A/N: Sorry this is taking so long guys, I'm having trouble getting this down in print. I'll post more as soon as I finish the next chapter. Please read and review :)
Chapter 5
He went in early on Monday morning, hoping to bury himself in casework. He'd spent the rest of the weekend debating whether or not to submit his completed transfer paperwork, before finally sending it in late Sunday afternoon. He hadn't discussed it with Gibbs; that wasn't a conversation he was looking forward to. The thought gave him a pang of guilt. He still hadn't talked to Abby either. If he didn't hear from Vance today, he'd have to come up with something.
Unfortunately for him, they didn't get a case that morning, and so they were stuck working cold case files. He did his best to concentrate, but that would have been easier with a new puzzle to work on.
Around mid morning, his desk phone rang; it was the Director's secretary telling him to report to Vance's office on the double.
Gibbs looked up from his desk as McGee stood and headed for the stairs
"McGee! Where do you think you're going?"
"Sorry Boss, that was the Director's office"
"Fine, go"
He climbed the stairs to the Director's office with a sense of trepidation. The only thing they could want him for up there was his transfer papers.
The Director's secretary showed him straight into Vance's office. He came straight to the point.
"I received your transfer papers, Agent McGee. I must admit I'm a little surprised. I was under the impression that you enjoyed working in the Major Case Response Team"
"I do sir, very much"
"So why the transfer?"
"Personal reasons, sir"
"You care to elaborate on that, Agent McGee?"
"Not really sir... can I just say I'm having serious problems with another member of the team and leave it at that?"
Vance fixed him with a long stare, but let the subject drop
"Unfortunately McGee, with the new intake of agents there's very few positions open at the moment. I've only got two openings currently, and neither of them involves a lot of field work. One is as agent afloat on the Seahawk; the other is in the Cybercrimes unit." He handed McGee two folders
"Think them over carefully; I know Agent Gibbs is reluctant to lose you off his team"
"Sir, what are my options if I don't choose either position?"
"You can either rescind your transfer request, or you can refuse the offered positions. If you refuse the positions, a new position will be found for you, and you won't get a choice. Consider your options carefully; I need an answer by the end of the week."
"Yes sir"
He left the office with even more to think about. Tony's old job or Cybercrimes? Neither sounded appealing in the least.
When they broke for lunch a short while later, McGee was surprised to see Gibbs enter the elevator behind him. Suddenly he realised that they were the only people in the elevator, and swallowed. He knew what was coming.
Gibbs turned and flipped the emergency stop switch. The elevator shuddered to a halt.
"Something you want to get off your chest, McGee?"
"Vance called you about my transfer request?"
Gibbs snorted
"Yep"
"Why?"
"I guess he thought that I should know about one of my agents leaving! Why did you apply for a transfer in the first place?"
"Personal reasons, Boss"
"You can't hide behind that personal reasons crap with me, McGee!" he rapped out
McGee winced. He should have known better than trying that one on Gibbs
"It's... Abby. As stupid as it sounds Boss, I've never gotten over her"
"It's been 6 years, Tim. Why now?"
He sighed "I guess I just kept hoping that she'd change her mind. Anyway, I decided that its time that I actually tried to move on. But it's hard, you know. I thought that by trying to keep our relationship totally professional, I might be able to"
"But?"
"Now it's affecting my work as well as my personal life; I thought a transfer would force me to move on."
Gibbs shook his head "What positions did Vance offer you?"
"Um, agent afloat to the Seahawk, and Cybercrimes"
He flicked the emergency switch again, setting the elevator back in motion.
"Take the CyberCrimes position, McGee. It's one hell of a lot easier for me to get you back on my team from there"
"Yes, Boss"
His cell phone rang as Gibbs walked back from getting his coffee
"Yeah, Gibbs" he answered
" Agent Gibbs. I did what you asked, gave him the two least likely choices I had. I'm assuming you have a plan? I'd rather not break up the MCRT again"
"Working on it, Leon" he hung up.
That evening once Gibbs had released them for the day, he grabbed a Caf-Pow and made his way down to Abby's lab. He owed her an apology and an explanation, and he really couldn't put it off any longer.
The lights were on in her lab, although the equipment had been shut down for the night; he must have just caught her as she was about to leave. She wasn't in the main part of the lab. Looking around, he could see her sitting behind her desk. Nervously, he made his way into her office
"McGee. What are you doing down here? Have you finally decided to stop ignoring me?"
She was pissed off. This was going to be hard
"You're angry with me" it was a statement, not a question
"You're damn right I am, McGee. You yelled at me, you stormed out of here, you ignored my phone calls, and then you never called me back!"
"I know, Abby. I'm sorry. I never meant to yell at you, and then I never called you back because thought I needed to talk to you in person"
She glared at him for a moment, and then used her foot to push her second desk chair towards him. Taking it as a minor peace offering, he sat down and handed her the Caf POW he'd brought her.
"So, talk McGee"
He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, wondering where to begin
"I've applied for a transfer, Abby"
"What? Why would you do that? You love the MCRT"
She looked extremely confused; he couldn't blame her.
"Well, it's like I said the other day, Abs. I can't do this anymore"
"Do what anymore, McGee?"
"This. Us" he gestured to her and himself
"You're not making sense, Tim"
Exasperated by his inability to explain, he tried a different tack
"Abs, do you remember why we stopped dating?"
"Sure, we wanted different things"
"That's right, I wanted the house and the kids and the dog, and you didn't"
She nodded, still a little unsure of where he was leading
"I've always wanted those things, Abby, and specifically with you. I still do. You're the only woman I've ever loved, Abs, and I've waited for 6 years for some kind of miracle that would make you feel the same way about me" he looked down at his hands, unable to look her in the eye right now.
"Anyway, I've come to realise over the past few months that I'm deluding myself; I'm just your friend that you dated for a while. So I decided that I've got to try and finally get over you, Abs. I need to find someone that wants what I want, and I can't do that if I'm forever comparing them to you" he heard a small sob and glanced up. Tears were streaming down her face. He got up and went to kneel beside her chair, putting his arms around her and letting her lean on his shoulder
"God, Abs, I'm so sorry. Please don't cry"
"Why didn't you tell me, Timmy?" her voice was barely a whisper
"I never knew how, Abs. And I didn't think it would make any difference; you can't change the way you feel anymore than I can" his own voice was rough with pain
He held her for a long moment, savouring the feel of her in his arms, then let her go
"I don't really want to leave the team, Abby, but I feel as though I've got to"
"When do you find out about your transfer?"
"Vance gave me two choices today; agent afloat or cybercrimes. I've got until the end of the week to decide"
"Oh" she said in a small voice "Which one are you going to take?"
"Honestly, I don't know. I don't really like either of them. Cybercrimes is absolutely no fieldwork, and I've been stuck in that sub basement before. And can you imagine me as agent afloat?"
She half smiled at that. He was not a good sailor, she knew that. She knew everything about him, or thought she did until 5 minutes ago. She'd always known he still had feelings for her, she just hadn't realised how deep they went.
Suddenly she flung her arms around him again, sobbing into his shoulder
"I'm so sorry, Tim, I never knew how much I was hurting you" He felt tears rise to his own eyes as she cried; her sobs were tearing his heart out
He gave her a little shake "Abby, this is not your fault. And I wouldn't swap one single second I've spent with you for anything. This is my problem, and if I could fix it any other way, I would"
He let himself hug her one last time, then resolutely stood up and moved away.
"Are you going to be ok, Abby? I don't want to leave you like this"
She shrugged, waving him away
"Go, Tim. I think I need to be alone right now. And close the door, huh?"
He gave her one last, indecisive look, then turned and left the lab. As the door closed behind him, she dropped her head into her hands and whispered "Oh God, what have I done?"