Disclaimer: Hmm, what to say… I already explained the whole disclaimer phenomena to you all, so…I don't know.
Erik: Oh! Give me the phone! Tell them Erik says hi!
Me: Uh, this isn't a phone call, ghost boy.
Erik: You called me ghosty boy? How dare-A BUTTERFLY! MUST! TOUCH!
Me: Okay…I knew I should've bought that phantom muzzle at the pet store.
My Mom: Volitaire, go feed your pet! We had a deal: you could get the strange masked man only if you fed him and brushed his shiny fur coat!
Erik: Yeah! I'm hungry! And thirsty! And disgruntled! And-
Volitaire: (stuffs Erik into a small gerbil cage) Bad masked man! Stop trying to kill people! And butterflies!
Erik: Meow!
Me: Great, now we have to buy a litter box…
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Volitaire (that's me, remember? Erik: (reading a comic) What?) was busily doing her algebra homework (hey, this is a work of Fiction!) when a small but annoying Erik icon popped up on the computer screen and reminded me that I should really delete that irritating Erik icon. But back to the story:
Christine, Andre, Firmin, Raoul, and Meg were all standing in the lobby of the Opera house.
Christine and Meg needed a coffee break, and the managers were trying to find a small dime someone had dropped. Raoul was exhausted and needed a break; all of that wandering around the opera without a purpose was hard work. Suddenly, to their surprise, the phantom's overture came on over the new loudspeakers (Andre: We bought them because they don't exist yet!). Out walked Madame Giry.
"What? Where's the phantom?" asked Meg. I wonder if these pants make me look fat…
"I was just about to ask you. But I did find this disturbing letter," she said, holding out the paper. The crowd saw that it was a badly drawn phantom-looking stick figure. In the corner, in handwriting bad enough to make an English teacher eat a gerbil was written: By Erik, age: were not really sure.
"That still doesn't explain where Erik is. Or why that music started to play," said Meg. I wonder if Christine's pants make me look fat…
"At any rate, we must find him and bring him back. Dead or alive," Madame said, cocking her cane like a shotgun. Shotgun shells flew out.
"Uh, don't you mean 'alive'?" asked Andre.
"Why yes…Yes, I did…," she answered slowly, doing the shifty eye thing.
The overture suddenly started playing again.
"There he is," said Christine as she watched Raoul play his game boy.
"Ahead. Here you-a all are. Uh. Trying to hide from The Carlotta?" whined Carlotta in her stupid voice.
Everyone turned around and ignored her.
"I must know where he with the cape is! I am married to him!" she shouted.
Everyone looked back around, except for Raoul, who was trying to not get hit by cars in his game.
"Now that all of the-a attention-a is back on-a me, I need my doggies!" Everyone ignored her again.
"What's going on here?" asked Erik's voice. Instead of his theme, Revolution Nine started playing.
"Where were you? I was so worried! You're wearing my pants, remember?" cried Meg.
Everyone stared at him as the song played. Number nine, number nine…
"Well, they don't make men's pants as tight! Gosh…," he snorted. "And, for your
Information, I was looking for my cape," he said, pulling out his cape.
"Oh, swishy, I'll never lose you again… Hey, where'd you go?" Erik squealed.
"Oh, there you are. Never again," he sighed.
"Well, tell us your story, ghosty boy," said Carlotta, searching for her accent.
"Well, it all started when…Number nine, number nine, I mean…
FLASHBACK!"
Erik woke up. He went to the kitchen, made some coffee, and then realized he wasn't wearing any pants. Then, he remembered that Raoul was still lying unconscious near the lake (He had tried to borrow popcorn the other day). After he dragged him back upstairs, he realized he still wasn't wearing any pants, again. After he found some of Meg's he had stolen (see above excuse), he realized his cape was gone.
"Swishy? Oh where oh where has my little cape gone, oh where oh where could it be?" he hummed. Suddenly, he remembered his old nemesis: George Washington, I mean, Matilda, the invisible dancer. He walked into the back laundry room. All of the candles were out, and he thought he could see Matilda's fog on the couch ("Now why do you have a couch in the laundry room?" asked Meg. "Number nine…," replied Erik.)
"Matilda, where's swishy? And that Chinese food I was saving? And those goldfish that you said died while I was at camp? Well, here's news, Matilda! I never went to camp! I NEVER WENT TO CAMP!!!!!!!" he screamed at the air.
"No Matilda, No, don't hurt me, AHHHHHHHHH!"
END OF FLASHBACK
"Uh, Erik, what happened after that?" asked Meg. I wonder if Erik's, I mean, my, pants make me look fat, she thought.
"Go little frog, go! No, Raoul, you have to press the A and B buttons at the same time, or you'll get hit by the truck!" He cheered, watching the tiny screen.
"Erik," whined Raoul, "I can't see the screen if you hover like that! Mommy! Christiney!"
"Erik, stop bothering Raouly; Raoul, here's a lollipop," said Christine.
"Well, Meg, I just woke up here, with Swishy. I wish I had a lollypop…," Erik whined.
"Hi, Erik. Hi, whoever the rest of you are," said that irritating girl I have yet to name.
"How do you people keep finding me? I told you, I don't want to buy your stupid timeshares!" shouted Erik as he slowly stole Raoul's lollipop.
"Uh, I don't sell timeshares. At least, I don't think I sell them. Anyway, I brought you a gift!" said the girl as she handed Erik an expensive looking bag that said The Store for Millionaires.
"Oh! I hope it's money," said Erik as he ripped open the bag. Inside was a taco, which Erik ate quickly.
"You bought him a taco?" asked Meg astonished.
"Yep," said the girl as she stole the lollipop from Erik, who was too distracted licking the taco bag.
"You paid a million dollars for a taco?" asked Andre.
"Heck no. I just found that bag in the trash," exclaimed the girl as Erik blanched white and started spitting out the taco.
"I think we'll name you Sparky," said Christine, pointing.
"Uh, Christine, you're pointing at the wall," sighed Meg.
"Are you calling me fat?" said Christine breaking into tears.
"By the way, has anyone noticed all of the naked paintings and statues on the walls? What's with this Opera House?" asked Firmin to no one in particular.
Everyone stared.
"Well, all's well that ends, uh, badly," said Andre mysteriously. And in a way he was right; Firmin was humming the Batman song, Christine was playing air guitar, Erik was watching Raoul play the game, Raoul was watching Erik watching himself play the game, Madame Giry was cleaning her cane gun, Carlotta was dancing with herself, and Meg was wondering about Firmin's pant size. –
Erik: Well, this is the end of chapter-(counts on his fingers)-two. Where is that evil Volitaire, you ask? Well…
Volitaire: Erik, I don't see the magic flying ferret you were talking about…
Erik: Oh, it's there all right. Idiot…
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By the way, my word processor keeps trying to inform me that Raoul, Firmin, Andre, Carlotta, and Giry are all spelled wrong, so, sorry for any spelling mistakes.
Adieu, and Review!-Sincerely,-
Volitaire