Disclaimer: Not mine

The ladies day at the Mandarin Oriental Hotel had been one of complete decadence. After spending an hour in the spa's heat experience, each went their own way for a body wrap and facial. Taking time out for a scrumptious lunch, they relaxed in a private garden enjoying iced tea, platters of fresh fruit and sandwiches and great company.
"My son certainly knows how to pick the perfect place," Trish said, reclining in her chair. "I feel so wonderfully relaxed."
"Me too," agreed Harriet. "I haven't felt this way since... I don't know when."
Too relaxed to bother talking, Mac just smiled.
"I can't believe the wedding is two days away," said Harriet. "Part of me thinks it's come up really fast, the rest of me knows it's been years in the making." The added emphasis on 'years' wasn't lost on Mac or Trish.
"It has been years in the making," Trish confirmed. "I remember the first time Harm mentioned Sarah's name...it was probably the first Christmas after they met... even back then there was something about the way he said her name which led me to believe this would always be the outcome."
"Really?" Mac questioned.
"Yes, really," Trish said. "However, I also believed we'd be doing it long before now."
Mac laughed. "Yeah, so did I. I guess all that matters now is that we're actually getting married ...nothing we can do about the past."
"No, there's not," Harriet said, she too had hoped her friends would be Mr & Mrs long before now. "I'm just so happy you two finally saw what the rest of us did."
"I think we always saw it, Harriet," Mac said. "We just weren't in a position to get it to work...until now."

More food, more drinks, more amicable conversation and Mac decided to risk spoiling the day by her next question...she knew Harm's thoughts on it, she just needed some confirmation.
"Harm says he doesn't blame me about the baby and that he loves me whether or not we have our own biological child," Mac said bluntly. "Do you think that's true?"
"Yes," Harriet said quickly, Trish's 'Yes' just a second behind. "Mac, Harm has loved you forever and known about your condition just as long. He knows what he's getting ...and that's you...anything else is a bonus," Harriet added.
"And losing the baby?" Mac asked.
"He doesn't blame you, Sarah," Trish said quietly. "There was nothing you did or could have done to make a difference; he knows that, you know that too. It was just one of those things."
"I know," Mac said with a nod. And she did know it; she just needed someone else to confirm it. "It's just sometimes..." she couldn't finish the thought.

"When I lost baby Sarah," Harriet began, "I was sure Bud would never speak to me again let alone love me. After all, there was a medical history I had kept secret and that may or may not have made a difference. It took some work but not only did he continue to love me, we have three more beautiful children who are a sign of that love. Harm loves you unconditionally, Mac, never doubt that."

Mac smiled but she knew Harriet's story was different to hers. They had already had a child and were subsequently blessed with three more. She and Harm had none, they may never have any.
"Frank and I wanted a child together and tried for years to have one," Trish began quietly, revealing a story she had never shared with anyone but Frank. "Just before Harm was to turn 16 I discovered I was pregnant. My age wasn't a huge concern, I was only 37 and while it was older than was the norm of the day there were still new mothers of my age. I told Frank and only Frank because of the risks associated with it and we had planned to tell family and friends at the end of the first trimester when we were assured all was well..."
"What happened?" asked Harriet eagerly.
"Harm took off to Vietnam to search for his father and," she paused for a moment "...Well, I lost the baby at 11 weeks..."

Mac's gasp was audible. It had been hard enough losing a baby she didn't know existed but to lose one at 11 weeks like Trish, or at full term, like Harriet, would have killed her. Trish reached across and took her hand.
"I can honestly say that Frank loved me more from that day on..." she said. "It was hard...it was extremely hard...in my day losing a baby wasn't discussed. You were told to get on with things. If you were lucky you had a good friend...a kind husband...other than that you buried it deep and tried to forget."
"But you can't," Harriet said quietly. "It gets easier, it becomes a part of you, you move on but you don't forget."
"I'm so very lucky to have a good friend and a kind husband," Mac said wiping away her tears. "And a wonderful and supportive mom..." she added as she squeezed Trish's hand.

Trish's grin spread wide as Mac failed to add the in-law part. She had told Mac she thought of her as a daughter when she bought the wedding dress but to hear the word 'mom' from her lips thrilled her to bits.

Sitting down to dinner, later than evening, Harm was smiling. While he still wasn't sure what had gone on at the spa, he knew it had worked wonders for Mac. The fact that she surprised him in their bedroom when he was unpacking some things a little earlier and made love to him with his parents still downstairs had proven that.
"You look happy and relaxed, son," Trish said, slipping into the chair opposite.
"I am, mom," he agreed. "Had a wonderful day."
"Me too," Trish said, nodding. "Thank you so much for treating us, it was just so...special."
"Mac seems to have enjoyed it too," Harm said quietly as he heard her coming downstairs.
"She did," Trish agreed. "I think she found it very therapeutic on many levels."

Dinner was salad and marinated chicken which Frank had prepared on the barbeque. Carrying it to the table, Frank placed the platter in the centre before washing up in the kitchen.
"Smells wonderful," Mac said inhaling deeply.
"It's a Burnett family recipe," Trish said, handing the tongs to Mac so she could go first.
"Do you think I could have it?" she asked.
"I don't know, dear, I don't even have it," Trish replied.
"Have what?" asked Frank, taking his place.
"Mac was just asking about the marinade," Harm said, "She wanted to know if you would give her the recipe."
Turning in his seat, Frank smiled and winked at Mac. "Sure."

Later that evening, Mac slipped into Harm's side of the bed, not bothering to walk around to her side of the king sized bed. She settled herself towards the middle, her head resting on his pillow and the covers pulled up around her.

Thinking it a bit strange, but not saying anything, Harm slid into the space she had left for him and instantly she was wrapped around him, her head on his chest, her leg slipping between his.

Kissing her head, Harm whispered his love for her before holding her a little tighter.
"Everything alright?" he whispered, not sure what she was feeling.
"Aha," Mac said, nodding against his chest.
"Sure?" he questioned, kissing her head once more.
"Aha," she repeated, kissing his chest.

Not seeing any of her usual tells relating to sadness or stress, Harm was content to just hold her and caress her as she drifted off to sleep. An hour later when a police car siren in a nearby street woke him, Harm realised Mac's grip on him had tightened considerably. She had pushed him backwards and had a starfish like grip on his body.
"Mac, gorgeous," he whispered, wriggling slightly. "Wake up." There was no response. "Mac, honey..." Her grip tightened.

Despite his concern at her actions, he had to smile to himself, his beautiful fiancée was definitely a marine and there was no way he'd be able to get out of her grasp without doing one of them some damage.
"Mac," he said louder, trying to shake her, when she murmured in her sleep he took it as a good sign and called her name louder.
"What?" she grouched, not bothering to open her eyes.
"Wanna tell me why you have a death grip on me?" he asked, looking down at her.

Opening one eye, Mac tried to focus on him and his words and then realised just how tightly she had hold of him. "Sorry," she said, releasing her hold and resettling with him.
"Something wrong?" Harm asked, rubbing her back. "You don't seem yourself tonight."
"Nothing's wrong," she said with a sigh. "It's the opposite..."
"Something right?" he rephrased his question.
"Everything's right," she said looking up at him. "Had the best day ...have you...have the house..."
"So why are you holding me so tightly?" he asked, a little confused.
"Don't want it to go away," she admitted honestly.
"Never gonna happen," he soothed, kissing her cheek. "In 48 hours we'll be lying together as husband and wife and that will be forever and ever..."
"Amen," she said with a smile as her eyes fluttered shut.
"Mac," he called before she drifted off once more. "You sure everything's right?" he asked, still a little concerned by her behaviour.
"Yeah, had doubts but all's okay," she said as sleep tried to claim her.
"You had doubts?" Harm asked now wide awake. "Doubts about what?" he asked, shaking her a little.
"Doubts about ... it all..." she mumbled.

Wanting to have a proper conversation, Harm shook her and soon her eyes opened.
"What?" she grumbled.
"What were you having doubts about?" he questioned sitting up.
"Who said I was having doubts?" she countered, sitting up and facing him.
"You just did," he explained. "I asked you if you were sure everything was alright and you said 'Yeah, had doubts but all's okay'. So, I ask again, what doubts?"

With her brow furrowing, Mac tried to clear her thoughts. Knowing there was no way of not talking this through, Mac drew a deep breath and forged ahead.
"I know you love me," she started. "I know you don't blame me for the baby. I know you will be happy with just me if we never have a baby of our own."
"That's right," Harm said, taking her hands in his. "Were you doubting that?"
"On some level, I guess I was," she admitted honestly, hating herself when Harm's eyes welled up. "Not about you loving me..." she quickly clarified, "I've always believed that." Harm grimaced; while he was glad she didn't doubt his love, it was now apparent she had doubts as to the baby side of things. "But today at the spa I talked to Harriet and mom about losing the baby and maybe never having one and whether they thought you were really okay about it. They both said they were sure you were, they related their own stories that proved love can conquer such devastation and for the first time I felt content about the whole thing. It wasn't that I didn't believe you," she said, squeezing his hand, "It's just that I need to talk to other people ...women... who'd been through it ... successfully ... to fully understand that life goes on and that I am about to marry the most wonderful man in the world."

Crawling across the gap between them, Mac straddled his lap.
"I truly love you with all my heart and I'm so ready to marry you and commit to you for the rest of my life," she declared softly as her tears fell.
Harm smiled. "I'm more than ready to marry and commit to you for the rest of my life too," he said, kissing her shoulder. "I love you with everything I am...everything I will ever be."

When dawn arrived, Harm was awake and held onto Mac while she slept in his arms. Replaying the conversation from the night before in his head, he realised Mac had alluded to his mother and Harriet having a similar experience to hers. While he knew all about Harriet's, he knew nothing of his mother's – that would be something he'd have to ask about.

Additionally, he noted that Mac had referred to his mother as mom. Smiling, he was glad Mac and his mom were developing a close relationship. He was sure it would be a good thing for both of them.

Drifting off to sleep once more, Harm was woken by the vibrations of his cell on the bedside table. "Rabb," he said quietly, answering the call.
"Your doorbell doesn't work and ..." Mattie began.
"You're here?" Harm asked, easing himself away from Mac.
"Have been on your doorstep for the past five minutes," she said as Harm shrugged on his robe.
"You're three hours early," he said racing down the stairs.
"Does that mean I have to stay out here that long?" she sassed.

Flinging the door opened, Harm embraced the young woman tightly.
"It's so good to see you, Mats," he said. "I've missed you so much."
"Missed you too," she replied kissing his cheek. "But it's not too easy getting home from Seattle, especially with the field experiences as well."
"I know, I know," he said, grabbing her bags and ushering her inside.

Nearly fully recovered from her accident, Mattie had been offered a place at Western Washington University studying Rehabilitation Counselling. Prior to her accident, Mattie had never given much thought to a profession which involved caring for others. However, though her long recovery she had plenty of time to think about matters and decided on a career in paediatric rehabilitation. Between her studies, her own therapy, her field experiences and social life, trips east in the past year had been scarce but she did manage regular phone calls and emails and was very up to date the happenings in Harm and Mac's life.
"How's Mac going?" Mattie asked after Harm handed her a mug of coffee.
"She's still asleep," he said, placing his own mug on the table.
"I figured," she said. "But what I meant is how's she going with...well, everything..."
"She's going well," Harm replied. "It hasn't been easy but things are good."
"And what about you?" she asked, studying him.
"Hasn't been easy," he repeated. "But..."
"Things are good," she finished for him and he nodded.
"Yeah," he said with a smile. "And now we are focusing on all the positives...the house, the wedding...the future..."
"I'm so happy for you, Harm," she said reaching for his hand. "You so deserve this happiness."

Harm smiled; he was happy for him too...finally he had everything he wanted, everything he needed, and yes, he admitted to himself, everything he deserved..