Finding Home
(the sequel to "No Better Mistake")
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, James Potter, or any other related characters from the world of Harry Potter. I also don't own the setting, plot lines, relationships, etc. ANYTHING ASSOCIATED WITH HARRY POTTER BELONGS TO J.K. ROWLING, not me.
NOTES:
Love on the rocks! They're not broken up but... rocky, for sure. Very depressing. Thanks for all the comments!
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16
Sirius was gone when the screech owl, tapping its beak on the bedroom window, awoke Remus in the early afternoon. It seems like some rubbish was always waking him up, thought Remus ruefully, as he clumsily made his way across the room, opening the window to let the bird soar in.
The past few weeks had been some of the worst of Remus' life. After the Monday where he and Sirius had stayed up the entire night, trying to figure out where to go from there, Remus had lapsed into near-silence, Sirius being the only one really speaking. Both were unwilling to really go, but, for both of their very different reasons, it seemed to be obvious that, soon, one of them must leave. Despite their guilt, despite their lies, they clung on—Remus found himself, in the dead of night, moving closer to the motionless form of Sirius, but in the morning, they drew apart again, both trying to ignore the other's red-rimmed, sleepless eyes. Remus had taken off the day from his job, sending an owl to Doris, the shopkeeper, and he avoided most contact with Matt since their discussion, who hadn't come into the shop nearly as much. He spent most of his time sleeping, or trying to sleep; occasionally packing up things and then unpacking them again. Sirius seemed to be trying to make efforts to repair his lies—begging with Remus to stay, attempting to squash his feelings of inadequacy, but Remus felt numb to his pleas. With each passing day, he grew more and more angry with himself for lacking the strength to do what he knew was really right: go.
Taking the letter from the owl, Remus' feelings of dread only grew. He recognized the handwriting on the outside—it was from his mother, who, since he had come to live with Sirius, he regularly wrote too, though he never said much of substance. He had, however, felt that he was obligated to tell her about each month's transformation, and though he'd left out many details, she would have gotten the general picture of his last one. Now, he unfolded the note addressed to him. Things can't get any worse, he thought glumly, as he began to read his mother's words.
Dear Remus, she began, and Remus took a deep breath:
Your father and I were so upset to hear about what happened over the last full moon. As you know, neither of us have much experience in healing bones, so I can only offer you the advice of every mother: rest, and try and eat something for once.
We'd like to come and visit you. I can't believe we haven't seen where you are living, and it would be nice to see your friend Sirius again… He was so polite last summer. We'll be by Saturday – bringing your late birthday gift, of course. Looking forward to seeing you then.
Love,
Mother
"Oh… no…" muttered Remus, turning over his mother's note in his hands, as if she might have written "just kidding!" on the back. "No, no, no…"
"What's up?" asked Sirius quietly from behind him, and Remus whirled around, one hand still clutching the note. He must have just walked in—home, for once, a little early. At the horrified look on Remus' face, he moved in closer, looking as though he were about to touch him, but then thought better of it. It was amazing how they had gone from best friends to what felt like strangers in a matter of days. Remus longed to take his hand, to give in… "Everything okay?"
Nothing's okay, Remus felt like saying, but instead he told him: "My parents… they're coming by Saturday."
"Tomorrow?" asked Sirius, surprised. "But that's a good thing, isn't it? I'm sure they've been wanting to see you…"
Remus shook his head. He turned away from Sirius again, staring, once more, out the window. The sun was setting far off into the distance. In the approaching fall, the trees around their land had grown beautiful with their autumn colors; reds, yellows, and ambers perfectly reflected in the pools of Remus' eyes. Just this morning, he had walked through those trees; sat amongst the too-long grass and wished, wished fervently for a time that had only been a few weeks ago. Why did his family have to come now, when everything was so jumbled? Couldn't they have come back in June, or a month from now, when Remus had decided what to do, or what he was willing to lose?
"No, this isn't a good thing, Sirius," he took a deep breath, then turned back again to face him. "I never told them about… any of this."
"Oh," said Sirius simply. Remus felt a small sense of satisfaction knowing that, as a result of Sirius' discrepancies, there was no way he could be mad about this, despite the fact that he seemed surprised. "Well… we just won't tell them, then, will we?" he tried to finish brightly, attempting something of a smile.
"I'm pretty sure they'll find out," said Remus flatly. He gestured to the room around them, messy with their spread-about things. Downstairs was no different—the house was covered with their possessions, all in various states of disarray. The bedroom in which they stood was the same as when they had moved in; a jumble of mismatched furniture and no bedframe; their shared closet cramped with clothes. Remus sighed again, looking around. "I mean… we only have one bed."
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If there was one thing he was grateful for the next day, it was Sirius' unfailing ability to be charming, even in the most nerve-wracking of situations. Remus' mother and father were scarcely inside their cramped home for a minute before Sirius had them both on the couch with glasses of wine, smiling broadly at whatever story he was telling. Remus was reminded vividly of the summer before, when Sirius' stay at his parent's home had changed them in the same way—there was something about the boy that charmed them. Perhaps, then, when Remus finally told them the truth, they maybe wouldn't be so upset…
His smile felt extremely tense on his face as he passed his mother a plate of chocolate. Almost in a frenzy the night before, he had sent Sirius out to the store on his bike, running around the house himself in an attempt to tidy up somewhat. He could feel his heartbeat rising in his throat… surely, they must notice something was odd, the way that Sirius kept casting sidelong glances at him…
"You don't look good, Remus," his mother admitted to him, gazing rather sadly at her son, whose expression remained blank. "Does it still hurt?"
"Oh—" said Remus, realizing she was talking about his neck, and arm, which was still in a sling. "No," he lied, changing position and hitching what felt like a pleasant expression back on his face. "I feel fine. Really." He avoided looking at Sirius, who had turned, guiltily, away.
"Well, are you going to show us the rest of the place?" asked his father, who was looking, amused, around at Remus' many stacks of books. Instantly, the panic inside Remus' chest began to rise, nearing choking him. He tried to clear his throat, but even that act felt pained. He opened his mouth, then closed it again, and finally, with difficulty, he spoke.
"About that," he said, gazing down at his clasped hands, "I feel as though… I should probably tell you something."
They looked curiously toward him, and Remus found that his mouth was dry. The knees on which he rested his palms were shaking, and he concentrated on remaining calm. Tell them… he told himself, just tell them… "Sirius… and I…" he began. "We… weren't not…"
"Mrs. Lupin… Mr. Lupin," Sirius suddenly interrupted, holding out a hand to silence Remus, whose voice seemed to have quit working. "Remus has become… a very important person to me." He looked toward Remus, and who saw a painfully familiar expression flit across his eyes. As if unable to help himself, Sirius reached toward him, using a single finger to draw down his cheek, and then he spoke again: "We are… well, I am very much in love with your son."
All three sets of eyes turned at once toward Sirius, who, now that he had drawn back from Remus, sat alone. His clean, well-fitting button-up shirt and short, dark hair didn't look a thing like himself, but his voice echoed with a confidence that could only be Sirius Black. Remus stared at him, horrified, and yet oddly awed, as he continued to speak.
"I'm sure this is a bit of a shock," he went on, looking more toward Remus, instead of the two adults he was addressing. "I don't think either of us wanted it to tell you this way. But… though I haven't necessarily treated him as he should be treated these past few weeks…" his gray eyes were burning into Remus', who wanted to turn away, but found himself unable too. "I do care about him very much. He really is an extraordinary person."
He said these last words to Remus, and Remus alone.
"Yes, he is," said Remus' mother clearly, and Remus felt his head jerk across the table, to look at her. She was gazing toward him not with anger, nor with surprise, but rather, something akin to pity. His father reached toward her, taking her hand, but she did not break her gaze from her son, instead, she looked simply tired, as if she had aged a great number of years in only the past few seconds.
"Do you… love him?" she asked, as if Sirius weren't in the room, as if he wasn't sitting right beside Remus, as if the two weren't on the verge of ending whatever relationship they had. Looking again toward Sirius, Remus bit his lip. He didn't know what would happen next week, tomorrow, or even that night, but he couldn't lie any longer.
"Yes," he admitted, and he felt Sirius move slightly beside him. His mother sighed. "I'm sorry—I know this isn't what you wanted, but… I do."
There was a long silence that stretched across the entirety of the room. Sirius seemed to, every second, open and then close his mouth, as if he wanted to add something, but couldn't quite figure out what to say. Finally, his father spoke, clearly, and carefully, as he always had done.
"Over these past few months," he said slowly, "your mother and I have seen… a great change in your behavior. I don't know what kind of treatment Sirius is referring too, but if this… relationship… has been the cause of your happiness…" he cleared his throat, then spoke again, "if his… love… has made that happen… Well, then I can hardly object."
"What?" asked Remus, startled out of his thoughts. "Aren't you angry? Didn't you… want something different?"
"Remus," said his mother, gracing him with a small, rare smile. "We just want someone to treat you right… the way you should be treated."
Remus managed a weak grin, but he avoided looking toward the boy at his side, as he knew, both of them, had they looked into each other's eyes, would have not been able to avoid another breakdown.
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Sad.
But - I finished the third one yesterday, so I can begin posting that as soon as I finish with this one!
Also - I'm still hoping to reach my goal of 250 reviews... A lofty goal but... can you guys help meee? I love you all.