Author's Preemptive Ramblings: January 22, 2006; 8:43 PM

Happy New Year, minna-san!

There won't be a Free-Chat at the end of this Verse because of the, um... emotional content, so I figured I'd pop in real quick at the beginning to do the usual: Apologize profusely for a very late chapter. Suffice to say AP English is the devil, college scholarships are the devil's best friend, I'm currently juggling numerous fanfics, oh and by the way I'm in Creative Writing II so all my "writing time" has to be used on "real" writing, like short stories and bad poems and the like. So expect the next chapter in March or April, because I'm a terrible human being, and hopefully I'll be able to speed everything up during the summer again. That's my only time to write, if you haven't noticed. Still, just because I'm a terrible human being doesn't mean I'm downright mean, so here's a list of 7 things to read and see over the next few cold, wintry months!

1)MOVIE: Hoodwinked – Computerized fairytale comedy at its finest. Available at a movie theatre near you.
2)ANIME: The Twelve Kingdoms – Often described as, "the badass version of Fushigi Yuugi," it is one of the best anime I have ever seen. And now that AnimeWorks has released it into two happy li'l boxsets, the price ain't too shabby either! Available at a Suncoast near you.
3) MANGA: Fushigi Yuugi Volume 17 – The volume that literally Has It All. Tasuki + Miaka. Chichiri + Hikou. Chichiri + Tasuki + Hotohori + a hot springs – clothing ( yum!). This manga is so utterly Deelightful, my Fushigi-lovin' heart almost had a seizure. Available at a Waldenbooks/Borders near you.
4) NOVELS: His Dark Materials Trilogy, by Phillip Pullman – Quite possibly my favorite sci-fi/fantasy series of all time. And they're turning them into movies soon! Could it really get any better? Available at a Waldenbooks/Borders near you.
5)MUSICAL/PLAY: Les Miserables – I can't even tell you how in love I am with this. It's just... you know what? Get online and find out if it's playing at a stage anywhere nearby, and then go see it. Seriously. Right now. If it's nowhere nearby, then buy the soundtrack. It's not quite the same, but it's still pretty damn fantastic.
6) FANFICTION: Roku Kyu's C-2 Community – This thing was designed specifically for people like me who crave good FY fanfiction but are too damn lazy to go out and search for it themselves. Once again Roku-senpai earns a tip of my hat. Available on a computer near you.
7) TV: "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart" & "The Colbert Report" – A giggle-worthy one-two punch of comedy, with some actual news thrown in for good measure! Currently airing on Comedy Central, 11:00-12:00pm in the Eastern Time Zone.

I hope that will help save you from the cold, and perhaps appease your anger for my severe lack of updates. Love and peace to you all, and I'll be back around the time that the bears start coming out of hibernation. Thank you all so much for your patience!

Your Authoress—Dee

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Verse Nine: Kiss in the Dark

"I find you in my fears
And in my fascination
I taste you in safe water and it drowns me.
Paranoid and peaceful
Inside a sweet addiction
Velvety electrical reaction."
--Ilaria Graziano; "Velveteen"—

"Ne, Koji-sama, are you feeling all right?"

The bandit co-leader glanced up into Genji's curious gaze. He looked down again and shrugged. One hand fingered the thin scar tissue lining his left side, which had only days before been wounded almost beyond repair. "Nothin' t'worry about, Genji-kun."

"That isn't what I asked, te kanjii. You're feeling okay, aren't you? I mean, Shuu-san healed you completely, right?"

Koji shivered at the memory. "She did somethin', all right..."

"You two have been avoiding each other ever since the battle. Is that what's bothering you?"

He nodded, hoping that would get Genji to leave him alone. Shuu had healed him, though at the time he'd thought she was killing him – he couldn't remember ever being so terrified or helpless, even when he'd watched his parents die from that plague – and the fact that she'd done such a thing while cursing his existence did tug at the back of his mind, but that wasn't what kept him so preoccupied. In a few minutes he was scheduled to meet with Tasuki, and "discuss the recent battle." Tasuki and Koji had barely seen one another over the past few days – it seemed as if both were needed everywhere at once – so when Koji suggested the meeting Tasuki immediately agreed. But then again, why wouldn't he? He had no idea what his friend intended to say, or intended to unleash on him...

You've every right to be upset, Doro reminded him. He deserted his men and left no one in charge. If not for Genji, the entire stronghold could have been overwhelmed.

Koji didn't plan to yell at his partner. He planned to explain the situation calmly but firmly, like the older brother Hakurou had wanted him to play, and tell Tasuki with as little blame-placing as possible that if he ever did something like that again, Koji would skin him alive – though he would say it in a joking manner, of course. Tasuki would certainly understand and feel guilty, but take no offense, and everything would be fine.

So why was it that, when Koji thought about what he would say, he found himself getting angrier and angrier, until Doro always brought in that one treacherous little thought—

He isn't even fit to be called "Leader."

"G... gomen." Koji's head shot up at the sound of Genji's distressed voice. The youth had his face turned downwards and his hands clenched in his lap; Koji raised an eyebrow, but before he could say anything Genji looked up and cried, "I'm so sorry, Koji-sama! I know I hadn't been put in charge and I didn't have any right to suddenly start calling battle plans, whenever Gen-sama leaves everyone knows you're the next in charge, but everyone looked so confused and you were so far away and I didn't think we had any other options, and I know it wasn't a very good plan but it was all I could think of at the time, and the men all said I did a great job but I know it still wasn't right of me, acting like I had power, and I'm so, so sorry about it, te kan..." The youth trailed off as he realized that Koji had his head in his hands and shook with almost uncontrollable laughter. "...jii...?"

"Genji-kun, that mighta been th' funniest thing I've heard in months," the co-leader said once his laughter had subsided a bit. He wiped a tear from his eye and stood, clapping Genji on the shoulder. "An' I oughta be th' one apologizin'. I've been so busy runnin' around, makin' sure everything's good t'go, that I completely fergot t'congratulate you."

"Congratulate me?" he stared at Koji with wide violet eyes. "So, so you aren't upset about that?"

"Upset? Why would I be upset?" he demanded. "You saved our asses out there, Genji-kun. I couldn't be prouder of ya."

Genji's lip quivered. "Koji-sama..." he leapt forward and into the co-leader's arms, practically smothering him in a hug. "I'm so happy, te kanjii!"

"I'm... glad for that..." Koji muttered into the youth's shirt. Several seconds passed. Koji sweatdropped. "Oi, Genji-kun, d'you mind...?"

The young bandit blushed to his ear tips and quickly released his mentor. He giggled nervously and looked away. "G... gomen." He cocked his head, remembering his earlier question. "But Koji-sama, if you aren't upset with me, then what is the problem?"

The co-leader drummed his fingers against his thigh, frowning hard at the youth. How was he supposed to get Genji to leave him alone about this?

Why not just tell him the truth? Doro asked.

Koji wondered if Doro was insane, but listened as attentively as always to his newest and closest friend.

That boy has a streak of honesty that makes him the most trustworthy person in the stronghold. Koji had never thought about that before, but now that Doro said it he knew it was the absolute truth. If you can rely on anyone's opinion, if you can be certain that anyone will tell you the truth, and not just what you want to hear, then that "anyone" is Genji.

Of course, Koji agreed, a tiny spark in his eyes. Genji could never lie. Genji would let him know if his anger towards Tasuki was justified, and if maybe, just maybe...

Tell him everything, and ask his opinion, and see the truth for once.

Not the whole story, the co-leader argued. He couldn't possibly tell Genji everything. Still...

"Two friends leave home t'start their lives," Koji began, quoting a story that one bitter Asatenshi sister had told him so long ago. "One of th' young men goes out an' gets a job workin' the fields. He busts his ass, lives a hard, honest life, and gains a lotta scars for his work. But even after years he's still barely got a cent t'his name. He's poor, uncared for, and completely alone.

"The second guy leaves, and immediately goes inta a restaurant t'have a drink. He gets drunk and blows all his money. As th' place is closin' up, he gets angry at th' bartender an' throws his last bottle over his shoulder in a rage. The bottle hits th' head of a man who was harassin' a young woman. It knocks the man out and saves th' woman. The woman happens t'be th' daughter of a government official, and is so grateful that she marries the man an' th' two live in luxury fer the rest of their lives." He glanced up at the youth. "Why did th' second man wind up better off'n the first?"

"I'm not sure," Genji said after a slight pause. He shifted in his seat. "But I don't think I like that story, te kanjii. It doesn't seem fair to that first man at all."

"Yeah," Koji agreed quietly. "It ain't, is it?"

"But what does that have to do with anything, te kanjii?"

He will follow you anywhere. And he could be very useful...

No, Koji said, with more firmness than he'd ever felt towards that tiny voice in the back of his head. The co-leader stood again, smiling down at his younger friend and ruffling his hair affectionately. "Yer a good kid, Genji-kun. An' trust me, this ain't the kinda mess a good kid like you wants t'get involved in. So don't worry about, okay? Go make dinner, 'r win some money off th' guys in an archery contest. I'll talk to ya later."

The co-leader headed for the door, but Genji's voice stopped him at the threshold. "If something's bothering you, Koji-sama, I want to help you fix it. You know that, don't you, te kanjii?"

He glanced over his shoulder and met the face of the passionate boy ready to do whatever he could to help his beloved stronghold and its leaders, and for the briefest of moments he felt like he was looking straight into a mirror from the past. And for the first time he understood what Hakurou must have seen when he looked down at that young, ardent little orphan who'd demanded to become a Reikaku bandit, and the sort of guilt he must have felt as that same orphan, barely nineteen years old, lost his childhood forever when he watched the life of his mentor wither away.

He will follow you anywhere, Doro repeated.

Yeah, Koji agreed. But he should never have to.

"I know ya would, Genji-kun," he answered with another smile. "But the places I been lately, I'd never want ya t'go."

He closed the door and left.

---

Pure habit had Koji saying, "Knock knock! Who's there? It's Koji, ready t'see Genrou fer th' first time in about three days. Ah, well, Koji, come right in, I missed ya too," before he remembered that this wasn't a typical visit between friends. Could he even call them friends, now? He shook his head. That was ridiculous. Thinking that kind of thing just because he had to scold Tasuki a little. Of course they were still friends. Of course!

And yet...

Tasuki opened the doors, cocking an eyebrow at Koji and flashing a confused grin. "You doze off out here 'r somethin'? Ya never waited fer me t'answer th' door b'fore."

Koji shrugged and forced a chuckle. He followed his friend back into the room, stepping gingerly around the comatose monk before taking a seat on Tasuki's bed. The seishi followed suit, his worried eyes glancing over at Chichiri for a split second before turning back to the co-leader. "So, it's good t'see ya. That wound-a yers doin' all right? Hikaru told me Shuu-san pulled some kinda big magic t'fix it all up. Pretty nice-a that br – ah, of her, I guess. I meant t'come check up on ya, but..."

"We been busy. I heard ya got cut up a little, too."

"What, this?" the seishi pulled down his collar to reveal a light bandage across his shoulder and chest. "A scratch. Hikaru's jus' decided t'act like she's everybody's mother, so she's makin' even th' little injuries get this kinda attention."

Strange how he managed to bring her up twice in such a short time, don't you think?

"Anyway," Tasuki went on, "I'm glad ya decided t'schedule this little meetin', if ya wanna call it that. We need t'talk about what we're gonna do about th' Akutsuki." He tilted his head in Koji's direction and grinned. "An' once we get done with that borin' talk, we c'n crack open a bottle-a sake an' relax fer once. I bet even a grumpy old hen like you c'n agree that those Akutsuki're beat up enough that we c'n get away with at least one night-a that."

Koji steeled his courage and his temper. "Listen, Genrou, about that last fight..."

He frowned. "Straight t'business, huh? Fine, fine. Well, we went back after that last battle – you were passed out in yer room, not that I blame ya – and did a rough estimate-a th' losses. Seventeen of our boys're gone fer good, I hate t'tell ya, but the good news is that only a few of 'em died t'actual injuries. Th' other's were victims-a that damn sorcerer."

"Speakin' of that sorcerer..."

"I know, we still gotta worry about him, 'cause he managed t'get away. I don't think he should be too much of a problem, though, so long's Hikaru 'n' Shuu-san 'r around, an' I c'n handle him too if it comes down t'that."

"Yeah, but that battle—"

"I did another count-up an' the Akutsuki lost over twice th' number-a men we did. Hell, I'd say they barely had ten-a their forty escape, an' most-a those were lickin' wounds from what th' boys tell me. 'Course, we don't know how many they had in th' first place, but that's still a pretty solid victory fer Reikaku. I'd say things're looking up fer us fer th' first time in a while, doncha think Koji?" Tasuki noticed a tiny anger vein pulsing on his friend's head. He blinked. "Somethin' wrong?"

"That depends. You finished yet, 'r should I wait fer ya t'interrupt me again?"

"Oh... heh," Tasuki rubbed at the back of his head, a little surprised by Koji's tense tone. "Sorry 'bout that. We been workin' t'gether so long I jus' figured I'd know what ya were gonna ask. So what's th' problem? Did I miss somethin'?"

"No, ya covered all th' basics," Koji agreed, rubbing at his temples. "But that ain't the reason I wanted t'meet with ya, at least not the full reason." He glanced up at his friend, and somehow managed to look stern without showing the anger he felt building up inside of him. "I wanted t'talk to ya about what ya did durin' that battle."

"What I did? What'd I do?"

"You ran off without tellin' anyone, idiot!" the co-leader bellowed, sending a chibi Tasuki tumbling off the edge of the bed.

Tasuki scrambled back onto his perch, once again cocking an eyebrow at Koji and once again grinning in that perplexed way, as if he couldn't quite figure out what his friend was getting at. "That's all?"

"'That's all'?" Koji lost it and popped his partner over the head. "You left everyone in th' middle of th' battle – an' after a sorcerer's attack, no less – an' didn't tell anyone what was goin' on, 'r where ya were goin', 'r even if you were comin' back! Half th' men thought you'd been killed in that crater blast, didja know that?"

His final sentence struck home, and the seishi frowned. "I didn't mean t'make everyone worry," he said quietly, looking down at the floor like a child who'd been caught stealing candy. "But I didn't have much of a choice. Hikaru was chasin' after that thing—"

"That's no excuse!" Koji snapped. "You know damn well Hikaru-san c'n take care of herself, 'specially against some two-bit sorcerer."

"He wasn't jus' a sorcerer, Koji!" Tasuki snapped right back, meeting Koji's eyes with such protective ferocity that the co-leader scooted back on the bed a bit. "He was... some kinda demon. An' she was goin' after him alone! I couldn't let her do somethin' that stupid, I couldn't let her risk gettin' hurt like that..." Koji's eyes softened at his friend's words, and he opened his mouth to say something reassuring, but Tasuki ruined any chance of reconciliation. He stared at the co-leader defiantly and said, "An' anyway, you don't have room t'talk. You did th' same thing fer Shuu-san."

And he has the nerve to call himself "leader?"

Koji said nothing for a few seconds, but not for lack of wanting. He just couldn't find any words coherent enough to explain his indignation at the idea that he and Tasuki had done anything remotely similar, that day of the battle. "Shuu-san," he finally managed to grate out, "was five seconds away from bein' killed in th' middle-a that battlefield, an' that was about t'happen 'cause she tripped on th' dress that I hadn't let her change out of. That was scummy of me, an' I don't mind admittin' that." I can admit my mistakes, unlike some, he thought bitterly. "But at least I had th' decency t'tell my men what was goin' on, an' at least I was responsible enough t'put someone else in charge b'fore I just ran off into th' forest, completely desertin' my people to th' enemy—"

"Well maybe if ya had a little more confidence in everyone's abilities ya wouldn't think of it like that," Tasuki retorted. "Th' boys did a damn fine job without me. I knew they would. I never worry about 'em when they're all t'gether. An' you shouldn't worry about 'em, either. Genji-kun handled th' situation fine."

"A second longer and they would've all—"

"A second longer an' the world might've ended," Tasuki interrupted. "Why're you worryin' about what 'might' have happened? Everythin' worked out fine."

"That ain't the point! Yer th' leader around here, and you gotta make decisions that affect the entire gang, don't you understand that?" Koji cried, his fists clenched so tight he thought he might break his own knuckles. "Everythin' you do, every little decision you make... everyone in this stronghold depends on those decisions. You gotta be damn certain they're th' right ones! You gotta do things fer everyone, you gotta look out fer everyone... an' if you can't even do that, then what right d'you have t'lead 'em at all? What right do any of 'em have t'call you 'leader,' if ya can't even keep 'em safe?"

Harsh, Doro remarked, but justified. And well put, I might add.

Tasuki's eyes clouded over, but Koji stared back without remorse. He couldn't possibly back down, not now or ever again. He wouldn't let Tasuki get away with hurting the stronghold anymore.

A lifetime later, the seishi bandit looked away and said, "Yer right. I screwed up. I don't think about stuff like that when I'm in battle, you know that. I jus'... do. Yer th' strategist, Koji. Always have been." He tried a chuckle that fell just short. "Guess that's why Hakurou asked ya t'keep an eye on me, huh? I bet he knew I'd screw up, an' he knew ya'd be there t'kick me in th' ass an' help me fix it. That's why we make such a great team, right Koji? So we c'n both kick each other in th' ass an' make sure th' right decisions get made fer Reikaku."

So what part of the team is he, I wonder?

"Anyway, sorry fer snappin' at ya," Tasuki continued. "But y'understand where I'm comin' from, right? I couldn't jus' let Hikaru get killed by that demon, same's you couldn't let Shuu-san die so easily. We gotta look out fer th' girls, jus' like we gotta look out fer our own boys, too. But still, I... I shoulda told someone. Yer right about that. I won't make that mistake again, okay?"

Why does he need your approval? Isn't he the leader?

"Why d'you need my approval? Ain't you the leader?" Koji demanded. He could feel Doro's contempt building and merging with his own anger until the two were almost indistinguishable. And with Doro's thoughts came an entirely new array of emotions; darker, less justified ones that Koji could feel tugging at the back of his mind. Emotions that didn't care about friendships or forgiveness or even about diplomacy. Because why did an insect like Tasuki deserve diplomacy, anyway...?

"Well, sure," Tasuki agreed with a shrug. "But we run things t'gether, so I wanna make sure everything's okay between us. C'mon, you know that by now, Koji." He grinned and punched his friend playfully in the arm. "Where would I be without ya, huh?"

"Long dead," Koji remarked, though his comment was anything but friendly. Because in the back of his mind, Doro whispered:

But where would you be without him

The co-leader hadn't thought about that before, and the sudden possibilities caused an already straining thread within him to snap. "Y'know," he said, staring down at the sheets with a tiny, sarcastic smile on his lips, "sometimes I wonder what th' hell made Hakurou choose you as th' leader."

Tasuki's amber eyes widened. There was something dangerous in Koji's posture, something frightening in his voice. He wasn't just teasing Tasuki, like he used to do all the time. This time was different. This time, it almost felt like he meant it.

Koji stood, shaking his head sadly as he moved to the door. "Mm, if he was here right now – Hakurou, I mean – he might ask himself th' same question."

A wall fell down between the two companions, and Tasuki felt his hands start to tremble against the bed sheets. "Oi, Koji..." he called across the room, desperate to keep his voice from shaking, "yer... yer jus' kiddin' right?"

"Nope," the co-leader said. He glanced over at Tasuki with the purest light of contempt shining from his eyes. His mouth curled upwards into a sarcastic little smile, reveling in the seishi's helpless misery, and before he could stop himself he muttered Doro's next bitter words. "As a matter of fact, I bet Hakurou'd be pretty ashamed of you, right now."

He closed the door and left.

---

Tasuki collapsed to the floor, grabbing at his arms, clutching at the sheets, reaching tentatively towards Chichiri before snatching his hands back to rub again at his arms, and all the while fighting those words, those terrible words that he'd always known but never, ever dared to think, that he never thought he'd have to worry about, that he always feared he'd have worry about.

Hakurou would be ashamed of you. Ashamed of you. Ashamed of YOU.

"I know," the bandit whispered, "I know he would, I know it, I know it! But I never thought Koji'd realize it too, I never thought he'd figure that out, an' even if he did I didn't think he'd hold it against me, I thought... I thought fer sure that out of everyone, out of everyone... that Koji wouldn't... that he couldn't..."

But he had. And he did.

The seishi struggled to find his breath. Why was the room so hot? Why was the room so damned tiny? Why was the room so lonely, so unbearably quiet and still and empty? Chichiri's gentle breathing echoed against the walls, a bitter reminder of these final ripping threads, of these last anchors that he'd struggled so hard to keep grasping, no matter what. But they were gone now. With Koji, with that last one...

He had to get out of here.

He had to find Hikaru.

He pounded down the hallway and into the main room of the stronghold, searching about frantically for the young Asatenshi woman. She was all he had, now. He had to see her. He had to talk to her, had to have her help him fix everything before it was too late, before Koji really did hate him and he really was left alone, before this horrible thumping in his chest grew too loud, before those words drowned out everything else.

Hakurou would be ashamed of you.

Ashamed of you.

Ashamed of—

"Woah, you look like shit."

Tasuki whirled to find Shuu sitting back in a chair by one of Reikaku's large windows. She held a scroll in one hand and a long calligraphy brush in the other, but the bandit barely noticed that. He fought those words back and asked, "Have you seen yer sister?"

Shuu pointed towards the main doors with her brush. "Fetching water for dinner, or she was the last time I saw her." The young woman cocked an eyebrow at the seishi. "What the hell happened to you, anyway?"

He didn't even look at her, and barely remembered to mutter a "thanks" before turning on his heel and marching out the front doors of Reikaku, on a beeline for the nearby stream.

---

Koji looked up at his ceiling and felt like the biggest scumbag on the planet. What the hell had possessed him to say those horrible things to his friend? Sure, there might be some truth in them, and he might even think them from time to time, in moments of anger like earlier. But to actually say that to Tasuki... to actually say that to his closest friend, the person he'd known since childhood, the only person he really trusted...

Can you trust him, really?

"Of course I can," Koji argued back. He swatted at a fly buzzing near his face; spring would be here soon, it seemed. "Genrou might be an idiot, an' he might be completely helpless without me, but he ain't a bad guy. He's the most loyal person I know, an' reliable when he really needs t'be. Like how he went after Hikaru-san. He wanted t'protect her, same's he wants t'protect everyone else. He doesn't think things through, but it's not like he does that on purpose."

You truly believe that's why he went after Hikaru? For simple reasons of loyalty?

"That's what he said," the co-leader agreed obstinately. Doro might have a tight grip on him, tighter than even he realized, but he wasn't about to talk Koji into something like that.

Is that what he actually said?

"Would you give it up already?" Koji sat up, crossing his arms defiantly over his chest. "Genrou ain't manipulative like ya seem t'think, an' he'd never toy with me. He doesn't have the brains fer that. I already agreed that I'd make a better leader; can't ya leave it at that?"

Just agreeing won't change anything. You have to act on those decisions to make them worthwhile.

"Yeah, I'll jus' waltz right up t'him an' say 'Oh Genrou, by th' way, I'm th' official leader now, an' you c'n be th' sidekick.' Yeah, that'll work real well."

Why does he have to be the sidekick at all...?

"Dammit Doro-kun, I told ya t'give that up!" the co-leader swung his feet over the edge of the bed and stood, clenching his fists resolutely at his sides. "Rivals 'r not, Genrou's still my friend. I know he is."

Are you trying to convince me of that, or yourself?

"I'll prove it to ya," Koji snapped. "I'm gonna go find him an' apologize right now, y'got that? What I did b'fore was jus' sick. You know how much Genrou depends on me. I can't let him think that I hate him. So, I'm gonna go fix all that. I'm gonna get things back t'the way they were between us, an' we'll find a way t'get Hikaru that doesn't involve all this stab-in-th'-back bullshit that yer so eager t'pull." He jerked open his door and started down the hallway for Tasuki's room. "Jus' you watch, Doro-kun."

But when he reached the chamber he found a half-open door and a sleeping monk, but no sign of Tasuki. Koji backtracked until he entered Reikaku's main room, glancing about for his companion. Instead he found a scattering of bandits playing dice and Shuu inspecting him over the edge of a scroll. Koji met her eyes somewhat timidly and spoke to her for the first time in almost three days. "Oi, have you seen Genrou?"

"This is a fun game," she remarked with a dark chuckle, then pointed towards the front doors. "That way, towards the stream. Have a good time."

"Uh, thanks." Koji hesitated for a moment, torn between his need to find Tasuki and his desire to ask Shuu about that strange evening when she'd saved and damned him at the same time. Fear of the young woman and that accusing emerald gaze made the decision for him. "See ya later, Shuu-san."

Shuu watched him exit the room, then went right back to her work, sweeping thick black lines across what would become the shirt of the young man in her latest painting. "It seems like things are about to spiral, Nee-san," she muttered into the paper. "Please don't disappoint me in your actions. You're the only true wild card in this game, you know."

---

It only took Tasuki a few minutes to find Hikaru, but the thumping in his chest and the echo of those words made it seem like a terrified eternity. Just when he thought he'd collapse for sure, that he'd finally lose his grip and fall into that dark void under his dangling feet, the forest gave way and he stepped out into a tiny clearing leading down to the stream. And there, crouching at the edge and wiping a line of sweat from her brow, sat Hikaru.

The young woman leaned over the stream, ducking her head down towards the water and cupping it between her hands. She splashed the liquid across her face, gasping a little at the sweet chill before running her hands across her cheeks and back into her hair. She wiped a line of sweat off her brow, sighed happily and stood, rolling her tired shoulders and preparing for the march back. As she turned to pick up the bucket of water at her side, the young woman's gaze fell on the trembling bandit at the edge of the clearing.

Their eyes met and locked, and a rush of terrified emotion passed through that gaze. The shocked Asatenshi woman took a step back and nearly fell in the water. Tasuki just stood there, breathing like he'd run a mile, his shoulders jerking back and forth as if he were fighting a waterfall of panic. He'd never looked so terribly alone. She fought to find her voice, took a step forward, stumbled over another few words, and finally managed to say, "Tasuki?"

"Hikaru," he gasped back, and then they were both moving across the clearing, and Hikaru's arms were wrapping around his waist, and the next thing Tasuki knew he was crying brokenly in her arms and they were both sliding to the ground, her hands stroking his back and his frightened ones stumbling to hold onto everything at once, as if he couldn't stand to lose a single part of her reassuring presence.

"Oh gods, Tasuki," she whispered once his shaking sobs had abated, "who did this to you?"

"Koji knows," he said, pulling away from the young woman and turning his eyes to the ground. He had no right to be here. He shouldn't rely on her help. He knew that. He knew all of that. But he couldn't bring himself to push away her kindness, couldn't bring himself to untangle his hands from her comforting grasp. Weak as he was, stupid as he was, he couldn't turn away from the only person who hadn't abandoned him yet. "He... he knows about me. About everythin'. About how pathetic I am, how useless an' helpless an' stupid, stupid, stupid that I am. He hates me fer it, Hikaru. He's left me. Jus' like everyone else, he's left me..."

"He couldn't," she told him, bringing up a hand to push away his tangled bangs. "It has to be some sort of misunderstanding. Koji-san has been acting... strangely, recently, but he would never abandon you. Koji-san loves you. I'm certain of that."

Tasuki's head jerked back and forth. "Yer wrong! You didn't see it, you didn't see the way he looked at me, like he wanted t'spit on me right then an' there. Like he never wanted t'see me again. Like... like I was some kinda disgustin' bug." He chuckled weakly, slumping further in her arms. "Not that I blame him. I'd hate me, too, if I knew the kinda things he knows. If I'd figgered it all out... if I'd looked past my little front an' found the sick, selfish bastard that I really am..."

No! a tiny part of him cried. No, no, no! Don't think about. Don't think about any of it! Hikaru was right. Hikaru had to be right. It was a misunderstanding, and Koji hadn't left him at all. He had to move forward. He had to keep living. Had to – had to – had to—!

"People should hate me. They always do, in th' end. That's why they leave."

"I don't hate you, Tasuki," Hikaru said quietly. The bandit jerked his head up to meet her intense emerald gaze. He'd never seen such a look from a woman – at least, never directed at him. But there was something familiar in it, he thought. Something from long ago. "I'll never hate you. No matter who you are, no matter how weak or useless you seem to think you are... well, I don't believe the half of it, but even if it were true I still wouldn't hate you. And I'll never leave you, do you understand that? If you can believe anything – if everything in this world is a lie, then at least that is a truth. If you want me with you, then I will always be with you, okay? So please don't worry so much. I can't stand it."

"How c'n you say that?" he demanded, voice cracking on the words. "I mean... it's gotta be a lie, right? I don't even wanna be with me, so how c'd you..."

"It's easy to say," she assured him with a tiny smile. "Though perhaps not so easy to explain. But it's like I told you before: I want to be there for you. I want to help you trust yourself again. Because, for the first time in my life, I've found someone that I can have faith in. And I want you to feel the same way about yourself – I want you to see what I can see beneath all those doubts and fears... and I want there to be someone in your life that you can believe in, as well."

"I believe in you." He had never even thought those words before, but as soon as he said it everything clicked into place. Tasuki leaned forward a little, trying to find that feeling from before, that brief moment of comfort he felt when he was in the young woman's presence, in the presence of the only person who could bear to hold his hand while he dangled from that terrible cliff.

The Asatenshi sister moved forward at the same time, the kindness in her eyes suddenly switching to something else, something deeper and beyond the bandit's immediate comprehension. "T…Tasuki…?" she asked quietly.

There was so little space between them, he realized suddenly. He could so easily reach out and grasp her and drown in that bliss. And she would allow it, too, he knew, because she made no effort to hide her love for him. She believed in him, wanted to protect him, wanted to comfort him, wanted to love him...

The bandit's arms flew to her waist, her hands fluttered to his neck, their lips touched once, tentatively, then twice, confidently, and before either was aware of the other's actions they had plunged into that sweet abyss.

---

Koji followed the tiny trail leading to the stream – though it was becoming harder and harder to see in the gathering evening light – and hoped that he'd catch Tasuki before he moved somewhere else. No doubt his words from earlier had shaken the bandit badly, and he had wanted to be alone to think about them – or maybe to try and forget about them. Koji felt a tiny blush of shame creep across his cheeks at the thought, but he did his best to brush it away. Everyone said stupid things once in a while. And anyway, he was about to make up for it, so it didn't matter anymore. He had no reason to feel so guilty about it. Still, he'd rest a lot easier once he'd made his peace with Tasuki and proven to Doro – and to himself – that his relationship with Tasuki was not strained beyond repair. He'd show him that he could win Hikaru without turning on his closest friend. The co-leader quickened his pace.

"That's right, Doro-kun," he murmured, a tiny, hopeful smile lighting his features for the first time in a long while. "You'll help me get what I want all right, but we're gonna to do it my way. I'll show you that I c'n win against any so-called 'competition,' an' without usin' dirty methods. I'll show you that Genrou 'n' I ain't even competin' in th' first place. I'll show you a lotta things, an' then I'll get Hikaru, somehow, jus'..."

And that was when the trees thinned, and he saw them.

Thump.

Impossible...

Thump.

Her hands gripping his back, her soft breasts pressed against his body, the two fabrics mingling as one.

Thump.

His arms clenching her to his chest, his mouth pushed against hers so tightly there was almost no distinction between the two, no way of telling where one ended and the other began, pushed together as if they wanted to dive into one another, down and down, forever and ever, and never return from their private paradise.

Thump.

His mouth broke apart from hers for the tiniest of seconds before plunging back in—

–Thump—

And then Koji's feet staggered backwards, and he tripped over a bush and turned and ran, ran from him and from her and from that terrible scene, that terrible scene of passion and pain and treachery, and all the while Doro laughed that triumphant laugh of his, and the hot tears sprung to his eyes, and his heart cracked, tore, ripped, shattered, shattered, shattered...

---

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