Okay guys. I finally sat myself down and told myself that it didn't matter that I truly had no idea how to write what was going through Dimitri's mind. I had promised you guys two chapters and they should probably go up…. sometime. Which is now. And getting into a guys head is really hard. Just so you know. So I hope you appreciate how difficult this was :P

Enjoy my lovely story readers who give the most amazing reviews no matter how crappy and late my chapter ends up being

Disclaimer: Umm, Richelle Mead writes in RPOV. Not DPOV. So, obviously, I am not her.

I was overwhelmed with a feeling of déjà vu. Rose and I were back to the basics trying to convince everyone, even the people I loved, I was alive and whole. All thanks to Rose. God, Rose. I looked over at her scarffing down all her sandwiches and didn't raise any protest when she started reaching for mine. She wanted them and so she would have them. I mean, giving her my sandwiches was the least I could give her after all the things I took from her. I remember how I took away that beautifully tanned skin when I made it pale from blood loss. The way the smooth silkiness of her neck was disrupted by my fangs marks. I took away that fierceness, the invulnerability her eyes held. Of course, those had all come back after a while. The way she ate those sandwiches so determinedly was proof of that. Wait, was I seriously describing her as she ate a sandwich? Damn, I probably took those away from her too. She was probably able to eat them all the time while staying with my family, and I pulled her away from that. I pulled her away from all her friends, her education, her high reputation. I made her weak. I loved her so much but knowing what I did to her killed me inside every time I looked at her.

I was pulled out of my dark, and slightly pitiful, thoughts when Yeva walked in. Right away, I noticed her eyes. They pierced my soul and I seriously considered getting into the fetal position on the floor with how much sadness and disappointment there was. All for me. When my grandma was disappointed in you, you knew you had done something majorly wrong. She knew what I did. She knew every horrible aspect of what I had done as a Strigoi. All the people I killed. All the ways I had hurt Rose. So many people said I couldn't be blamed for not having a soul but deep down I knew I was. And Yeva did too. That was the only reason she could possibly look at me so sadly. But still, I did my duty as a grandson and hugged her, though I didn't receive one back.

We converged to the living room and each time a member of my family entered, the feeling of it being a lifetime since I saw them faded. I was ready to fall back into that easy brother-sister relationship again like we always did after my long periods of absence but it was obvious that that wasn't happening this time. They all just kept staring at me, especially Viktoria who, as expected, had forgotten her stake in her room somewhere. This was probably fortunate since she seemed ready to attack me the moment she saw me, her Strigoi brother, sitting in her living room. Tension was thick in the air and though everyone made effort at small talk, I knew no one was comfortable. And I became extremely uncomfortable when Viktoria asked, "So, since you're back and all Dimitri, have you made it up to Rose yet?"

Why couldn't Viktoria just keep her curiosity to herself for once? From the way everyone was silent and expectant, I knew she had asked a question everyone had been dying to hear. The look on Rose's face told me she, too, was curious as to how I would break it too them that I couldn't care less for her. But I cared about her more than the world and I would never be able to make it up to her. Not in a million years, a million life times, would I ever be able to make my wrongs right. And so, I chose the chicken answer. "What do you mean?"

"You know, for dying and totally breaking her heart. I practically felt my own heart break when she told us about you guys." Wait, what? I never really saw Rose as the tell about her heart shattering, forbidden love… especially to my family-type "Such love. It's horrible to have that be taken away from you." I held back a flinch. Another thing I'd taken from my Roza.

Everyone else was obviously agreeing with Viktoria on this. Grandma looked at me and I reconsidered the reason for her disappointment in me. I couldn't tell them why I was breaking her heart on purpose. Rose had to move on. I had to get her to see that. But this was not the way I was planning to help it along. Think fast, Dimitri. Make this to your advantage. I coughed awkwardly, coming up with nothing. "Uh.. well…-"

I was cut off by a very pissed looking Rose. "The thing with Dimitri? Well, his loves fades." Ouch. Looking at her face now, my resolve almost died. She was so hurt, so ripped apart by my refusal to accept what had happened in the past and love her for all she did for me. My heart was breaking again, knowing my words in the church had been imprinted into her mind.

My whole family sat in a shocked silence, unable to process what they believed to be true love broken. I loved everything, no matter what, and they knew that. They knew that I wouldn't give up on something so pure. They knew what Rose and I had had because I never would have let Rose develop such feeling if I didn't return them. They knew I was lying but couldn't understand why.

"But- but, you guys were so… so in love. How could you give up on such a wonderful girl that obviously loves you back whole-heartedly? Which she proved by saving you," my mom said, sounding as broken hearted I was over this. But she had to stop. I would not let anyone foil my plans for Rose. She needed what was best for her and I was not that. This needed to end right now before Rose's hopes got too high again. I had already driven home the stake in her heart, figuratively, and I really didn't want to do it again.

I closed my heart off for a second and called on a bit of my Strigoi anger, directing it at my family. "You don't know anything about mine and Roza's relationship", Rose hissed as she noticed my slip up but I ignored it, "so stop assuming stupid things. I may have once loved her but I. Have. Moved. On. And the sooner she does, the better." I couldn't stand the looks on their face so I did what I was becoming really good at and left the house, deciding on taking a nice, long walk and wonder how I managed to get myself into this situation.

I ripped down the street sprinting far away from Rose and my family. So much for all that control that I was supposed to have. If I was truly the 'God' everyone, or well, Rose, called me, then shouldn't I just be able to sit there, blanked faced, and bullshit my way through that situation? Me running away completely condemned me. It made me an open book. But no, all I wanted to do was wrap my arms around Rose and beg forgiveness, knowing I could never truly have it, no matter how many times she said she did. No one could forgive me for the things I had done. No one.

After running around the entire community a couple times and I was feeling some of my crazy emotions subside, I leaned against a tree, breathing hard. It was stupid of me to burn myself out like this. But practically every Dhampir here was trained and home on break so it was a bit safer. I closed my eyes, sliding down the trunk and sitting on my butt. I focused on my breathing, taking deeper breathes to slow it down and found my mind spinning elsewhere. To Rose. Always to Rose. Except, this time, I was filled with peace as I remembered the way she looked so fierce in training. The subtle touches we shared, the quick glances. The brief kisses. Things were still complicated back then but much less than now. Oh, how I wanted to go back there, were Rose was still safe. I sighed, recalling exactly how her warm lips felt on mine, how here touch sent shivers up my spine. How soft her tongue was. I let out a soft moan, embarrassed yet impressed by how accurate and real my imagination felt. I smiled, holding on to that image, that feeling, Wishing I could truly feel it again. Wishing I was more selfish for once. And so, in my mind, I took it further. Deeper into things that could and would never happen again.

Okay, so not very long after such a loooong disappearance. Buuut it's better than nothing, right? I hope I got the whole angsty 24 year old in love with the girl he wont let himself be with. I'll try and get chapter 24 in DPOV up soon :P

Also, shout out to Lola, who reallllly needs to get an account so I can respond to her reviews. Cause your email didn't actually show up in the review that you gave me.

So, forget your hate at my late update and give some love that I did update by reviewing!