Chapter 13: The funeral

Thirty-one black-clad people, firs surrounding every one, ground moist with last night's rain, sky gray like the ever changing sea, bouquets of blue, red and green lain with perfection around a dark wooden casket. Inside the casket a man was staring up at the clouds passing by with empty yet haunting eyes. He was no more than 63 and was dressed in his signature red shirt and blue jeans. His wheelchair and hat wasn't there though; they'd gotten a special place in his old house.

It was easier to handle this day, when I thought of it as a scene in a movie and not something that I was a part of. But I was. I was standing here with Jake's hand clutching mine, who was trying even harder than me to forget where we were. But as people passed us to say there final goodbyes, none of us could deny it.

"Is that Joseph?" I asked when it was Leah's turn to say goodbye. Next to her was a tall gangly young man. His black hair was about the same length as Williams, and I felt guilty for a moment, but then I noticed something strange about him. His eyes were a light grey, and combined with his dark skin and dark hair, it looked like he was blind.

"How do you know about Joseph?" Jake asked and looked at me with a crease between his thick eyebrows.

"I talked on the phone with Seth…" I said and remembered how I'd hung up on him. I really hoped he wouldn't discuss this now. Or ever.

"Right, and yes that's Joseph. Leah went home top pick him up, so he could be here with her." He said as he turned his head to look at the two of them at the casket. Leah's head was buried in Joseph's shoulder and he was stroking her hair soothingly, while whispering something in her ear.

Now they started walking away and a broken man took their place. Charlie. He's dressed up in his only suit. It was grey and slightly unfitting, but his cloth made no impression on me. It was the way he carried himself: The defeated slump after every step. The deep circles under his miserable eyes. The grey streaks in his hair that didn't glow in the light of the sun, like they usually did; they made him look ten years older than his real age.

As he took the last step to the casket, he coughed, and caused the few people that weren't looking at him, to look. All eyes on him, he kneeled in front of the casket and started sobbing. He wasn't trying to hide anything, like he'd been for so long, no he was really crying.

My mother was at his side doing her best to comfort him, but we all knew all too well, that this wasn't something you could eliminate. Never the less, Sue was at his other side, but she was only there to hand him a handkerchief. He accepted it but it was no use against the rush of tears.

The action at the coffin had distracted me from Jake, and when I looked at him, I saw his teary eyes threatening to spill. They were both fixed on Charlie like mine had been, and I knew that the scene was too much. I squeezed his hand as a signal that I was there for him. Without looking at me, he started walking. He was heading for the forest and away from the scene.

I didn't know why he was leaving, but I wouldn't deny him anything. Not on a day like this. He would do the same for me.

He stopped when we could no longer see the meadow where the ceremony was taking place, and were now a part of the big forest. He leaned up against one of the trunks and sighed deep and thoroughly. He ran one of his fingers through his hair and looked up at the treetops swaying in the soft wind that we couldn't feel in here.

"Can we just stay here… like for a while" he asked in a gruff voice and closed his eyes.

"Of course," my voice was low, and as the event we'd just walked away from hit me, I felt my cheeks get hotter and my eyes wetter.

The strange bond between us kicked in, and without looking he knew I was crying. He pulled me closer so I my back was leaning up against his body, then he laid both his arms around me. And we just stood like that.

It tickled when he exhaled in my hair, and I closed my eyes in brief moment to get myself together. This was nice – understatement – but he had to be a part of his father's funeral.

"We should get back," Jake said, right before I was about to say it.

So we left the forest and peace, and went back to the funeral and mayhem.

Charlie was no longer there, and Sue was gone too. My father was approaching us with a gloomy look on his pale face. It looked even paler against the black suit he was wearing, with a completely black shirt underneath too. It looked wrong on him, I noted as he started speaking:

"It's your turn," he was looking at both of us, and for the first time it hit me, that I was going to stand right next to Jacob when he saw Billy for the last time. I was what Sue and Bella was for Charlie. I was supposed to have a handkerchief hidden somewhere, to hand to him when he gave in to his emotions.

Why had nobody told me this?

Jacob nodded once and pulled a frozen-in-place me with him. "If you want to do this alone, just tell me so," I said in a shaking voice.

"Don't leave me." Was all he said and there was no point in arguing. I had several good points all ready in my head, but those would mean nothing. I had to be there.

We looked at the man in the casket at the same time, and stopped to catch our breaths at the same time. He looked too real in his red shirt and his eyes now closed. It looked like he'd fallen asleep and somebody had placed him in a casket. Just for fun. A very evil practical joke, but possible never the less.

But that wasn't the case, because he wasn't breathing.

"Hi dad," the voice next to me sounded like a fourteen year old boy's. "Here we are. Finally a couple, and then you die." A little laugh escaped and then he continued. "Actually if you really want to have some good stories to tell in heaven, your death brought us together. Without you, she'd probably still be running around in Canada." I was looking at Jacob now, and he was looking at his father. Smiling. "But thank you. Not just for bringing us together, but for spending so many evenings trying to teach me math, and for handling mom's death so well, and for all of the times at Sue's, and the evenings at the fire. Man, that was good times!" His voice broke on the word 'man', and tears streamed down his face, but he was still smiling. "And then when I became a wolf, you just kept calm and ignored my teenage tantrums. I remember this one time where you just asked me if I wanted a tuna sandwich and I just flipped out!" he was laughing again, "I've always wanted to apologize for that time," he continued when he was laughing no more. "But then you…" he sniffed, "you died."

And then he buckled to his knees with a thump crying his heart out.

I was no longer the only one looking at him, if I had ever been. Bella was at his other side taking his hand a talking to him. Sue was on her way with another handkerchief. Embry and Quil were patting his shoulder. Leah took the job as a sort of security guard, and ordered Colin, Brady, Josh, Monique and Claire away. Emily and Joseph went with them.

Alice, Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie, Esme and Carlisle had already left and the werewolves with no job were standing on the other side of the casket.

I did nothing. I could do nothing, because the sound Jacob was making right now, stabbed right into my heart like he was trying to kill me on purpose: It was scream of pain, a cry for mercy and a sound that I would never forget.

A hand was placed gently but still with some strength on my back, and I turned my head to look. It was Seth. He looked at me, and I could see my own eyes reflected in his brown innocent eyes.

"Do something… please," he whispered. And I realized how hard it must be for him to see his alpha and role model break down like this. And he could do nothing.

I took at deep breath and turned to look at Jake, kneeling on the ground. Then I sat down beside him and started talking to him. I didn't say the same things my mom said, because even though she was his best friend, I knew what had to be said now, better than she did.

And I knew he was listening. "Jacob?" the sound of my voice, caused an even louder sob to escape his chest, and I took this as a yes. "I know you don't want to think. But try to listen to me. I know this pain, won't ever disappear. It will diminish, and in happy moments you might forget it, entirely, but it will never remove itself from your brain or heart. Even if you live forever." He made one of the extremely loud sobs again, that made me cringe. "I said listen to me!" I said a little louder. "Billy loved you! He died loving you! That's the best way he could die."

"But I miss him!" Jake yelled at the gray sky. It looked like it was in a riot with God.

"Of course you do," I said and I swung both my arms around his neck and pulled him close. His head was on my shoulder now. "It's normal." I whispered in his ear that was close to my mouth now.

"It's this hollow feeling that craves for some kind of thing to fill it up. And it's pulling in my whole body for something that can fill it, but nothing is good enough." He said as he cried into my shoulder. And then I sat with his head on my shoulder while Quil Atera sr. said a few words in his deep voice. It was Quilleute, but I think we all got the message. I sat with him as they buried the casket and planted flowers in the soil. I sat with him as they raised the stone with Billy's name and date and a few other words. Eventually they all left, after saying goodbye to Billy and then sending Jake a look of sympathy.

Then after sometime, we rose with no words and made our way to Billy's house, that was no longer Billy's but Jacob's. I wondered if it would ever be known as anything else than Billy's house. And I knew that the answer was no.

There were a few envelopes on the kitchen table, when we came inside, and I had no idea where they came from.

"What's that?" I asked and gestured towards the letters.

"Leah picked up the mail when she went to Alaska to get Joseph," he answered in a hoarse voice. Hoarse from all the crying.

I picked the letters up, and looked through it. My name was on one of the envelopes and a Canadian stamp too. William or Ally? Maybe the school wanted to know where I was. On another thought they probably hadn't figured out I'd left.

I opened it quickly, tearing it apart, because I was so eager. I knew Ally's handwriting and this wasn't it. I read it slowly, trying to remember how my life had looked at that time. So different, oh so very different.

Hi Nessie

I'm sorry to sound impolite or rude, but what the hell? I tried to find you at lunch and you were just gone. I tried your room, but again it was empty. That's when I started to get paranoid. Who do you think you are to just run away without telling anybody? And what's with the wrong address and phone number? I spent like three hours trying to find the real address, and I'm not even sure this is the right one. If you're not Renesmee and wondering who I am, please stop reading: You're a freak!

I smiled and continued:

Ally thinks that you left because of her. I've told her that isn't true, but she always says I can't prove it, which is true, because I can't contact you. If you read this I hope you'll answer. Just give thumbs up, so we know you're okay. Thank you.

-Will

I read it again, and tried really hard to not feel guilty or miss him. But I couldn't. I had to call him, because he was my friend. And I owed him so much for everything.

"Do you mind if I borrow your phone?" I asked Jacob, who'd taken his mourning place in the couch.

"Go ahead," he said as he stared at the floor.

I pressed the number, and on the second ring, William answered: "It's Will."

"Hi, it's me," I'd always hated when people answered that way, and now I did it myself. I was a strange person.

"Really? I had no idea" he answered sarcastically.

"It's Renesmee. I got your letter. I can't talk for too long, but there was an emergency and I had to leave immediately." My voice was a dead monotone, and I tried my best to keep it that way.

"But why didn't you call?" he sounded sad, and I bit down hard on my lip to not show any sign of emotion.

"I don't know… I've been too busy. I'm sorry, but I think it's best if we're not friends." I said and sighed.

"What? What's wrong?" I wanted to tell him everything, but he wouldn't understand. And as I'd just told him: It was better if we weren't friends.

"Nothing, but I can't talk anymore, please hang up" I pleaded.

"Why?" he demanded.

"Because it's your time to leave me," I explained, but truly hoped that he wouldn't do it.

He did.

"Who was it?" Jacob's voice asked from behind me and both his hands placed themselves on my hips. Why was he in such a good mood?

"William… from Canada," I said and couldn't help but smile at the change of his mood.

"Oh…" he said as he put his chin on my shoulder. "So you don't want to be friends with him?" he asked and stroked his fingertips up my left arm.

"It's better that way," I mumbled and felt the electric sparks flying as he touched my skin.

"If you think so, love" he said and brushed my hair away to place a butterfly kiss behind my ear.

I laughed a slightly nervous laugh: He'd never called me love. I wasn't sure he'd ever called any one that. "I'm really tired. Do you mind if I sleep on the couch?" I asked, untangled myself from his arms and walked over to the couch, mostly to get away from him. He couldn't possibly be this happy now; he must be suppressing his feelings again.

"Sure…" disappointment dominated his voice and he walked towards the door to his room. "Or you could sleep in my bed?" he suggested casually, even though he was crossing several lines by saying that.

"No, I'm good." I said, and he closed the door.

I lay on the couch trying to think about what had happened today, but all I got was the feeling of lust that had spread inside me when his fingers had been stroking my arm. Think about Billy's funeral! My mind hissed, but it didn't help. He was right in the room next to me. And he was probably mourning, because he was alone now. But if he was mourning, shouldn't I be there? Hadn't I promised that?

After some time I had convinced myself this was the right thing to do, and I rose from the couch. I tiptoed across the floor and knocked on the door to his bedroom. I heard a cough as an answer, and I opened the door a bit to peek inside.

His chest was bare and he was only wearing the pants from a black pajama, as he lay there in the bed. I sneaked inside and leaned against the now closed door. He rose slowly and with firm steps crossed the room. He brushed a ringlet of hair away from my face, and when I blinked, his lips pressed against mine. They were gentle at first, but then more intense and passionate, as we started caressing each other's faces. His tongue traced the entrance of my mouth, and I accepted their request.

Even though we had never kissed like this, it was still easy and not at all tense. It felt natural when I pulled my fingers through his shaggy hair, and when his hands found the skin under my shirt and started rubbing patterns in my stomach. Even when I pulled my black T-shirt over my head, and threw it in a corner, it felt normal.

He pulled out the band holding my ponytail and my hair fell down my back like a wave. His lips were no longer on mine, but on my neck and shoulders, even a few were placed on my stomach. I leaned my head back and exhaled. He stopped the kissing to look at me, with a serious expression. "Are you sure you want this?" he asked and looked into my eyes.

"I'll kill myself if you stop," I answered and started kissing his collarbone and neck.

"Never," he almost growled and pressed his lips against mine with so much force my head banged into the door behind me. I didn't care, but he did. He pulled me away from the door and towards the bed where he fell down on his back and pulled me down on top of him.

That was the best night of my life.

The End!

Thank you for reading this story, which really makes me believe that I have some sort of talent :D

I know there is no sex scene, but I'm just not comfortable with sharing stuff like that ^^

Other projects:

I think I might start writing a story with my own characters, plots and all that, which means I won't post it here or anywhere else on the internet. Sorry ):

And I've also been considering writing an If I Stay fanfiction where I'll write the story from Adam or Kim's point of view (;

If you want to read old stories, then I'm sorry to disappoint you but I haven't really finished any :/

Review!

-The humble author :3