Chapter 5: The approach by Gus
Juliet sat motionlessly in her car in front of her apartment. She hadn't the slightest idea how long she'd been sitting there for, staring aimlessly out of the front window. It had been two weeks since she heard or saw anything from Shawn. Their last conversation had been in the interrogation room. She hadn't thought that he would keep his promise to stay away from her.
She wasn't entirely sure if this was a good or a bad thing. When she was completely honest with herself, she found that she missed him. So much so that she was almost able to feel the pain physically. She hadn't thought that it would be so difficult to break off all contact with Shawn. Even if it was only temporarily. She didn't want to call him, because even though she missed him tremendously his betrayal was still hurting like hell.
She hadn't told the Chief yet, even though she should. Shawn had committed fraud and she was a cop after all. But she was unable to bring herself to do it. She'd promised Shawn that she would think about it and that was what she'd been doing nonstop for two weeks now.
Sometimes she wished he hadn't told her, so that she wouldn't have to make this decision. Right now she should probably have been lying on the couch in front of the television together with Shawn, eating popcorn and watching some 80's movie if they hadn't have had this fight. He would make some ridiculous remarks during the movie as always and she would laugh about them because she just couldn't resist.
That was one of the first things that attracted her to him. Of course she already noticed his great looks the first time she saw him. If she hadn't been so nervous she would have flirted with him shamelessly. Well more than she had flirted with him anyway even though she'd been on a case at that particular moment in time. He was really irresistible most of the time. But after the initial thought of, 'Is this guy for real?', she'd gotten to know him better she'd also noticed that he was not only great looking but that he had a great personality as well and she'd struggled against the feelings for Shawn which were getting stronger over the years. Finally she'd had to give in because her heart had spoken louder than her brain. She hadn't stood the slightest chance.
She sighed loudly and rubbed her temples. She was starting to get a headache. No rarity in the last few days. Sometimes she thought her head would explode if she didn't do something about it. Her whole day had been fucked up. It started with Lassiter shouting at her. When would she be through with the paperwork? As usual, he showed no sign of assisting her and it had ended with no new leads on their current case. Of course that didn't make it any easier not pondering on Shawn because she was wondering the whole day if he would come up with something new when he would look at the evidence they had so far.
To make her day even more miserable, the rain was coming down in sheets. She'd probably get soaking wet when she made a run for her front door. Because in addition to the crappy weather she didn't get a parking space near her house but instead, two lousy blocks away. She shivered slightly. But she had to go inside before she would freeze to death in the car which was getting colder and colder by the minute. So she grabbed the newspaper and her purse from the passenger seat.
"As if it would make any sense to hold a newspaper over your head when the rain is falling in sheets!" She laughed sarcastically to herself.
Nonetheless, she held the newspaper over her head, climbed out of the car and locked it. She started the run towards her apartment, but she suddenly stopped dead in her tracks when she spotted the familiar blue car in front of her block. Her raised arm with which she was holding the newspaper over her head dropped down and the newspaper slid out of her hand. The rain drummed on her head. Within seconds her jacket was soaking wet and the rain poured down her face but she didn't noticed any of this.
"Okay... he couldn't stay away after all." She wasn't sure if the feeling inside of her was anger or relief. „Can't change it now anyway. He is here."
She went hesitantly towards her front door trying to see the figure clearly through the shades of rain. Who was pressed against the wall under the small roof over her front door in the futile attempt to stay dry? Something didn't seem right. Her cop sense jumped immediately into overdrive and she reached for her weapon in her purse until she recognized the person standing in front of her. It wasn't Shawn.
~S&J~
"Gus? What are you doing here?" Juliet answered, slightly astonished. Then a terrible thought struck her. „Has something happened to Shawn?" Her voice trembled.
"Please god. Don't do that to me!" She thought fearfully.
"No! No, not really." Gus reassured her immediately but he still wore a worried expression on his face.
"But I need to speak to you. About Shawn."
"Well then come in. No need to get any wetter." Juliet opened her front door and they both stepped in.
"Give me a minute. I'm going upstairs to get out of these wet clothes. Go ahead into the kitchen." Juliet said over her shoulder while she was already taking two steps at once up the stairs.
"Why is Gus here? Did Shawn send him?" Juliet was wondering while she was changing into dry clothes. She would take a warm bath after she had listened to whatever Gus had to say. But for now it had to be enough that she only rubbed her hair a bit dry with a towel. She threw it on the bed took another one for Gus and went downstairs to join him in the kitchen. Really curious now as to why he was here at her apartment.
Gus stood awkwardly in her kitchen. It seemed that he had no idea if he should sit down or stand.
"He seems to feel really uncomfortable. It had to be Shawn who sent him over here... He wouldn't just appear on his own for nothing." Juliet mused. She was pretty sure that it hadn't been Gus's idea to come to her.
"Okay, Gus. Here, you have a towel. Do you want something to drink?"
Gus grabbed the towel and started to rub his face dry. He took quite some time to do it. But finally he put it down on a nearby chair and looked up at Juliet.
"No thanks. I have to talk to you about Shawn." He stated once again.
"You already told me that, Gus. What's it about? Did he send you over to me so that you could convince me to talk to him?"
"No, he didn't." Gus answered quickly. Juliet was a little taken aback by his response.
"Shawn didn't send him? Why on earth was he then here?" Juliet didn't understand the world anymore.
"But why are you then here?" She repeated her question aloud.
Gus took a deep breath and looked her directly in her eyes.
"Shawn has been my best friend for over twenty-five years now. We've experienced a lot together and you know Shawn; they weren't always the best experiences." Gus paused for one second and Juliet frowned slightly.
"I have no idea where this could lead to!" But before she could ask Gus, he continued with his speech.
"So I've known him for a very long time and I've never seen him so devastated. Not once. He hardly speaks to me or to anyone. He doesn't go home. He sleeps in the Psych office if he sleeps at all. He looks awful, Juliet. Since he came to the office after he was at the department speaking to you he hasn't make one witty remark. That's not like Shawn. At all. He also didn't want to tell me what you two was talking about that night."
Gus looked at Juliet with confusion written all over his face and even so Juliet didn't want him to know that the description he'd given her of Shawn, got to her. It was cutting right into her heart. But Gus wasn't done yet.
"When I asked him he only replied it's none of my damn business. That was one of the longest sentence's I've heard from him since then. I know he should have told you earlier. But it scared the crap out of him. Just the thought of you leaving him and obviously he wasn't so mistaken about that." Gus gave her kind of a hurt glance but continued.
"You know I was the one who told him that he had to tell you. He wanted to for a long time but he didn't want to put you in a bad position because you are a cop and technically you have the obligation to tell the Chief about it. Have you told her yet?" Gus suddenly asked with a slightly concerned expression on his face but Juliet could only shake her head. She had a big lump in her throat and couldn't get a word out around it.
"We didn't think it would get that big when we started Psych or to be honest I was the only one who thought it was only kind of a hobby for Shawn and soon he would give it up. I don't know if you are aware of the fact that he switched jobs every few months because he couldn't stay long at one place before he started Psych." Juliet only nodded at that statement and Gus continued.
"I think at first it was only because he had so much fun with impersonating a psychic. But he really liked to put criminals behind bars without being a cop and he could use his great ability for a good cause. And then you came into the picture. He's changed a lot since he met you. He always wanted to impress you with his skills. Yes sometimes he exaggerated a little bit." Juliet had to roll her eyes about this statement and Gus had to smile.
"Yes, not sometimes but almost always. But he really loves what he is doing and I think it's the first time in his life that he has a job who he really enjoys. But that isn't why he is so devastated." Juliet raised her eyebrows quizzically.
"It's because of you. He doesn't care much about the job or even if he has to go to jail if you do decide to rat him out to the Chief. He told me that he only was afraid of losing you when he would come clean with you. Did you know that he was jealous every time you dated another man? That he seemed to be somehow a little smaller every time you turned him down one more times?"
"No, not to this extent." Juliet pressed out with a hoarse voice around the lump in her throat.
"He joked about it most of the time because that's what he does. I think his humor is the wall behind which he hides so that he doesn't get hurt. But do you remember the case when he got shot? Of course you do. He told me afterwards that he had to tell you that he loves you and that it was a little awkward but back then he wondered if you wanted to say it back." Juliet opened her eyes wide with wonder.
"So he did notice it! I should have known. He is too sensitive to not notice such things even if he hides his sensitivity very well." Juliet thought with a small smile on her face.
"And then of course when you was kidnapped by Yin." Juliet flinched when Gus mentioned Yin. She wasn't entirely over this episode of her life. But she wasn't sure why Gus brought it up.
"After you called and read the letter to us he was devastated. He was so rattled by the thought that he could lose you and I couldn't help him. He had to go and rescue Abigail but you could clearly see that he would rather be with you. So he told me the only way that he can not be there for you is if he knows that I am. He was so relieved when I told him that you are okay. We almost lost you that day Juliet and even if it didn't seem likely, he was scared to death." Gus paused and looked at her expectantly but Juliet was so agitated that she was tongue-tied. She only swallowed hard. Gus looked at her in confusion, clearly offended that she didn't want to say something about that. But she couldn't. It was physically impossible for her at the moment.
"Juliet you can't look at the situation and only see the black or the white side. There is a lot more. You have to see the gray area in between. Remember all the good times you two had together. All the great memories you surely have. Do you really want to give up all of this?" Juliet stood in front of Gus, stock still. She couldn't move one muscle even if her life would depend on it. Let alone say one word. Gus sighed heavily.
"I need to tell you one more thing. You know about the fact that before he opened Psych that he drove around aimlessly with his motorcycle for quite a long time before he came back to Santa Barbara. If you'll break up with him you should know that there is a high probability that you will never see him again. I'm sure he will climb on his motorcycle and will drive off. And I'm not sure if he will ever come back. I think you need to know that before you make a decision you'll maybe regret your whole life."
Gus waited for a reaction from Juliet but there wasn't any. He didn't understand why it seemed that his attempt to convince her had apparently no effect at all. He huffed out a deep breath and started to walk to the door. Just before he reached the front door he turned around to say one last thing.
"Shawn would definitely kill me when he knew that I'm here talking to you. I only want to let you know that it was solely my idea to come here and talk to you. Shawn had absolutely nothing to do with it. Well of course he had. But it wasn't him who told me to do it. He is my best friend, Juliet. And he is hurt. I had to do something. Even if it seems it didn't help him in anyway." With that Gus turned around opened the door and left her alone.
Juliet stood now alone in her kitchen and tried to digest everything Gus just told her. The sudden silence seemed to overwhelm her. She dropped down on a stool and buried her head in her hands.
"Remember all the good things you two had together. All the great memories you surely have. Do you really want to give up all of this?"
Gus's words ghosted through her mind. Maybe he was right. She should remember not only the bad things but also the good things.
"You and you are a one hundred percent match from your personality questionnaire. I smell love!"
The speed dating. Shawn told her after two months in their relationship that he hadn't copied her card over her shoulder. They really both gave the exact same answers. He joked around and said that they are clearly a one hundred percent match.
"Your one true love will be wearing sneakers and an Apple Jacks t-shirt."
The horoscope. Well he admitted that he wrote the horoscope. She should have known that in the exact moment when he saw him standing in front of her with this shirt. But he really looked great in that shirt and with his shades.
"Look Jules. You gotta take your chi back. Take it back. And that means doing something big. Doing something risky. Something that'll help you blow this case wide open. Marry me, Juliet."
Well that was kind of weird at that time. But he got on one knee and proposed. In some way that was really sweet and he looked so damn good that day.
"He had a vision about us being married? Well okay it wasn't a vision because obviously he has none. But then it was maybe wishful thinking?" Juliet couldn't stop herself to think in that direction.
"I call it very close talking."
She sighed heavily. That was their first kiss. Almost. He made her all weak in the knees while doing his 'close talking'.
"I actually feeling a little nostalgic. Remember when we cracked that case here and the criminals turned out to be roller derby girls?"
She couldn't suppress the shudder which went through her whole body when she remembered the rolling skating with him and their hands brushing together. That was the first time when she thought that she really had to get a grip on her feelings for him.
"So what am I waiting for now? All I know is that I don't wanna miss out on the prize."
She still didn't ask him what he wanted to say back then. She thought it was pretty clear what he wanted to say but she wasn't entirely sure. She should really ask him the next time.
The memories were going to overwhelm her. But she couldn't stop them even if she would try to suppress them.
"Take a lot of pictures. Not of sights. Don't take pictures of buildings. Take pictures of moments. Because that's what matters."
Their first real kiss. But who could have resist him after this speech. He admitted to her in Vancouver that he was totally taken aback by her jumping him in Declan's foyer and that he regretted afterwards that he didn't kiss her thoroughly. But he made up for it in Vancouver. In a big way.
"He is really a great kisser." Juliet thought. She chuckled. "But only when he is prepared for it."
"Since I met you. I've been thinking about getting a car."
Vancouver! Her first night with Shawn. It was the best sex she ever had. Maybe because she was waiting for it so long. To have sex with Shawn. But the next nights were as amazing as the first if not even more amazing because every time they knew more about each others preferences.
"I will protect you."
"Yes, I have him now. Well I had him. He is always able to make me feel better. Always. Do I really want to lose him even if he had lied to me like that?" Juliet was asking herself. Gus had a point. They had a lot of great moments together. She should really take these in consideration. Nothing was only black or white. She had to look at the gray areas as well.
At first a big thank you to my beta reader FearTheSpork. She was amazing as always.
I'm not sure if I got Gus right or if he is too much OOC. But I wanted the story to go in this direction and he wanted to be that way. Deal with it. :)
I hope you enjoyed it all nonetheless. Next chapter will be Henry.