Chapter 8: Beetlejuice and Lydia

Beetlejuice drove around the Netherworld in his newly repaired green convertible. He gazed to his watch, the time showed six o'clock, and that was usually this time Lydia would come into the realm. He rolled to her in a oh so casual way. "Hey Babes…"

"Hi Beej…" Lydia climbed into the passenger seat, and looked around. "Cool car. So did you give it a name yet ?"

Beetle shook his head. "Nope. I was hoping you'd do the honors." then he drove off.

Lydia posed in thought. "This car sounds like the dragster race cars on T.V…. How about the Dragster of Doom ?"

Beetle shook head his head. "Too long, not going to fit on the license plate."

"Doomie then." Lydia replied.

"Doomie huh…" he gave her an odd look. "I didn't think a person of your caliber would consider such a corny name for a cool convertible."

Lydia smirked. "Then you think of a name, smartass."

He chuckled. "For a person who's not interested in perversion, you sure been giving my ass a lot of attention."

"Just say a name." She rolled her eyes.

Beetle thought, then grinned. "Green…green…" then he frowned. "Hmm…I don't know…maybe we should call it the pet name you gave me."

Lydia shot him an odd look. "What pet name ?"

"Asshole." He replied, then grinned. "Of course when you call me that, it sounds much cuter."

She shook her head, rolled her eyes , then decided to change the subject. "Where are we going?"

"Juno…" Beetle rolled his eyes and formed a disgusted face in the thought of his caseworker. "says I need a job, so I'm applying for Court Jester at the Castle."

"The Castle ?" Lydia retorted. "I thought you hate that place."

Beetle gazed to her. "The place isn't the part I have a problem with, it's the person in charge…Prince Vince."

Lydia formed an odd look. "What did he do to you ?"

"Nothing." He replied. "I just hate him, that's all." then looked to her. "He's too…depressed. Maybe if he had a good lay, he'll cheer up."

Lydia formed a sour look. "Is that all you think about ?"

"No, of course not." Beetle replied, then formed a grin. "It's just one of many of my fabulous talents."

"So I guess your be giving the Prince that service too huh…" Lydia smirked.

Beetle sneered a look to her. "Ha-ha…very funny." said in a sarcastic tone.

The Castle entrance….

Beetlejuice of course cut in front of the thousand or so long line of applicants. Some stood for the Court Jester, while others stood in line for other positions.

"Hold it right there Beetle…" A hand grabbed Beetle by the back collar of his shirt. "There's a person in there right, now."

Lydia looked around. She saw the hand, but not the person or thing it belonged to.

"Hey buddy…" A voice called, gaining Beetle's attention. "The line's back there." followed by the complaining of others.

"Silence." The hand spoke. "I'm allowing Beetle to pass. The quicker he gets in, the quicker he gets out."

Beetle smirked. "You know me well hand." then he approached another desk.

"Number 79,478, 000..." The lady clerk gave Beetle a paper with the number stamped on it. "good luck." she finished in a dry tone, then looked to Lydia. "The Prince is not accepting applications for concubine this century…try again in the year 3015." then looked more carefully. "Then again…a living breed, would be a different addition to his collection."

"I'm not a whore." Lydia spat.

The female clerk shook her head. "I didn't say you were my dear. I said…Concubine, and believe me dear, they get paid so much even though the Prince doesn't touch them."

Lydia was fuming mad, then turned to Beetle. "Why does everyone mistake me as a-" she got cut off.

"It's a Netherworld thing, Babes…" Beetle began. "For some reason, women are rare here, so when they come, most guys are high stricken to pay women for se…entertainment."

Lydia frowned heavily. "Great."

Lydia and Beetle finally enter the Throne room, and as they walked toward the spot light, they saw Scuzzo, Fuzzo, Barth Batt, and even Ginger leave in defeat from the door.

"Beetlejuice and Lydia." The guard announced.

Lydia turned a wide eyed look to her ghostly friend. "You never said I was part of this act."

Beetle formed a mischievous grin. "Oosp…"

Lydia stood away from Beetle as he turned himself into a typical stage comedian, wearing a slightly open collar dress shirt, an undone bow tie, and a wrinkled tux.

"Hey Princerio….did you ever here about the chicken that crossed the road ?" Beetle began, then turned to his friend. "Tell 'em what happened to the chicken , Lyds."

"It died." Lydia replied in a dry sarcastic tone.

Beetle frowned. "Um…Oooo-kayeee…."

"Hey Beej…" Lydia began, still using a dry tone. "Knock…knock."

"Who's there ?…" Beetle smiled.

Lydia walked closer to him. "Fun."

"Fun…who ?" Beetle raised a confused brow.

"I put the Fun in Funeral." she finished off.

Beetle stepped back with a nervous chuckle, then looked to the unimpressed Prince.

Lydia stared at the Prince, everything about him screamed depressed…his blue skin, his heavy frown, and most of all…the large black cloud above his head, but other than that she thought the Prince to be handsome in a dark mysterious way…his long black hair, his large dark eyes, and the classic royal way that he's dressed. "What do you want your majesty ?"

The Prince looked to her, this stranger to the Netherworld ask him something no other has ever asked him before. "I want to be happy." he simply replied.

Lydia posed in thought. "You don't seem to like entertainment, so maybe…" she got cut off.

"On the contrary…" The Prince began. "I adore many forms of entertainment, but there is no feeling when I am forced to enjoy it alone."

Beetle folded his arms. "Misery likes company." he muttered softly.

"That's true." Lydia replied. "You need to makes friends…I know it's hard, I should know…I'm an outcast."

"Friends…" The Prince repeated. "Out of everything I have, I do not have that."

"Detain her !" The Guard shouted, then the others grabbed Lydia.

Beetle was grabbed as well, but was quickly thrown out of the castle. He looked back and posed in thought as to h e should get Lydia out. The other applicants left from the castle, then the entrance sealed shut. "Damn it."

Lydia stood in a large cage in the middle of the dining room.

"I am glad you suggested this thought of friendship, Lydia…" The Prince entered the room., walking closer to her. "Your name is Lydia, is it not ?"

"Yes." Lydia nodded her head. "Your majesty…" she called, gaining the attention of the Prince. "Please release me, this isn't how a friend is formed."

"Oh ?…" The Prince raised a brow.

Lydia banged against the cage.

"It seems to be successful thus far." He finished off, then sat at the head of the dining room table, and looked to her. "Please, join me for dinner."

The guard rolled the cage closer the table.

Lydia now stood in front of a bowl of steaming…whatever it is. "What is it ?" she asked the Prince while poking the unidentified food with a fork.

"A traditional yet exotic dish of Netherworld sweet blue snails." He replied then chewed.

Lydia gasped. "It…it certainly helps bring out your smooth blue complexion."

The Prince looked to her. "Is there something you rather have, My Lydia."

Lydia gave the Prince such a look when he referred to her as his. "I'm not your slave, your majesty."

"I never said that you were." He replied. "The slaves in my castle are actually Netherworld criminals who were sentenced to shovel the mess of my specially trained Sandworms."

"Then why am I in this cage ?" Lydia asked.

The Prince turned to her. "As my first friend, you are kept in there so I will not lose you." he replied then a small bell rung. "Fear not, My Lydia…no harm will ever come to you, and you have the best of care, and the finest appeal in all the land." he stood from his seat. "Please excuse me, but I must rest…" and walked toward the door. "Good night." then he left.

Lydia sighed in relief then was carried in the cage to her room. The room is large and filled with black and dark crimson famine lace and silk décor, and even in this odd situation, Lydia couldn't help to admit that the room look's. "Beautiful." She awed, then the cage disappeared, and the door to the room slammed shut.

A female dressed in a French maid uniform, fazed through her locked door room. "Is there anything I can get for you ?

"How about the key so I can get out of here." Lydia replied.

The maid shook her head. "If I even think about doing such a thing, they'll send me to the exorcism machine so fast, I'll make my head spin." then she escorted the living being in a chair. "How about a dish…I was told you didn't eat."

Lydia felt so defeated, and shrugged. "I would like a cheesy pepperoni pizza."

"Pizza huh…" The maid floated toward the door. "It's been a while since the Chef made normal food, and decades since he's cooked for the Living, but I know he'll try his best." she smiled.

When the Maid left, Lydia just sulked in her seat. "Why me ?"

Just then Beetle floated from outside of the window. "Hey Lyds…" he called, gaining her attention. "I'll get you out as soon as I can."

"When ?" She hissed. "The Prince might decide to make our friendship a friendship with benefits thing."

"Nah…" Beetle waved a uncaring hand. "He's not that type."

"Help me." said she urged desperately.

"I will, Lyds…" Beetle began. "but with the main gate sealed, I won't be able to use my powers at full strength, so I'll have to get creative…" then grinned. "and dirty." He stared to his best friend. "I'll be back." said exactly in Arnold Schwarzenegger's voice.

Lydia returned to her seat and sighed, then noticed the pizza on the desk. The pizza has sauce, cheese, and pepperoni in pie crust, in a pie pan. She gave it an odd stare but tasted it anyway. "Not bad." nodded to the piece on the fork. "Not bad at all."

Beetle floated outside the Castle in thought. "Hmmm…..Now how can I get in there without being detected. Hmmm…." Then the idea came to mind. "A-ha !" he snapped a finger, and formed into a blond woman with a French maid dress. "They couldn't possibly detected me if I'm as chick."

So now as Betty…she floated to the service entrance, and the guard gave her an odd stare. "Hi there…" she smiled. "I was sent by the Temp Agency as a replacement to clean."

The guard raised a brow, but allowed the strange woman to pass.

Betty floated through the dark castle. "I have no ideal where to go from here." she muttered softly to herself, then the stair case came in view. She climbed the stairs to discover a hallway with four large doors….

The first door is a room full of beautiful concubines, normally Beetle would've gave a wolf whistle, but stopped himself. "It'll be a dead give-a-way if I do that as a chick."…..

The second door is a library, and the Prince sat written one of many of his sonnets on the desk. Betty shook her head. "What a dork." she muttered softly….

The third door is the dark and blue bedroom of the Prince. "Cool." she awed at the sight of a large painting of a bleeding skull on the wall….

The forth door has "Lyds…" Betty whispered, gaining her attention, and the friend came to the door. "Are you alright ?"

"Yeah." Lydia replied, the formed a concerned look. "But how are you going to get me out ? The bars have no place to put a key."

Betty shook her head. "It's ghostly magic held by the Prince, but once he weakens…the bars will disappear, and your have a 2min window to get out, so stay by this door."

"How will he weaken ?" Lydia asked.

Betty smiled. "Only through you."

Lydia then frowned.

"Look…" Betty began. "You don't have to do anything naughty, just make him physically do stuff, like…like…" trying to think of an idea. "something in the lines of gym, or a sport."

"I don't him to get hurt." Lydia spat, then formed an idea. "I think I know."

Betty vanished.

"I wish he wouldn't just vanish like that." Lydia soured, then waved for the attention of a passing guard.

The guard stopped in front of the caged door with a raised brow.

"I would like to see the Prince please." said Lydia.

The guard vanished.

Lydia sneered to this action. "I see just vanishing is trendy here."

The Prince appeared in front of her from out of nowhere. "Yes, my Lydia."

"I thought of an activity you and I could do together." Lydia smiled.

"Oh ?…" The Prince raised a brow.

"I'm not very good at it…" Lydia admitted. "but maybe you could help me."

"And what activity do you speak of ?" The Prince questioned.

Lydia didn't know if her idea would work or not, but she gave a warm smile, and said. "Bow and arrows."

"Ah archery…" The Prince replied with a half-like smile. "I am the master in that sport, of course I will assist you."

Betty watched from afar for any sighs of weakness from the Prince, but became distracted from the sound a wolf whistle from behind her, she turned to see an old rival.

"Hey Baby…" The guy smiled, sliding his hand up her fishnet stockings.

It's Scuzzo.

"My brother's very…very …interested in you." Scuzzo gestured a hand to his tall drooling younger brother. "So am I." he formed a lustful grin. "So how about we go to my place for a little action."

"Little is right." Betty smiled. "I thought you two were girls with the logs you're packin'."

Scuzzo formed a angry look. "Listen Broad…" he got cut off by the sudden touch of Betty's hand as she slid his hand further up her dress, so far up in fact that his hand touched. "What the fuck ?"

"Mine is bigger than yours." Betty sang in a tease.

Scuzzo's mouth dropped from shock.

"You keep your mouth open like that and I might be tempted to accept the invitation." Betty grinned as she swung her unchanged male member against the clown.

"Beetle." Scuzzo frowned in disgust, then formed a very angry look.

Beetle still stood as Betty, and gave the clown a sexy stare. "Did anybody ever tell you that you look cute when you're angry ?" said in a sexy voice.

Scuzzo shook his head with such disgust and anger. "You son of a bitch."

"Thank you…" Betty smiled, kissed his forehead. "I try." then vanished.

Lydia stood with bow and arrow in hand, shot at the target, and missed it completely.

"Try aiming the arrow head just a little further this way…" The Prince guided Lydia's arms from behind her. "Now line the arrow head with your target…" he aimed it her arms and sight. "Now pull it tight, and release."

Lydia did as instructed, and the target was hit. "I got it !" she cheered.

"Well done." Said the Prince, then he changed the subject as they sat at a table. "Your plan will not succeed."

Lydia gave him an odd stare.

"Your plan to escape tonight." He finished off, then stared into her eyes. "I knew of your plan before, you requested for my attention."

Her eyes flew wide form shock, but the fact couldn't be denied. "How…how did you know ?"

"My ears are everywhere, which enables me to listen to every single plot within my castle." The Prince began. "Two of my guards are plotting to steal gold from my treasury…One of my chefs is plotting to poison me…My personal butler wants to witness me being devoured by a Sandworm…Need I say more ?"

"That's horrible." Lydia saddened. "But I…I can't be a held prisoner like this."

"My only trusted one in the castle is my advisor, and he suggest that I set you free." Vince replied then took her hand and kissed the back f it. "And I shall do just that." then he vanished.

"Wait !" Lydia shouted but the Prince was gone.

The cloud around the castle became more heavy and dark, thunder cracked, and it rained.

Beetle now formed as himself stood besides Lydia. "C'mon Lyds, his power has weakened, let's go." He grabbed her around her waist, and floated off. "C'mon Lyds, before Your Majesty starts a hurricane." they went to the car and drove away.

"I feel bad for him." Lydia looked back to the dark rainy castle.

"Nah…" Beetle swung uncaring hand. "He'll be fine, besides I'm the one who should be crying, not him."

Lydia gave him a confused stare. "Why's that ?"

"That clown squeezed my balls." Beetle frowned.

Lydia giggled. "Well maybe you should form your parts into a female when you're Betty."

Beetle gave her such a sneered stare.

"Never mind."

Beetle rolled his eyes. "Just say 'Home' three times."

"Home, Home, Home." Lydia shouted, then she appeared in her bedroom. She looked around the room, the time and everything is normal, and so sighed in relief. She looked to her vanity mirror. "Beej ?…"

Beetle appeared wearing beetle printed maroon pajamas. "What's up ?" he yarned.

"Thanks for helping me." Lydia smiled. "I…I wasn't expecting that."

Beetle grinned. "You've got to learn to trust me, Babes…I told you, I'm not going to hurt you." he yarned again. "This ghost gotta get some sleep…Night Lyds." then he vanished.

Lydia climbed into bed, and thoughts of the depressed Prince stayed in her mind. "I've got to think of something." but nothing more could be formed, she just passed out on her pillows, and laid to rest.