Chapter 6: Decisions
XOXOXOXO
I am electricity personified. Simple gestures and wordless glances undo me, only from your eyes and your being am I completely incapacitated. You are taken, the inability to be mine. I am ashamed I feel this way about someone who has already promised their life, their love, their soul, to another. What would I do if I had met your lips in a lustful kiss? Would I have been able to stop it? Would I have wanted it to? You confuse me, my body's natural responses spin me out of control and I feel as though I've been thrown into a room with no lights. Where am I? What am I? Am I even here? Are you here? Loneliness.
I didn't know what to do with myself.
After I'd closed the door, I could hear Edward and Alice's voices out from the landing. I couldn't understand what they were saying exactly, but I was sure it had something to do with me and the fact that I'm the craziest woman he'd ever met. Eventually, I had heard footsteps walking down the stairs, and I breathed out a sigh of relief. If he'd come after me, I don't know how long I could've lasted without opening the door and molesting his body in a very R-rated manner—engagement be damned.
Honestly, I'd probably just done the most embarrassing fucking thing of all time in front of any real non-work friends I had made since I'd moved to this city. The thought of losing any connection between them made me feel sick. It was ridiculous! I'd only just met them for Christ's sake!
Spending the rest of the night overanalyzing everything that had happened between Edward and me that day, I came up with one conclusion. I was imagining things. I must have passed out after hitting my head on the carpet last night and thus had dreamt the entire situation up.
It was the only thing that made sense to me. What other possible reason was there? That he liked me? That he found me attractive? Puh-lease.
I was nowhere near the same realm as Edward when it came to attractiveness; in fact, we were galaxies apart. He shined, I faded. He lived, I existed. We were two polar opposites in every way, yet I felt drawn to him unlike anything I'd ever encountered before. It was jarring enough to scare the living crap out of me.
Sleep did find me at some point, though my dreams felt like I was being chased through a maze. I didn't know where I was going, and whenever I turned around to see which way I should go, an obstacle would spring up in front of me and I'd run full force into it. I was disoriented, breathing heavily, and I could barely contain the sobs that threatened to spill from my lips.
I had awoken the next morning disoriented and completely at unease, as if something would pop out at me whenever I wasn't expecting it. I went to work and came back, trying my hardest to not make too much noise on the stairwell.
As much as Alice and I had connected, after my hasty departure the night before, I felt embarrassed to see her again so soon. Perhaps when my mind had recovered from whatever mental spaz attack I'd had, I'd go over there voluntarily and apologize. I just needed a little bit more time to think.
Though my ankle was steadily improving, I still made quite a bit of noise as I made my way up the stairs. I thought I'd been successful in my attempt to get to my apartment stealthily, but my hop and limp method proved to be my undoing. Alice's door was unceremoniously thrown open, and she stood before me, hands on her hips and foot tapping impatiently.
"So do you want to explain to me what happened to you last night? One minute you're there and the next minute, poof! you're gone," she exclaimed wildly while making hand gestures.
"Er, give me a second to get all the way into my apartment first, Alice, before you jump on me," I stalled while fiddling with the lock on my door.
"Oh, I plan on jumping you, sweetie-pie. You won't know what hit you! Oh, and that reminds me, we're going to fix your wardrobe big time. I don't think you have a decent shred of clothing even remotely acceptable for the hospital." She hounded me until I'd gotten the door unlocked and ushered her inside, pivoting to turn the alarm off. The petite raven-haired ball of energy waltzed in and plopped down on my plushy, beige couch.
"Please, Alice, make yourself comfortable," I said sarcastically as I threw my keys onto the table.
"Don't start that attitude with me. We're going to be best friends damn it; I will not let you weasel your way out of giving me answers. Now, spill," she dictated as she pointed a well manicured finger to the spot next to her.
I sighed dramatically as I sat down and crossed my arms over my chest. If she was going to get information out of me, she wasn't going to get it without a fight.
"So what did you want to know?" I asked in my most irritated voice.
"What happened last night? Why'd you leave so quickly?" she immediately chirped.
How to stall? What to say? Didn't I just ask for a reprieve a second ago? Damn luck.
"I, er, forgot that I also had to do laundry last night. If I hadn't then I wouldn't have had any clean clothes for work today." God I hope that sounds legit.
Her quirked eyebrow and pursed lips told me that she didn't believe it. Luckily, I held my own glare and stared her down until she relented and asked a new question.
"Do you like Edward?"
That one caught me completely by surprise. If we'd been drinking anything, I'm sure that I would have done a spit-take. Liquid would be spewing all over the place from my mouth and I'd have a hell of a time trying to cover that kind of a thing up.
As bad as it was, I sputtered like hell anyways. "Wha-I mean-ho-how could yo-you think…?" I trailed off miserably as I unfolded my arms and started to play with the fringe of my jacket.
Looking down and away from Alice, I continued, "Sure Alice, I like Edward. He's a good friend."
I couldn't lie for shit and if I made the horrible mistake of looking her in the eyes, everything would be over. I waited with bated breath for her answer, my hands still playing with my jacket and eyes trained to the floor.
Finally she spoke, her words sounding calculated and even. "Okay Bella, I understand what you're saying."
Yes, but do you understand what I'm not saying?
I looked into her eyes, a look of gratitude evident on my face.
She continued, "We're still going to have to find you some new clothes for volunteer service though."
My eyes widened with disbelief. I didn't think they were being serious last night. "Alice, I'm extremely squeamish. If I'm around blood, I pass the fuck out," I stated as I tried to back out of it.
Even though I was the most accident prone woman in all of existence, I had never gotten used to the blood that I'd spilled. Every time I cut myself I had to look away immediately. The walls would turn sideways and I'd end up on the floor—if I wasn't already there in the first place.
"Bella, dear, you'll be volunteering in the same wards as Edward does, I'm sure that he can protect you. Heck, I don't think Edward's ever seen a drop of blood while he's been at the hospital," she stated while inspecting her nails. She looked up at me and smiled. The bitch was playing me into a corner that I couldn't get out of and she knew it.
I groaned internally. I didn't have time to volunteer at the hospital; I barely had time to take care of myself without having to worry about someone else's needs.
It would be another way to see Edward.
Shut it, stupid brain.
You know you like him. Seeing him once a week would probably keep you sane.
This coming from my internal monologue. Nice.
Well, I'm sure Edward will visit you once you're in the loony wing.
Oh, I can only hope.
My head fell forward into my hands, and I rubbed my eyes tiredly. "Alice, honey, bane of my existence. If I agree to do the volunteering thing, will you promise not to mess with my footwear? I already have enough problems without you ruining my only stability option."
She gave this little high-pitched scream thing that sounded very familiar and a light bulb went off in my head. That sound was the one I'd heard about a week ago when I thought I was hearing things. I wasn't losing my mind like I thought I was!
Take that brain!
You're still talking to yourself, you know that right?
Aw, shit.
She hugged me from the side and I swear she was pulling me back and forth with her.
"I'm so glad that you agreed because I already found you a new outfit! I'll be right back," she said as she clapped gleefully and launched herself from the couch.
I briefly contemplated locking the door on her sugar-induced ass, but thought better of it. She'd probably make a scene, and to be honest, her excitement made little butterflies appear in my stomach.
I could be seeing Edward once a week.
If I let her dress me, then I might actually look good to him.
Some wheels were turning in my head that hadn't turned in god knows how long. For the first time in a long while, I felt positive about a decision I'd made. I could actually be helping people instead of just allowing them to waltz through my life.
While Alice went to her apartment, I got up from the couch and went into the kitchen. I could at least offer the pixie something to drink and I was thirsty as fuck. Just as I opened a bottle of apple juice, Alice walked back in through the front door with a large bag in her hands.
"Now, I think these should fit, but I grabbed an extra size bigger in case I was wrong," she said as she handed the bag to me.
I offered her a bottle and she took it from me, beaming a smile at me.
I peered into the bag carefully. As long as she didn't make me look like a circus freak, I wouldn't kill her. I was mildly surprised at the outfit that she'd picked out though. It didn't look ostentatious at all and if I was willing to admit it, I kind of liked it.
The outfit was much like Edward's the night I'd first laid eyes on him—khaki pants and polo shirt—though his shirt was dark gray while mine was dark blue.
"Well, go and try it on! I want to make sure everything fits," she said as she took in my expression.
I left her in the living room while I changed into the things she had bought me. I was shocked as shit. She'd picked out my size perfectly, though the pants were a little tighter than I was used to. I was confident that after wearing them in, they'd loosen up a touch.
Walking out into the living room, I was rewarded with Alice's enthusiastic smile. She asked me to spin around, and once I did, I was rewarded with a pat on the back. Actually, the pat was more like a shove as I was propelled towards the front door.
"Grab your purse, we're leaving."
"Alice, I just got home-"
"No. We are leaving. I said grab your purse. I'm driving."
I turned and tried my hardest to glare at her, but the look on her face shut me up and I scurried out of my apartment faster than a concubine drops down for her master.
Having no clue what Alice's car looked like, I waited at the bottom of the stairs for her to lead the way. I stood gawking at the car she walked toward.
"You seriously drive that around Seattle?"
"Of course I do. Now get in before I decide to run you over."
Pushy Alice was starting to worry me. I hopped into the passenger's side of her new yellow VW Bug and fastened my seatbelt. She started the engine, and we were pulling out of the apartment complex before she finally turned to me with another smile in place.
"I called ahead and made sure that you didn't have an appointment yet, so I know it's okay for us to show up."
"Alice, road. Watch the road, sweetheart." I latched onto the "Oh Shit" handle like it was a life preserver.
"I am, silly. I can multi-task very well if you must know." She turned her head back to the asphalt in front of us in time to veer into the next lane and pass the car in front of us.
"So where are you taking me?" I tried to be as menacing as possible without pissing my pants. Her driving scared the fuck out of me.
"To the very best place on Earth," was her only reply.
"You're taking me hostage to Disneyland?" That caught me off guard.
She sighed condescendingly, "I said the best place on Earth, not the happiest. Besides, they're opening The Wizarding World of Harry Potter in a few months, I'm sure that'll be the new happiest place."
"Really? Sweet. Wait, what am I saying? Where the hell are you taking me?"
We veered into another lane, and I suddenly didn't want to be opening my mouth anytime soon. The prospect of losing the contents of my stomach didn't sound too appealing at the moment.
I closed my eyes in the hope of staving off any puking episodes. I didn't feel like paying for the interior of Alice's car to be detailed.
Suddenly the car was at a standstill, and I opened my eyes furtively. We were at the hospital.
What. The. Fuck.
Alice was smiling slyly at me, and I realized too late that we were both wearing khaki pants and polo shirts.
She was bringing me to my first volunteer experience. Lucky me.
"First we're checking in with Uncle Carlisle and then we'll give you the actual grand tour of the hospital." She gave me a pointed look as she continued, "From what I've seen so far, you can't lie worth a crap, so this way, you can actually tell people that you're starting to volunteer now."
Then she winked at me.
Oh, no. The evil pixie lady with a wicked fashion sense winked at me. Something was afoot in Bella Land, and it was up to Peter Pan to lead the gang of Lost Boys to find out what Captain Alice was up to.
Oh, I definitely needed to visit the nut-wing while we were here.
We exited the car and went through the front doors of the hospital's main entrance. To my surprise, Dr. Cullen was waiting for us in one of the chairs in the waiting area.
"Excellent! It's good to see you lovely ladies. Alice. Bella." He nodded to each of us in turn as he said our names.
"It's nice to see you again, Dr. Cullen." I mumbled nervously. For some reason I was embarrassed that he'd read my mind and found out that I had a huge thing for his son. I was secretly afraid that he had some doctor telepathy that would enable him to see that I'd envisioned his son naked on numerous occasions.
My cheeks burned as I watched Alice give the good doctor a warm hug.
"Uncle Carlisle, thank you so much for suggesting that apartment complex. Bella and I are becoming fast friends," Alice said sweetly.
Somewhere deep inside me I wanted to wring the sweetness out of her.
I smelled the delicious coffee before I saw it. My mouth started watering and I swear I nearly leaned into the aroma coming from my left. My eyes closed of their own accord, and I took a long whiff of the air around me, biting my bottom lip lightly to stop a lone moan from escaping me.
When I opened my eyes again, I was slightly abashed at how many pairs of eyes were on me because of my display.
The three pairs of eyes closest to me were the only ones that I cared about in that moment.
Three?
Two sets of hazel eyes… check.
And one pair of vibrant, forest green eyes.
Check.
Oh, fuck.
Edward looked at me like I'd grown a second head.
Oops, did I say that out loud?
Well, I'm in it for the long haul anyways with Alice, so I might as well let him see my less than sweet side while he could.
"Sorry, the coffee just smells amazing," I tried to cover up.
"You'll get addicted to the stuff here, I promise you. It keeps me going when I'm cramming for tests," Edward said as he passed the cup over to Dr. Cullen.
"Ah, thank you Edward. My system seems to be lacking some caffeine right now." He took a sip and closed his eyes in bliss before settling back into our conversation.
"Now Bella, we'll check out your ankle to see how you're progressing. Then these two will show you around the hospital and get you settled into the volunteer program. Sound good?"
I gulped and nodded my head, unsure as to whether or not he really needed an answer from me.
The check-up went smoothly. Instead of checking out the damage at the ER, we went into the urgent care building. It was a separate building apart from the rest of the hospital that served as a place for lesser ailments to come in to be checked out. Edward and Alice waited outside as Dr. Cullen and I talked briefly about my new allowances with my ankle. I was now allowed to walk normally and to start putting some more weight on it. I couldn't go back to full duty at work yet, but with the way I was healing, I would be able to return within another few weeks.
Once I had the necessary paperwork from Dr. Cullen, I met up with Edward and Alice, and we began the five cent tour. They showed me the basic layout of the urgent care building, which consisted mostly of a waiting room and a handful of exam rooms. We then ventured into the main hospital again, and I was bombarded with paperwork to fill out about volunteering.
I suppose they wanted to make sure I wasn't a lunatic or something. Edward picked up his badge while Alice and I were given temporary ones. She explained that she wouldn't be here with us all the time but that she'd accompany us every once in a while. It'd give her a break from school.
We first visited the Pediatrics Ward and Edward introduced me to all of the little kids and nurses there. Basically, he read to the younger ones, or played video games with some of the older kids. He'd help some of the nurses occupy the kids who had to be constantly poked and prodded, easing them into their treatments. He didn't change bedpans, he didn't change sheets, and he didn't have to be there if he didn't want to. But he did, and hearing how much the nurses valued him there made my heart swell.
Edward showed us the bathrooms and the little hang-out spot that we could chill out in whenever we needed a break. Then he took us to the elderly people he visited. He'd sit there with some of the people for hours just listening to them recall stories of their youth, or of WWII. He played chess with some of them, read to others, and even played the keyboard if he had a recital he had to practice for.
I marveled at the young man before me, able to be in school and take care of other people at the same time. He was so sweet and generous and giving, it made my heart hurt. I couldn't have him and some beach-blonde, high-society wench could?
That's unfair Bella, maybe she works at the hospital too? Or maybe she gives to charities or something. You don't even know her, and you're making her out to be some wicked arch-nemesis.
I sighed heavily and Alice took that to mean that I was tired. Truth was, I'd been berating myself for not doing anything to help those in need. All of this time and I'd been so self-conceited to never think about helping out the less fortunate. Maybe I could start feeding the homeless or working at a half-way house. I had to start doing something, and now I was fully invested in volunteering at the hospital. My mind was made up and nothing anyone could say would change my decision about it.
Granted, I hadn't received the grand tour of the entire hospital, but I was pretty sure that I only needed to know the exits and where the pediatric and geriatric wards were located. Edward told me the other volunteers picked other, more exciting wards over those two frequently, citing boredom and inability to make connections with the patients. I'd stay wherever he was any day, boredom be damned. As the three of us were walking out towards the main entrance, Jessica and Angela were coming in.
"Alice! Bella! What are you two doing here? And I thought I said I didn't want to see you again, Bella?" Angela said in mock-seriousness as she gave Alice a hug.
I laughed, "Well Angela, you're going to be seeing a lot more of me. I'm volunteering."
"Seriously? That is so cool! Isn't it Jess?" Angela beamed in excitement.
"Yeah, that's really cool. Were you showing her the ropes, Edward?" Jessica asked.
"Kind of, we were just about to leave actually. Alice kidnapped Bella once she got home from work so she needs to relax and get some sleep. I've dragged her along the hallways for too long," Edward explained kindly.
A lone shiver that I couldn't control ran down my spine as he said my name.
Oh, shit. What time was it? It was already dark? We must have been here longer than I thought.
I looked at my wristwatch. It had been a few hours since the last time I checked it while in the exam room with Dr. Cullen.
"Well, we'll let you guys get going then. I hope to see you around Bella. Alice, don't be too much of a stranger. You know how I miss seeing your face," Angela said as she and Jessica started walking away.
"Oh! I'm throwing a housewarming slash birthday party for Bella next Friday. You're both welcome to come! Don't forget to bring Ben and Mike. I'll text you the directions to my new place later tonight. It's at seven, so don't forget!" Alice yelled back to them as Edward and I started walking towards the front doors.
I groaned. She was going to make this into some kind of extravagant event that I didn't want happening. I hoped to god that she didn't buy me a birthday present.
"Oh lighten up, Bella. It won't be as bad as you expect," Alice said as she slung an arm around my shoulder.
I cocked an eyebrow, causing her to giggle.
Edward escorted us to Alice's car and I was relieved when he said that he wouldn't be following us home. After the other night's debacle I didn't want the both of us near any soft, cushy surfaces. Lord knows what I'd do to him.
There had been a charge in the air around us all evening, but it wasn't the same sexual charge that I'd been feeling before. It was something different, something more. A warm buzz in the background of my swelling heart. I knew I already had some kind of feelings for him; I had just chalked them up to a case of severe lust. But now I was seeing a different side of Edward Cullen, and it was making me have stronger feelings, which I couldn't exactly place. I shrugged it off as Edward opened the door for me and ushered me into the seat.
The door slammed and I rolled down the window. "I hope you had a pleasant time tonight, though I'm pretty sure I'll have to show you around a few more times before you get the layout memorized," he said through the gap.
"I'm pretty sure you'll have to do it too, I'm really bad with directions," I replied.
"Alice, drive home safely, and call me when you get there. I know your driving skills," he said in a serious voice.
"Oh, Edward, you know me! I'll take good care of her, I promise," Alice responded playfully.
I threw a fearful expression out the window at Edward as Alice sped away from him and the hospital.
The drive home was quiet, thank goodness. I had a lot to digest, not to mention some actual food that needed to be ingested by my stomach. It'd been more than seven hours since I had last eaten anything.
I sighed as Alice and I reached the top of the stairs.
"Thanks for kidnapping me today, Alice. I had a fun time."
"It's not a problem. Like I said, I just want you to be happy about the things that you do with your life. Right now it looks like you're glowing. Before, it seemed like you were, well, dead."
"It's my job, Alice. I've been there for so fucking long that I don't know what to do with myself anymore. You're right, I need to change some things in my life. I just don't know how to do it. I guess tonight, when I saw Edward with all of those patients, I saw something that I wanted. The look on his face, it was…" I trailed off, unwilling to tell her that I thought him beautiful.
"I know exactly what you mean. We'll find you another job, something that'll make you happy, and I swear, Bella, you'll start living again. I'm not requesting that you come to my party now, I'm demanding it. I think meeting some more of our friends will get you to loosen up a little too. I know I'm being pushy, but it's because I can sense that there's so much more available to you. You just don't see it."
I had tears in my eyes. I couldn't help it. Alice had just told me that she was going to help me feel, well, less like a failure and more like someone who mattered. It wasn't that I needed people telling me all the time that I was fan-fucking-tastic, but that I needed someone to tell me that I belonged somewhere, that I had done a wonderful job, that I was needed. I needed someone to validate me. Alice was already starting to do that, though it might take a while for me to believe her.
You never know what you need until someone goes out of their way to do it for you.
She continued, "I'll be picking you up for a shopping trip within the next couple of days, so be ready to try on a lot of dresses. Give me your number so I can call you and tell you when to be ready. Trust me, Bella. I'm only here to help you."
I wrote down my number on a scratch piece of paper for her. Then she pulled me into a hug and spun me around to face my door. We headed into our respective apartments, pausing to say goodnight before closing our doors.
Alice was going to be the death of me.
But she was also going to bring me back to life.
XOXOXOXO
As promised, Alice had called me later in the week. Precisely an hour after we'd gone our separate ways, the phone had rung and Alice was on the other end.
She had done some figuring and decided that the sooner we went out, the better. I told her my next day off, Tuesday, and she blacked it out for me. "Nothing would get in the way of this outing," she told me in a serious voice.
Okie dokie, first rule of being Alice's friend: don't get in the way of shopping. Got it.
The days passed quickly until the outing; in which, Alice forced me into every kind of dress she could get her tiny little hands on.
I spent grueling hours shimmying, tugging, pulling, and sucking-it-in just to make her happy. And in the end, we came out with a nice compromise. She didn't kill me by forcing me into an outfit where I couldn't breathe, and I tried my hand at wearing a pair of kitten heels.
The short-sleeved dress was light mint green and had a square neckline that showed off my collarbones very nicely. A thick ribbon of fabric ran right under the area where my breasts ended and tied in the back. The length of the dress stopped right above my knees. I had to admit, I felt kind of pretty.
Alice had decided that a pair of cream-colored, inch-high heels would go best with the outfit. They had a rounded toe and an elastic piece of fabric that wrapped around the back of my foot to secure the shoe on safely. I told her that as long as I wasn't in anything taller than my pinky finger, I wouldn't kill her.
At some point she'd sent me off to find a pair of panty-hose, and when I went back to find her, she'd paid for the entire outfit.
Damn woman.
I thanked her profusely, of course, to which she replied that I'd better get used to it and that money wasn't anything between best friends.
I made it up to her by buying us some delicious coffee.
I couldn't bring up Edward's engagement to Tanya without cluing Alice into my obvious poking around. I didn't need her to think that I was some kind of gossip hound. Until she or Edward brought it up, "mum" was the word. Somehow it was the only thing that I could think about as we sat at the coffee shop sipping our iced mochas.
"So what classes are you taking this semester, Alice?" I asked, praying to Valentino that I sounded interested. If she talked about a class called "Introduction to Polka Dots" it would get my mind off of anything Edward related.
"Oh, I'm taking a few related to my major, of course. Design and Imagery in Contemporary Fashion, History of Design, and Concept Art are the basic ones. Then I have a math course and English and things of that nature."
I cocked my head to the side. Who knew that there were such courses that existed? Not me, for one.
"That sounds like a lot of work, Alice."
"Yeah, well, it's mostly just stuff I need to take for my degree. I'm half-way done, two more years and I can start my own line," she said excitedly.
"That's fantastic, Alice! I'm really happy for you," I said before I took another sip of my coffee.
"Yeah, I didn't always know that I wanted to be in fashion, though. At first the idea of being a dog groomer had its merits, but I didn't want to smell like dogs all the time. What about you, Bella? What do you want to be?"
"I… I guess…Alice, I don't know."
No one besides my parents had ever really asked me that question before. It pained me to think of my life so far as a failure, but the truth of the matter was that I hadn't given a rat's ass as to what I'd do for the rest of my life. Did I not care? No, I definitely cared. Did it matter? Yes and no. I suppose that I always thought it would come find me at some point. One day I'd magically wake up and know exactly what I wanted to do, who I wanted to help, how I wanted to live. It hurt my heart to think that, though I was young, I might never find out what I truly wanted to do.
I loved books, but would they share my life's story or be untouched like so many others I had seen before?
I loved the water, but would it float me along my life's path or drown me in ineptitude?
My brain was starting to hurt, and it must have shown on my face because Alice started gathering her things so we could walk back to her car in silence.
Sitting there with Alice wasn't awkward, as we both said nothing. It was calm and thoughtful. There were so many things that I thought I could be good at, but to pick just one thing out of a plethora of so many had my head spinning. I knew I didn't have to make a choice right then and there, that I had time to think.
But I'd had time before and I'd squandered it, used it up like it was just a ratty old play thing and tossed it out with yesterday's garbage.
Well, no more.
I couldn't take it. I'd wasted so much time just sitting there, greeting people as they entered a store, which I liked but didn't love, didn't own, couldn't call my own.
I had to get out of there before my soul discovered another existence that wasn't reality and rid my being of it.
I couldn't be the drooling, self-loathing person that I'd seen in other stores, in other positions, before.
Somehow, in the span of a car ride with Alice, I had decided my fate. I had decided I wouldn't be at Fuego much longer and that I would be pursuing any and all ventures into my own personal happiness, my own euphoria.
I'd hit the Yellow Pages that night and thought about every opportunity that I'd had to my name, every chance to be something else.
All I needed was another chance.
I wasn't going to fuck it up again.
XOXOXOXO
The next week and a half passed in a blur and before I knew it, Alice's housewarming slash birthday party for me was the next night. On the brief times that I'd seen her, she'd been lugging up some huge framed picture, or hauling in a few more boxes of her things. I'd offered to help, hoping and praying to god that she'd say no, and when she refused I did an internal dance. I was still worn out from helping her move the first time.
I had made no personal headway since the last time I'd seen her. The phone book hadn't given me any clues for a suitable career change. Nothing sounded remotely appealing to me. I'd have to talk with Charlie and get some advice after Alice's party was over.
Though the party was at seven o'clock tomorrow night, Alice was banging on my door at eight thirty tonight. She had a mischievous look on her face and I instantly felt weary.
"Alice, what are you going to do to me?"
"Oh Bella, dear, I'm not going to do anything to you. I'm doing it for you. You will look simply gorgeous tomorrow night, and we only have the time right now to get some make-up tests done on you. You should look nice and fresh tomorrow."
"Alice, I don't really wear makeup. Usually, I just put on some lip balm and call it good." The cosmetics scared me a little. Just like I had no fashion sense, I didn't know what colors coordinated best when it came to the application of said products. And, like clothing, I never really cared too much for it.
Renee, my mother, had tried her best to teach me some things, but often times she went out looking like a toned-down version of a clown. Let's just say that I didn't really pay that much attention to her.
"Honestly, sweetie, you don't need it. But we're going to dazzle you up tomorrow night and I want to see what colors go better with each other." She made her way into my apartment as I ushered her in.
I wish I could say that the entire evening was fun, was something I would gladly repeat. But no, it wasn't fun at all. And if Alice tried to do this to me again, she'd have to put up with a fussy, two-year-old version of me.
I don't recall how long we'd been in my bathroom, but it must have been the longest time I've ever spent in there. Alice tested strips of my hair to see which kind of effect she wanted, curled or flat-ironed. She debated about which color eye-shadow to put on me, greens or gold tones. Deciding that pink would wash me out too much, she found a dark crimson lipstick.
As I caught my reflection in the mirror, I could have sworn that I was someone else. Half of my hair was pulled back, coming together smoothly with a clip. While more defined curls were mingled throughout, some of them framed my face. My eyes popped, dark lashes framing them to give me a doe-eyed look. My lips sparkled darkly, making my teeth shine even brighter. And the natural blush on my cheeks made everything come together.
I was amazed.
"Where the hell did Bella go, and what have you done with her?" Alice asked beside me.
I blinked. "Alice, honey, I should be asking you that." I took a breath. "Whoa."
The gleaming smile back from Alice was all the reply I needed from her, but her words made me feel even better.
"I didn't do anything. Everything you see before you now, well, it's been there all along."
My teeth shinning back at me in the mirror almost blinded me.
"I know what we're going to do tomorrow, so if you want, we can call it a night." Alice offered when I hadn't said anything.
"Sure, sounds good." I caught her arm as she started packing away her things and looked her in the eyes. "And thanks, Alice. It means a lot to me."
"It's your birthday, one day that's supposed to be all about you. I'm just making sure you look your best tomorrow, that's all. You deserve it."
I blushed at her words and lowered my gaze.
"I'll just leave what we'll be using tomorrow, lessen my load, you know? And I'll come over around five-ish. The party starts at seven so that should be plenty of time for us to get you all dressed up, and still have time to get everything fixed over at my place."
"So, uh…" I hesitated, not wanting to be too obvious. "Wh-who's all going to b-be there? A-at your par-party, I mean."
Her eyes glinted dangerously for a second before she answered, "Everyone, pretty much. The gang will be there, plus Uncle Carlisle and Aunt Esme. Plus some people from school and the hospital will show up too."
I nodded my head to show my understanding, and the butterflies in my stomach returned as I thought about tomorrow night. There would be a fair amount of people showing up, but at least I'd know a few of them already. That fact calmed me down a little bit, though as soon as I thought of the gang, my butterflies hit me harder than usual.
The gang included Edward, which meant that he would be at the party.
Will he bring his fiancé? Will she be showing off her engagement ring?
I wonder what it feels like…
Oh no, wake-up! Alice is saying something. Must remember rule number one: No daydreaming in front of Alice!
I snapped my eyes shut and then open them quickly again to dispel my internal ramblings. If I kept this shit up, she'd figure me out in a heartbeat. She'd packed the last of her things into her bag while I walked her to the front door.
"So I'll just see you tomorrow at five, okay?" She asked while giggling on the doorstep of her apartment.
"Yeah, five sounds good. Good night." I waved to her gently and watched her walk into her own apartment before softly closing the door to mine.
Washing my face in the sink a moment later, I wondered if I was doing the right thing by going to Alice's party. What if I made a complete and utter fool of myself? I don't think I'd ever be able to live it down, especially with Alice living right across from my apartment.
My thoughts continued as I got ready for bed and finally drifted off to sleep, embarrassment the only thought on my mind.
XOXOXOXO
Dreams eluded me that night, with exhaustion taking over my body. Though after I woke up, fear and excitement clouded my head making me wish there had been some kind of freaky dream to take my mind off the day's events.
I had to work until four; otherwise, I would have driven myself crazy with my errant thoughts. The day passed like normal, everything I did was either for a customer or for my bosses. I don't know how it had happened, but Galen wasn't working. Thank the lord.
I hadn't told anyone at work that my birthday was coming up; honestly it didn't occur to me to tell them. I relished in the fact that no one else knew besides my family and Alice. By the time four o'clock rolled around, I'd almost completely forgotten that it was my actual birthday. Lucky me.
I drove home slowly, the more time away from Alice and her magic hands of beautiful death the better. For the first time I could ever recall, I purposely tried to catch all of the red stop lights.
Unlocking my apartment door and turning off the alarm, I threw my things down on the side table and exhaled a deep breath. Ever since I'd gotten in the truck, I'd been fighting with myself to keep my energy level in check. I felt like I was practically vibrating in my seat. If I didn't calm myself down any time soon, I would end up in the hospital again for hyperventilating.
Calling Charlie and my mother were the first things I did after listening to my messages. They both asked me the standard questions: What are you doing tonight? Are you going out with friends? What about boys, are you going out on a date? Okay, really most of the more personal questions were from my mom, Charlie always was the silent and straightforward one. He knew that I could take care of myself, though he still worried. The main point he made was that I should have fun and be safe. It was me, I reminded him, the girl who tripped over thin air.
The second was taking a semi-quick shower to properly primp myself for Alice's visit. She told me that I needed to have clean, wet hair for her plans to work out successfully. I did the necessary things, brushed my teeth, washed my hair, scrubbed my face, and shaved my armpits and legs. The pixie was forcing me into a dress for God's sake, I wasn't about to look like Sasquatch in it.
The third thing I did, albeit grudgingly, was to make a quick call to Jake. He'd also left a message and I wasn't going to be rude and ignore him completely. He did wish me a happy birthday after all. I got his voicemail and left him a message thanking him. Ever since he'd stopped by my apartment for dinner, I'd had mixed feelings about what I exactly said to him each time we talked.
At exactly five o'clock, my front door was beaten down by my overly exuberant neighbor. She had left everything in my bathroom the night before, so the only things she brought over now were the things to do her own make-up and hair. Apparently, there were many things one could do with ultra short, spiky hair.
Alice spent a few minutes combing out my hair and then rolling sections of it into curlers. She said that it would make my hair look more bouncy or some kind of nonsense like that. I trusted her. I could count on one hand how many times I've actually tried to do my own hair for some kind of event and fucked up royally.
While I sat there with half of my head looking like a wilted cactus, I watched Alice do her own thing to her hair. She'd gone for a more sleeked back, but preppy look, parting her hair off to the side and embellishing it in some places with rhinestone pins. I thought it looked extremely cute and just like Alice. By this time, I was pretty sure that Alice could pull of any kind of personality: punker, rocker, preppy, laid-back. It all kind of depended on what type of mood she was trying to convey.
She arranged the make-up containers on the counter before turning back to me once again to finish my hair. Taking the top half of my hair in her hands, she brought the sides back away from my face and clipped them together with a barrette. Then she took a curling iron to the rest of it and gave me small, defined, loose ringlets, pulling out a few thin strips of hair around my ears and bangs to curl those as well. Cocooning me in my own gravitational field, she sprayed my head with what seemed like an entire can of hairspray.
Seriously, this girl might be the sole reason for the holes in the ozone layer.
The final step before I changed into my outfit was to do my make-up. Alice picked out the gold tones from the day before and set to work, framing my eyes in black eyeliner and using a darker brown to shade my outer eyelids. She wand-whipped my eyelashes in mascara and painted my lips blood red.
Hot damn, I looked good!
Alice smiled cheekily at me, my voice disappearing as I took in my reflection.
She shooed me out of the bathroom and told me to change into my dress and to come back when I was finished for an extra surprise.
I scowled at her.
"Alice, I don't like surprises," I flat out told her.
"But Bella honey, it's more like a birthday present. Honest, I know you'll love it."
I continued to scowl at her.
"I don't want any presents. Your personal party that you're sharing with me is more than enough. I don't want to seem like a selfish person, especially when I can't give you anything back." I finished lamely. I felt bad about my current financial situation. She was doing all of these really nice and special things for me, and I couldn't afford to do anything nice back for her. She deserved it.
"Bella, get changed. I'm not telling you again." She waved her hand in dismissal playfully and turned back to the mirror to complete her make-up.
I quickly ran to my room and changed in the far corner, I knew that Alice wouldn't peek in on me without permission, but I didn't want her to accidentally see me. I was still self conscious of my body around others. I was just shy about it.
Meeting Alice back in the bathroom a few minutes later—sans shoes—I took in her appearance. She had gone for the preppy look and the light color around her eyes captivated my attention right away. She'd also changed, which completely surprised me because I didn't even realize that she'd brought over her dress. It was light silver and short, coming down to her fingertips. The collar was a sweetheart design, showing some, but not too much, cleavage. It was spaghetti strapped and hugged all of her curves perfectly; nothing seemed a hair out of place.
"Now, here is your present from me. Shut up and just take it," she said while extending her arms out to give me a small, square package.
I ripped the wrapping paper off of the box and quickly set to work on tearing open the box. Yes, I hated getting presents, but no, I loved opening them.
Inside was a gold sequined belt. Odd, what was I going to do with an inch thick, gold sequined belt?
"You, dear one, are going to wear it over the crappy tie that they deemed appropriate for your dress. It'll definitely give you more curves, as well as liven up your tones."
She danced around me quickly and put the belt on me before I could protest. Then I saw myself in the mirror and damned her in my head.
Damn that fucking lady and her fashion talented brain for knowing that it'd look fabulous!
"It's about time for people to start showing up. Jasper and the rest of the gang should have everything set up, but I need to head back to make sure. Why don't you head over in ten minutes, just knock, okay?" She said rapidly as she started heading for my front door.
I followed quickly behind her, escorting her to the door like I always did. I had manners for Pete's sake!
Surprisingly, I could hear the dull thumps of music being played, though I could tell that it wasn't loud enough to be much of a problem for the neighbors.
I watched her enter her apartment, and then I glumly sat down on my couch, somehow passing the time by counting Mississippis in my head until I reached what felt like a million.
Double checking the time, I made sure that it had been ten minutes since I'd last taken a look at the clock. I could now safely head over to Alice's.
I stood shakily, slipping my heels on at the door and taking a calm, relaxing breath before I opened it. Setting my resolve, I armed the alarm, locked the door behind me and slipped the emergency key underneath the welcome doormat.
Three steps was all it took to get me to Alice's. It felt like a fucking eternity.
Taking another deep, soothing breath, I knocked three times and awaited my fate.
Oh God, oh God, oh God! Don't let Edward answer the door, don't let Edward answer the door, don't let Edward answer the door! I prayed as I looked at the ground in nervousness.
As I heard the door open, I looked up and was met with the most perfect pair of emerald green eyes known to walk the face of this earth.
My breath left me in a sudden gust, and I felt as though my knees were going to give out suddenly.
"Hello, Edward."
XOXOXOXO
A/N: Thanks to Ellie and Amelia for being fantastic betas. Also, thanks to my mom for all of her support.
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