A/N:Wow, glad to hear that you all enjoyed it so far and to see that I wasn't crucified yet. This chapter takes more of a crackish turn, but I've tried keeping them in character as well. Hope the mix blends well! :)

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own anything.

FANON

Chapter 2
"Fanon is Killing Us!"

"How can they know? They can't know!"

"But they must— how else could they know my mannerisms. How I look. How I act around the others… how?"

"It's simple… they must know me because they constantly watch me, maybe not with hidden cameras like Rumble and Frenzy told me, but watching me on the human news or listening to how the Autobots describe me… are they in cahoots with the Autobots? How can they? How can they write me so… correctly…?"

Breakdown collapsed on his berth, his arm draping over his optics. "This is a nightmare! I mean— I'm not paranoid all the time. Sure I get a little anxious whenever I hear my axles squeak or when I detect an oil leak—but it doesn't mean that I'm as scared as a cyber mouse! I'm a Decepticon for the love of Primus! A warrior!" Breakdown scoffed, "Stupid humans. I'm not that paranoid!"

A loud crashing sound shot him up from his berth like a turbo fox during hunting season, his optics scanning and his systems on full alert. "What was that?"

The question was answered when he heard the sound of breaking glass next door— in Dragstrip's quarters. Breakdown flinched slightly when he saw a large square object dent the wall so much they came into Breakdown's side.

A furious roar and the sound of a door sliding open was enough for Breakdown to go investigate what was wrong with his Stunticon brother. Breakdown poked his head out of his quarters to see Dragstrip stomping down the hall towards the elevator, a wrathful look in his optics that could make Motormaster cringe.

"Fraggin' meatbags! Your heads are my mine!" he roared as he stepped into the elevator, a fist slamming down on the button so hard Breakdown thought he broke it until the doors slid and took the angered Stunticon to the Launching Tower.

Dead End emerged from his quarters, the only other Stunticon left in the hall since Motormaster, Wildrider and now Dragstrip had departed on their own vendettas. Dead End approached Dragstrip's quarters, determined to see if it was the same culprit that had driven his comrades insane.

Breakdown followed Dead End into his quarters, hesitant to see what had finally driven Dragstrip over the breaking point.

When Breakdown and Dead End saw the art displayed on the monitor, they understood fully.

"Hmm…" Dead End replied, "I understand his objections perfectly. I feel the same."

Breakdown's horrified gaze fixed on Dead End; his brother had been victimized despite acting strangely calm for feeling the same as Dragstrip. "What they do to you? Who'd they… put you with?"

Dead End let a bitter smirk pull his face behind his face-mask. "I have been paired with Deceptions and Autobots alike, however what upsets me is how passionately these vermin prefer me to be paired with a female and sometimes a mech mech of their own creation. Why they think I would ever degrade myself to be seen with their monstrosity is beyond my comprehension."

Dead End sighed, "However… not as much so as how the humans think that not only are we capable of performing human intercourse but also believe that the same gender can transcend the rules of normal reproduction—if our species was even capable of human reproduction that is."

Breakdown's expression turned to one of complete repulsion. "Are you saying that the humans think we are created like them… that we breed like them?"

"Apparently so," Dead End grimly answered. "And more so. They also have the deluded belief that the same sex can impregnate each other."

Breakdown grimaced even more, a complete look of shock and disgust on his face. He looked back at the art displayed on Dragstrip's monitor… a terribly drawn sketch of him with protruding abdominal plates… a proud Jazz standing by his side.

Breakdown turned back to Dead End, now wishing he didn't understand. "Oh… I haven't gotten that far yet. I was, urm, fultilled with the writing they had done about me. It's like they know me… like all they do is watch me so they can figure out how I behave. It's fraggin' creepy!"

"The word is fulfilled, Breakdown," Dead End corrected. "Well, at least the writing that you stumbled upon has your character written correctly. The ones that I have found are most disappointing," Dead End said. "It seems that there is nothing but death upon my mind, that I even go so far as to killing myself in unspeakably boring ways for the sake of ending my misery. Do you think this to be me Breakdown?"

Breakdown pressed his lip components into a thin line; refusing to answer.

"It is either that or they completely miss my character completely," Dead End continued, "They have me using human mannerisms, speaking their moronic exploitives and doing activities that I would never think of. I for one do not see myself playing a game of championship ping-pong with Bumblebee anytime soon."

"Really? They wrote you doing that?"

"Yes indeed. However my situation is not as bad compared to the Seekers," Dead End shrugged. "They seem to have to have the brunt of the human's affections."

"Huh…" Breakdown said. "Is it worse?"

Dead End glanced over at Breakdown, a semi-sympathetic smile pulling at the corner of his lips. "Oh... yes it is. I hear Starscream hasn't found out yet."

Dead End turned to leave, but left a last remark. "But I'm sure the whole base will be informed once he does…"

Dead End couldn't off had more perfect timing, because even he jumped slightly when the sound of the infamous (and petrified) Seeker's cry rang through the floor and down to their audio receptors as if a klaxon horn had blared throughout the base. Dead End grimaced, sighing. They would be hearing a lot of screaming this cycle…

Starscream had 10, 522 reasons too…

In the Common Room of the Decepticon Headquarters sat the remaining mechs with enough (but dwindling) restraint. Holding back on taking their much needed revenge on the humans that had disrespected them. To them, it wasn't the stories about them in disgusting situations the authors joyously wrote about. It was an issue about appearance and respect.

They obviously didn't fear them enough—it was the only reason they sought to do whatever they wanted; pair them with who they wanted, and break the impossible until reality itself was calling for a do-over. Apparently, their reputations were not proceeding them.

Why?

Were they losing too many battles with the Autobots that the humans thought them nothing more of circus clowns they could throw pies at?

Was it some perverse form of flattery? Did they humans worship them and present it to them with their apparent prose of insanity? There were many who thought so, who had read the stories about the Decepticon interfacing with the humans. While a lot of them were able to shrug it off with a disgusted look, there was one who recently discovered it that couldn't understand why he (and a couple of others) were victimized out of all the rest.

"I just don't understand… why me?" questioned a baffled Thundercracker.

Skywarp, who had just deemed it comfortable enough to be seen in public with his trine-mate, shrugged. "Well… at least the Autobot femmes wanna frag you. Apparently you're paired with every femme in the universe— frag the fleshies even make some for you!"

"Me and Starscream…" corrected Thundercracker in a half-mutter. "But at least the humans don't view me as an abusive rapist."

"Yeah, they view you as soft and a lovey-dubby Decepticon with Autobot feelings…" Skywarp said, unable to hide his snicker when he drank his energon.

"And you're promiscuous," shot Thundercracker growing slightly ill-tempered.

"Ah well…" Skywarp said, downing down the remainder of his cube. "A least they got something right."

"Yeah, Skywarp— you're BORING! BORING!"

Vortex crashed upon their tables, the blue alcoholic energon already taking control of his functions after a quarter of a cube. He straightened up and drank his energon, clearly another victim that had been created over the past cycle, but instead of taking his anger out on his usual punching bags (his personals, Rumble and Frenzy, and the actual punching bag he had hanging in his closet with a picture of Blades taped on), the interrogation mech decieded to torture his own body with libations; taking advantage that Swindle kept Blast Brew in his closet for monetary purposes and Vortex happened to of figured out his safe codes before he had opened the links on his mail account.

He laughed, his balance unstable and his thirst unquenchable. He slurred when he spoke to them, taking the personality of a drunk heckler. "Ya... ya wanna know who they paired me with...? Huh..? Ya wanna know gender fragger?"

His head bobbed to Thundercracker, "You"— his head turned towards Skywarp but went back to Thundecracker again— "and you... SKY-Warp."

His pitched increased, his free hand enclosing into a furious fist. "AND BLADES!"

The remaining Decepticons in the room focused their attention on the inebriated helicopter, the scene was too odd to gaze away from.

"But hey, am I mad? Nooooo..." Vortex slurred, lying. "Cause when I look at ya PC"— Vortex pointed to Skywarp again by mistake— "I feel lucky that I'm not YOU and STARSCREAM!"

He laughed maniacally; annoying and loud, "But ya know the funny thing is... I ain't paired with a single female!" Vortex's visor flared with drunken anger. "It's all mechs ALL the time!"

His hands flew up to his shoulders in a confused and dizzy shrug, the contents of his Blast Brew swishing like waves caught in a hurricane. "I don't fraggin' get it!" his expression turned more hostile, a scowl across his face as he used the table for support.

Hook, from his table across the way ran a hand over his face before getting up from his table and walking over to the scene, withdrawing a syringe from subspace. Vortex was the only one that didn't notice.

"I say— BRING ON THE CHICKS!"

Clink.

The syringe hit the back of Vortex's neck joint, causing the mech to collapse to the ground before he knew what hit him.

"Thank you," Thundercracker groaned, relieved at the sight of an offline Vortex.

"I didn't do it for you," was Hook's reply before stalking off, calling Onslaught to come and retrieve his comrade.

With the memory of the situation becoming slowly forgotten, Skywarp decided to take Vortex's actions into consideration. He could either drink his processor dead, or do what the other Cons had been doing and show the humans what they thought about their writing.

Skywarp stretched his arms over his helm before separating them above and then bringing them by his sides. He still didn't approve of the fleshies other accusations of him and he thought it was time for them to abadon ship. However, Skywarp couldn't bring himself to do it solo, especially when he saw the gloomy look on his trine mate's face.

"Wanna go kill fleshies with me?"

Thundercracker nodded instantly. "Yes I do—let's go" he answered quickly, rising to join his team-mate.

Not every Transformer in the base felt soul-raped when they saw the amateur prose about the Decepticons. They had a secret, a rather ingenious method of reading for Decepticons of their mental capabilities.

It was called the 'don't like, don't read rule'.

So they ignored the fics about them that might contain mature gay scenes with them, knowing that if they set optics on it, they would forever be cursed to suffer the ego-shattering consequences. And so, they followed their rule and the two mechs were enjoying the humiliation at the other Decepticon's expenses as if it they would never get the opportunity again.

Frenzy couldn't stop laughing, watching his twin double over in never-ending bliss was enough to never let his own joy let up. It was contagious and they loved every bit of it.

They had hit the jack-pot.

Story after story of Starscream was like an energon goodie after another. They started reading in silence, and then it escalated to them reading it off to each other… laughter ensued.

"Oh primus… these fleshies are… wha' is wrong with them?"

"Wait Rumble, wait, wait, wait! Listen ta this line—Starscream is meetin' his anonymous lova'!" Frenzy said, fanning his hands in an anxious and excited manner. Frenzy's visor fixed back on the text and read the contents out loud. "He removed his visor passionate. Then Starscream went over and kissed him on the mouth because Starscream really really liked him, no loooovedhim. 'Starscream!' his lover cries, 'This wrong! Megatron will hurt us both real bads if we are caughtz!' "

Rumble couldn't control his laughter if he wanted, and it took every restraint in Frenzy's frame to continue. " 'I nows…' Starscream replies. 'but my heart aches for you, how long must we hide this love for each other'…my heart will go on.' "

"Oh Primus!" Rumble cried, rolling on the surface of Soundwave's computer desk. "Keep goin' Frenzy! I wanna know who Starscream's anonymous lova' is!"

Frenzy let some chuckles escape before he continued. "Alright where was I… 'Starscream and him made love. It was very good until someone came and interrupted them. 'Optimuz Prime! Go away I'm making love!' "

Rumble nearly rolled off the desk and Frenzy couldn't stop his laugh attack. However he managed to compose himself and read more. " 'Optimus Prime raised his big blue finger and points at them and said in a big voice (A/N: because he rockz my sockz! Sqee!) Stop making love in this meadow! You're scaring the children. Starscream! Sound…wave…'

Frenzy's voice trailed off, horrfied. Rumble stopped laughing when he heard his master's name— Starscream's anonymous lover.

Their face plates fell with disgust… it seemed the stories had found a way to outsmart their rule… it had found a way to devastate them more than the authors getting their colors wrong. They had attacked their master— their creator. They had attacked Soundwave with their filthy dribble. It wasn't fun anymore...

The twins understood now and felt the anger the others were feeling course through their systems; engulfing them in uncontrollable rage.

Frenzy slammed his fist down, "No fleshie does tha' ta Soundwave!"

Rumble jumped to his feet, running to his brother's side with his pile drivers already out. "Let's kill!" he cried.

Another set left the base, and there still would be more to come, because the twins had forgotten to do what the other Cons had done when they saw the stories...

Get rid of the evidence.

Moments after their departure, Soundwave entered his quarters, Ravage and Laserbeak accompanying him, and went over to his computer to update a security program he had been working on as a side project for Megatron. However instead of a blank screen he found what his creations had been looking at before they had departed.

Soundwave stared at the content, his expression dead-panned underneath his covered features. Then, as he began to decipher the poor grammar more and more he leaned forward in his chair, his optics squinted behind his visor as he tried to process what he was reading.

When he read the horrific truth about Starscream's anonymous lover his fingers fled to the buttons on his touchscreen keypad— trying to delete the content. However the content protested against his wishes and remained on his screen.

Soundwave's fingers began to increse their speed—the punches rapid— but still no avail. His gaze fixed back and forth from his finger and to the monitor, wondering why it wasn't working.

It seemed to have a mind of it's own, as if it wanted to put the Communication's Officer through this unnatural torture.

Finally Soundwave let the computer win and ceased his efforts The haunting truth finally sinking in...

So, he finally met the culprit to the Decepticons unexplainable mood swings. He had heard about this human web-page, but did not see the logic behind it until now. Now he could understand why the Decepticons had been effected so.

It was a blatant slap in the face. Even though he didn't care, emotions were dangerous to show and he certainly wouldn't allow humans to effect them, but he could see the disrespect behind it. The humans form of flattery was unwelcome and their methods for showing it was an abomination.

It was also disrupting the atmosphere of the base and driving the Decepticons mad. Logic informed him that it needed to be dealt with.

Finally, after a flutter of light from his monitor, the computer finally gave into his command and deleted the page from view. Soundwave's visor fixed on it, ideas going through his processor for what to do. Finally, he leaned forward, his fingers dancing over his keyboard and searched for the source of the website's base of operations.

He would put a stop to it. He would restore order to the base, and the quieter the better. Based on how quiet it seemed neither Starscream nor Megatron had discovered the human literary treasure chest and he needed to destroy it before they did. Chaos was a thing he did not like rampaging through the base and chaos is what the Commanders would bring if they did find it.

A shrill and mortified scream sounded from next door, causing the always stoic blue mech to jump slightly in his chair and cover his sensitve audio receptors from the Seeker's infamously loud cry.

Soundwave rose from his chair, his footsteps drowned out by the Seeker's loud cursing from next door and procedded to the Launching Tower.

Little did Soundwave know that Starscream had actually found the website 2 hours before Soundwave had returned to Headquarters, and that damage was already done.

A/N: Vortex, the fic that Rumble and Frenzy read (which is how I have always read crappy fanfiction as) and a little bit of stretching Soundwave's personality were the noticeable crack liberties I took.

This chapter was inspired by the Family Guy tune 'Christmas is Killing Us' and just an FYI, that this chapter was already half-written when I posted the other one so don't expect the next chapter to be updated at the same speed. ^^;

Hoped you enjoyed it and next chapter we see Starscream and Megatron's reaction and we, the lovely writers, get what has always been coming to us. :D See you next time. :)