Ari: I don't know exactly how many there will be 'cause jamey won't spill the beans. I don't even think he has a plot for IGGY yet. Yeah, the name's Iggy.
I gotta lip ring!
Tank: Is it permanent? ! ? !
Me: No, sadly.
Tank: Phew. If it was permanent, mom would kill you, then kill me for letting you get it. Then, she'd fnd out about JP, bring us back to life, then kill us. Again.
JP: Geez, your mum sure is violent.
Me: No, she's actually a very nice person. In reality she'd probably kick my ass from here to next week, then throw me out of her house.
Skid: Yet she lets you wear the fake lip ring in public . . .
Me: My step dad said it reminds him of things people put on their dogs and we should put a chain on it. I still like it, even though its weird eating . . . I keep licking it to make sure there isn't any food stuck in it or something.
Disclaimer: I don't own. Get that through your heads, will ya? I'm tired of having to write this.
I was in English, bored out of my mind. Ugh . . . Blame global warming, the color pink, Miley Cirus, and Justin Faggot Bieber.
This lecture just went on, and on, and on, and on. I somehow managed to zone out of bits and pieces of it, but every time I came back int it hit me with another wave of boredom. I think a kid just fell asleep. I don't blame him. I'm about to follow in his footsteps.
The bell finally, finally rang, and I threw all of my stuff into my bag and flew out of the classroom. I went to my locker and stuffed the books onto the shelf and my other books into my bag. I walked over to the lunch room and patiently got in line. Nachos, beef jerky, a soda, and an apple. Yes, I'm very health conscious. That apple will really help me in the future.
I stuffed the beef jerkey into my bag and hoped they wouldn't sniff it out. They're like animals . . .
I walked over to the table and sat down. We conversed lightly, joked around, ya know, that is until a guy walked up to Ella and said, "H-hi, E-ella." Ohh, he's got it bad. And he's gonna get it bad . . .
"Hi, Jeremy!" Ella said, always the chipper one. She has no idea. "Need something?"
"Do you wanna go to a movie with me Saturday night?" he blurts out and Ella's stunned.
But she recovers quickly. "Sure! Pick me up at seven." Oh, my litte girls all grown up.
He smiled and said, "Alright." Ella waved as he walked over to the table of boys, who slapped him on the back and congratulated him.
Oh, if he hurts her . . . "I'll be right back," I said before I knew what I was doing.
"Max, what are you-" Ella started but I was already walking over there.
I slammed my hands palm down on the table and leaned down, surprising the boys sitting there. They actually jumped. It was fun.
"Hi!" I greeted cheerily. "Look, I'm happy if Ella's happy." I narrowed my eyes and made my voice more menacing. "But if you hurt her, I swear to God there will be no great-grandchildren to feel it, catch my drift?"
I got the satisfaction of seeing them cross their legs and shiver. Oh, it's good to be a girl.
"I said, catch. My. Drift?" Wow. I didn't realize hod badass that sounded until I said it out loud. That is just freaking awesome! Most of the time it has the opposite effect.
He nodded and gulped. "Yes, ma'am."
"Good!" I said and skipped away. Yes, you read me right. Skipped. I must be losing it. But it just adds to make me seem more looney, so what the Hell?
I returned to the table and sat down at the table and bit into my apple. People were looking at me funny . . .
"What?" I finallasy asked.
"What did you say?" Ella asked, at the same time Iggy asked, "Did you just skip?"
"Ella," I said between my apple. "I might have implied that I'd kick him in the balls if he hurts you in anyway, shape, or form." Iggy and Fang winced and I smirked. "Ane Iggy, it just makes me seem more loopey to them, so what the Hell?" I took another bite of my apple.
"You sure are insane . . . " muttered Ella.
"I heard that," I said.
"You were supposed to."
I shrugged and took the last bite of my apple. Now its time for the good stuff . . . I pulled the beef jerkey out of my bag and opened it. They fell on like dogs to, well, beef jerky.
Fang snatched about half the bag and I said, "Hey, stop stealing my food!" And grabbed the piece he was about to stuff into his mouth. "Mine." I handed him a piece. "Yours. You need to learn how to share, Fang." I popped the piece of beef jerky into my mouth and savored the deliciousness.
"How do you do do it?" Ella asked.
"Do what?" I asked, popping another piece of beef jerky into my mouth. Its better than bacon. Seriously. Beef jerky: Bacon, but better. Better bacon.
"Your beef jerky always seems to taste better."
"Heh heh." I popped another piece into my mouth. Hey, where'd my food go? I looked at Fang and glared at him. He grinned sheepishly and handed me a piece.
"Geez, Max. Keep your head out of the gutter!" Iggy exclaimed.
(A/N: Tank: Hey, I don- ooooohhhhh. Heh heh. I'll never be able to look at you the same way, beef jerky.)
I shrugged. Again. I've been spending way too much time with Fang . . . Oh, wait. That's not a bad thing. Now you're probably wondering how we do it. Well, ya see, Angel kinda already knows. She sort of walked in on us making out. Not a good time for me. Anywho, Iggy spends most of his time with Nudge anyway, so its not that hard to hand out in my or his room. And by hang out, I mean talk, kiss, or I draw and he talks, or we just sit in silence. That's just how we roll. Then, we kiss some more. But everytime we do, its like fireworks being set off in my brain. Serious. This is Iggy approved fireworks, not crappy fourth of July shit.
And when we talk, we learn we have a lot more in common than we thought. Favorite bands, movies, blah blah blah. Yeah, I love the big emo, as I've said before.
"Max," someone whispered in my ear. "Time to go to class, Max." When that didn't work, the someone kissed me. I jumped out of my own little world and looked at a smirking Fang.
"Nice of you to join me. Its time to go to class."
"Oh," I said and stood up. Huh. That cafeteria was empty. How did I manage to get through that?
I dumped my plate in the trash can and we headed off to class.
Fang POV
I heard a small knock on my door and looked at the clock. I had been trying to sleep for three hours? I sighed and threw the covers off of me. I opened the door and found Max standing there.
I smiled at her. "Couldn't sleep?"
She shook her head. "You?"
"Nah. Are you coming in or what?"
She smiled and slipped into the room. She flopped down on the bed and stared at the dark ceiling.
I laid down next to her and wrapped my arms around her waist. Max turned to me and traced my bare chest with her finger, making me shiver. And then she started to move up until her fingers were tracing my lips, making me feel like a puddle of black mush. It really sucks how a girl can do that to you. It really, really sucks. And it makes it even worse when it seems you can't do it to her.
"Max," I said.
"Yeah?" she asked, not moving her finger from my bottom lip.
"I love you." There. I said it. It had been gnawing at me for ages.
She smiled. "Yeah. I love you, too."
Max POV
I kissed him lightly, but that wasn't enough for me or him. I crawled on top of him, so I was straddling him and placed my hands on his muscular arms. I pressed my lips harder to his, and he didn't hold back. He slid his tongue on my bottom lip, begging for entrance. I granted. Our tongues fought for dominance (A/N: This seriously just made me think of a bunch of tongues with swords.), until I finally gave up and let him explore my mouth. I could feel his muscles moving as his hands tried to lift my body free of the menace that is a shirt. Why does society make you wear these things? I decided to help him, just a wee bit.
I whispered in his ear, "Fang, it buttons." He groaned but started to make his way from the top to the bottom, ever so delicatley, his hands lingering on every button. I, personally, think he's trying to feel for my bra, but I don't really care.
Then, all of all things that could happen, Fang decides to turn the tables. And flips us right off the bed. Crappiest ending of a makeout session, EVER. Ya know, unless zombies decide to come at our brains or soemthing, but so far - worst ever.
"Well," I said and started to stand up, "that sucked." Fang nods in agreement.
I yawned. "I'm actually tired now."
"Who knew kissing would tak it out of ya?" he asked and chuckled.
"Let's just go to sleep," I suggested and climbed back into Fang's bed, after buttoning my shirt back up. I fell asleep in Fang's arms.
The Next Morning
I woke up in the morning, seriously close to Fang. I was fisting his shirt and his arms were wrapped tightly around my waist. Ahhh . . .
Then the alarm went off.
"Max," Fang said grogilly. Every time I use that word it reminds me of gorillas. "Its time to get up."
I moved closer to him and his arms around my waist tightened. "A few more minutes."
He nodded and rested his chin on my head. I rested my head on his chest, and I was just happy when I heard, "What the Hell is going on here?"
My eyes snapped open.
Iggy.
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
Damn.
Iggy POV
Fangs alarm clock had been ringing for two minutes straight . . . I decided, me being the nice person I am, to wake him up. If he didn't get up soon he was gonna be late for school. As was Max . . .
I walked to his room and knocked on the door. No answer. I knocked- no, pounded the door. No answer. I decided to just go in. Then, I decided I was going to kill my best friend.
Calm down, Iggy, I told myself. That could be Fang.
Yes, because Fang all of a sudden had the urge to bleach his hair and wear a shirt to bed. And unicorns prance through medows of sugar plumbs and cotton candy and Max all of a sudden decides Anne is her favorite person in the world. Puh-lease.
"What the Hell is going on here?" I all but yelled. Max jumped, and Fang remained as emotionless as ever.
Max propped herself up on her elbows and squinted against the light. "Well, Iggy, as you can see, I'm laying in a bed with my boyfriend."
Oh, yeah. He's toast.
"You are so dead," I growled and lunged for his throat. Unfortunetly, Max was too quick for me. The caught my hands and twisted.
"Ow! Ow, ow, oooowwww!" I howled in pain. "Max, let me go! Let me go!" I pulled my wrists out of her grasp and lunged fo Fang again, who was on his feet by now. I managed a punch in the gut and a fist to the face before Max pulled me off of him.
"Will you stop trying to kill him?" Max yelled. "And they say I'm the crazy one."
Saturday
Max POV
Iggy and Fang made up. Boys. Are. So. Confusing. I will never, ever understand them. But yet I love them so.
"Hmm . . . I wonder if they made Jeb shave off his mustache in prison," I said when an Oxie Clean commercial came on. Its never been the same since Billy died . . .
"Yeah, they probably did," Iggy said.
"You could hide razor blades in that thng," Fang agreed.
"It looked like a caterpillar crawled up his lip and died," Gazzy said.
Angel added, "The thing gave me the creeps."
"See," I said, motioning towards Angel. "Even the eight year old knows pedo 'stache is creepy."
"A what 'stache?" Angel asked, an eyebrow arched.
"I'll tell you when you're older," I told Angel and sank deeped into the couch, which meant Fang tightened his arms around me. "Remember when we shaved half of the mustache off?" I ased Iggy.
"Yeah, that was fun," he said and laughed. "He went to work like that because he was in a rush. That was funny."
We all laughed.
Later
"Sooo," Nudge pulled out the word like it was the longest int he world. I'm not even going to put all the os that were probably in the one word. "How did the date go?"
Ella grinned and laid down on on my bed. "It was fantastic! He was so, so, so, so, so, so, so, nice; he opened the door for me when he first picked me up, then he opened it for me after the movie and he bought all the drinks and snacks and popcorn then he drove me home and opened the door again, then he kissed me on the cheek goodnight and made sure I got inside the house before he left and he said he was gonna text me soon, and I'm so excited I don't think I ca-"
"Ella!" I yelled. "Breath! Deep breaths. In, out."
She took a few deep breaths and turned to Nudge "How do you do it?"
Nudge smiled. "It takes skill, my pupil. Skill."
Remember, the majority of Ella's rant was one sentence that could be turned into about a gajillion.
"Hey, Max," Anne's voice rang from my door. "Can I talk to you about something?"
I hit the pause button on the remote for the iHome thing (A/N: Do they have remotes? Well, we're gonna pretend they do.) "Do you want to have a heart to heart, mushy-feely mother daugter conversation about our feelings and then we could, like, braid each others hair and, like, go shopping and stuff?" I had aimed for the prep voice, and I had hit my target. I think Nudge was actually a bit jealous of my awesome prep girl voice abalities.
She sighed, and I think rolled her eyes. "No, I wanted to talk to you about Iggy."
"Oh." I looked at Nudge, who was just as confused as me. "Well? What are you waiting for?"
Anne opened the door to my room and looked at the awesomeness that is my room.
"You always were a great artist, Max," Anne said, moving to my drawing/painting/whatever banch where I was working on a charcole picture of Fang.
"Ahem," I said. "I don't think what you're doing counts in the Iggy category."
She sat down on the drawing bench that had once served for on as a piano, but now served as a stool of sorts. She started to flip through the pages. "I was thinking about bying Iggy a car."
Ella,Nudge, and I shared a glance, and bursts into laughter. "Ha ha," I said. "Yeah, right." I looked at Anne's face to realize she was completely serious.
"You can't keep towing him around, Max," she said and set my sketch pad back down on the easel. On the wrong page. That's what pisses me off about people. You leave something open, and then they change it.
"Wanna know what happened the last time Iggy drove a car?" Anne nodded. "He managed to crash it. In under two minutes. And do you really want to give Iggy an excuse to have gas on him at all times? Do you really want to?"
She shook her head. "Then he doesn't need a car. You're dismissed."
She stayed where she was.
"That means you can leave, Anne."
She left.
"Finally, the wicked bitch of the West is gone," I said.
I'm bored . . .
Fang finally admitted his feelings.
And Iggy is . . . bipolarish.
Yeah.
And the gang really loved beef jerky. Hmm . . . ya know what would be good?
Tank: I'm afraid to ask . . . what?
Me: Beef jerky . . . at midnight.
Skid: What are we? In some crappy spy film?
Me: Ye-ah. Why do you think we kidnapped the famous author whom Steven King thinks can't write? Base (you), I've gotta question.
Base: Roger?
Me: . . . No, this is Sanity.
Base: Positive.
Me: No, I'm not positive. I alternate between personalties every once in a while.
Base: Roger.
Me: No, no. Roger's scheduled for next week.
Base: *sigh* We were trying to do this like proffessionals, Sanity. What's your question?
Me: Will you review?
Base: Roger.
Me: *head deask*
- Sanity or Roger, I'm not positive.