Hey! I've been writing alot more because of a lot of deeply emotional stuff and this is my safe place. I've resorted to making up a fake person and writing to them everyday because I have no one to turn to , well except for a very few people who actually care. But whateves I'm ignoring everyone right now and writing.

As I write this I'm eating french fries with Sweet and Sour sauce. I know it sounds gross but It tastes awesome! I kinda use alot of DC stuff in this chappie, because sophies kinda addicted to it... This is the surprising, yet awfull chappie isn't really bad even though it does involve pole dancing, just for fun.

Chapter 25:

Me, Jess, Katea, and Smiley were all dancing on the pole thigie in my bar room. I smiled. It was so fun. We were playing Yeah, by Usher. It is so fun to dance to.

It ended up being my turn next. Katea got off the bar and I got on. I smiled as I wrapped my legsaround the bar and slid around it. I heard luaghter as Jess and Katea and Smiley were brake dancing, something the doctors said I couldn't do anymore. I didn't even mention the pole dancing.

" Go Jimmy!" I heard Katea yell. My smile widened, at the use of my nickname. I was one of the best people who could steal something, every once in a while i would slip up.

I did a few other famous moves that I can't mention, or else It'll have to go to M, then I got off with Jess's help.

I walked over to my spot and stood, shaking my hips to the beat.

A pair of warm arms were on my waist. I kept on shaking my hips. I already knew that this was Paul. He smelled different than the others.

" Your really sexy. Did you know that?" he asked me. I smiled and turned around. I met his eyes. They were so beautiful. Expecially that pole dancing. I never knew you could do that, where'd you learn?" he asked. I smiled and pointed to Katea. She was a professional. I mean that literally.

" Katea, she showed my all the right things to do that would drive any man mad, but I can't do them because of Samantha. She's holding me back." I said as I smiled and me and Paul headed back to my room. He was smiling the whole time...

~ big brothers stink~

I was not having a good day! It was the first day we got back home and when I try to pick something up, I can't! I'm too big!

Seth is laughing hystarically on the couch. I growled at him, but didnt stop.

" YOUR ... WAYYYY...TO...BIG... TO ...PICK UP ANYTHING!" he yelled. I glared at him as I tried to lean over again. I was holding my belly, but I couldn;t bend over.

" SHUT IT, SETH CLEARWATER!" I yelled back at him. I screamed in frustration, which caused Sam, Paul, and Embry to race into the room, with there mouthes loaded.

Seth was having hystarics, laying on the couch clutching his stomach.

"UGH!" I yelled as I gave up on even trying to pick up my sharpie I dropped.

" Seth;s right! I am to fat to do anything!" I yelled as I ran away crying.

" Good going Seth!" Paul yelled as he followed me up the stairs.

~ big brothers stink~

We were in Emily's kitchen. All the guys were at Paul's bacholer party. We were getting married tomarrow. We've been home for 2 months. I'm only 7 months.

I felt a little pain in my no no square area. I looked down to see some pinkish water on the floor and I just stared in shock. I couldn't believe it. Can a water break this early? I don;t think so? Maybe?

Questions were running through my mind untill Emily broke them 10 minutes later.

" Soph? Are you al-" she was cut off by her own gasp, she rushed me to the hospital without uttering a word. James was in my arms the entire time. I wasn;t in any pain, for what I know.

When we reached the hospital James was in his little carrier thingie.

Thats when the searing pain came. I screamed as I was wisked into a wheelchair.

" NO! Get to the hospital now! Sam! I really don;t care! Your 16 year old sister is in LABOR!" Emily yelled into the phone."...Now? No, Sam, she's going to be in labor for a year! YES SAM NOW!... She wants the phone." I reached for the phone as the doctor was rushing me to the dilivery room. As soon as I got the phone up to my ear, a spasm of pain rocked through me. I screamed into Sam's ear!

" SOPHIE?" Paul yelled. He was on the phone now. I smiled, a pained smile, but it made the pain less painfull knowing his voice was talking to me.

" PAUL!" I yelled, as more pain came." It hurts." I whimpered in pain. Emily grabbed my hand.

" I know." He said, calmly. "Well be there in a few. Okay? Iloveyou!" he rushed as he hung up and I screamed again.

" Ahhh! EMILY!" I screamed as more pain came. It was really intense. Not fair for a teenage girl.

" It's okay. I ent through it to. It will stop soon." She promised as Paul ran though the doors shirtless. I smiled as his abs met my eyes.

I screamed again. I gripped Emilys hand really hard.

" Soph! It's okay!" he promised to as he grabbed my hand. And we all went into the dilivery room together. Like it should have been. Forever seemed so far away now. So did all the emotional pain and suffering, all the fear dissapeared like that to. But we all knew something had to go wrong. I just knew it. And it had to happen to my baby.

~ big brothers stink~

I just shut down and cried on the inside. MY BABY DIED INSIDE ME! How did that happen? Huh? Am I not good enough to be a mom?

We were alowed to leave that week. I didn't talk to anyone after my baby died. It wasn;t worth it anymore. Why should anyone ever loose their child? It just is so stupid and it hurts way to much.

~ big brothers stink~

I watched as all the crap I had bought for my baby was put in a box and shipped to Amy. She said she'd keep it untill were ready to have another one. I didn't want another one.

I went to school the last week it was there. I didn;t have to make it up, but I wanted to get another high school degree. Homework was on of the things I did to keep my mind off things.

I cryed for a week or so then shut completely down. I wouldn't move or even speak. It's been a week. And I still look pregnant.

I restarted my workout plans to be so skinny that I'm under size 0. It's one of my goals... I'm just kidding, well maybe. I want to feel something else then the pain of Samantha;s death.

I got changed into my workout outfit. A DC tanktop, oversized pants, a DC jacket, a pair of DC shoes, and a black & gray beanie. I'd get overheated in this outfit, but I dont care.

I went into my bathroom and got a razor from a basket I had hidden in there. It was from my 13 year old ruin your wrists days. I was going to start again.

I took a deep breath and cut a huge long gash into my left arm, not too deep, but enough to at least need a bandage. I didn't put a bandage on it because I wanted to feel the pain. I just thought about it and all my problems went away.

I stood there, keeping my tounge in pain, for a few minutes then covered it with my long-sleeved fingerless glove, no bandage.

I put all the stuff back into the basket and threw the old razor away. Because of my wolfy gene I kinda heal fast, but only when I want to.

I ran down the stairs and into the kitchen where I got a muffin and ate a bite of it then set it down, next to Paul, who was trying not to cry at the sight of me. I swallowed hard. I then ran outside and then into the woods. I didn't phase, but I went to the nearest tree and started to do pull ups, then I did push ups, then sit ups, then i ran all the way to forks 12 times, then I went to Sue's diner for a drink and to cool down. It was really hot and it wasn;t raining for once. I head sweat pouring from my forehead.

I pushed the diner door open, while I wiped my forehead. I was kinda thinner.I won;t loose all the weight in one day, but I could work myself to death trying. I let a few tears slip then I pulled myself together. I walked up to Leah behind the counter.

She looked at me funny.

" Whats up with you?" she asked as she hung up her apron, and got out 2 glasses and walked in the back, but was back in a second.

" I was working out. Is that Moonshine? If so I want some." I said. She pour us both some of the illegall drink. I took a sip of mine. It burned my throat the whole way down.

Leah gulped hers down immiediatly. I bet it hurt. I took another sip, she poured herself more.

" Don;t tell my mom, I'm drinking on the job. She'll kill me." She said as she downed it again then put the bottle away.

"Thanks Leah." I said as I walked out of the door. I must smell awful. I've been working out all day. It must at least 5 oclock.

~ big brothers stink~

When I got home, Kim and Clair were the only ones home. I took a quick shower, then I went to the fridge. I got out all the beer that Sam had in there. I brought it all to my room and we drank untill we all passed out with bloody cuts running down our arms.

~ big brothers stink~

I woke up with a huge head ache, only to see that Kim and Clair were on the floor, awake.

" I have a huge hangover!" Kim said.

" My arm hurts!" Clair said as she put on a long sleeved fingerless glove over her left arm, we all did the same.

" Well, I still feel dead, so I win." I said as I started to gather all the bottles of alcohol I could find, all ranging to the expensive stuff to the dirt cheap crap they sold in cups.

Once I had a third of them in my, Kim, and Clairs arms, we all went down the stairs. We all almost killed ourselves by falling.

I yawned when we got down the stairs.

Everyone gasped at all the bottles of beer we drank. We threw them in the garbage.

" How much did you drink?" Brady asked.

" Not enough to kill us." I replied. " We just mighta killed a million brain cells!" I said as I walked out of the front door, trying to ignore all the stares following me out.

Just wanted to remind you. I will make sure everything is perfect in the end, which I have no clue when I;m going to end this. I just know its not going to be soon! Review!Please? ILY!