DISCLAIMER: *somehow gets onto the Enterprise and mobs Scotty, only to find out he doesn't have the Ring* What the- *sees Chekov run past with the Ring* NO! My One Ring of Unlimited Copyright Privileges! GIMME! *chases*

I own not. Darn you, Chekov!

Right. This one's Zara-centric. This chapter in particular would probably be an 'M'-rating for content. It's rather dark, dealing with rape and attempts at suicide. Be warned. I give you full permission to skip this chapter if you are uncomfortable with that particular subject matter.

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She'd lied to him in the healer's ward and she knew it. But he couldn't know. He worried about her enough without him knowing about her deepest shame.

Zara huddled on the floor beside her sleep couch, pressing her slender frame against the mattress in an attempt to stop her shaking. It was all she could do to stifle the sob in her throat at what she was about to do. Her lightsabre trembled in her clammy hand, threatening to slip out of her grip.

She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to calm herself. But against the blackness of her eyelids, she was assailed by memories of pain and shame... the soldiers coming into her cell... hands, pinning her down and moving what was left of her clothing out of the way... the numerous, painful invasions in her body... her pitiful cries drowned out by their laughter... so many times they hurt her until they finally tired of her and left her to curl up in a ball and cry herself to sleep... until the second time they came...

Her eyes snapped open. She wrapped her arms around herself, trying to quell both her sobs and the phantom pains she felt between her legs. Zara pressed a hand against her mouth, trying to keep her cries muffled. If Cin heard her and came to investigate, all hell would break loose. She suspected he was already wary of something having happened- her jumpiness when most men touched her at all, the dark circles under her eyes that attested to many nights spent awake for fear of the nightmares that would haunt her...

She forced herself to take some deep breaths before looking around, making sure she was ready. Her sleep couch was neatly made up and her room was clean- one less thing for Cin to worry about. A note, written on a piece of flimsy, rested on her pillow, explaining everything. Zara didn't want Cin to think that this was his fault. There was nothing he could have done, and there was nothing he could do now.

Wiping her sweaty hand on the leg of her pants, she gripped her lightsabre tighter, pressing the hilt against her chest, where she knew her heart was. She drew a shaky breath, steadying herself.

This was for the best. Cin would never have to worry about a shamed, worthless, dirty apprentice again. He would be able to get on with his life without her, and she would be released from her suffering. Praying to the Force to accept one broken, stained soul, she moved her finger to the ignition switch on her lightsabre.

A gasp of horror sounded from the door. Pounding footsteps rushing toward her. A large hand knocked the lightsabre out of Zara's grip, sending the weapon flying under the sleep couch. Zara nearly fell forward from the impact of her Master running into her room until she felt Cin's arms wrap around her, pulling her close to his chest. The tall Master rocked her back and forth, holding her as tightly as he could and whispering into her hair. "No... Force, no, not you! It can't be..."

Zara rested her head against his heart, bitterly disappointed with herself. Now Cin would have to put up with her until she could find another opportunity to-

"What the-" One arm left Zara's shoulders and stretched out. From the corner of her eye, Zara saw the hand pick up the note on her pillow and bring it closer to Cin's face. She lowered her head, knowing she would have to face her shame now.

"Oh, Force..." The flimsy fluttered to the ground as Cin's hands gripped Zara's head, pulling her away to look him in the eyes. Zara was struck by the sheer agony in her Master's face and nearly cried when she saw the unshed tears in his eyes. "Why didn't you say anything, Padawan? You never had to go through this alone!"

Zara's eyes dropped to study the carpet on which the two of them sat. "I... You... It hurts so much, Master, and I can't make it stop! And no one wants a worthless, dirty apprentice like me- you don't deserve to be stuck with a whore like-" A sob forced itself out of her throat, choking her words. But she'd said what she needed to. She closed her eyes, unable to face her Master anymore. What would he want with such a broken, shamed person, anyway?

"Zara, look at me."

She reluctantly looked back into Cin's eyes. The tall Master gripped her head tighter, forcing her to keep her gaze up. "Listen to me: You. Are. Not. Worthless. You mean more to me than anything else in the galaxy! You are not the whore that you think you are. You are special. You are valuable. You are loved. Even if you don't believe anything else I say, believe me when I say there are hundreds of people who would suffer more if you killed yourself than if you told them you were hurting." He pulled Zara close to his chest again, running his fingers through her hair and continuously murmuring to her. "There are so many who love you, Zara. I love you so much, Padawan, more than you could imagine. You are not worthless or dirty or broken beyond repair."

Any semblance of a fight drained out of Zara with Cin's words. Burying her face in his tunic, she finally gave into the sobs that had tormented her all day. She felt Cin rest his head on her hair, still whispering to her. "No matter what, I still love you, Zara. I want to help you get through this, but you have to let me know when you're hurting..." His own words disappeared as he started crying as well, dampening her hair with his tears. "Force... don't ever do that again, Padawan. Promise me you won't at least give me a chance to help you, please..."

Drawing a shuddery breath into her lungs, Zara managed a shaky nod in response to her Master's plea. She tried to force her tears to quit flowing, but it seemed as though they redoubled on her, racing down her face and onto Cin's tunic. Pressing her face into his chest again, she gripped two handfuls of his tunic in her fists and clung to him like a lifeline. Another sob broke out of her throat as her tears flowed, taking the stress and shame and pain of the last few weeks with them.

She felt Cin shift his weight into a slightly more comfortable kneeling position, pulling her small body along with him. She could feel his tears soaking her hair as he moved his head, kissing her cheek. "Everything's going to be all right, Padawan. I'm going to be beside you every step of the way, promise. I love you and I want you to recover from this, and I want to help you." He pulled away from her, kissing her forehead. "I'm going to help you as much as I can, Zara. Promise." He reached a hand up to wipe at the tear stains on his face before resting his hand on her shoulder again. "But you have to promise to tell me when you need me, all right? And for the love of the Force, don't ever scare me like that again, please!"

Zara nodded, trying to blink away the tears in her own eyes. "Promise, Master." She sniffled, pressing her face against his chest again. "I- I don't wanna die, Master... I'm scared and it hurts so bad and I want it to go away..."

"I know... I know..." Cin leaned back against the sleep couch, cuddling Zara on his lap. He pressed his lips against her forehead before murmuring to her again. "I'm going to be right here with you as long as you need me, Zara. Promise." He dropped another kiss in her hair as her sobs started again. "Don't be ashamed, Padawan. Let it all out... don't try to hold it in..."

And Zara released as much of her inner agony as she could into Cin's tunic, along with her tears, until she cried herself to sleep.

When she woke up several hours later, she realized she was no longer in her room. She was in the common area of the apartment, on one of the sofas, pressed up against Cin's chest and crying in terror from another nightmare. She was conscious of Cin rubbing her back and whispering that everything was all right, that nothing could hurt her while he was near. "I'm here to help you, Zara. I'm going to protect you. Nothing's going to harm you, Padawan. Shh... shh..."

Trusting that Cin was taking care of her, Zara let herself relax against his chest again, too physically and emotionally exhausted to stay awake, despite any lingering fear. Besides, Cin was here, he was helping her, and he said he still thought she was worth something...

"Worth something?" Cin pressed his lips against her temple. "How about 'I'd die for you', Padawan? Don't you think that means you're worth more than just something?"

Too tired to care that her shields had crumbled, Zara looked up at Cin. "Really, Master?"

"In a heartbeat, if that's what was needed to help you, Zara."

Cin probably wasn't expecting Zara to hug him as tightly as she could and desperately beg, "Don't ever die, Master. I'm always going to need you!"

"Shh..." Cin cuddled her close to his heart, kissing her forehead again. "I'll always be here to help you, Zara. Promise. Go to sleep, little one."

Zara didn't even manage to mumble "Yes, Master," before her exhausted body shut down, demanding sleep. But in her dreams, she still sensed her Master standing guard over her, protecting her while he pulled her out of the quagmire that her two-week excursion into the hells of Ylesia and Nar Shaddaa had pulled her into. I'm still here, Zara. And I'll always be here for you, promise.

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Meh. That ending looked better in my head...

In any case, please review! You know you want too... *wink wink nudge nudge*

Thanks for reading!

Xaja