Title: To See What's Hidden
Author: virkatjol
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Aeryn's attempt at adventure leads her to memories John would rather forget. Written for kissbingo square Experimental: Blindfold
Disclaimer: Not mine. But I want them on a theater screen near me!
A/N: BETA's alb by valhallalilly Also for her cause she finished her icons and she always wanted to have this scenario.
He was trapped. The last thing that John remembered was falling asleep with Aeryn in his arms. Now he couldn't move and when he opened his eyes there was nothing. He'd been blindfolded and it made him panic.
The bindings that held his arms weren't that tight and the material was soft. But he still struggled against them. If he'd been captured and restrained what had happened to Aeryn?
He heard a soft shushing sound and he paused his movement. His brain was screaming for him to break free. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest as the blinding darkness seemed to consume him. Then the quiet, familiar voice permeated his senses.
Aeryn was here. She was alright. He sucked in a shaky breath and called to her. Her lips were next to his ear then. He felt the soft wafting of air, the wet heat of her breathing against his skin.
"John, It's alright."
"Are you okay, Baby?" He needed to make sure. He couldn't see and anything less than her being alright would make him continue to fight against the restraints.
"Mmmhmm." She kissed him on the cheek. "I thought we could explore another area of fun… But then you woke up and started panicking. It took you forever to hear me."
"God, Aeryn. I thought that we'd been captured." His chest was still drawing erratic breaths and he needed to be released from the bindings. "Can you untie me, please?"
"Will you keep the blindfold on?"
"Yes, I just… I can't… the restraint…Aeryn…" His voice was breaking as he begged her to let him go.
She hurried and untied his wrists. She had no idea why he was so sensitive about it. Her heart broke for him and she had no idea how to fix it.
"You can take it off if you want." She whispered against his lips. Her mouth brushed his in a soothing kiss.
"I'm okay now, baby. Thanks." His hands were free and they went to touch Aeryn. He wrapped his arms around her back and pulled her against his body, tucking her close to his side. He leaned up and kissed her again.
She let him cling to her for a few minutes. When she could feel his heartbeat return to a normal pace she pulled back slightly and looked at his face. She kissed him sweetly before tugging the blindfold off his eyes.
"What was that, John?" Her hand touched his cheek and stroked her thumb across the stubble.
"It was nothing." He focused on her chin, not wanting to lie while she was looking at him.
"Now you don't want to talk? You always want to talk." She sighed and tipped his chin up so he had no choice but to hold her gaze. "Tell me?"
"When you were… gone." He felt the tears welling up in his eyes and his chest began to rise and fall rapidly again. He'd never spoken to anyone about this. "Grayza. She captured me on Arnessk."
"She tied you up?" Aeryn hated the pain that she could see reflected in his eyes. She never should have left him. She'd needed to leave to know that she could stay, but seeing how broken this had left him killed her. She wanted to help him glue the pieces of himself back together.
"Yes. It's when I started taking those drugs." He looked away, ashamed that he'd let that Peacekeeper bitch drive him to start that. He'd thought that he could do it, then it was so easy, that insect was right there. It had been so simple to transfer the feeling to the numbness. Noranti had given him the key to easing the ache in his chest and he'd taken the least complicated way, for once. It transferred to the small pod on Moya and then he'd become an addict, always craving the lack of sensation.
Taking the pain from Grayza's violation had leached into taking away any feelings that Aeryn had elicited.
"I thought they were for…" She let the sentence fall. She hated that she was responsible for it. It was all her fault. If she hadn't ditched him Grayza probably wouldn't have been able to sink her claws into him.
"They were, but not right away. After Arnessk it just seemed easier to keep doing it."
"What did she do to you?" He shook his head and she held tight to his chin. "You tell me. Then I'm going to go hunt her down and kill that frelling bitch."
"It's in the past. I don't want to be the cause of unrest when my wife goes and assassinates the head Peacekeeper."
"John." Aeryn's voice was stern but still soft. She didn't think that she actually wanted to know but she could see that he needed her to. "Please. Let me help you."
"She tied me to a stone table." He drew a deep breath and spit the rest out in rapid succession. "There may have been torture, questioning and rape." He slurred over the final word, hoping she'd ignore or not hear, maybe not understand. The wet drop that tickled his cheek made him look at her instead of focussing past her head. She was crying. The silent tears slipping down her face. "Oh, baby, it's okay."
"No." She shook her head and pressed her nose to his. Her lips touched with his and she kissed him. "I didn't know… I'm sorry I tied you up. I didn't…" She was sobbing now and he tucked her head under his chin and let her cry against his chest.
"Shhhh, sweetheart, It's not your fault."
"I left… I couldn't stay and then… this…" She choked on her tears as she continued to try to talk while she was weeping. His hand was rubbing her back and it was soothing her. She couldn't understand how this had turned from her comforting him to her sobbing against his chest.
"I forgive you." He kissed the top of her head and repeated the words.
"She really raped you?"
"Yes." John was already feeling the weight lift off of him. The pressure of carrying that secret with him for so long was lifting. Like a crutch he was finally able to set aside so he could walk free again.
"Are you alright?"
"Have my performances been less than stellar?" His lips inched up in a grin and she flashed a small smile back. Then she started to weep again. "Baby, it's always good with you. I love you. There's never any fear when it's us."
"But you panicked when I had you tied."
"I woke up and i couldn't see you and the first thing I thought was you'd been taken. I can't be without you, not again."
"I understand. Maybe we can try some other time?" There was a hint of hope in her voice.
"Yes, just warn me first." He tugged the blindfold back into place and pulled on the back of her neck. "Now kiss me again. I want to feel you."
She lowered her lips to his slowly and gently pressed down. Their breathing synchronized as they remained still. His mumbled 'more' against her lips made her open her mouth and as soon as her tongue touched his they were lost. She offered comfort with her lips and tongue and he drank it in. He wanted so badly to lose himself in her right at the moment. So he did.
He let her show him all the ways that she loved him. That he didn't need to fear the darkness as her body moved on top of his, taking him inside her. His trust in her held the blindfold secure over his eyes as they made love.
Aeryn was sure to touch him and speak to him. She whispered flowery love words and offered him moans that indicated her enjoyment. Both of them were slick with sweat before they were finished. Their bodies finally completing the journey towards orgasm. She rode him until he'd spent himself in her and then she placed his fingers over her aching bud and he'd brought her to climax before he'd softened in her heat.
They didn't need to see each other but as she fell against him, sated and satisfied, she kissed him once more as she released the blindfold.
His eyes were damp from the emotion she'd wrought in him and he held her close as their bodies cooled and their lungs caught up. She'd unmasked a dark part of him that he'd never wanted to share but the reward had been worth the pain. He was able to feel his heart healing now. The pain he'd hidden away fro far too long was finally easing. She was good for him.
"We're good for each other." Aeryn replied.
"Mmm, you're good in bed."
She punched him lightly on the shoulder before snuggling with him into a spooning position an drifting off to sleep.
The End