when I was close enough.

His arms enclosed me, and he laid his cheek on my head. I smiled a huge smile, oh how I'd missed him! It was clear he'd missed me too.

"How are you, honey?" He asked still resting his cheek on my head. I could feel his breath in my hair.

"I'm fine" I said and tried to sound as cheerful as possible.

"Are you sure?" His voice was worried, of course he was worried. I couldn't lie to him, he could read my mind. He knew I struggled to keep positive, how much I missed them, all of them: Him, mom, everyone back in Cordova and Forks, and most of all Jacob.

"Maybe we should go some place we can be alone," he said, reading my thoughts. Not figuratively speaking.

I started walking towards my room, knowing that Ally was in class, and that we could be alone there. I took his hand, and smiled; I'd missed him more than I could imagine possible. Most people would probably think we were dating. I cringed at the thought. He chuckled at my reaction and squeezed my hand a little harder. I had forgotten how much I enjoyed, these silent conversations with my dad.

When we arrived at my room, I locked the door behind us and sat down on my bed next to him. He was looking at me, but I didn't look back; I was staring out in the empty air. We sat there for a moment; me thinking about Jacob and how horrible everything had been, him listening.

"I can't stand this!" His voice broke the silence like a whip breaking through the air. It made me jump.

"What?" I said and looked up at him to read his face. He was frustrated, and his eyes were piercing.

"You're miserable," he accused with sadness in his voice.

"I'm fine" I lied once again, but I knew he didn't believe me. Anyone with eyes or ears would know that I was lying. That was something I'd gotten from my mother, she too had always been a bad liar.

"Sweetie... You don't belong here. Not away from your family and…" he trailed of, but I knew what he was about to say. Why was it so hard for people to understand? He could read my mind, how could he not understand?

"You just don't understand… I have to do this. I have to find out who I am. What if someone falls in love with me, thinking I'm something I'm not?" My voice was turning into panic. My hypothetic question wasn't that hypothetic. Tears were streaming down my cheeks. I tried to wipe them off with the back of my hand, but my dad beat me there; he had his hands placed on each of my cheeks, and wiped the tears away with his thumbs.

"I know, but Jacob will love you no matter how far you run or how much you change. That's how imprinting works. You can come home tomorrow or after a century, but he will never forget you. He spends most days climbing through the window of your old room. He just sits on your bed, at your desk or on the floor. We've never told him that we can hear him cry, because I think he likes it that way: Hidden. So don't worry about him falling in love with a wrong image of you, just think about if this is really what you want." he said with a soothing voice, and looked into my eyes with a worried expression.

That's when I saw it: His eyes were onyx not the usual bright hazel. I pulled away from his hands and looked at him. If his eyes were black, it meant he hadn't hunted, and therefore hadn't foreseen this trip.

Realization hit. He wasn't supposed to be here. I'd told him not to be here. Mom had promised she would make him stay at home, no matter what.

"Bella doesn't know about this," he mumbled, answering my thoughts.

"You did something against mom's will?" I asked in shock. My father would do anything in the world, to avoid leaving or disobeying my mother. Anything. And now he'd done both, for me. I suddenly got very anxious. What could possibly make him do both?

"Why are you here?" I asked and crossed my arms over my chest superstitiously, trying to play it cool, but deep inside I was more than frightened about his visit.

"I wouldn't have come here if it wasn't absolutely crucial. I need you to please think positive whatever your reaction is and try not to not break anything." He was making me nervous and I nodded in response to his question. "Billy died. One day ago..." I wasn't aware of him saying anything else. The room went black, because I was falling, not psychically, but emotionally. I was falling into the deep black hole that I had been digging the last two months, waiting for a reason to jump into. While I was falling I saw pictures of how I could imagine my mother looking right now, then Billy, then Seth, and then the last thousand miles were Jacob's and Jacob's only. The agonized expression on his face, made me want to scream. Scream a thousand times louder than after last night's nightmare.

My father's arms were around me again and he was whispering in my ear. "It will be okay.
Please calm down. Don't be afraid. Shh..." He repeated it over and over again while rocking me forward and backwards.

Death had never been a thing I'd learned to handle, because almost everyone I knew was immortal. But Billy: He was human. And now he was dead. Dead, as in not ever waking up again. Dead, as in never speaking with his deep husky voice. Dead, as in never cooking dinner for Jacob and me. Dead, as in never flashing one of the rare smiles that only family and true friends saw. Dead, as in dead.

After a while I came back to reality. I knew I needed to be with him, to be with Jacob. To comfort him, like I was supposed to do; it was my duty as his best friend, his sister, his soul mate. All of a sudden my plan to go away to boarding school seemed like the most selfish idea in the world. I was so ashamed of myself. I knew Jacob couldn't live without me; I was the center of his universe, and I'd left him without looking back. He was my moon, and I was his earth. We couldn't function apart.

I pushed my dad away from me; I didn't deserve comforting. I started throwing my clothes from the closet into my suitcase, but I was too slow for my own patience. Instead of finishing packing my things, I went for the door and started running for the nearest exit as fast as I could, without it seeming unnatural. Edward was right behind me.

"It's faster to get a plane than it is to run," he whispered loud enough for me to hear, quiet enough for no one else to.

"I don't care!" I yelled and stormed through the door out in the big yard, where the rain was hammering against the dirt, covering everything in mud.

When we reached the forest outside the big building that had been my home for about two months, Edward grabbed my arm and spun me around, taking my hands in his, so I wouldn't get away again.

"I'm serious... If you're going home; take a plane" he insisted.

"No!" I yelled and showed him at the same time, with my unnatural gift. It had been a long time since I'd 'showed' anybody anything. It was obviously still working. And I used Edward's hesitation to explain myself. "I can't sit still on a stupid plane, knowing that he's in pain. That I'm causing him pain!" I was yelling, but the tears made it clear that I wasn't angry with my father. I was angry with myself.

Edward let go of my arm in shock; he didn't know his own daughter could feel so much anger and anguish. I'd never been so mad before. I saw my opportunity and started running again, this time faster than ever. The memory of my first day in school flashed by, like the trees passing me, but interrupted by Jacob's face in even intervals, as crucial as my heartbeat.

It was early in the morning. There was a sweet scent of the big apple trees shadowing the path leading up to the main entrance, but it was overruled by the blood smell that was burning my throat.

Many people passed me while I stood there, everyone smelled so delicious, but I would never even consider hurting them. They were people, with families and dreams. They all looked at me like I was a creature from another world, probably because of my beauty. Which was partially true, but they didn't know, so it was really rude. It made me reconsider my decision again.

Jacob.

I'd gotten the idea of this little adventure, when my dad told me about how he once left Esme and Carlisle -his parents- to be on his own for a while. Even though he made it very clear that it was a horrible idea, when he did it, I saw it as a great opportunity to have some time on my own. Explore the world.

My mom nearly had had a heart attack when I told her about my plans, and that is hard to do to a heart that isn't beating. Then when she found out that it was one of my dad's stories that had inspired me, she was so close to ripping his head off, and she probably would have done it to anyone else than him.

Jacob?

Their relationship was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. The way they looked at each other, the affection in their eyes was as clear as a cloudless night. I loved my parents, all of my family, really. The only problem was that they were so far away. Carlisle, Esme, Jasper, Alice, Rosalie and Emmett all lived in Forks, Washington, together with everyone from La Push. And of course Charlie lived there too.

Jacob!

I took a deep cleansing breath as my mum had once taught me to do when I was nervous, and walked the last 200 feet to the main entrance. I tried to ignore the glares, and just keep my eyes forward.

There were a lot of people in the hall, and I instantly held my breath so the burning in my throat wasn't too bad. I didn't like the fact that I was born to drain people of blood, and I didn't do it of course, but I couldn't stop the burning.

Jacob!

I found my way to the office further down the hall. There was a big brown desk, and a small secretary was sitting behind it, typing away on her computer.
"Do you have an appointment" she asked in a high pitched voice.

"I'm new here" I said hoping she would know what I was supposed to do.

"Name?"

"Renesmee Cullen" I said. "R-e-n-e-s-m-e-e," I spelled, knowing she wouldn't have a chance at spelling it right. The secretary gave me a slightly annoyed look, like it wasn't necessary for me to spell it, and then started hammering away on the keyboard with her long thin fingers.

Jacob!

She stopped to look at the screen.

"Renesmee Carlie Cullen?" she asked, irritated that I didn't say my full name in case another Renesmee Cullen was starting at the school the exact same day as me. I nodded once.

"You're going to live in dorm 165," I cringed a little at the thought of sleeping next to a human. "It's on the second floor. You can ask the students in the hall, they will know where it is." So much for the high service. "Your schedule should be on your bed, and you can ask your roommate for a tour around the school." She smiled a fake smile and looked at the door, clearly showing that I was supposed to leave now.

Jacob!

I did as she wanted and turned around to walk into the crowded hall. I had no idea who to ask, and I decided I might as well go with the sweetest looking girl. I saw one standing over at a poster. She had her fair hair in a high ponytail, she was alone, and she was smiling a little.

"Erhm… Hi," I said a little shy "I'm new here and I'm supposed to find room 165. Do you know where it is?"

The girl turned around and looked at me with wide eyes. "I wish I could show you, but my boyfriend will meet me here in just a second, and he hates when I'm late, sorry" she said and turned around to look at the poster again. I took a deep breath and asked her again.

JACOB!

"Can you at least tell me which way to go to get to the stairs?" I was still smiling, but I was getting slightly annoyed with the low service level at this place. The girl didn't even look at me when she waved her hand down the hall deeper into the building.

It was quieter on the second floor. It was nice, but it also meant that my suitcase was causing a lot of attention. The small wheels were old and made a high screeching noise when I dragged it along. People shot wary glances at me, I pretended I didn't see it and kept on walking. I stopped outside the door that said 165, knocked once and then opened the door.

JACOB!

The room was smaller than I expected. There were two beds, a closet, a desk and two chairs. The walls were a ghastly red, but I figured that I would get used to it after some time. The boys' rooms were probably a ghastly blue, so it was just as well. Luckily the room also had a big window, so it wasn't so claustrophobic. The big window opened out to the yard surrounded by the school.

Jacob!

The bed standing the closest to the door was already taken, so it was easy to pick mine. I found out my schedule wasn't on my bed as the nice lady in the office had told me. Sarcasm was something I'd picked up from my mother. I considered going down and talking to the secretary, but since it was Sunday, and I didn't feel the need to ruin my mood, I just started unpacking my stuff.

On the top of all of my things a little envelope was placed. I knew Alice hadn't put it there, and nor had I. I picked it up and read the word on the front.

'For you', it said in a very familiar handwrite; Jacob, my mind screamed. I felt my legs go soft and I sat down on my bed. Jacob, my mind repeated loudly, and I bit down on my lip, before I opened the envelope to read the letter inside.

JACOB!

'Dear Nessie
I've heard your explanation a thousand times, but I still don't see how this can be a good idea. You said I couldn't come with you, and you wouldn't explain why. I know you better than anyone, and I've always been on your side, but now, I have to disagree with you. A letter might seem a little strange, especially since you won't see it until you arrive, but you've been so busy planning this, that I haven't had the time to talk to you.
My point in this letter is to tell you how much I love you. As a sister, a best friend, a soul mate. And I hope you'll have a nice, no, wonderful trip, and when you come home, that you'll be even happier than before.

Your one and only

- Jake'

JACOB!

Authors note:

Lot of new and bad information!

I am deeply sorry that I killed Billy, but my stubborn Nessie had to have a very extreme reason for leaving ):

If you hadn't guessed it: The memory was something I wrote as the first chapter, but after I'd written it, I wanted to get on with the story and I just decided to jump to the middle of her school year instead… that's why my writing is slightly different ^_^

Did you like my Edward? I'm so afraid he didn't live up to Edward the sexy vamp but he's a dad in this story, remember that (:

What do you think will happen next? Will Jake forgive her for not being there? Will he be depressed? How will the reunion go? Will he even be home, or is he outside the school like he maybe was last night? What about the funeral? Try to guess (;

As always… REVIEW! I know many of you do it, and I love you for that. I know you might think "I don't have anything to say," but I don't care, you can write the shortest thing ever, and I will still be happy :D If I don't get enough reviews, I might stop writing, so yeah; R-E-V-I-E-W!

Next chapter on Friday ^^

-The Author ^_^