Trials of the Heart

Chapter 12 - Unexpected Appearance

It was exactly sixteen days since the wedding that never was. Ruth was pushing on and working hard alongside Adam who kept slipping her concerned looks when he thought she wasn't paying attention but she saw them and it made her feel ashamed she didn't like people pitying her.

She escaped to cubicles claming she fancied something a little less dramatic but apparently drama followed her. As her first patient in cubicles began to fit violently.

"Can I get some help in here!" She yelled dropping the bed down so it was flat and attempting to put the patient in the correct position.

She stopped dead the patient fitting under her hands and her heart in her mouth when she spotted the way too familiar face entering the cubicle. His eyes were bloodshot and his skin was pale, he looked so out of place. She stopped herself from asking what he was doing there and concentrated on stabilising her patient.

He worked silently barely acknowledging anything, following her orders like a robot.

The patient was stable. They had always been a good team. Even when they wouldn't look each other in the eye they had some worked effortlessly together, him reading her mind at times and producing equipment before the words had even left her lips.

It only made it hurt more for Ruth. It only made it more painful.

"Jay?" She eventually broke the non professional silence between them "I didn't realise you were back at work."

"Money. No more holiday time. No point." He said simply turning away and leaving the cubicle.

Ruth wondered for a second if she should just run after him and shake him.

Now he was back at work Jay's behaviour at home had become worse. If he wasn't at work in the day he was at his Nan's beside. Ruth had over heard Tess telling him off for abandoning his position for an hour or so at a time and vanishing up to ICU but there was not even a flicker of recognition in his eyes as she warned him they would have to consider taking action if he kept doing it, ill grandmother or no ill grandmother.

The extra stresses and strains seemed to have trigged him into spending longer hours in the pub in the evening meaning even less communication. Well even less sensible communication. Ruth had had several garbled conversation with him, but his mood when he was drunk was so changeable she never knew if he would be crying on her shoulder or snapping at her.

Ruth had taken to sitting up until he returned partially to, she had been making sure he got in ok and partially to be there if he needed a shoulder to cry on. It was a Friday night and finally Ruth had given up hope on him returning anytime before the early hours and had slipped into bed she had just dosed off when a bang jolted her from her semi conscious state her eyes flew open and she glanced over at the clock it was just after three am. She debated leaving him to it but then she heard another bang. She sighed and pushed herself out of bed, she wanted to check he was ok but she also needed to tell him to be quiet for River's sake she did not want to have to handle the result which would be a sleepy and clingy eight year old.

She carefully made her way downstairs

"Where the hell have you been!" She couldn't help herself from yelling as he fell into the wall laughing uncontrollably "Jay you're a disgrace!" he knew about her hatred for drunks. He knew her family history so why would he keep persistently doing this too her? She was beyond angry she was fuming.

"I was having some fun for a change!" he spat viciously "Your not my bloody mother!"

"Be quiet!" she hissed "Its bad enough you haven't done anything with your little sister since your Nan went into hospital without you being so inconsiderate that you wake her up!"

"I'm not her Dad…" he slurred angrily

"No your not your her big brother and her hero!" Ruth told him bluntly "You are being a selfish pig!"

"Well maybe its about time I had a chance to be selfish!" He told Ruth suddenly approaching her in a manner she would never have expected him to do she backed away warily as he came at her eyes narrowed. Was he going to attack her?

"Jay… Jay calm down, I'm sorry, I didn't mean too upset you, I'm sorry, please don't hit me, please, I'm sorry." Ruth stumbled nervously as her back it the wall, she was trapped if he lashed out she knew she was going to get the brunt. She prepared herself for impact closing her eyes like she would do when she knew she was in for a beating as a child. But the familiar dull pain of a punch or kick never came.

He was breathing heavily and she could smell beer on his breath.

She opened her eyes to see him staring down at her.

"Your not the only with problems." He told her harshly "Don't try and turn this on me, I want some time to myself, I've looked after this family for fourteen years and I've looked after you for a year too. Even I need space sometimes Ruth. Just because your parents screwed you up doesn't mean that my parents didn't go a damn good job of screwing me up too. I've had to be the strong one for way too long." he licked his lips and stepped back. "I'm so scared. I am not good enough and I will never bee good enough." he turned and stumbled up the stairs leaving her staring at his retreating back his confused thoughts now running through her own confused mind.

Those words hurt, both because some of them were so malicious and also because the pain was evident in his voice as he described his role in the family and mentioned his fear.

She desperately wanted to run after him hug him and tell him it would all be ok but the voices screaming at the back of her mind told her not to they told her to run. She had to get out of there. And she had to do it now. She scribbled a note to Ellie asking her to take care of River in the morning and saying she'd be back after lunch and ran.

Her feet pounded against the pavement as she ran through the empty streets faster and harder than ever before. She had been running for a good twenty minutes before she reached her apartment. Which she had practically deserted in the past three weeks. She collapsed against he wall breathing heavily and letting the tears fall.

Once her heart rate had slowed and her breathing had become less erratic she let herself in and climbed the stairs to her flat.

As she let herself into the flat itself she didn't even bother to turn on the lights she just kicked off her shoes and went straight to her room where she collapsed on the bed her emotions finally overflowing and she cried herself to sleep.