...Don't ask. I am fairly certain that someone laced my food with LSD (don't do drugs, they're bad). Warning: Contains Kanda x OC (which is Cain), blood, needles and a very stupid rabbit. Again, don't ask...

Disclaimer: Really? I'm flattered that you think I own D Gray man, but...really?

A warning to future dreamers: NEVER watch D Gray man whilst eating chocolate at two in the morning. You WILL get crazy DGM dreams. (hopefully, not this crazy...)

I was running. Why I was running, or where, I had no idea. I just ran. The Black Order woods were drenched in splendid moonlight, and I could feel a light drizzle seep into my shirt. Maybe if I wasn't so absorbed in the beauty, I wouldn't have gotten into this mess.

THUMP!

I skidded along the forest floor, clutching my right calf and glaring at the sharp rock that pierced through when I tripped. The words that tumbled out of my mouth would have made the profanity gods proud. I released my grip from my leg, and was horrified. So much blood! It was a jagged cut, stretching from my knee to my ankle, deep enough to...oh my God, is that bone? The last thing I saw before passing out from blood loss (blood loss I tell you – I would never pass out any other way!) was a flash of long black hair.

[One unconscious 'tripping on acid' nap thing later]

"Wha-?"

I peeled my eyes open slowly. I was expecting the shocking white light of the infirmary to flood my poor eyes, but it never came. My eyes shot open, and I immediately left the drastic pain surge up my leg. Is this even the infirmary? No, too dark. My room? Well, only I have the code, and there is no way in hell I got myself from the castle to my room. Whilst my brain was still guessing my whereabouts, I spotted something glinting in the corner. And it was beautiful.

It was an hourglass, sitting on a modest table. But instead of sand, inside it was a pale pink lotus. It floated mysteriously at the top, though a couple of petals had fallen to the bottom. The gilded handles shone in the moon. Well, whoever stay in here, he or she has a strange way of telling time. Whose room is this?

My attention was diverted by a slam on my left. I turned my head, and I'm pretty sure my jaw hit the floor, and due to an increased gravitational pull, stayed there. He narrowed his eyes, concentrating as he threaded a white threaded through the eye of a needle. After sterilising the said needle, he tied up his raven hair with one hand. The frowning figure came over to my side. It was the greatest retard in the world, Kanda Yuu.

"WHAT THE EFF?" I screamed. Kanda took a step back, startled.

Using my arms as the support, I attempted to launch myself out. But, my stupid leg failed me, and crumpled onto the floor. The Japanese exorcist lifted me up and roughly pushed me back onto the bed.

"Look, you've already bled all over my bedcovers," Kanda growled, pointing at the crimson pools on the white, "don't get blood on my floor, or you'll be the one to effing mop it up!"

"How did you find me?"

"Che. I was training in the woods when I saw you try to kill yourself. Now stop fidgeting, I driving me insane."

Not wanting to anger the man any more (although, it's quite fun!), I complied. But I was still nervous about that needle in his right hand.

"Kanda, w-what's with the needle?"

That was Kanda's moment to flash me his signature creep grin (you know the one...), and he said softly, "Well, someone has to stitch that cut back together."

I sat up, looking at the now dry wound, the torn trouser leg just brushing it. He arched my leg slightly, and jabbed the needle in.

"OW!"

The jabs continued. I tried to speak through the waves of pain.

"Why – OW! – can't – OW! – Nurse – OW! – do it? God, Kanda – OW! – can't – OW! – you be –OW! – GENTLER? OWWW!"

At last, it was over. Kanda tied the thread, and put the sewing kit away. I shook my head; he is a sadistic nutjob. I am out of here.

"Right that's it, I'm going," I said as I attempted my second escape.

But my leg, the stupid reason for all of this, failed to support me again. I felt Kanda try to pull me up. But he wasn't ready to bear my weight, and as a consequence, landed on top with a muffled "Crap."

It took about ten seconds for me to realise that Kanda was laying on top me. I hastily ignored the feeling of his fast heartbeat; no doubt he was embarrassed as well, and pushed him up. That idiot swordsman hadn't positioned his hands right, and fell back.

"Get off me, baka!" I yelled.

Kanda rolled his eyes. "I would if I could. The buttons on my uniform sleeve are stuck on your tie!"

I raised a eyebrow. "Are you trying to keep me hostage or something?"

His blue eyes narrowed dangerously. "What did you say?"

And just when it couldn't get any worse...

BANG, BANG, BANG! The monstrous knocks on the door reverberated to the floor.

"Yo, Yuu! There's blood on the corridor and it's leading to your room! Did you kill Bryony and take in there?"

Stupid, stupid Lavi. My blood pressure was reaching an epic peak.

"Idiot! I'm alive!" I called back. Kanda just emitted a growl, and gave the 'call-me-Yuu-again-and-I'll-take-out-your-entrails-and-feed-them-to-you' look.

"Are you killing her now? I'm coming in-"

Crap. The redhead opened the unlocked door, and stared at us. What a sight it must have been; the stoic, unfeeling samurai on top of the fierce and totally awesome (you know I am) female exorcist. My trousers were ripped and his hair tie had snapped (it doesn't take much for it to snap, does it?). The whole thing must have looked a smidge compromising. Lavi stood for three gut-wrenching seconds and then ran. But he didn't just run – no, our idiot rabbit decided to scream something whilst running.

"YUU's RAPING BRYONY!"

Let the mortification commence. The look on Kanda's face was epically priceless. Somehow, he rapidly untangled his sleeve and sat looking absolutely shocked. That shock didn't take long to be turned into rage, which was signified when he grabbed his trusty Mugen. The speed at which he ran out of his room was phenomenal.

"OI, BAKA USAGI!" came the battle cry.

A few thumps, screams, and sacrilege later, I limped over to see what was going on. I stifle my laugh in my hand. Lavi was on the floor, with Kanda's boot pressed to his throat. Mugen was dangerously pointing at his heart, and Kanda had the face of the Devil.

"Take...it...back," the samurai hissed. When he heard no answer, Mugen lightly touched Lavi's shirt, "Take it back, or I swear to God that you will die tonight."

"O...kay...I...do - I take...it...back..." gasped Lavi.

Kanda seemed satisfied, and allowed Lavi to stand. He readjusted his eyepatch and bandanna, but didn't stop looking wary until the katana was safely inside the scabbard.

"Wait, Yuu," Lavi said, "What were you actually doing then?"

I pressed two fingers to my pulsing temples, and cried, "He was patching me up, God!"

As Kanda and I walked/limped away, and swore I heard Lavi murmur, "It's not like Yuu to take advantage of Bryony like that."

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Three words – What-the-hell? I couldn't shake the feeling of mortification all day. Wash away the horror...

Forgive me...if you did forgive me, then write a review! Tell me how much of an idiot and how OOC everyone is in my dreams. Raising-Cain is STILL writing...take your time, child. See you next time (with a less horrible dream!) - Cain

Omake! – Everyone else's reactions to Lavi's – erm – outburst

Me and Raising-Cain were thinking about what everyone else would say...they are all idiots, by the way. Yes, even you Manami (Raising-Cain). Only joking :) - Cain

Allen: "I'm pretty sure BaKanda didn't live after that. How could he, the [insert awesomely profane word here]!"

Lenalee: "Oh God, are you okay? My brother's great at therapy, he can help you!"

Komui: "...Well, it proves that the tin-man, I mean Kanda, really does have emotions. There's no place like home!"

Manami: Geez, what an idiot. You two are perfect for each other, what was that stunt for?"

Bryony's reaction to them: "Number one – nothing happened. Number two – Lavi has paid for his idiocy. And number three – if it had happened, that's as much sympathy as I get? I get a cussing British kid, a therapist agent, a 'Wizard of Oz' therapist and...well, what the hell, Manami?"