Trials of the Heart
Chapter 16 - Telling the Truth
He had tried every room in the entire house. No avail. He had tried the park, the pub, the streets, every room in her flat. He had even rung the emergency department and checked she wasn't working. He was just debating calling a search party or the police when the lock clicked and the door opened.
"Ruth!" He sighed relieved.
"Jay its 3am. Go to bed…" She started but then suddenly she realised how sober he looked and how worried. "Your sober…"
"Is that such a surprise?" He asked shocked that she would have thought him to be drunk, his felt his stomach flip. He had been doing that a lot hadn't he.
"We need to talk." Ruth told him her angry blue eyes meeting with his "While I've got you here, your sober and River wont walk in…" She grabbed his hand and lead him into the living room. He followed feeling ever more nervous.
How come his Nan was always right? He had already screwed this up big time hadn't he? She slammed the door shut and glared at him. Her expression was one she would have used on him when they first met and she thought of him as no more than an irresponsible childish idiot. Boy did it hurt.
"I am absolutely sick of you. Your attitude has been horrendous, I know you are upset, I know you are hurting, but to take it out on me and your sisters is ridiculous!" She began letting all the emotions she had been feeling overflow. "This drinking is starting to scare me, it's a downward spiral and you know why it hurts so much to see you that drunk so often. You are being a heartless, ignorant, selfish, stupid pig!" She stopped breathing harshly, "All I have wanted is to be here for you, yet I've just ended up being tossed aside! I have kept what is left of your family together and, don't get me wrong, I love River and Ellie but you're their brother. I'm not related to either of them in any way and yet I have been the one looking after them!" she explained her frustration evident, "River has become exceptionally clingy, thinking I'm going to leave her like you and your Nan have done. And then Ellie… Ellie has started cutting again just for your information!"
His heart sank he hadn't even noticed his own sisters pain he really did feel like a pig.
"I can't take much more Jay, if things don't turn around we are going to have to go our separate ways." her voice faltered. He knew this statement was sincere. She meant it even if she didn't want it to happen.
"I also have my own problems." She told him looking deep into his eyes "I have been slipping for a long time and I have been very tempted to…"
He knew what she had been tempted to do and it felt like someone had put their and into his chest and pulled out his heart.
"Now what with Nick dying…" She swallowed
"He's dead?" Jay looked shocked he could se the tears rising in her blue eyes.
"Yes… A few.. hours…" Tears were suddenly pouring down her face
Jay was feeling more and more guilty as he realised what he'd put his fiancé through. Each selfish word that his lips… each comment, the drinking, that night when he had threatened her.. He was turning into something he would never want to be.
Ruth was now sobbing silently.
He hadn't even noticed her sinking to the floor, her knees buckling from underneath her, she was collapsed in front of him sobbing her heart out.
Hot silent tears were now pouring down his own face. He had never imagined seeing her this broken ever again, it was like when he had caught her mid-suicide attempt. Only for some reason it was twice a painful to see her looking so broken. Probably, he realised with a jolt, because he was the main cause of her pain.
He sunk down to the floor next to her and wrapped his arms around her.
She hadn't expected such a loving gesture and flinched slightly.
Another jolt shot through him. He didn't like that she flinched at his touch, in his eyes it was a step back.
"I've been an idiot. A selfish, stupid idiot." He said as the tears began to slow "I just hope you can forgive me."
She pulled away.
"I can't." Ruth told him shaking her head "Not until you've proved it'll never happen again."
She stood up left the room and the house. The front door banging behind her.
He didn't need to think twice he was tearing down the street after her.
"Ruth!"
She ignored him
"Ruth!"
She ignored him once more
"I love you!"
Her pace slowed slightly
"Please! I will get down in the middle of the road on my knees and beg you!" he suggested "I love you more than I have loved anyone in my life, I have treated you so wrong and I know it."
"Prove it." Ruth shot back turning on her heal
He ran over to her and kissed her deeply and sincerely.
She pulled away. So many fixed feelings flowing through her body.
"I wanted to protect you."
"You did a very bad job of doing that!" Ruth pointed out
"She's awake." He told her "First thing she did was whack me around the head and tell me I'm an idiot."
"You are"
"I know" he sighed "I guess I just need to be hit around the head to realise it."
"One last chance." Ruth said simply looking into his eyes. "If you ever treat me or your family like that again…"
"I wont."
"You always tell me that opening up is the best thing I can be doing." Ruth pointed out "You should take your own advice sometimes."
"Stubborn idiot aren't I?" he asked with a small nervous laugh
"Oh yes." Ruth replied before taking off back towards the house leaving Jay to follow in her wake.