Fetish Fuel 2
By Fujoshi or Otaku no baka
If someone thinks this is serious they really need help. This fic is suppose to be even more weird and nuts than I'm not loving it and that's saying a lot. This is a one part story broke up into three or so many parts. It's crack 100% at it's finest.
Warnings: Stupidity, stupidity, Perverted still a virgin!America, Innocent freaked out virgin!Russia, one sided England/America, France/Canada, England/France/Canada if you squint, footsie, and just weird stuff. I thank Cake-error for not only giving out the French, but also beta'ing this too! I am still going to give you art stuff! (If I ever get off my butt and find the bloody art book.) This was hard making Ivan not horny and perverted like but what would a virgin Ivan do kind of situation so if he's off put sorry I tried ._.
If I owned Hetalia there would be a lot of porn in it to the point that it would be NC-21.
'Man who would have thought Russia was that big all along...'
America was lying on the bed in his hotel room. He couldn't help but recall what happened last month when he approached the Slavic nation and...persuaded him to show him his member.
Alfred thought he was pretty big himself. From what he gathered during the discussion he was one of the thickest and longest; the only other person going toe to toe was his own brother Canada.
The blond started to day dream with awesome Technicolor® and sparkles. He imaged Germany's dick, a big plump sausage, as well as Francis' unique penis. It was kinda curved and it had more foreskin than his own, with a down of blond hair.
America tried to picture England, Prussia, China, and the others and shook his head. Prussia's wasn't balanced and he wondered did the man ever slept with a woman in his life. Such a manhood was a womb crusher, as he dubbed.
'Italian brothers are meh...and Iggy is too small.' America wanted to laugh how even China and Korea were bigger than the British man. The blond knew that England was flirting with him more often lately, making excuses to hang out with him for no reason. 'He's not just avoiding papa Francis but if he thinks he can get me to bed like that...'
Then the last picture on the slide was Russia and he closed his eyes and rolled all around the bed in a heroic fit. Oh, Russia with his monster dick! It was so...god! Such a thing would fill his ass nicely and hit all the spots that he couldn't reach if he did use his fingers!
America was young and knew nothing about sex. He wanted to engage in the matters of flesh but due to his bosses, his country and his enforced moral values he wanted to settle down but there was one issue.
From his super sized food to his furniture he wanted it big, so it wasn't that much of a shock that he discovered the fetish for turning him on though was anything with a huge penis; the bigger the better.
'It took a while for me to accept it but man I'm glad I did!' America held his cheeks and drooled; glassing fogging up. The idea of tackling Russia again and salivating over the man's dick was so awesome...
"Al, I think what you did wasn't right..." A small voice wafted through the room and America sat up straight, glancing around.
"Who?"
"Matthew! CANADA! Your brother, you dick!" Similar blue eyes appeared near him and glared, causing the younger blond brother to fall off the bed.
"Oh! OH! Damn I'm sorry Mattie!" America appeared on the side of the bed with a grin. "What you say?"
"I think what you did to Russia was kind of extreme..." Matthew sighed and sat back on his side of the bed. He couldn't believe his brother forgot that both of them were on vacation in California until the next meeting.
America blinked but closed his eyes and pouted. "You know how big he is Mattie? He's hung more than a horse!"
Canada shook his head at his brother grinning and drooling like a pervert. He was the only one that knew of his fetish. "That doesn't mean you have the right to assult him."
"...He seemed to enjoy it though."
"AL!"
"Fine Fine! I know I wasn't as heroic and I might have taken it a little too far but...I couldn't help it. What, do you want me to seduce him or something?" He folded his arms. "This is Russia we are talking about! Russia! We had too many years of bad blood and he's not exactly my friend, more like frenemy if anything."
Canada grumbled and rubbed his temples. "I am worried if you do that again..."
"What? The big guy wouldn't nuke me over that stuff! Our bosses are BFFS totally!" The younger blond was all grins behind his glasses. "Anyway I have confidence in my skills that I will bring that Russki to his knees!"
Matthew gave him a face but Alfred decided to ignore it. "But whatever, let me tell you about how big he is!"
Canada suddenly got an earful of his brother fantasizing about another man's penis in clear detail.
The twin North American brothers walked arm in arm, well America was stomping proudly and Canada lagged behind, nervous.
'I pray that my brother doesn't do anything stupid.' The idea of his twin attacking Russia of all people, again, brought fear in his old bones.
His hopes were dashed when both nations spotted the familiar long coat and scarf. "YAH IT'S HIM!" Canada sweatdropped at America with a heart in his mouth. He could practically hear the nation's anthem going off.
"Tu es trop excité; tu sors avec papa Francis encore, non?"
"Alors, ne me compares pas avec France, contrairement à lui je n'ai pas dépraver chaque chose dans un cinq rayon de mile! Ton fétiches de arbres et exhibitionnisme ne sont pas mieux!"
"Oh, je ne sais pas tu peux parler français."
"Duh, of course, I'm the hero!" Matthew's hair blew as Alfred literally ran over to the other Slavic nation in a cloud of dust.
Russia wasn't avoiding the nation, oh no, he was just planning an effective counter attack
So when America spotted him in the meeting hallway and literally rocketed over he didn't jump almost a foot upward. "RUSSIA!"
"Ah hello comrade! What is it this time?" Russia tried really hard not to crack from his usual mask.
America was giving the Slavic nation a wide eyed look, Nantucket practically swaying back and forth. "I...I...I want to see the monster again!" Blunt and practical as usual.
Ivan gave a frown, trying to ignore the blush creeping on his face. "Het; you really are a pervert America?" He pulled out his pipe and pushed up the blond's chin, glaring at him right in the eye. "If you really wanted me to ravish you all you had to do was ask."
America only gave a pout, his mood not ruined. "But I don't want you to ravish me! I just want to see it again." He raised a glove hand even in the awkward position, biting his knuckle, looking wanton and feral. "Maybe lick it and suck on your massive balls and feel the girth of it between my butt and..."
Ivan was at a loss for words; his whole face blew up in a blush and he actually dropped his pipe from the dirty words. America took this moment to pounce as he attacked the nation once again, one hand reaching under his massive terra cotta coat, the other attempting to pull his head close for a kiss.
"Are...are you fucking insane?" America was already tracing his clothed crotch, his eyes closed and lips still puckered up as the Slavic nation pushed against his face.
"Oh come on, big guy!" America thought about changing tactics until he felt two gloved hands push him back to the wall. He looked up to see violet eyes wild with fear and something else. 'Heheheh with a little more convincing he will be putty in my hands! Maybe the seduction thing will work!'
Russia leaned in closed. "You want to become one with me today? Fine I can make that happen." There was this undertone in his voice, not its usual pitch, that cracked with those words. 'I want to do this but I am not sure...' Two could play this game but this was still uncharted territory for Russia.
The Slavic nation didn't even have the chance to think as America once again did actions before words. He wrapped his arms around his shoulders and pulled him into a kiss; noses smashing together and teeth clacking. It hurt and it wasn't helping but the American was quick, nibbling on his bottom lip shyly.
America was giddy: he never kissed anyone like this before. Sure he kissed England and his twin but it wasn't full blown like this. He was a quick learner, licking and tracing the contours of Russia's mouth before tasting his tongue, hinted with obvious enough vodka. He groaned as he felt that delicious monster throbbing on his thigh, wanting to be freed. Shaking gloved fingers unsnapping the nation's pants and tried to pull his cock out.
Russia groaned as he felt America take out his member from the confines of his pants. His ears were pounding and his heart felt like it would fall out. This was different from last time, his nerves were tingling and sensitive and his mind was focused on the burning rod between his legs. The paled hair nation started to hump against the American, wanting to sate the fire.
"GUYS, GUYS!" America moaned but pushed Russia arm's length; something was distracting him. He licked the trail of saliva from his lips and peered down to see Kumajiro pulling on his pants leg.
"This...is...a bad idea out here."
Blue eyes glared at the bear with as much power as his shining seas and he slowly looked up to see his twin nervously gasping and gaping like a fish.
"Oh my God, Al, why are you fornicating out here of all places!" Canada caught up with his loony brother but discovered him molesting Russia and the Slavic nation not minding it at all. Any sympathy he had for the taller nation went right out the door.
Russia leaned his head against the wall and panted, throwing all his weight on the superpower. His whole body was singing and he was still painfully hard, dripping a trail of precum on America's boxers. He could dimly hear two different voices and then another noise happened.
America and Canada were arguing until Russia's heart plopped out. The blond groaned; the mood was ruined. "FUCK! Thank a lot Mattie!" He pouted and glared at his twin again. "I was so close, so close!"
"God, stop thinking with your dick! You are lucky England didn't catch you! Especially with you in this state!"
It was like a bucket of cold water that killed whatever horniness America had. While Al was crouched down on the floor depressed, Russia sighed and composed himself. He calmly picked up his heart and pipe and walked back down the hall, trying to stuff his erection back into his pants, and forget what cannot be unseen.
"Hey, are you okay? England isn't that bad eh?" Canada walked over to try to comfort his goofy brother. He stroked his back like their father figures used to do back in their colony days.
"Artie is so...small Mattie!" He sobbed again; Alfred wanted to die at just thinking about it. "Oh my God you killed my penis Mattie, you killed it!" America pointed to his barely covered crotch and sobbed. Dammit, he needed brain bleach!
Canada rolled his eyes and helped his dramatic brother up, dragging him towards the meeting.
America folded his arms like a child and pouted, glaring at nothing in particular.
He didn't want to be here, he wanted to look at Idol, movies, play his Playstation 3 or Xbox, hell, even watch American Pickers with Mattie. This meeting was nothing important.
Most of the nations here came to bitch at how China and America were the strongest superpowers, the war on terror and other stupid politics. He knew that Russia's boss and his own bosses along with Yao's supriors were the most overworked in the room right now, especially with the bombing crap. England may have his fair share of problems but apparently still had time to flirt and use his tsundere powers on the blond nation sitting right next to him.
America was tempted to pull out his iPhone or iPod and ignore everyone but knew Iggy or Luggy would throw something at him and it would escalate into another full blown national battle. The tension in the room was thick and all the countries needed was an excuse to start stuff.
'Dammit.' Alfred was between his brother and England; France was next to Matthew, causing a permanent blush to stick to his twin. America picked up some of the smutty words and knew that Francis was in the same boat as himself, bored out of his mind.
He didn't even know who was talking right now; all he could hear was blah blah blah, England unsubtly touching his arm, hand, or knee, and Francis' leering. America sighed and slouched in his seat until something pinched his ass and he glared; France shrugging and Arthur looking appalled.
The blond decided to glance at his day of interest Russia, who had a hand to his face and was also bored out of his ass. America licked his lips at the memory of what happened earlier and heard an intake of breath. He suddenly regretted what he just did next to two old perverts.
America slouched and slowly took off his shoe; he had an idea. Russia was across from him, between South Korea and China, so the distance wouldn't be too hard or obvious.
Russia yawned; he wanted to go home already and do his paperwork. The airport and other issues were taking up a lot of his time so he was stressed out. Didn't help that America decided to employ some idiotic tactic of getting along with him or maybe the nation was trying to take over the world himself starting with him?
Part of him really wanted to do what he heard only in whispers and slight sights of skin over the ages from cracked doors. He wanted to have sex, to rut, to...was it making love? The pale haired nation shook his head and pulled out his flask, drinking a good mouthful of vodka.
'What am I thinking? It is America who...was never bad looking. I wanted to become one with him for decades so what is the matter now.' He blushed and hid in his scarf, ignoring how Yao was giving him a questionable glance. The two nations were friendly rivals so to suddenly jump from that to whatever this was...
Russia felt something and he jumped, inadvertently crushing his flask and sending vodka all over his papers. The Nordic nations, who were talking, paused and everyone turned their attention to the Slavic nation. He was going to talk until he felt it again.
"KOLKOLKOLKOL!" All the nations backed away and pushed their chairs as far as they could from the large glowing man. Russia turned his sights on America, who was grinning broadly, and still rubbing his toes on the pale hair nation's clothed member.
"Tъl меня заебал!"
"Russia please calm down!" Germany was scared but there had to be order. He could still felt the nation's aura and how he was chatting deeper and faster now.
Ivan counted to fifty backwards and felt the foot move, touching his thigh, before flicking over the head of his manhood. He hissed but calmed down, getting more used to being spontaneously turned on.
Nay he was still pissed, but calm enough so that he could put on his facade and not act irrational. Oh no, he was going to kick America's ass afterwards and probably fuck him until he couldn't walk straight.
Russia grinded his teeth and his violet eyes darken; his free hand was gripping the table until it crack. He was hard under the table and America was using his inexperience to manipulate him to near completion.
Alfred was all grins like the Cheshire cat; he was rubbing the ball of his foot on Russia's now erection, using the other foot to shyly play with his clothed calves. 'Oh man this is fun but it's making me turned on too.' Even covered he could still picture the Slavic nation's member, throbbing and leaking all over Russia's sunflower boxers.
China was concerned, Russia suddenly acted out like that and now he was breathing hard. His whole face was red and it appeared to be he was restraining himself from acting on impulse. 'Aru?'' Yao noticed America's face, then Russia's, then Korea mouthing about something under the table. His whole face lit up and he suddenly felt embarrassed.
'Have you no shame America Aru!' The Chinese man mouthed the words but the American only shrugged and continued to stroke Russia's cock, using both feet now. China turned to his old comrade, watching how Russia was covering his mouth now and shaking.
Everyone was obvious to what was happening or politely ignoring what was happening. The only people who knew what exactly what America was doing was Canada, the blond nation himself, and the three situatated across from him.
The pale haired nation couldn't take it anymore. He knew he was moaning in his hand and that America sped up his movements, using his footjob to stroke him off, the precome soaking his boxers and making a damp spot against his pants. Russia groaned and broke part of the table in his hand as he came and jizzed all in his boxers.
China was speechless and Korea was drooling; before the smell of sperm could waft in the room Russia prompted rose up and threw his ruined flask across the room to hit America right out of his chair.
That's all it took for the whole room to go into chaos. Germany screamed as how a somewhat normal meeting went into catastrophe.
"Serves you right Al." America gave his brother a thumbs up from the floor.
"Oh I think you should hide because England and France might double team you now that the meeting is over. You know how those two get when they start fighting...unresolved sexual tension ya know?"
Matthew sighed and helped his brother up, dodging a punch from Cuba. America grinned and threw his chair across the room because every good fight needs a chair thrown.
Before he could say anything else to his twin someone grabbed him by the scruff of his jacket and dragged him out the room.
"Aru! You are a disgrace! How the hell did you become one of the strongest nations again! It must have been the stars or your luck!"
"Oh come on Yao! Don't tell me you never wanted to get laid in your old age!" America gave him a rasberry as he parted out the door. He noticed that Russia lifted him up and lay him under his arms like a sack of potatos; carrying him down the hall and outside. America assumed that they were heading towards the hotels were they were situatated.
He shivered and grinned; man, this day was good.
Brain Bleach is when you want to erase something so bad from your mind or so horrible; Cannot be unseen is the same thing except it's stuck on your mind forever. I seem to use a lot of weird things/memes...
Tu es trop excité; tu sors avec papa Francis encore, non?: You're such a horn dog; you've been hanging around Francis papa again haven't you.
Alors, ne me compares pas avec France, contrairement à lui je n'ai pas dépraver chaque chose dans un cinq rayon de mile! Ton fétiches de arbres et exhibitionnisme ne sont pas mieux!: Hey don't compare me to France, unlike him I haven't debached everything in a five mile radius! Also your fetish of trees and exhibitionism isn't that much better!
Oh, je ne sais pas tu peux parler français: Oh I didn't know you spoke French.
Tъl меня заебал!: I've Fucking had it with you! You know how hard it is to make Russian with an English computer? REALLY HARD. I got this from one of my Russia dictionaries so do not know if it's 100% right.