Disclaimer: not mine
New Year's Eve dawned overcast and dreary as Mac stirred in the bed. Stretching and yawning, she repositioned herself against Harm's body and sighed deeply before sleep claimed her once more. For his part, Harm kissed her head and held her close. While she had found restful sleep during the night, he had to concede he hadn't really. His mind replaying not only aspects of the fire, but of many of the other volatile situations they had found themselves in over the years.
Picking up her left hand, he ran his thumb over the ring which now adorned it. It was a beautiful symbol of their love and their intended future together; something he had wanted for a long time but seemed to be thwarted until their last visit to this place, something which had set them on their current course. As he entwined his fingers with hers, he thought back to his therapy sessions with Commander Robbins and to the work they were doing together. It hadn't actually struck him until the last session that there was only one key misfortune in his childhood; that being the MIA status of his father – everything else - the commitment issues, obsessions, had sprung from that. Mac, on the other hand, seemed to have been dealt more misfortune than anyone deserved; from her parents being as they were when they were still together, her mother abandoning her, her abusive alcoholic father, her own drinking brought about by the need to drown the pain she was in, the death of her best friend, her early marriage. It was no wonder she was slower in working through the pain and opening herself up to Harm and this relationship.
Now, as they lay in bed, he was moved to tears thinking about everything she had endured, it just wasn't fair. While she had overcome so much, there was still a long road for her. After all, five months of counselling didn't erase the heartache of a life time of pain. As Mac snuggled in closer, Harm wrapped her tightly in his arms, more to comfort himself than her. She was his marine, his very brave, incredibly strong marine. She had achieved so much in her professional life and making huge steps in her personal one. Above all, Mac was learning that she did not always have to be perfect, to be the strong one, that she was allowed to show vulnerability and ask for help. Right now, he loved her more than he ever had in his life...more than he ever thought he was capable of loving someone.
By the time Mac got up to use the bathroom, Harm was asleep and she tried extra hard to ensure she didn't wake him. Looking out of the window, Mac saw the rain falling and the dreariness of the day – it was a perfect day for snuggling in front of an open fire and leaving the rest of the world to themselves. Setting the wood in the fire place, Mac added the paper before grabbing the lighter, igniting it she was momentarily struck by the flame and everything it represented, especially in this environment. Taking a deep breath, Mac lit the fire and smiled to herself – one small step for her, one giant leap forward from that day.
Having prepared scrambled eggs for breakfast, Mac left the mixture in the fridge, preferring to wait for Harm rather than eating alone. Grabbing a book, she curled up in the armchair and read for an hour until Harm appeared at the doorway. Mac was alerted to his presence by the noise he made but he was oblivious to hers due to his fixation on the fireplace.
"Harm," she called, her voice soft and full of concern. "You okay?"
"Hi," he said slowly, turning his head to find her. "I'm fine. You lit the fire." It was half question, half statement.
"I did," she said, climbing from the chair. "Is that okay?" Her arms were wrapped around him quickly.
"Sure," he said, hugging her to him. "Is it okay with you?"
"I'm fine with it," she replied with a smile. "It's perfect for a day like today."
Looking to the window, Harm had to agree. Wet, dreary and overcast, just the two of them alone in a cottage with an open fire it was just perfect, especially with the past behind them.
"Come and let me cook you breakfast," she said, leading him by the hand to the kitchen.
With breakfast done and the dishes washed and put away, Mac headed for the shower and, once dressed, found Harm sitting on the sofa mesmerised by the flames.
"Anything you want to talk about?" she asked, dropping herself in his lap.
"Nah, not really," he said, kissing her cheek. "Just thinking."
"About?" she prompted, raking her fingers through his hair.
"It's New Year's Eve," he said and she nodded. "And I was just thinking how much better it is than last year's."
"Yeah, it is," she agreed tilting his head to capture his lips. "How about you go shower and dress because I'd like to take a walk and it looks like the rain's gone for a bit."
Harm nodded and left.
Aside from their crunching footsteps and the occasional bird, Harm and Mac's walk was in relative silence. Setting out to the north of the cottage, Harm gripped Mac's hand and as she looked at his face she realised he wasn't aware he was holding it so tightly. Rather than call him on it, Mac looped his arm around her shoulders and nestled into him, hoping this would prevent him breaking her hand – it worked.
"It's beautiful out here," Mac said about twenty minutes into their walk as the rain fell lightly upon them.
"Huh?" Harm replied, totally distracted.
Mac stopped and looped her arms around his neck before stepping up on a nearby incline and being face to face.
"What's up?" she asked, pulling him closer.
Harm's first instinct was to lie. It was the easiest option. It was the most painless option.
"Truth," she added after watching the emotion flicker across his face.
Harm used his head to gesture to an area a little bit away. There were few trees and long grass and Mac thought she could see the remains of a small gate nearby.
"That," he said, nodding to the left again. "Was the Morrison's," he said solemnly.
For a moment Mac didn't understand and then it struck her. This was the place where Jack and Mary Morrison and their grandsons, Jake, aged 5 and Luke, aged 8, died. Closing her eyes, Mac leant her head against Harm's and breathed deeply. Neither could contemplate the sheer terror all four must have felt with the fire raging about them. Neither could bear to think of the pain they would have felt as the fire sucked the oxygen out of the air, their lungs burning with each breath. They knew the kids would have gone first, their bodies too little to combat the heat and lack of air. How simply horrific it would have been for Jack and Mary to witness such a ghastly event knowing they wouldn't survive either and, by then, probably not wanting to.
Tilting her head up slightly, Mac kissed Harm's forehead.
"I don't think I have ever said 'thank you' to you for what you did for me that day," Mac said tearfully, pulling Harm closer to her.
"You don't have to thank me, Mac," he whispered, emotion taking his voice.
"I do," she replied, kissing his cheek. "I am so very, very, very grateful to you for saving my life on that day."
"I'd do it again in a heartbeat," he replied with a tearful smile.
"I know you would," she agreed. "You are definitely my hero."
"No, I'm not," he argued. "I just did what needed to be done."
"You're still my hero, Harmon," she said, their noses rubbing together. "And I love you so very much."
"I love you too, Mac," he replied, before kissing her tenderly.
Walking on, the mood was still sombre and Mac knew there wasn't much to be said that would lighten the situation. Still, as they came to lookout area she couldn't help but marvel at the sight before them.
"There's something I don't get, Mac," Harm said, wrapping his arms around her from behind as they gazed at the valley below. "You were so reluctant to come here... even on the drive up here... but today you seem at ease, maybe even happy to be here. What's changed?"
"Not too sure," she replied honestly. "I think maybe it's that when I walked into the cottage I realised that it was still standing, we were still standing. When I was thinking about coming here, this place was like a black hole and I thought I'd get here and it would suck me in to those dark days but it's been quite the opposite..."
"I guess for me it's been the reverse," he admitted, kissing her temple. "I was alright about it til we got here."
"What changed?" she asked, craning her head to look at him.
"I guess it was all the 'what ifs'," he said quietly. "I know it all turned out well but I saw that tank and..." His voice trailed off as tears filled his eyes. "I could have lost you, Mac...I don't know what I would have ..."
Mac spun in his arms and kissed him deeply, letting him know that they she was well and truly alive, and so was he.
Pulling away when air was necessary, Mac caressed Harm's face before kissing his nose.
"You know what?" she asked as he used his thumb to swipe away her tears. "I think this place is a lot like us..."
"How do you mean?" he questioned, ignoring his own tears.
"If you stand here and look at the valley it all looks perfect. The trees are full of green leaves, there's the regrowth of lots of grass and shrubs, there are animals in the area," she explained, stroking his face. "But if you look closely you'll see the scars underneath the canopy of green."
"You're right," he agreed as Mac turned back to look at the view, it was like them. And just like the healing going on in this environment, they were undergoing their own through therapy, understanding and love.
After their emotionally draining and physically long walk, Harm and Mac enjoyed lunch before curling up together on the sofa listening to a music station on the radio. It was of little surprise to Mac that Harm fell asleep quickly; she'd seen all the signs of little sleep on his behalf from the night before. From her vantage point, Mac was able to cradle Harm's head to her and rake her fingers through his hair, something she found as comforting as he did. Closing her eyes, she listened as Ella Fitzgerald's version of 'What Are You Doing New Year's Eve?' rang through the cottage.
Mac could only smile; This was the first New Year's Eve in forever that she knew exactly who she'd be with, and what they'd be doing and better still it was going to be with the one person she had wanted it to be for a long, long time and the one she wanted forevermore. It was with these happy thoughts that Mac joined Harm in slumber.
Come the bewitching hour, Mac and Harm lay naked, entwined in the sheets of their bed. After celebrating their love twice, Mac was ready for sleep but was fighting fatigue so they could see midnight in together. To occupy herself, she rolled herself on top of Harm and kissed him thoroughly before pulling back and studying him seriously.
"What?' Harm asked, unsure what her furrowed brow meant.
"What's your resolution?" she asked, bracing herself on her arms, her hands either side of his shoulders.
"To spend every waking hour making love with you," Harm said with a cheeky grin and Mac laughed.
"Seriously," she said, her tone indicating she really wanted to know.
"In the New Year," Harm started before pressing up and kissing her. "I resolve to love you for better or worse ... to make you my wife... to create a home with you ... to make love with you wherever and whenever possible ... to work through our career options together ... to work through our reproductive options together... to hold you and let you hold me ... and to continue to work on being me, even if it requires continuing therapy."
"That's a lot of resolutions," Mac said tearfully. "And you normally don't make them," she added remembering a conversation from years ago.
"I'm making up for it now,' he replied, reaching up to kiss her tears away. "And I mean every one of them. What are yours?"
"Can I say ditto?" she asked as he rolled them over in the bed. Harm nodded. "Ditto."
As the announcer was counting down from ten on the radio, Harm claimed Mac as his once more; seeing in the New Year with an almighty bang!