A/N: torture, rape and character death: VERY DARK, VERY MATURE.

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Chapter 4: Pain and Memories

The worst thing about Hueco Mundo was that time passed without measure. Rukia stared through her small window into the endless night, moonlight framing her face in the otherwise dark room.

She hoped it was Grimmjow that came to get her tonight and not the others. Ironically, it was the people she had trusted that were the ones she dreaded the most.

In the beginning, Aizen had seemed unbelievably hospitable. He had locked away Nii-sama, Kenpachi and Omaeda but he let Isane, Momo and herself wander freely after he had fitted them with reiatsu blocking collars. At first they had all been hostile, demanding to be taken to the other captives, refusing to eat, and doing the most they could to be uncooperative with Aizen's many demands.

But slowly, Aizen had worked Momo over. He had her sit next to him at every forced meal. Every time he addressed her, he smiled softly and called her "Momo-chan." It wasn't long before he started feeding her lies that she snatched up all too easily.

"Momo-chan, I never wanted to hurt anyone."

"Soutaichou threatened me. He didn't want me in the Gotei 13 anymore."

"Gin needed to be controlled, I had to leave with him, otherwise more people would get killed, he hates Hitsugaya kun."

"Momo-chan, Rukia san is jealous of you. She wants to be a lieutenant, and she doesn't like you talking to Renji."

"No one in Soul Society trusts you. They all think you're weak."

"I know they want you to kill me, but just know how much I care about you and how much I've missed you."

Then at dinner one night, Rukia realized her collar wasn't blocking her reiatsu anymore. Trying to remain calm, she waited for an opportunity to strike at Aizen. Over the next few meals, Gin stuck to her like glue, asking her if she was happy she was safe while Byakuya was rotting in a cell, subject to Mayuri's experiments. Unable to withstand the uncertainty of Gin's lies, she finally summoned her strength to attack him with a kido blast. When the explosion cleared, Aizen was standing in front of Gin, bloodied and gasping.

Though she knew she didn't have the strength to injure Aizen unless he purposely let her, all Momo saw was her taichou spewing blood. Momo snapped and attacked Rukia, clawing at her savagely and pinning the smaller shinigami down and beating her until Gin pulled her off.

From that moment on, Momo no longer wore a collar or her black shinigami uniform.

Rukia and Isane both pleaded with Momo to realize that Aizen was manipulating her, but the former 5th division lieutenant no longer seemed to care. Shortly after, Rukia and Isane were put in separate cells, only interacting with their captors during progress reports.

The last progress report had been with Gin, and though it was painful and unpleasant, she knew what to expect from him. Hearing the door open, Rukia closed her eyes and mentally braced herself.

"Kuchiki-san. Let's go."

Rukia tried to keep herself from shivering. How could Momo sound so normal.

Turning, Rukia slowly followed Momo out of her cell and down the hall to Mayuri's labs. Surprisingly, Momo turned to the great hall where Aizen was sitting on his throne.

"Nii-sama!"

Horrified, she saw her brother was tightly bound and that Wonderweiss was absently sucking on the end of his scarf. She tried to catch his gaze but he kept his eyes firmly on Aizen. It seemed that they had been disagreeing on something.

"You are mistaken, Aizen. I will never go against my duty as a captain, regardless of the duress or threat to my person."

Aizen smiled and rested his head on his hand. "So arrogant, Kuchiki. You grasp so tightly onto your pride that you fail to see how your hand tires and weakens. To do anything for pride is no more honorable than to do anything for power. Its pursuit tramples those you claim to protect, it punishes those who are innocent, and it lends victory to those who cheat."

"Ah, Aizen taichou, all's ready." Gin's voice echoed into the hall eerily, sending chills up Rukia's spine.

Suddenly, Gin dragged a grotesque hollow into the hall, screaming and writhing. Horrified, Rukia saw that its black clothing was hanging off its malformed body, with scraps of rich purple silk around its neck. Swallowing down the bile that threatened to erupt, Rukia tried to reject what her eyes saw spasming in front of her: Omaeda, lieutenant of the second division, hollow mask fully formed, and reiatsu altered.

"You bastard!" Rukia tried to break free from Momo but was sent sprawling when Tobiume hit her hard against the head.

"Don't move, Rukia." Momo's eyes held no recognition as she coldly stared Rukia down.

"As you can see, I have successfully perfected the hollowfication process. Tosen was the first success, unfortunately he didn't achieve his full potential."

They all watched Omaeda in silent horror. He continued to scream and writhe, trying to tear off his hollow mask but prevented from doing so because of Gin's interference.

"The only thing to be determined is once I turn you all, whose side will you fight on? Byakuya?"

"Rhetorical. You already know my answer."

"You don't think ahead much do you. Of course you would accept hollowfication because it is beyond your power to prevent it. You would still fight alongside your fellow captains against me because that is your duty. However, how would the Kuchiki name survive if you became a vizard?" Aizen smiled gently.

Byakuya's stance didn't lessen but Rukia saw his eyes flicker.

"It would survive even less if he turned and fought against Soul Society." Rukia snapped.

"Silence."

Rukia lowered her head, embarrassed at her brother's rebuke. Of course he didn't need her to defend him, but it was ridiculous to think he would betray everyone because they would disapprove of what he was.

"No, you would still fight alongside Yamamoto. However, I would like to test a theory. Gin?"

Gin sighed somewhat dramatically. "So tragic, I kinda hoped it wouldn't get this far but Byakuya always was a spoil sport."

Rukia tensed as he turned his smiling eyes to her. "Shoot 'im dead, Shinso."

Rukia felt the blade pierce her shoulder and the force of the powerful release thrust her back until she was pinned against the wall, feet dangling in the air, painful but not fatal. Vaguely, she heard Byakuya start in surprise.

Walking over to her, Gin actually lost his smile, though his eyes stayed closed. Rukia always found it strange that as creepy and ruthless as Gin was, he seemed to dislike the next part.

Grabbing her hand, he slowly bent her smallest finger back until it cracked. Rukia suppressed crying out and squeezed her eyes shut. She'd been through this countless times, Isane would just be ordered to put her back together soon. When the next finger cracked, she couldn't quite stifle the scream. Vaguely, she could hear Isane sobbing. By the time her last finger had been cracked, Rukia was unaware of anything except the blinding pain that was shooting up her arms.

Byakuya had remained impassive throughout the entire scene, keeping his emotions tightly under check. He knew that Aizen was testing him, to see if he would react to his sister's torture, but for the sake of Soul Society, he knew he couldn't break.

As if sensing his inner turmoil, Aizen simply said, "next."

Gin retracted Shinso and walked away. Collapsing to the ground, Rukia rolled onto her back, resting her elbows on the ground with her broken fingers in the air. Hearing quiet footsteps, Rukia closed her eyes in relief at the thought of Isane healing her back to normal.

Instead, her bleeding shoulder screamed in protest when she felt her arms lifted as Momo pulled her up and over to the banquet table. Casting a quick binding spell, Rukia's mangled hands were bound to the table and she was forced to bend over awkwardly, leaving her backside exposed.

"Omaeda, crush her." Aizen calmly commanded.

Omaeda's binding was released and though he continued screaming, he stopped writhing.

"Crush her."

Omaeda's huge form lumbered toward Rukia, his fists growing as his golden eyes watched her.

"No…no…Omaeda…no…you don't want to do this!" Rukia knew she was begging but she didn't care. She couldn't die like this, not by some twisted shell of someone she had worked with.

When Omaeda was right behind her with his huge fists raised above his head, he suddenly disappeared in a flash of sonido. Despite being large and gluttonous, he was the lieutenant of the 2nd division and as such was faster than almost all of the other lieutenants when he wanted to be. Appearing in front of Aizen he smashed his fists down, destroying the throne and dais sending chunks of stone and debris flying.

As the dust cleared, Aizen was standing over Omaeda's motionless body with Shinso retracting in front of him. Omaeda's mask had disintegrated and his head was now lying a few feet off to the side.

"You see my friends, even if you become a hollow, it doesn't guarantee me your strength. Stealing you from Soul Society wouldn't help me if I turn you and you return to fight against me, stronger than ever."

Aizen chuckled to himself and brushed the ever errant strand of hair from his eyes.

"No, I must instill more….inspired loyalty. Grimmjow?"

"Nah, I ain't doing it. Not a fight if one's tied down."

Aizen studied the blue haired Espada carefully before he sighed. "Clean up this mess. Momo chan, please escort Kotetsu san back to her quarters and then retire."

Looking like she wanted to protest, Momo bowed and then turned to lead a still sobbing Isane out of the hall. Grimmjow cursed steadily as he picked up Omaeda's body and kicked his head out of the hall. Sickened at the sight, Rukia threw up over the table.

"Now, it is just us. Byakuya, do you still attest that you won't fight with me?" Aizen smiled indulgently.

"I won't repeat myself."

"Very well."

Aizen descended from his destroyed throne down to Rukia. Quickly he broke the spell binding her and lifted her gently into his arms.

"Follow me." Aizen commanded.

Carrying Rukia out of the hall, he brought her back to her cell where he set her down on her feet in the middle of the room. Gin reappeared and pushed Byakuya inside the cell until he was standing a few feet in front of her, then moved to the dark corners of the room, unhooking long white ropes from an unseen hook.

Rukia felt her heart drop as she saw him forming loops at the ends of the rope.

Expertly. How many times has he done this before?

Again, she noted that he wasn't smiling as he almost gently grabbed her wrist and looped the end of the rope around. He pulled on the loop until it tightened, sending jolts of pain up Rukia's arm as the pressure pushed against the tendons connecting to her broken fingers.

After he finished securing both wrists, he walked back out of the room and began operating something just outside the door. Nervous, Rukia looked at Byakuya but his eyes were closed and he appeared to be meditating. For an instant Rukia resented her brother's composure before the ropes started raising her arms toward the ceiling.

All thoughts scattered as pain flooded her senses. The ropes continued to crank upwards until the pressure on her arms pulled her onto her toes, balancing precariously and trying to relieve the pressure off her aching wrists and shoulder.

"That's enough Gin. We can't break her all at once." Aizen smiled at Rukia as he walked over to gently brush the hair out of her face.

"I promise I'll stop as soon as Byakuya gives me what I want." Aizen stepped back as Gin entered the room again and moved out of sight behind her, a studded whip in his hand. Cracking it a few times, Gin suddenly snapped it over her back without warning.

Flinching, she strained against the ropes, welcoming the shooting pain from her arms to the burn against her back.

Whimpering, she heard the air move before she felt the whip connect again, the burn more searing than before as it crisscrossed her back. Struggling against the whip and the ropes binding her arms, she lost her balance and screamed as the ropes prevented her from fully falling to the ground. Not bothering to stifle the sobs coming out, she kicked to find the floor with her toes again, relieving her aching arms from supporting her weight.

Bracing for another lash, she felt the edges of her world darken as the pain began to consume her. No longer able to discern whether the pain came from her burning back, aching shoulders, or her broken fingers, she desperately retreated into her mind.

This is surely what hell is.

After ten lashes, Rukia's body sagged against its rope bindings, her feet brushing the floor and her head hanging down. She had passed out after four lashes even as her body continued to spasm with each subsequent hit.

Aizen walked up behind Rukia, to stand in front of Byakuya. Reaching out an extended finger, he traced the droplets of Rukia's blood that had splattered across Byakuya's face. Byakuya opened his eyes and stared back at Aizen impassively.

Slowly, Aizen drew his finger back and stared at the bright liquid smeared on its tip. Tilting his head he looked back at Byakuya and drew his finger into his mouth, sucking on it softly. Aizen sucked harder as he saw Byakuya's gray eyes tighten in anger and revulsion.

Finger still in his mouth, Aizen paused thoughtfully.

"Submit."

Byakuya's eyes narrowed before he turned his head to look away.

"Very well Byakuya. Perhaps your heart did die with your pathetic wife. Come Gin. We'll return in a little bit."

A few hours later, Rukia quietly whimpered. Pain was slowly registering as she gained consciousness. She felt like burning chains had been crisscrossed against her back and her shoulders felt like someone had driven needles into the joints. Swallowing painfully, her throat felt raw and thick. Opening her eyes, she cried out as she saw a figure in front of her.

"Nii Sama! Are you alright?"

He was covered in blood and his eyes had been closed before he opened them to stare at her.

"Nii sama, are you hurt? What happen-"

Suddenly, reality slammed against her mind as she remembered the throne room.

Omaeda! He's been hollowfied and he's dead.

As if sensing she had woken, light footsteps sounded outside the room and the kido lock on the door was released.

Rukia began to shiver uncontrollably, despite the protest from her aching body.

Surely it's Isane…they always send her eventually...

The door opened and Aizen walked in alone.

Thank kami, Aizen never does his own dirty work.

She felt him move behind her and tried to move her head to see him when he suddenly grabbed her hair and yanked her head back, exposing her neck and forcing out an agonized cry. Swiftly, he sank his teeth into the sensitive juncture of her neck, hard enough to draw blood. Helpless, Rukia struggled against the ropes, whimpering as his right hand ripped off her obi and pushed her hakama down to her ankles, her legs forced apart with his knee.

Without warning, he shoved two fingers up into the sensitive folds between her legs, tearing as he pushed into her hard. Bucking against his hand, she screamed at the new onslaught of pain and looked pleadingly at Byakuya but his eyes were still closed, offering no comfort.

This can't be happening, it's just a nightmare.

After a few violent thrusts, Aizen pulled out of her and Rukia wept quietly in relief. He let go of her hair and pulled the tatters of her shihakushou off. Some of the blood on her back had dried and material was stuck to her raw wounds. Crying, she tried to lean away from Aizen as he roughly removed the rest of her chest binding, leaving her completely exposed. Moving one hand over her breast, he rubbed one soft peak a few times before he pinched it brutally. Crying out, Rukia tried desperately to block out Aizen's touch but merciful oblivion was beyond her reach.

With his other hand, Rukia felt Aizen move up across her hip and down her backside, searching and probing around her ass. Instinctively she clenched her muscles as she felt his thumb push against her. Panicking she felt his fingers brushing against the sore cleft between her legs, first with his knuckles, then a little harsher with his nails. Trying to shift her hips, Rukia screamed as Aizen rammed his thumb into her ass and shoved his two fingers into her pussy. Stars exploded in her vision and white hot pain jolted up her belly as his fingers rubbed her dry.

Biting her lip, she retreated in her mind, searching desperately for anything to block out the present. A memory, faded with time but still stinging with pain, floated by and she frantically grasped it, latching on to escape her present horror.

Flashback:

"Renji, come with me."

"Rukia, I've gotta shower and get over to class, what do you want?"

"Baka, I need to talk! Just come with me." She turned and walked towards the trees.

He looked frustrated and confused, but eventually he just followed her out to the woods. The woods were familiar, they always felt safe to the two orphans from Rukongai.

"Rukia, c'mon, we've gone in far enough, what's up?" He sounded irritated and flopped down against a tree, crossing his arms stubbornly.

She looked back at him, several feet away and suddenly felt very alone. She could see the confusion in his eyes at her mood shift and she just wanted him to pull her into his arms and hold her like he used to, when they were younger and before they matured enough to feel awkward.

Walking back towards him, she saw his eyes tighten as he watched her approach. Tentatively, she sat down next to him and moved closer, hesitating as he leaned away.

Quit wasting time and do it already.

Resolutely, before she lost her courage, she leaned forward and pressed her lips to his.

For an instant he struggled against her, lips protesting and hands pushing at her shoulders.

"Rukia, we can't…are you crazy? Stop for a sec…"

Undeterred, she wrapped her thin arms around his neck and reached up to pull his hair tie out, running her hands through his shoulder length crimson hair. Still sensing his hesitation, she climbed gracefully into his lap, straddling his hips and placing her hands firmly on his chest.

"Please, I want this so much…" she whispered softly as she pushed him down to the ground and kissed him hungrily.

His eyes were squeezed shut and he groaned against her lips, hands clenched into fists at his side.

Did he land on a rock or something?

She sat up to look at him, breaking the kiss and unintentionally shifted her weight against his groin. He groaned again and moved his hands to steady her hips, gripping them so hard she knew she'd have bruises. Carefully, she brushed her fingers over his bottom lip, feeling his breath hitch as he opened his mouth.

"Rukia, if you keep going, I won't be able to stop."

Closing her eyes, she didn't trust herself to speak. She knew he would hear the tremor in her voice as much as he'd see the uncertainty in her eyes. So she didn't look at him and she didn't say anything. Instead, she slowly explored the planes of his face under her whisper soft fingertips. Rough lips, high cheekbones, strong jaw, long, straight nose. She smiled softly as each tactile exploration shaped an image in her mind of a boy she once knew now becoming a man.

She felt his hands soften their grip and move up her back, running in small, soothing circles. She moved her hands down his neck, felt his breath hitch again, ran her fingers along the edge of his uniform, down to the knot of his obi.

His hands stopped circling and quickly moved to still her efforts. She let him grip her hands but leaned over to suckle on his neck, where the pulse jumped right between the collarbones. Nipping gently, she slipped out of his grasp and pulled his shihakushou out from the loosened obi and hakama.

Tentatively, she began running her fingers over his broad chest, opening her eyes curiously to watch his muscles twitch under her touch. She made the mistake of meeting his intense gaze and felt herself freeze despite the heat of his gaze.

Slowly, he cupped her face with his rough hands and brushed her cheek tenderly with his callused thumb. His sudden gentleness brought tears to her eyes and she squeezed them shut to keep them from falling. Leaning forward, she grasped his face and kissed him desperately, harshly.

She pressed herself down, rubbing against the hard bulge straining through his hakama, feeling scared and powerful at the same time when she head him groan into her kiss. A smoldering ache was growing in her belly and traveling down to an intense throbbing between her legs.

She was still painfully sore from the night before, but she felt cheated on her first time. She desperately wanted to replace that memory of pain and awkwardness caused by the stupid 5th year student she had been sort of seeing with the one person in all of Soul Society she trusted.

She knew it was supposed to feel wonderful, that she would be told she was beautiful and held closely and that she would smile and laugh and at the end be cradled gently until she fell asleep. At least that's what she had seen when she secretly spied on Renji, back in Rukongai. He never knew she had watched, but it had always been the same. He and whatever girl he was with would always look happy and satisfied, and she specifically remembered that even if they didn't wake up together, they would always fall asleep together.

None of that had happened last night. It had felt like two dogs rutting in the street. Rhythmic, painful, and mostly boring. When they had finnished, she had gotten up, told him they were done, and left.

But Renji loves me. He always has.

Looking down at her childhood friend, she knew she wanted it more than anything up to this point in her life. Pausing, she was unsure of what to do next and she saw him open his eyes and smile up at her. She wondered if he would realize that this wasn't her first time, and she panicked at the thought of him being angry. Biting her lip, she debated on whether she should just tell him or if there was a chance he wouldn't know.

Suddenly, his eyes cleared from their passionate haze and he stared intensely at her, frowning. She trembled slightly as she saw his gaze harden and was suddenly filled with a dark sense of dread. Roughly, he pushed her off and sat up, pulling his shihakushou around him and adjusting his hakama.

Stunned, she reached out to turn his face towards her but he swatted her hand away.

"You know, it sucks to have to see someone convince themselves they want you right after they undress you and kiss you senseless." His voice was rough and his movements were jerky.

"I'm not convincing myself of that, I do want you!" Rukia felt her mouth go dry and her lungs constrict.

"Ha, is that why you slept with Takahashi Senpai last night?" His voice was sharp, bitter.

Rukia felt like she'd been slapped.

"You…you knew?"

"Dammit Rukia, of course I knew. He was parading around today like a fucking peacock. Said he banged you and dumped you. Pissed me off, so I punched him and got myself a week doing shit duty." He had finished tying his obi and was now expertly pulling his silken tresses into a high ponytail.

"You know, it's fine. You can sleep with whoever the hell you want. I'll even beat the crap out of them for you. Just don't expect me to roll over and be some fucking substitute when they leave you." Angrily, he stood up and stalked off.

"Renji…you don't understand…please…Renji wait!"

Staring at the trees she saw him disappear into, she didn't chase after him. She was too proud to run after him and he would be too stubborn to listen.

Someday, I'll make him understand.

Rukia startled from her daze when she suddenly heard her brother speak. She hadn't realized that the sobbing was coming from her.

"Enough." His eyes were still closed, but he was grimacing.

Aizen stopped his movements, and Rukia tried not to squirm away, straining to understand what was not being said.

"You'll give me what I want?"

Byakuya finally opened his eyes and looked over Rukia's head to meet Aizen's questioning gaze.

"…For now."

"Very good. You should protect what you can Byakuya. Soul Society is very far away." Aizen stepped away from Rukia and looked towards the open door.

"Gin?"

"Yes Taichou. What a big day this has been." Gin walked through the door whistling and came up behind the Kuchiki heir.

Efficiently and without ceremony, he cut off both kenseiken as well as the silky locks they had been holding. Reaching down, he pulled off the gloves, tearing one in the process.

Horrified, Rukia watched her brother stand stoically as the emblems of Kuchiki nobility were stripped away.

"Nii-sama, no!"

Finally, Gin grabbed one end of the now blood spattered and chewed on windflower light silk scarf, pulling it tight around Byakuya's throat before unwinding it and rolling it into a ball.

"Down here, you're better than no one Byakuya." Gin smiled pleasantly, patted Rukia on the head, and left the cell.

"You may stay here tonight, Byakuya. I trust you will not force me to such extreme measures in the future." Aizen gently brushed hair out of Rukia's eyes before he walked out and locked the door. A second later, Byakuya's binding was released and the ropes were lowered.

Collapsing onto the ground, Rukia curled herself into a tight ball, not having the energy to cry. Silently, Byakuya removed his haori and spread it over Rukia before gathering her shivering body into his arms. Moving to sit in the corner, he tucked her head under his chin and wrapped his arms around her.

"I'm so sorry Rukia."

I want to die.

A/N: A little stuck on the next chapter...at Urahara's and everyone (vizards, renji/shinigami, Kurosakis ;) comes to strategize. Getting too bogged down with filler and looking to add in more violence, gore, or lemons. Suggestions on direction welcome. Hopefully will be through the slump by next week.