Sorry this chapter's so short; Chapter four will be longer.

Me: Well, unfortunately, I'm going to be going on a sort of road trip vacation soon.

Erik: Road trip? What is this road you speak of?

Me: For a genius, you sure are stupid.

Erik: What? That's preposterous! Hahahahaha… Pardon, what were you saying? I wasn't paying attention.

Me: Stupid creepy genius…

Erik: Stupid creepy genius…------

Erik was minding his own business (yea, right), eating a taco he stole from Meg.

"Stupid girl…Hehehe…I love you taco!" Erik said as he hugged the taco. Suddenly, the doorbell rang.

"Wait…since when did I get a doorbell?" he wondered as he went to answer the door. It was Raoul, wearing a pink tuxedo.

"It was a horrible laundry accident involving one of my red shirts," whined the fop as Erik cackled at him.

"Why are you here and HOW DO YOU PEOPLE KEEP GETTING DOWN HERE?" he screamed with rage.

"Erik, I told you: I don't know. And I need to borrow some CD's, which you stole from me," Raoul said. Erik narrowed his eyes, wishing that he wasn't so lazy and would've fed Raoul Windex when he had the chance…

"I love the Spice Girls... Oh and, by the way, there's a demented phan girl on her way here," said Raoul as he walked out of the house and into the lake.

"Mmmmm…Filthy water…," he murmured as he disappeared under the water.

"Hello, Mr. Scary guy. I hope you don't mind that I led all of your sworn enemies into your secret lair," said the girl as she walked into the back door of the lair, leading the rest of the cast.

"What the- I don't HAVE a back door!" Erik cried. Everyone shrugged; no one listens to Erik anyway.

"I also brought you all a special present. But I ate it on the way here-you still need an elevator- so I bought you some crap from the phan-girl's souvenir stand," she said, taking out a large bag. She opened it and dropped a bunch of POTO cast plushiest on the couch.

"Plushies!" screamed Raoul as he reentered the lair soaking wet. Erik and Raoul got into a fight over the Christine doll, Christine was trying to steal the Meg doll's shoes, Erik was sticking pins into the Madame Giry doll, and Andre was creepily caressing the Raoul doll's face.

"Mmmm... Raoul…" he murmured. The doorbell rang again.

"Who is it now?" growled Erik as he put down the mini-noose he was making for the plushies.

"Pizza delivery. One million dollars," said the pizza man.

"I didn't order a pizza…," Erik said as he took the pizza and pushed the man into the lake. "I don't even think pizza exists yet," he murmured.

"There's a souvenir stand in the opera?" Madame Giry asked the teen.

"Yea. Unless it was a guitar store. I don't remember," she said. The group then tromped up the cellar stairs to see the store.

"But I don't wanna go, I'm hungry, and tired, and-," Madame Giry grabbed Erik's collar and dragged him along.

"Hey, look! They have maps to Christine's dressing room," said Meg.

"Hello, Dolly…," chuckled Erik as he bought ninety copies.

"And they're selling Erik's clothes," Firmin remarked with interest.

"Hey, those are my pants!" cried Meg angrily as Erik whistled and slowly scooted away into the shadows.

"I told you; they don't make men's pants in my size. Gosh," he murmured from his corner.

"Whoa, a Carlotta life sized mannequin in a cage," said Christine as she staged a battle between the Raoul and Erik dolls.

"I am Carlotta-a!" screeched Carlotta as she rattled the cage bars.

"Not that you could ever tell, as she always looks lifeless," quipped Meg.

"She's free, really, we'll pay you to buy her, please, dear god!" cried the phan-girls operating the stand.

"YAHAHAHAHAHAH!" screeched stupid Carlotta as she disappeared with a click.

"I don't know why I even let that freak into my story…Why didn't I feed her Windex when I had the chance…," said a voice from the ceiling. " NO! Don't feed the cat potato chips! NOOOO!"

"What. The. Hell," said Andre as he purchased most of Erik's clothing.

"Well, as much fun as this has been, I think I really should be killing you now, friends, if you continue to annoy me!" Erik seethed as he accidentally decapitated the Erik doll.

"Is he always this maddening?" asked the girl.

"Pretty much. Let's go," announced Christine as everyone went their separate ways. The managers went to seal and send more unopened letters for their idiotic cast to find; Erik and Raoul went to fight over a Twinkie; Meg went to steal Erik's clothes; Madame Giry went to burn Erik's lair; and the teen girl went back to her house to feed the cat potato chips.

Christine remained in the lobby, probably waiting for someone to kidnap her.

If only…

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Volitaire: This is the end of chapter three.

Erik: There is a god.

Volitaire: I love you too, Erik! (Tightens chains around Erik's legs and arms)

Erik: Help-ME!

Volitaire: Wow, I didn't know Erik could turn purple! Sweet!

Irritatingly yours,

Volitaire