Trials of the Heart
Chapter 2 - Collapse
Panic.
Ironically it was quite possibly the best wedding for someone to collapse at, with half of Holby Emergency department in attendance but that didn't solve the fact that Jay's Nan had collapsed and was now lying unconscious on the floor.
Ruth and Jay were immediately at her side. Jay was in bits, his expression one of pure terror. Ruth pulled herself together as she knelt down on the floor, ignoring her beautiful wedding dress getting covered in dust and dirt.
'Its just another patient, Its just another patient...' she chanted inside her head as she checked the old lady's airway, breathing and circulation. Her mind switching between 'work Ruth' and 'normal Ruth' like a child flicking a light switch.
She vaguely heard River screaming in the background as she scrolled through the symptoms in her mind and began chest compressions.
"Toby call an ambulance!" Ruth told him, as he was the nearest person apart from Jay and Leila to her, both of whom were looking like someone had whacked them around the head with a frying pan, both were wearing almost identical stunned looks of disbelief on their faces.
Everyone seemed to want to help but stayed back, Adam was the first to join Ruth on the floor and expertly helped in her attempts at resuscitation.
Jay broke down in tears as Adam silently took over from Ruth.
She lent back on her heels observing her fiancé. She had never seen him so worried, so lost. She knew his Nan was one of the most important people in the world to him.
"She's going to be ok Jay." She comforted her husband-to-be.
She got no response. She knew that was a bad thing. She could almost feel the fear and worry radiating from him. She wanted to shake him. He never ignored her, it made her feel uneasy but then she mentally slapped herself, it was his Nan, he was worried, worry causes people to react differently.
The ambulance arrived and Adam pushed Ruth out of the way and helped them load up Jay's Nan.
"Look after River…" Jay asked dully as he made to follow the stretcher.
"I…" Ruth stumbled, unsure she was exactly the right person to be taking care of the eight year old no matter how close they had become over the last six months.
"Just do it Ruth…" He snapped.
"Of course." Ruth sighed, taking a few steps, hurt by the coldness in his voice.
She wrapped her arms around the sobbing child, then lent over and gently rubbed Ellie's arm reassuringly as Leila, Jay and Adam followed the paramedics out of the church towards the ambulance.
Ellie herself looked close to tears, Ruth opened up her arm and brought her into the hug as well.
It was like a huge crack had appeared in the family and that crack was beginning to tear apart. She hoped and hoped that Jay's Nan was going to be ok. She couldn't imagine what they would do otherwise.
Ruth led the two youngest sisters out of the church as the remaining guests shot her looks of pity and sadness. Having no money she resorted to begging one of the drivers of the wedding cars outside to take them to the emergency department. He nodded and Ellie slipped in the back scratching at her arm nervously. Ruth got in herself and gently directed River who was still crying uncontrollably in next to her.
The journey was so awkwardly silent. River's head was resting on her chest and she was sobbing into the wedding dress. Ruth didn't like being left with her thoughts the same three things were flying through her mind.
Had she pulled through?
What was going to happen next?
Was Jay going to be as cold when they arrived as when he had left?
She was only brought out of her thoughts as she noticed Ellie's persistent scratching of her arm. She gently took hold of her wrist and pulled her hand away. Gently sliding her hand into the younger girl's and gripping it tightly and supportively letting the younger girl know she was there.
They arrived at the emergency department and Ruth looked up at the door in a way she had never done before. The feeling of dread and relief coursing through her body at the same time. She was holding River's hand, the small girl was still crying silently; apparently having tired herself out. Ellie was standing so close to her that their shoulders were practically touching.
They looked such a random trio; there were a good ten years between each of them, Ruth was still wearing her wedding dress but it was now rather dirty at the knees and her hair was messy, the tiara tipped to the side slightly. Ellie's make up had run and she looked a little bit like a prom queen from a horror movie, whilst little River simply looked distraught.
Once inside Ruth wanted to head through to resus to see how Jay's Nan was, though from the weak smile Leila gave her she knew she was at least alive. Leila directed Ellie towards Resus, but Ruth knew that place was not a good place for an eight year old, so she took her up to the on call room for some privacy, mainly because they were beginning to attract some strange looks.
"She'll be ok, she's got some of the best doctors in the country looking after her. I should know I work with them on a daily basis." Ruth reassured her awkwardly as she clicked the door shut and knelt down in front of River who had sat down on the bed.
Ruth gently wiped a tear from the child's face with her thumb.
"Whatever happens you will always have Jay and your sisters. And I'm always here too sweetie, ok?" Ruth reassured her softly, "But your Nan is going to be fine."
Ruth sighed. She wasn't good in situations like these, she had never been good with kids, yes she had bonded with River but that didn't make it any easier comforting the child.
"Your dress is all ruined!" River pointed out, tears still pouring down her little face, distracting Ruth from her thoughts.
"Its not that bad sweetie." Ruth reassured her, "That's easily sorted out, your Nan is way more important than my dress."
Ruth paused before wrapping the small girl in her arms.
"I promise you she's going to pull through ok." She told her, gently holding the child to her chest, the tears she had been subconsciously holding back as she put up her façade of trying to look strong, finally falling from her own eyes.
She held the fragile child close to her chest as they both cried. Ruth didn't know how long they sat there like that for but suddenly she realised the small girls sobs had become silent.
The child had successfully cried herself to sleep.
Ruth gently laid her back onto the bed and covered her with a blanket, gently running her fingers over her hair caringly. She would keep things as normal as she could for River whatever happened to her Nan. She stood up, wiping her own tears away and headed over to the door. To her relief she spotted Jess walking down the corridor. She gestured at the Nurse who came over looking worried.
"Are you ok Ruth?" She asked sounding concerned
"Fine, could you do me a favour?" She asked in a whisper gesturing to the sleeping eight year old, "Just keep an eye on her for a bit? She probably wont wake up but if she does I don't want her to be alone…"
"Of course." Jess smiled, squeezing Ruth's shoulder. Ruth froze for a second before relaxing and offering the nurse a weak smile before heading downstairs.
"Ruth?"
Ruth turned to see a concerned looking Charlie
"How is she?" Ruth asked nervously.
"Alive." Charlie nodded "She had a heart attack, they eventually resuscitated her and sent her up to surgery but she wasn't strong enough. She's had to be put into an induced coma to help her heart have the best chance of recovery. She's in ICU."
"How's Jay?" Ruth asked worriedly
"A little unresponsive and shaken but ok." Charlie told her gently "Look why don't you come into the staffroom and I'll find you some scrubs. I think that beautiful dress has gotten dirty enough."
Ruth nodded slightly letting the wise nurse direct her through to the familiar staffroom.
Everything felt sort of hollow. The world suddenly swirled around her and she collapsed to her knees as her head spun so many emotions and thoughts pounding at her exhausted mind.
"Hey, Ruth you ok?" Charlie said grabbing her by the shoulders, "Come on lets get you sat down and get a couple of biscuits and a strong cup of black coffee down you."
Ruth sunk back in the chair physically and emotionally exhausted. Charlie looked over at her he was concerned but he didn't speak. He handed her a cup of coffee and two biscuits. Ruth sipped uninterestedly, the coffee tasted like charcoal and the biscuits like cardboard. She choked them down anyway as Charlie dug through a basket and produced a pair of blue nurse's scrubs two sizes too big for her. She didn't have the heart or the energy to snap at him for giving her nurse's scrubs, instead she took them gratefully and excused herself to go to the toilets to change into them.
She didn't go to the toilets, instead she headed in the opposite direction, disposing of the scrubs in the nearest bin and slipping into the lift with the intent of finding Jay.
-
ICU was not a place Ruth chose to enter very often.
She wasn't a nurse, she rarely brought patients up here, she had only the entered the ICU wards three times.
Infact, as she recalled, the last time she had actually set foot in ICU had been when she herself was a patient. She shook her head, shaking off the memory of waking up with so many wires and tubes hanging from her body, the memory of waking up full stop hurt. She had so wanted to die. She had wanted to escape.
A lighter thought suddenly occurred to her. She would never have met Jay if she had died. It was the first time she had actually looked back on her first suicide attempt and been glad she hadn't succeded.
She smiled to herself.
It was a small victory but a victory all the same.
She heard a noise and spun to check if someone was in the corridor with. As she turned her tiara dislodged itself from the final strands of hair that had been holding it in place and clattered to the floor with a heart wrenching shattering sound.
Ruth didn't dare look.
She bit her lip and glanced down.
It was broken in three places.
Bending down she started to scoop the pieces up.
Footsteps.
Echoing footsteps.
"What are you doing here?"
"Looking for you." Ruth said looking up into the red eyes of her fiancé
He just turned and walked away.
"Jay!" Ruth yelled after him, clasping her hands tightly around the tiara. She attempted to run, but with her dress holding her back she didn't get very far before he whirled around.
"Leave. Me. Alone." He said harshly before disappering into the ward that Ruth took to be the one his Nan was on.
She watched him disappear with each step in the other direction her heart broke a little more until she collapsed on the floor sobbing.