I do not own any of this twilight world only the stuff that's from me and makes no sense. All else belongs to S.M

I am now un betad so live with it I write it you read it I cant spell…lol

There are not enough Twilight words of thanks

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Chapter 8

Keep on running, don't look back

The rest of the week went by without me really noticing it. I was too busy writing my notes and I had made a resolution to be more me like in future!

I didn't know if Edward or any of the Cullen's were at school as I stayed away from the cafeteria and any classes that would bring me into contact with them. On Friday evening

with doing a 'me thing' in mind, I put on my old runners and drove to the lodge and decided to go down the cliff walkway onto the beach for a run. My breath came a little faster as I went down the steps remembering as I did the exact place I had fallen. A faint feeling of wanting to kiss the ground came over me as both feet touched the sand!

The beach was as beautiful as I remembered it from the first time I had run there.

The birds screamed noisily into the wind from their cliff side nests trying to attract a mate. They were in direct competition to the roar of the spring waves that were relentlessly rolling in onto the beach and dragging back out to sea.

I put my iPod ear buds in my ears and turned on my music and let my feet set off running to the familiar rhythm of the song that was playing.

I relaxed totally into my run, once again enjoying the feel of the gentle ache that went through my calves as the muscles reacted to the unexpected request to move!

I ran up the beach for a couple of miles then I followed a path that took me through the woods at the edge of the reservation. I found the running easy enough as the loamy surface of the woods was easy on my legs and knees.

I stopped for a breather to get my bearings and my breath and could see the main highway into town not too far in the distance.

I decided that I would follow the path back to the road and see if I could beg a lift later on from Charlie to pick up the van.

The woods in this area seemed slightly denser which was probably why I wasn't expecting to run suddenly out into a clearing!

My pace faltered as I took in the house that was imposing itself on the surrounding countryside. It was quite easily the most amazing house I had ever seen, and I knew instinctively who the house belonged to. My heart sank!

Hoping that I hadn't been spotted I picked up my pace and made a dash along the driveway that would bring me out on the road again.

I was almost under cover of the trees before Alice caught me. "Mackenzie! How nice of you to visit!" She sounded gleefully from behind me.

Feeling like a kid who had just been caught with their hand in the cookie jar. I turned to apologise and explain my unplanned and unexpected arrival on their doorstep, when to my horror, as I turned I saw that Alice was not the only Cullen stood there!

Thankfully Edward wasn't among them which disappointed me as much as left me relieved. Carlisle and Esme smiled at me and asked me in. I didn't want to appear rude but I also didn't want to run the risk of Edward returning and finding me in his home like some mad stalker. So I declined the offer but asked for a rain check and apologised for the seventh time for the inadvertent trespass.

But Alice seemed determined for a human house guest and though Jasper smiled at me I could see that my presence was not going to help his ongoing battle for vegetarianism!

Rosalie was off hand, like I was of absolutely no consequence to her at all. But the remaining Cullen's insisted and I allowed myself to be led in the house by an excited Alice.

I wondered how much the Cullen's thought I knew, or knew I knew! And I wondered what Edward had told them about me if anything. I declined their offer of a drink, thinking that they probably didn't have anything in the house that would be suitable and I wouldn't want to put them out.

I sat surrounded by them as they just watched me!

"You have a very beautiful home Mrs Cullen" I said to Esme.

Esme smiled at me and it felt like the sun had come out to warm me. "Well thank you Mackenzie, that's very sweet of you. It's a kind of hobby of mine! But please call me Esme," She said looking towards Carlisle affectionately, "We feel like we already know you so well…It's a shame Edward isn't here to see you."

I smiled nervously, "well I will see him next week at school I expect."

"I really am sorry about running on to your property." I said to the room in general again.

I heard Rosalie mutter loud enough for me to hear, "Yeah sure you are!"

Carlisle waved it off, "It really isn't a problem Mackenzie, and any friend of Edwards is a friend of ours. You are welcome here anytime." He said finally giving a hard stare in Rosalie's direction.

"Thank you, I will keep that in mind," looking at Rosalie I continued," So now I know where you are, I could just pop in and visit you all the time!" I clapped my hands in mock excitement. Rosalie looked like she was about to pounce on me and rip my head off at any second, but a steadying hand on her arm from Emmett calmed her and she walked off.

Feeling triumphant I turned with a smile on my face, to be met by the others still looking at me intently.

Way to go and piss off the locals Kenze, and not only that but the local vampires!

"Edwards's right, you're not like any of the young people we have met before." Carlisle stated with a question in his voice.

"Probably not," I agreed. "I guess we may have more in common than we all thought then?" I answered him.

"Maybe so Mackenzie." Carlisle said with a hint of intrigue in his voice. He was definitely looking at me like he would like me to be his next experiment or project!

After a moment I jumped up saying that I should be going or I would be too cold to continue my run. They all stood up in that beautiful fluid motion. I thanked them and said my goodbyes.

Esme shouted after me "We'll let Edward know you stopped by."

Great, I thought, that's really going to please him. I waved and then set off. I was still grumbling as I ran down the main road to town, yet another show up to add to the list of my growing Cullen faux pas. I moved off the road slightly to allow traffic to pass me more easily and it was then that I saw the car coming towards me at high speed. It stopped just past me the engine idling. I fixed my eyes on the road ahead and decided to ignore it completely!

The silver Volvo's wheels squealed as they did a 180 turn, then proceeded to keep parallel pace with me, but the driver never let the dark tinted windows down and never said a word.

Oh Shit!

I knew I was going to regret it but I stopped and faced the stalker Volvo.

"Is there something I can help you with?" I asked the tinted windows.

Nothing!

I started running again. And again the Volvo kept perfect pace with me.

"Look I'm sorry Edward," I said stopping and turning to face the shiny vehicle once more. "I didn't know my run would lead me to your house, I apologise. I would never have intruded on your privacy or your families for anything."

There was still no response from the car, so with a sigh I turned back to the road and continued on running, mumbling under my breath.

"This is so far beyond fucked up!"

"You have a very colourful pattern of speech." His honey voice caressed me from the open Volvo window.

I stopped in my tracks and turned to face him.

"Oh so you can talk when it's to berate my bad language then?" I hissed at him crossly.

In the moment it took me to bend to peer through his car window he was stood directly behind me, so close that I could feel him. Being away from him had not numbed me to his beauty, nor had it lessened the way my body reacted to him of its own volition. My heart was beating out its own staccato quickstep. The golden eyes that I saw in my sleep were masked and not giving anything away.

Feelings of guilt combined with hurt and just a smidgen of fright and embarrassment vied for a prominent position.

Stepping back away from Edward as casually as I could, I had the uncomfortable feeling that Edward could read every thought that was hurtling through my mind. My cheeks flushed up, hoping that Edward couldn't see what I was thinking, as at this moment it involved us being naked!

Get a grip Mackenzie, you see naked men everyday!

Yeah not men like this I didn't!

Taking another step away from him I turned to leave again.

"You left the Lodge." He said a little accusingly. "You didn't tell me you were going."

"I didn't realise I was supposed to report in!" I snapped back at him waspishly.

I hung my head, he didn't deserve my censure and it was true, I hadn't told him I was moving, I had wanted to hurt him in some small way for rejecting me. Thinking about that night made my cheeks flame red again. I dropped my eyes to the ground. In an instant Edward was stood pressing himself against me. He lifted his right hand and brushed my cheek lightly. I could feel the coolness of his body through the material of both our clothes and I was dismayed when my body had its own ideas about how to react to Edward Cullen!

I gasped in a breath and watched a smile play on the edges of Edwards's glorious mouth.

Feeling a bit annoyed that he was playing with me again, I said, "I've got to go Edward, I won't get back in time other wise."

He raised a perfectly shaped eyebrow. "Back in time for what, Mackenzie?"

"I have things I have to do, people I have to see." I said lamely. All the while Edward didn't take his eyes off of me and I knew if I didn't get away from him soon, I was going to be lost forever.

"People like Jacob Black?" He asked with that same edge to his voice. I didn't answer him, but I couldn't stop my cheeks flaming up as I remembered waking up in Jacobs's arms!

"You really should stay away from me Mackenzie. I'm dangerous for you to know."

Edward said it in a matter of fact way, not a threatening way, it made me shiver, but not for the reasons Edward was hoping!

I took a step towards him. "I'm not frightened of you Edward." Staring straight at him.

"So what did Jacob Black have to say? Nothing good I bet?" He said.

"Why should I tell you what Jake and I have been talking about? Any way, how do you know me and Jake have been talking?" I asked him accusingly. Edward managed to look a bit embarrassed, then he opened the passenger door of the Volvo and smoothly directed me to get in.

Before I had time to protest or even think of a suitable excuse, I found myself hurtling down the road in the Volvo with Edward, whose previous charm offensive had given way to a sulky silence.

I sat trying to focus on the road ahead as it hurtled towards me. I chanced a glance in Edwards's direction, but apart from the evident breath taking beauty, I could read nothing in his expression. It was while I was wondering what was going through his head that we came a stop. I had just clocked that we had stopped moving, when Edward was out of the car, opening my door for me. He didn't say a word. I looked around trying to see if I recognised anywhere. We were amidst huge trees on a small lane. One I was pretty sure I hadn't seen before.

Wordlessly Edward took me by the elbow and led me into the trees along a small pathway. Well what was really more like an animal track.

Edward dragged me through the trees for what seemed like hours, but was probably more like an hour. I had stopped trying to get him to talk to me after the first 20 minutes, and the rest of the way I spent grumbling under my breath. Eventually the dense trees started to thin out and before long he stopped abruptly and turned to face me. His eyes looked distant, like he was searching for the answers to a thousand questions.

He still didn't say anything. I refused to turn away from his stare and I set my shoulders squarely and stared right on back.

After a few minutes of staring at him I was in serious danger of asphyxiating myself, he really did take my breath away! I dragged my eyes from his and stomped very un elegantly off into the meadow. In a thick tall patch of grass I dropped myself to the floor and lay just looking up at the sky.

It was perhaps five minutes before Edwards shadow cast over me. Without waiting to be invited he sat down beside me. I sat up and hugged my legs resting my chin on my knees. I could feel Edward's eyes on me again, it made my skin tingle like there was something on it, but it wasn't an uncomfortable feeling, far from it, it was like little electric shocks being let off all over my body, sending pleasure signals to my brain! My mind drifted to how it felt to kiss him. I moaned in pleasure!

Oh my god, did I do that out loud?

I chanced a quick glance out of the corners of my eyes and Edward was looking directly at me with a look that was half way between pleasure and anger, it didn't help me decide if I had verbalised my day dream!

I looked away from him quickly.

"Tell me what you're thinking…Please." Edward asked of me suddenly.

We had been quiet so long that the unexpected sound of his voice made me jump.

I thought for a second, "I was wondering what you brought me up here for if you weren't going to talk to me."

Edward grimaced slightly, even that looked good on him!

"Mackenzie, I don't know what to do, for the first time in a long time, I don't have a solution to a dilemma and I am very uneasy about it." He finished finally.

"O.K." I answered wondering if he was going to elaborate. After a few seconds I stated. "It's me isn't? I'm the reason you're not happy." I looked at him and I saw the slight widening of his pupils that told me I was right.

"Edward, I'm selfish! I have continued to put you in a terrible dilemma and I feel so bad about that. If Bella were here, she would never have behaved as I have. It's all so awfully wrong and none of it's your fault, its all mine. I am sorry that I threw myself at you …again… the other night…" I could feel my face flame up as I remembered how I had behaved. I was getting into my swing and the guilt and shame was really starting to flow! "…but please don't worry I am trying to find a way to leave and then everything will be ok again."

"What do you mean?" In an instant, Edward had moved around in front of me. He looked intense and just a bit frightening and even more beautiful and unreal to me.

"I am trying to get home Edward. I think it will be better for everyone." I hoped the sadness that washed over me at just the thought of leaving him didn't show on my face. I wanted to be brave for him, he needed me to be brave for him. "I know you're worried about your family, but you won't need to be once I'm gone. I promise I won't tell a soul."

Edward looked a little wary and his next question he seemed to struggle to say, "What exactly won't you tell a soul about Mackenzie?" He had moved impossibly closer to me and his breath was sweet tasting on my lips.

"That you're a vampire Edward, I thought we went through all this the other night?"

I said getting testy as it was making me admit again his rejection of me and of my stupidity.

Edwards face looked awash with grief and something I didn't recognise. I put my hand out to touch his arm and he recoiled away from me.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to... I wasn't trying to seduce you again, I learnt my lesson believe me," Edwards face looked more aggrieved than before.

"I just hate to see you so upset." I finished.

"You're trying to comfort me?" He asked incredulously? "Don't you have any self preservation skills at all Mackenzie?" He demanded of me.

"I don't mean to make you sad Edward, I just seem to do the wrong thing when ever I'm around you. This just isn't me!" I was frustrated and it showed in my voice.

"Mackenzie you mean to tell me that you know what I am, what my family are, and you still went into my house, with no one knowing where you were, and you went in willingly?" He sounded like he was talking to a child.

"Well not quite willingly," I corrected, Edwards face acknowledged my reluctance, "Alice knew I was trying to avoid you and she wasn't going to take no for an answer. She may be little but she has an iron will." I stated.

"You were worried about seeing me?" Edwards face was looking more confused by the second.

"Of course I was, look don't make me spell it out." I sulked at him.

Mackenzie I have no idea what you are talking about, that's part of the problem, if only I knew what you were thinking…"

"Its not nice to gloat," I whined, "I understand that you don't like me and find me hard to be around after all the horrid things I have done, but still I've still got a tiny bit of pride left, in fact its probably all I have left."

Edward was silent again. He wasn't going to make this easy for me, I could see that now. All things considered, I supposed I deserved that.

"I didn't want to see you after I had thrown myself at you and you had pretty much ran from me screaming." I turned away from him my face flaming up again at the thought of it and the memory of the look on his face, the disgust and horror.

"I know you don't want me Edward, I can never be Bella, but as soon as I can figure out why I'm here then I should be able to get home, and you won't see me again."

I got up needing to move away from him so that I could say what I needed to say next.

"I won't bother you any more Edward." As I walked away from him it felt like my limbs had become like lead and each step made my heart feel heavier in my chest. Never had I felt as desperately sad as I did just then walking away from Edward. I had taken perhaps 5 steps and in a breath he was in front of me. His arms came up and stopped me by putting gentle pressure on my shoulders.

"Please, don't go, I can't let you go." He almost begged.

For a second I could see the battle running through him, protector or destroyer.

"I don't think I can live without you." He said softly, just loud enough for me to hear.

"What are you talking about Edward?" I demanded, confused. "It's about as much as you can bear being in the same room with me, let alone what you're trying to get me to believe."

"You think I don't want you?" He asked, forcing me to look at him. My cheeks flamed again at the memory of his rejection.

"Don't think, know." I answered stubbornly.

"Mackenzie I want you more than any human man could want a woman." His eyes were so compelling I couldn't drag mine away from his.

"But when you saved me from Isaac, that night, after in the bathroom, I seduced you, you were disgusted, I could see it in your eyes Edward, don't try to tell me I didn't see it."

"Yes you saw disgust," he snarled out.

I couldn't help choking out the smallest of gasps.

"But it was disgust in myself Mackenzie, not you, surely you could see that? I have no right to want you as I do, as any ordinary man wants a woman" It was Edwards turn to walk away from me. I reached for him, my hand closing onto his cool porcelain like hand. He moved to pull it away but for once I held firm.

"You are in danger, from me, when ever you are near me, at the moment I am in control, but I don't know for how long, before the monster over takes me." Horror was evident on his faultless face.

"You talk so casually of what my family are, but you seem to have missed the one main factor in all this, What we eat."

"You feed on animals." I stated knowingly. "Not people." Shaking my head.

"How can you know this?" suspicion tinting his words.

I sighed.

"You remember me saying that we were both not what we seemed?"

"Yes I remember, I didn't understand what you meant when you said it." He said truthfully."

I toyed for a second on coming clean and telling him the whole thing. But I quickly gave up on that and decided to go with the same story I had told Jacob.

"I can see how things are supposed to happen." I blurted out quickly, shutting my eyes tightly as I said it. I waited for the laughter or the disbelief and neither came. I opened one of my eyes a fraction and saw a pondering look on Edwards face. I risked opening both my eyes.

"So you can see into the future?" he asked.

"Well not exactly," I tried to explain the limitations.

"So you can see what should be, but there is that possibility of human choice that could change the outcome of what you see? Am I getting this right?" Edward asked politely.

"But you only see what is directly on indirectly connected to you and the people you come into contact with?"

I nodded my confirmation.

"Well that makes sense, I suppose." He admitted. "So how much about my family do you know?" he asked genuinely curious.

"Quite a lot." I admitted, embarrassed.

"Aren't you scared of me? You should be" he asked in an almost silent plea.

"How can I be scared of something I love?" I answered just as quietly.

Edwards's eyes shot to look into mine, a look of what can only be called hope resting there. "But how can you love me? I'm a monster." He stated.

I risked touching him, hoping that he wouldn't flinch from my touch, I cupped my hands around his face. "I loved you Edward Cullen, before I ever came to Forks. My heart has always been yours. I love you. It doesn't matter you wont love me back, but what I am is yours."

The look of astonishment on Edwards face brought a smile to the corners of my mouth.

"I see, however you are tragically wrong about a few things…" he said.

"I am?" I asked.

"Yes, you have no idea how deep my feelings for you are. I've waited so long for you, but I would have waited an eternity to hear you say that you love me." He answered. Amazement and joy mixed up in his words.

It was Edward this time that instigated the kiss. He brought his face towards me and closed his glorious golden eyes as his cool lips lightly touched my own expectant lips. He caught my top lip between his own lips and I felt heat move outwards from his mouth to my mouth, and those little electric shocks of pleasure from earlier erupted in a profusion of sensory ecstasy. I tried to be good and keep my hands by my sides, but my body screamed out to be nearer to Edward and my hands crept up to his neck trying to hold him in place.

Reluctantly he removed my hands and himself from my grasp.

"Mackenzie, baby steps I think, I am what I am and I can never loose control. And the part of me that's human is still a man Mackenzie and you don't know how hard it is for me to resist you. Please understand that it's your life I am risking by just being near you. I shall be damned for allowing you to put yourself in this danger, but I can not let you go again."

A smug smile swept across my face and I grabbed for Edwards hand as I pulled him down to sit with me in the meadow.

"And so the lion fell in love with the lamb."

"What a stupid lamb"

"What a sick, masochistic lion!"

I couldn't stop the laugh that escaped my lips as it was a monumental quote and here I was saying it, but not just saying it but saying it to Edward!

We sat like that for a long time until the sun started to go down and the chill wind made me shiver. I looked at my unsuitable running clothes and grimaced as the first drops of rain started to fall. I jumped up still not relinquishing my hold on Edwards hand and started to run for the trees.

Edward ran fluidly beside me, "You're going to get pneumonia out in this." He stated.

"I'm ok it wont take as long if we run." I shouted back to him as the rain started to fall harder.

With that, in one quick motion Edward had swung me up behind his back, like a child would ride its parents back when its legs got tired. Not seeming to notice my extra weight on him, he set off at a terrific speed. The dark trees that I could hardly see now were a blur, but Edward ran sure footed and what had taken me an hour earlier to hike over took Edward a matter of a minute or two.

We fell into the dryness of the Volvo and Edward started the car and switched the heater on full for me.

We sat in silence again, once on the road. This time it was a silence filled with wonder. My eyes strayed constantly to Edwards's eyes, and he appeared to be looking at me more than at the road. Even this didn't bother me. Edward said he cared about me!

All too soon we were parked by my truck, a thought suddenly hit me.

"I thought you weren't supposed to go onto the reservation?" worry making my voice wobble.

Edward looked impressed. "You weren't kidding when you said you knew quite a lot!"

"Sorry!" I automatically replied. "No," he said grasping my hands, "It's good to know that I don't have to hide things from you, I'm the one who is sorry." He released my hand and gently brushed my cheek, as he had done once before. The fire immediately lit in the pit of my stomach from his touch, and he must has sensed it because he dropped his hand and moved back fractionally to allow me to gather my thoughts and coherence.

"This isn't Quileute ground. That starts on the other side of the lodge. It's a good job you were this side of the trail when you fell, not the other, I wouldn't have been able to get to you if that had been the case." He said in a matter of fact way but his face looked troubled.

So he had been there when I fell. At least I remembered something!

"I'll follow you back home." Edward said to my unasked question.

"Ok." I said feeling lost the moment he closed the truck door on me and got back into his own car. I drove the now familiar roads back to the cabin and kept a watchful eye on Edwards Volvo behind me. It was dark by the time we got there. I felt a warm sense of homecoming as I got out the truck; Edward was walking around the cabin, with a look that could only be described as a cross between anger and disgust.

I went ahead into the cabin and threw the switches on the lights, leaving the door open for Edward I ran through to the kitchen and put the kettle on the stove. I felt the slight move in the air as Edward joined me. I turned smiling at him. My heart did great big flip flops just at the sight of him. Shivers ran through the whole of my body at his proximity and he miss-read these saying, "You need to change out of those wet clothes, or else I will be taking you back to see my father again!"

I didn't bother to argue with him, and in truth I was freezing, so I went wordlessly into the bathroom and ran myself a shower. The water was as hot as I could stand it; my whole body was pink and was surrounded by the aroma of coconuts by the time I finished!

I found a string vest tee and pj bottoms and slipped my feet into my bunny slippers. After brushing my teeth and dragging the comb through my hair, I went back out to make a drink. Edward turned as I walked over to him. "So are you going to tell me why Jacob Black was lounging on your couch?" Edwards's eyebrows were raised and he was smiling but there was a hint of steel in his eyes that his smile didn't reach.

"He came to visit me the other night, and ended up breaking down my front door!" I could hear the annoyance in my voice.

Edward was outraged. "He did what? Did he hurt you?"

"No of course he didn't, he heard me scream," I admitted trying to hide my embarrassment, "and knocked the door through thinking I was in trouble!"

"Why did you scream?" all concern now.

"I just got a bit nervous and started seeing things in the trees that weren't there."

Edwards face relaxed a little and he stopped pacing the floor. "What was he doing lurking around anyway?" he wanted to know.

"That's exactly what I said to him," I agreed, "serves him right, it was lucky for him it was only the 2 litre pan that I hit him with!"

"Wait a second, you hit Jacob Black with a sauce pan?" Edward asked smiling widely.

"Well I didn't know who he was, the lights were out and well I hadn't seen you, so I felt pretty confident it wasn't you either."

Edwards smile disappeared, "I'm sorry I left you alone. I won't let it happen again."

Taking advantage, I moved myself and wrapped my arms around Edward's neck.

"I wasn't intending on letting you." I said as I quickly brushed my lips over his and then immediately withdrew.

I hadn't been sure if Edward reacted to my blood the way he had with Bella's until today and I really didn't want to cause him any more pain than I had done already.

I sat down on the sofa and held my hand out for Edward to join me. He sat and couldn't hide the look of distaste on his face.

"What's wrong Edward?" I asked concerned.

"You really shouldn't let the mutt on the couch you know!" he said as he made a big thing of sniffing the air.

"Be nice?" I asked him.

"How could I deny you anything Kenzie? I will be good I promise. Plus I am happy that you have someone else looking out for you as well as me, it makes me feel like you may get through the day with out some major disaster happening to you."

I let my eyes close as I snuggled into Edwards's side. It was an odd feeling, there was no body heat coming from him, but my body tingled with its own heating system just being beside him.

I recollect thinking before I slipped into sleep that though I was sorry for Bella, all was fair in love and war!

A/N would love to know if this is a worthy tale? And please don't hate Mackenzie too much I mean if it was there offered who wouldn't ?

Lol

Really need some reviews to keep me going on writing this. So if you are liking it, not liking it or just what you are thinking the way its going to go…review it please, and if you like it spread the word.

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