Avalanche Hits Las Vegas
Author's Notes: The first chapter was a bit short, but I'll make it up to you in this chapter. I think. Hooked? Yes? Awesome. No? I knew that.
Chapter 2: Vacation Gone Bad
Vincent clutched his PHS, ready to break it into pieces.
"Will you come now?" A high-pitched voice boomed through the phone's speakers.
"Give me back Cerberus."
Vincent closed his eyes as the female on the other end of the line laughed. He was going to murder her once he gets the chance to. This was just too much.
"It's about to be auctioned on Ebay. No can do," the female informed. "Is that all you want back?"
"And the rest of my dignity."
Vincent's eye twitched. He was sitting in front of a monitor that displayed a web browser. A large picture was on the screen. A picture that involved him doing something gravely explicit. The words on top of the image were: "Vincent Valentine Finally Admits He's Gay, Fangirls Gravely Disappointed".
"Well, will you come to Las Vegas with us?" the female asked again.
"Yuffie, take this...this...abomination off the world wide web." His words were deadly serious. Too bad Yuffie didn't give a damn. Instead, she simply laughed at his poor choice of words.
"Internet, buddy, not world wide web. In what era do you live, grandma?"
He grunted. Growled. Whatever.
"Answer me first. Are you coming or not?"
"Just take this picture off."
"Okey-dokey!" Yuffie hung up. Vincent pressed the red button on the top right of the browser. He had enough of the semi-pornography that he was forced to stare at for an hour. The picture was edited, he knew, but it looked real. Yuffie was going to pay for this. There was no way he'd share a French kiss with anyone. Especially Cid.
As Vincent prepared his things, he could only think of one thing.
"Of all the people...why the hell did she choose Cid?"He would've been less angrier otherwise.
An hour later, Vincent found himself in front of Seventh Heaven, tiredly heaving his travel bag across his shoulder. Reporters and paparazzi followed him as soon as he left the internet cafe.
Yes, an internet cafe. Imagine that. Vincent sitting on a monobloc chair, staring at a monitor. Simply amazing. Poor Vincent didn't have a computer.
He had to utilize his knowledge of shortcuts and alleyways with dead ends to reach Seventh Heaven without anyone equipped with a camera creeping up behind him like a mother-in-law. He took in a deep breath and stepped up to the door. Before he could knock, the door was opened by none other than the great Yuffie Kisaragi.
"Well?" she had a smug grin plastered on her face.
Vincent glared at her. "Give me the ticket."
Yuffie took out a plane ticket from her back pocket and placed it on Vincent's open palm. "You made the right choice."
Vincent pushed Yuffie back and entered the bar. The whole bunch was there, all waiting for him. He saw Cid lighting a cigarette and approached him, since he was the one closest to the door.
"How did they get you to join?" Vincent asked Cid in a half-whisper.
"French kiss. You?"
Vincent should've known better. "Same." He scanned the room and found Barrett looking outside the window. He walked to him. Barrett noticed him and started a brief whisper-conversation.
"Ya bribed too?"
Vincent nodded. "You?"
"Weiner."
Vincent didn't have to ask further. Red was soundlessly sleeping further north, so he decided not to ask him. This wasn't vacation. This was a trap. A torture chamber.
"All of you packed your things, right?" Tifa asked all of them. The three men nodded. Cloud promptly joined the party. "All set?"
"Yup!" Yuffie answered cheerily.
"Let's go!" Tifa threw the door open for everyone.
Vincent's left leg twitched.
This was not going to be good.
On the airplane, the seats were arranged in pairs. Cid sat with Barrett, Cloud with Tifa, Red by himself and Vincent with no one else but Yuffie. It was the worst ten hours of his life.
"Look, Vincent! That cloud looks like an elephant!"
"Yes, Yuffie," Vincent sighed out. His seatbelt was strapped tightly and was secured with a padlock. Seriously. Something was definitely wrong with the airline they chose.
"Hey! Hey! That one looks like a duck!"
"All the clouds look like animals to you, Yuffie."
She turned to him and pouted. "I see other stuff too."
"Like?"
She turned to her left and gazed outside the small window. "Um...an elephant?"
Vincent executed a facepalm.
Cloud and Tifa were asleep side to side while Red was being thrown off the airplane.
"No pets allowed!" a flight attendant yelled at Red XIII.
"I am not a pet."
"Who owns this red, talking dog?"
Red shook his head and went back to his seat. On the other hand, Barrett was having problems with his lunch.
"Sir, would you like some poutine?" the flight attendant asked.
"Wha? Poo-teen? I ain't eatin' you poo."
"Poutine, sir."
"Pooh-tine? I don't watch Disney."
"POUTINE. P,O,U,T,I,N,E."
Barrett shrugged. The flight attendant gave up and asked Cid. "Sir, would you like some poutine?"
Cid waved his hand. "Nah. Got any cigarettes?"
"We prohibit smoking here, sir. How about chicken-"
"No smoking? What the hell." He lit up a cigarette and put it to his mouth. Alarms started going on. The airline staff panicked, running back and forth inside the plane. It was a good thing they reserved the plane all for themselves. Other people would've been victims. Vincent silently watched as chaos ensued. If he reached the airport alive, he swore he would kiss the ground.
After three hours, the pilot of the airplane finally managed to land on solid ground.
Barrett was the first to come out of the airplane.
"Hello, Vegas!" Cid shouted as soon as he came out of the airplane. He spat out his cigarette when tropical trees and plants was all he could see. The cigarette went to Barrett's head and burned his hair. The rest of it that was left, that is. Cloud and Tifa came out of the aircraft after a few seconds. Yuffie went next, Vincent the last.
This was no airport.
It was an uncharted island.
"Where the hell are we?" Cid asked no one in particular.
"Vegas?" Barrett responded.
"We have made an emergency landing. Please evacuate the airplane," the pilot's voice echoed through several speakers inside the plane. "The system detected problems concerning smoke issues in the engine area."
Tifa rolled her eyes and looked at the pilot of their group. "Cid?"
"What? All I did was light up a weed."
Tifa sighed. She checked her PHS. No signal.
Vincent wished he was back in his coffin. Too late to do anything now, he thought. Yuffie tugged on his sleeve and pointed at a random direction. "Hey! Hey! Vinnie, look!"
"What is it now?" The ground started shaking all of a sudden.
"An elephant!"
He traced where her finger was pointing.
Oh dear Leviathan no.