Trials of the Heart
Chapter 5 - The Bunny with the Bandaged Paw
Ruth knew a little better exactly what was behind Jay's nasty attitude after his drunken breakdown but it didn't stop her frequently being hurt by the vicious words he would use. Avoiding Jay had soon become Ruth's favourite way of dealing with this attitude change it caused her less pain to not have those words tossed in her direction on such a frequent basis. They had both booked the weekend off work for the honeymoon so she kept herself busy taking care of River and Ellie, feeding them, entertaining the eight year old and being Ellie's shoulder to cry on.
Leila had completely vanished, Ruth was still disgusted she had deserted her family at a time like this.
Unlike Jay who had at some point booked an other week off, Tuesday was Ruth's first day back at work. She was relieved by the chance to get back into the swing of things only it didn't quite go to plan.
It all started with River having a bad dream. She had appeared in Jay's bed next to Ruth, who had spent the night alone once again since Jay had begun sleeping in his Nan's room. Ruth comforted the child until she dozed back off but when they got up River fixed herself so permanently to Ruth it was like she had super glued her hand to her top, she had even resorted to whaling loudly when Ruth tried to tell her she couldn't come to work with her.
In the end she had been forced to bring the eight year old with her hoping desperately that the other members of staff would understand and she would be able to prise her off with the lure of seeing the nurses at work.
"I am so sorry…" Ruth said as she came face to face with a rather bemused looking Adam.
"Ruth the mother figure who would have thought it." he laughed
She glared at him and he shook his head.
"On call room, Staff room or office." he told her simply "If she's out of the way there is no problem ok? I know its tough at the moment." he reassured her "Just don't let it become a regular occurrence."
"Thank you." Ruth sighed directing the little girl upstairs to the on call room.
"I don't want to stay here!" River panicked
"You cant treat people with me sweetie!" Ruth pointed out with a small smile
"Why not!" River complained folding her arms and looking up at Ruth with her questioning blue eyes.
"Because I would be in big trouble!" Ruth explained
"But I don't want to stay here!" River moaned
"I brought you some of your books you can read" She gestured at the bag she had been carrying "and I'll pop up every hour or so and see you."
"What if something happens to you?" She asked worriedly
"Nothing will happen to me." Ruth reassured her
"But it could!" River pouted
"I promise it wont." Ruth said simply
"Pinky on it…" River said narrowing her eyes, holding out her little finger and looking slightly suspicious.
"Ok" Ruth agreed linking her own little finger uncomfortably with River's who immediately smiled like she had made some sort of unbreakable vow. She had no idea what Pinky-ing was or if pinky-ing was even a word but she hoped it would mean that she would be able to do some work.
"You better not take too long this room is boring!" River complained
"I wont be why don't you read a book and I'll be back before you know it!" Ruth smiled
"Ok" River agreed pulling out a book.
Ruth was relieved to finally escape the on call room and was even more relieved to finally get back to work. She took pride in treating every patient to the best of her abilities earning a fair amount of praise from Adam. She checked in on River about two hours later and the little girl was drawing her rabbit intently.
So an hour later when she walked over to the nurses station she was not expecting to be greeted by the rather amusing but also extremely embarrassing sight of River quizzing Zoe intently about being a doctor.
"What do you do if they have no blood?" River was asking
"We insert a special drip in their arm which gives them more blood" Zoe explained simply
"River!" Ruth said in a stern voice interrupting them "I'm sorry Zoe…" she added apologetically
"Oh its quite alright, it looks like you've got a little Doctor or Nurse wanna be here!" She smiled and ruffled River's hair affectionately
Ruth couldn't help but notice the tired look in Zoe's eyes, it was something she was beginning to notice a lot more as Nick became more and more ill. She look worn down and over worked. River had brought a small smile to the tired doctor's lips. Ruth was proud of River. Her innocence meant that she never failed to cheer up everyone around her if they were upset for any reason.
"I'm going to be a Doctor like Ruth!" She announced as Ruth smiled at her swapping career choices.
"Well its good to start young!" Zoe laughed slightly "How do you fancy helping me check up on some patients? You'll have to be very quiet and very well behaved, do you think you can be?"
River answered her by standing up straight and putting a finger on her lips.
"Oh Zoe.. You don't…" Ruth started her face turning redder.
"Its ok" Zoe winked "I haven't got much to be doing today, I'll keep an eye on her until your shift finishes."
"Thanks." Ruth sighed slightly glad to know River was going to be in good hands for the rest of the afternoon.
"Can I hold your steth-eo-scope?" River said struggling with the pronunciation and pointing determinedly at the desired object dangling around Zoe's neck.
"Of course you can!" She smiled handing the little girl the object which she proudly wrapped around her neck with such care that it could have been mistaken for an expensive diamond necklace.
"Now Doctor Faldren I think we are needed in cubicle three!" Zoe smiled offering her hand to the little girl who took it excitedly.
Ruth smiled as the left her heart jumping at the reference to Doctor Faldren. Jay's stage name for the surgeons events they had attended when she still though he was an egotistic pig. She smiled slightly thinking about everything that had happened since those innocent events. The bad and the good. That had certainly been through a lot together but now instead of her being the one causing the trouble and pushing him out it was Jay that was pushing her out and she didn't have a clue how she could talk him around or prove to him that she was there for him. She sighed and towards cubicle seven and the broken foot she was supposed to be assessing.
Three hours later Ruth's shift was over, she was discussing her last patient with Adam when a loud screeching echoed through the department.
"Ruuuuuuuuuuth!" River was running across the department, she flung her arms around a suddenly bright pink looking Ruth. "Zoe gave me this!" She announced proudly held up a fake hospital ID badge which Zoe had obviously spent a good half an hour her computer putting together with a digital picture of River that looked like it had been taken on her phone.
"That's brilliant." Ruth smiled as River lend her head against her stomach. "You're a proper honorary doctor now aren't you?" She smiled.
"You think so?" River asked excitedly
"Yes" Ruth smiled glad that Zoe had successfully distracted the eight year old from the bad dream.
"Can I come to work with you tomorrow?" River asked hopefully
"You'll have to stay with Ellie, you can't come in everyday sweetie" Ruth broke it to the little girl who looked distraught
"But… but…" River stuttered looking like she might burst into tears.
"How about I buy you some bandages and plasters on the way home and you can make your own little hospital for your toys?" Ruth suggested thoughtfully "You can wear your badge and I'm sure I have an old set of scrubs you can borrow the top from?"
"Can I?" Rivers eyes lit up
"Sure." Ruth smiled, spending a few pounds on bandages to bribe the child to stay at home was a much better idea than bringing her to work her professional image had been scarred enough in just one day.
Ruth ignored Adam who was laughing and took the small child's hand. She jumped up and down excitedly as they headed away from the busy nurses station and towards the staffroom.
The retuned home an hour later River's little hands full of bandages and plasters. Ruth knew there were going to be some very poorly looking teddy bears knocking about for the next few weeks but as long as River was happy she was too.
"Hey" Ellie mumbled from behind Ruth who was unpacking the small bit of food shopping she had done into the cupboards.
"Are you alright sweetie?" Ruth asked looking around holding a jar of coffee.
"Sort of." Ellie sighed
"Want to talk?" Ruth said putting the jar down and leaning against the counter tiredly
"Sort of." Ellie replied once more leaning against the door frame
"What's up?" Ruth asked concerned
"I want to go see her." Ellie blurted out "Please Ruth I feel so guilty…"
"Understandable, but you shouldn't feel guilty." Ruth nodded
"But I do." Ellie sighed
"Look how about we go in about an hour?" Ruth suggested. "We will have to take River but Jay should either be on his way home or to the pub so we will avoid meeting him.."
"Yes." Ellie agreed "He doesn't want us to see her… I think he's being a pig."
"I have to agree with that statement right now." Ruth said sadly "But I think it may be his way of protecting you more than anything."
"How is preventing us from visiting our Nan when she may be close to dying protecting us! We have a right to spend time with her too!" Ellie told Ruth angrily
"ICU isn't a nice place." Ruth told her offhandedly "It can be quite scary."
"I'm eighteen!" Ellie protested "He treats me like I'm five!"
"I have to admit I'm not the biggest fan of ICU. Its not a nice place to visit and definitely not a nice place to wake up." she reflected recalling the uncomfortable feeling of the mask and tubes as she regained consciousness from her first suicide attempt.
"I doubt anyone is." Ellie pointed out sensibly
"That's a good point. It doesn't bring back the happiest of memories…" Ruth trailed off
"Oh." Ellie nodded understandingly "you don't have to come…"
"I want to." Ruth interrupted her "But you have to understand its not like a normal ward. It might be upsetting. Which I think is one of the main reasons Jay has been pushing you away and telling you that you cant visit."
"Why don't we just go for a few minutes?" Ellie suggested "Just to see her, touch her…"
Ruth felt the longing in her voice. She didn't want to deny her the chance to see her Nan.
"A few minutes fifteen or twenty sounds like a good idea especially with River in tow." She nodded
So after a tea of fish fingers and chips a thoughtful Ruth and Ellie headed off with River towards Holby City Hospital.
The little girl seemed to be aware that this wouldn't be a nice visit and her worn old toy rabbit Flopsy (who was sporting a neatly bandaged leg) was joining them for the trip. River loved her teddies but usually she never carried one around with her and Ruth took it as a sign of worry and insecurity. She gently squeezed the little girls hand reassuringly as they walked.
The building looked ominous as they approached. What Ruth had once looked up at and found welcoming, intriguing and exciting now seemed frightening and foreboding.
The three of them entered the maze of hospital wards and Ruth led them through the semi familiar corridors towards ICU. Once they arrived she chatted with the Nurse before ushering Ellie and River through. River immediately attached herself to Ruth's hand and began sucking her thumb with Flopsy clasped in her fingers so that the little rabbit was practically covering her eyes as she warily took in her surroundings. Ellie was reserved, she was examining the machines with a slight interest despite the evident nervous expression on her face.
Ruth felt her own chest constrict as they entered, the memories the place brought back were not happy. She had been devastated to wake up full stop let alone on a high dependency intensive care ward covered in tubes and wires. She recalled being so angry that she had pulled each wire, tube, drip, anything that was connected to her at all out of her body causing a large amount of bleeping and panicking from the nurses. She also recalled Toby's worried face and felt a pang of guilt for how she treated him back when they were colleagues. He had been speaking as she panicked, she couldn't remember exactly what he said, but she remembered his calm soothing rational voice. She could pick out the odd word but her memory was hazy.
As she blinked back her own memories locking them back in the box where she hid them on a daily basis Ruth was relieved to notice Jay had abandoned his position at his bedside leaving nothing more than a battered chair in his wake. She lead them over to the bed where the familiar but unfamiliar body of their Nan lay. She looked a little like a sleeping angel, Ruth marvelled as they reached her side and Ellie gently slipped her hand over the old lady's kissing her forehead gently as her eyes brimmed with tears.
The blankets were pure white and made perfectly down to the last crease. Ruth was convinced this was Jay's doing as the other beds were not where near so perfect. But she was still hooked up to every machine and drip under the sun and the mask still rested on her nose as it helped her to remain breathing in her comatose state.
"She's sleeping." Ruth explained quietly to River "You remember I told you she was going to sleep for awhile so her poorly heart could mend?"
"Yes" River mumbled through her thumb.
Ruth gently took her hand that she had been holding and squeezing reassuringly and pulled her closer to the bed. She gently lifted her little arm and stretched it out placing her hand on her Nan's chest so she could feel her chest rising and falling.
"You feel her breathing?" Ruth asked
"Yes." River mumbled smiling slightly
"See she's just sleeping so she gets better quicker." Ruth said softly as River took her thumb out of her mouth and laid her little head on her grandmothers chest.
Ellie was still stood holding her hand but she looked close to tears. Ruth put her arm around her and Ellie smiled slightly glad for the presence of the older girl.
"You look so peaceful Nan." Ellie commented softly as River ran her fingers lightly up and down her Nan's arm. "But you need to get well soon because we need you."
Tears trickled down her face as she spoke and Ruth squeezed her shoulder reassuringly.
They stood there for another five minutes. River lying on her Nan's chest, much to the nurse's apparent disapproval, and Ruth with her arm around Ellie, who was still silently crying.
Ellie eventually nodded that it was time to leave. River stood up straight and moved away from the bed.
"Don't forget Flopsy." Ruth pointed out as River stepped back leaving her little bunny behind.
"Nan needs her more than I do." River replied tucking the bunny into the sheets and taking Ruth's hand ready to go.