CHAPTER TWO
This blonde woman sitting in front of me is so beautiful and downright captivating. I can't just walk away from her now, she would be haunting me forever. I would always wonder what would have happened if I had sat down next to her and started talking to her. I decide to trust Jacks judgement: Tina needs someone to talk to, someone to comfort her.
"I hope you don't mind?" I ask, motioning to the bench.
"Oh, no, not at all." Her small smile makes my stomach flutter, something that hasn't happened since Jodi - and it took Jodi more than a smile the first time I met her. It was her view on art, so thorough, so deep and interesting that rocked my world.
I sit down and suddenly feel stupid. What am I going to say? She's a total stranger to me, all I know is her name. I don't know where she came from, what her story is, what she wants and expects in life... I don't even know how old she is. I think she must be 23 or something - which is 7 years younger than I am.
"So, for how long have you been sitting here?"
What an interesting question! Way to go, Bette Porter. This is really the way to charm someone's pants off.
"I don't know, actually." She even checks her watch. "It must be about three hours, I don't remember exactly."
"I hope I don't come across as intrusive and as it's rather personal I fully understand if you don't wish to answer any of my questions, but... I can't help but wonder what has happened? You look really sad."
"Oh, it's not very interesting. I... I don't want to bore you with any of my silly worries," Tina says, her voice trembling. She's about to burst out in tears again. What monster made this beautiful woman cry?
"If you want to talk about it over a free cup of coffee, I don't live very far away from here."
"I don't know, I'm sorry but I barely know you and I would feel uncomfortable if I'd just come barging into your home."
"I won't be barging if I invite you."
"I don't know."
"At least give Jack a chance to show you his new bone."
I'm not normally this pushy, but now I just have to convince her to at least have one coffee with me. I need to talk to her for a few minutes, I need to see who she is, even if only for the slightest bit.
She looks down at her lap where her hands are resting. The breeze kicks up some leaves, as if it is urging her to accept my invitation. She now throws her head in her neck and I involuntarily utter a sigh as the sunlight caresses her creamy neck. Her cheeks are still wet from the tears, she's pursing her lips - probably trying to keep back another set of tears.
"Okay. If you really don't mind," is her final answer.
I get up, summon Jack and lead the way. The walk through the park and over the streets is a silent one, but neither one of us really minds. At least, I don't think she does. I don't try to make conversation, scared that she will run away or change her mind, think I am too talkative, too curious, too nosy.
When we arrive at my place, I take her coat and bring her to the living room. I hurry to the kitchen to make us some coffee and when I return, she is standing in front of the painting I am most proud of possessing. I literally spent a fortune on it.
"That's an original Kiki Smith."
She turns around, surprised and caught off guard. "I am so sorry - I was just curious. This painting... it's intriguing. Very much so."
The name obviously doesn't ring any bells and normally, I would be extremely annoyed at that. I would have been annoyed before I met Jodi and when I was with her. But now, it just seems to be a relief to meet someone who doesn't know anything about art. She isn't aware of that world, of the politics it involves.
"If you want to, I'll tell you all about it. But now, it's about you. I mean - you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, but -"
I am interrupted rudely by Jack throwing his front pawns against Tina's legs, his bone in his mouth. He obviously is very proud and now expects someone talking to him animatedly to let him know he's great. Tina seems to know instictively what she has to do.
"Is that your new bone, Jack?" she asks in a voice you would use with a baby. She scratches him behind the ear. "Has Jackie got a new bone? A new bone for Jack? Good boy!"
She looks up, suddenly aware of my presence and blushes heavily. I release her from her obvious embarassment with an encouraging smile.
"I think the coffee is ready."
I pour the coffee, get out some chocolates, milk and sugar and place everything on a tray. We first make a bit of seemingly obligatory small talk. I tell her about my Yale education in Art History and my additional business degree, how I ended up in New York and opened my own gallery after having worked at the Whitney, how everyone declared me to be crazy to leave that position but that I just had to pursue my dream.
I learn that she's from Chapel Hill, NC and came to LA five years ago with a scholarship. She studied film at UCLA, where she met her boyfriend when she was 20. He got an offer in New York and she followed him one month ago. This is the point where she bursts out in tears.
Before I realise what I am doing, I throw my arm around her and pull her closer. It's an instinct, I can't stop myself and even if I could, I don't think I would have wanted to. It takes a while for her to calm down again and breathe regularly. When she finally seems to have come back to herself, I don't bother to remove my arm as long as she doesn't ask me to.
"I'm so sorry about that," Tina whispers softly, her face still hidden in my thick hair. Her hot breath, the vibrations that her voice causes makes my skin crawl. I momentarily close my eyes, willing my heart to stop beating so damn fast.
"It's okay. Is your boyfriend okay?"
"Oh, I'm sure he's very much okay," she replies. I frown my eyebrows as I hear some anger in her voice. She takes my hand and squeezes it - not good for my heart, but so good for the rest of me. Her thumb softly strokes my skin and I want to melt into her.
"What's wrong then?"
"Ithinkhescheatingonme."
"What did you say?"
"I... I think he's cheating on me? It's just that for the past few months, he's been working very late, having meetings he shouldn't even attend. He says he goes because his colleague, Steve Carter, doesn't have the time for them. Then there's the fact that when he is home, he receives these texts all the time and he never wants to tell me who they're from and what's in them. He acts so weird for the rest of the time, then. He's also very stressed - I can't tell the time since he last gave me a hug. Then there's the fact that he wasn't home last Sunday because he had to do some chores at his parents', but when his father called me for something and I asked him if he had noticed anything strange about Eric, he said that he hadn't seen his son in a month."
"Well, I don't think it necessarily means him cheating on you... he could also be planning a big surprise for you." It pains me to say those words, but what pains me even more is the fact that I don't want them to be true. How cruel is it to want someone to think her boyfriend is cheating on her, just so she'd break up and you could have a shot?
"Eric Myers doesn't do surprises. He's so controlling, he has his scheme, he has his method of doing everything. He hates anything that isn't ordaniry, that doesn't fit into his idea of how the world should be. But he's also handsome and succesful and charming, he gives me such a safe feeling. He always protects me and he's there for me. He makes me feel like I belong somewhere, a feeling I've never known before."
"But if you really think he's all of that, why would he cheat on you?"
"I don't know... maybe he's sick of me? After all, we've been together for three years. Maybe he wants someone new, someone fresh. Someone who understands his job and the stress it brings, someone he can have a conversation with about the latest news in the lawyer world. I know nothing about it, you know. God, you must think I'm so stupid. I know nothing about lawyers or art or architecture..."
"You studied film. You must be really good at that, then?"
Her smile lights up the entire room. "I love movies. I used to collect vintage movie posters, but Eric got rid of them. He didn't like them, they didn't fit with his art and he didn't know they meant so much to me."
I feel the anger rising, but I try to keep it down. What kind of pig gets rid of something that obviously means something to your girlfriend for that reason? Without even doing so much as asking her?
"I'm really sorry to hear that, honey." The term of endearment escapes my lips before I realize it, before I even have the time to think about it. I feel my cheeks warming up, but she doesn't react to it. Is that a good or a bad thing?
"I don't know what to do. Should I confront him? If it's true, my life is ruined. He's the love of my life, I'd do anything for him. I imagine him to be the man I spend the rest of my life with, the father of my children. I want to be with him until we're grey and old and wrinkled. If it's not true, it means I don't trust him and if I can't trust him, how can I continue to build my life with him? Honesty is such a core value to me and right now, I feel like that's missing in our relationship."
It feels good to know that she has enough faith in me to poor her heart out to a complete stranger. I hug her and I can feel the relief in her, I can feel how good it feels to her. My mouth is dangerously close her neck, her soft, inviting neck. My god, I sound like a vampire now.
"I don't know what you should do, Tina. I don't know how men think, I don't have any experience with them."
"What if your girlfriend behaved like this?"
"I would ask her what was going on. I would ask her to be honest with me and swear on her soul that she spoke the truth. I would ask her whether I should be worried or not, if she was planning something to surprise me or if she was having an affair. I would tell her that if she was cheating on me, I would want her to leave me for that other woman who obviously holds her heart so much that she feels the need to see her behind my back. I'd see it as a sign she still cares about me, as she didn't suddenly break it off but in a way, still wanted to see if we didn't work, but I'm only into monogamy. It is something I believe in, something that is essential in a relationship to me. I'd tell her to follow her heart."
"You're so kind, Bette, so loving and altruistic... would you really let the love of your life go?"
"I would if she weren't happy with me."
"So, you think Eric's not happy with me?"
"I don't know Eric. I don't know if he's cheating on you."
"The doubt is killing me. The insecurity is murderous."
She tilts her head to look into my eyes, which brings our mouths dangerously close. We both hesitate for a second, but can't stop our lips from finding each other. They react to each other as if they were magnets. Her lips taste so sweet, they're so warm and inviting. They're so... right.
"I can't do this," she suddenly says, pulling herself away. "I'm sorry, but I can't... I can't do what I think Eric is doing. I don't want to have an affair! I don't want to be weak and give in to my selfish needs!"
"Then don't," I say softly. "Just... don't."
She looks confused, as if she expected me to beg her not to leave, even though she has already gather her few things.
"What do you mean?"
"You doubt Eric. Talk to him. If you have, just follow your heart. If it leads to me, my door is always open. If it leads you back to Eric, if he really is the one for you... I'll know when I spent the rest of my life on my own. Because you have my heart, wherever you go, and it won't be mine to give to anyone."
"Bette..." is the last word she utters before she storms out of my apartment. I am suprised when I feel tears rolling down my cheeks, slowly at first but gradually faster. I feel the warmth and weight of Jack next to me, I caress him absent-mindedly. He pushes himself closer and looks at me with a strange look. A comforting one, though. Then he runs to the door, makes a high-pitched noise, almost as if he wonders where Tina has gone.
"I don't know, boy. I don't know if she'll come back. But damn it, it'll be the dead of me if she doesn't."